I Made a Costly Decluttering Mistake

oh no did you make a mistake when you were decluttering yeah got rid of something and then you're like oh shoot I could have used that it happens to all of us at some point or another if you are serious about this decluttering journey it's going to happen but today I have some awesome new ways to look at it a new spin on regret I've never shared this before it is so helpful we're also going to talk about negativity bias and some other tips and tricks to move through decluttering regret and mistakes super quickly so that it doesn't stall out your decluttering process so I'm often asked like hey Don have you made any mistakes when you're decluttering and yes I have just a couple and I will I'll share those again um as we go through this video I've been seeing a lot of comments though recently something to the effect of yeah but I got rid of this and then we could have used it and now I'm scared to keep going forward with decluttering and isn't it just amazing it is so remarkable to me how these negative experiences that happened even though you could have decluttered a thousand things successfully but you get rid of one thing you could have used and it's all you can think about and to be honest it doesn't help if there's others in our household that are also reminding us maybe of a mistake we made that sucks and that's hard but we're going to get through it together so first I want to talk about regret and then we're going to talk about negativity bias and a replacement budget so I just saw this real on Instagram on gu so I want to share it with you because it was so good you can only live one life if there were some magical way that I could live a life as somebody who's had three kids and and somebody who hasn't had kids maybe I can make a comparison but you don't have that available to you so I say to my students should you go to Harvard or should you go to Yale so they made a decision to go to Harvard so let's say it's terrible oh I wish I had gone to Yale there's no way of knowing that Yale wouldn't have been worse better the same mhm and that's why regret is so mindless because the choice you didn't take you're presuming would have been better and so that's what I love about this real and what she's saying is that regret is kind of a waste of our mental space because we can't go back and compare the two situations I can't live with my house fully cluttered where I never had to worry about making a mistake decluttering because I didn't declutter anything and also a highly simplified home and then compare the two there's no way to have both so what I try to do is share my experience with I'm like oh my goodness in a highly simplified home I don't miss any of the stuff maybe I make a mistake here and there but it doesn't matter because the benefits are so good now when I was living living in the cluttered house that wasn't without cost either though right because I would forget about things I would lose things I would have to Reby things so logically when we look at it we're like yeah I mean we can't have it both ways and there was a cost to living with all the stuff too but I'm still hung up on the thing I got rid of so I think it's really helpful to remind ourselves that we can't have it both ways we can't live both ways and then compare experiences it's just not possible honestly I wish we could cuz if I could send you to a minimalist home to live in for a couple months I know you would never go back now what's the closest experience most of us can draw on uh like living in some kind of vacation rental or something like that where you go and you just have the Necessities but even some of those vacation rentals these days are a little too cluttered too so it has to be like a very simplified vacation rental all right so can we all agree regret is just kind of a waste a brain space there's I mean and whether it's over decluttering or other things in our life you didn't get the option to try it both ways so we're going to do our best to let go of regret it does help if we can sometimes talk it out and maybe leave a comment below if there's things you regret and we can just say it's okay I release you from any guilt or shame or anything around that any just of those yucky gross feelings you did the best you could with the information that you had on the time okay next I want to talk about negativity bias because I I have kind of a new spin on this one too but first there's one thing you should never ever ever regret getting rid of let's go talk about that real quick now something that you can declutter and you'll never regret is your old wornout mattress and so today's video is sponsored by Helix we've had our Helix mattress for 3 years it's three years this summer and it is awesome it has kept its shape it is still supportive we sleep just as well on it now as we did the first couple months that we got it and so we strongly endorse it and we want you to get just the right mattress for you as well so 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they also have the Helix plus a mattress designed for Big and Tall sleepers and then of course Helix kids mattresses as well so for us we were matched with a helix dusk Lux and so once they get matched it gets delivered right to your door conveniently rolled up shipping is free in the us so you get it in your bedroom you get it set up and then you get 100 nights to test it out so sleep on it for over 3 months and make sure it's a really great fit for you and then beyond that you also get a 10-year warranty we also love that Helix cares about your health their mattresses are fiberglass free they own their manufacturing facility they keep all of the harmful chemicals out and your mattress is assembled right here in the US in Arizona we have recommended these mattresses to everyone my grandma sleeps on a helix my parents all of the mattresses in our home have been been upgraded and we want you to get a really awesome night's sleep as well so right now if you use our link down below you're going to save 20% on your own Helix mattress and get two free pillows as well you deserve a good night's sleep and you know how it is once you get a good night's sleep you wake up in the morning sometimes things are a little brighter and we don't always beat ourselves up so much over these decluttering decisions right so let's head out and we're going to keep talking about negativity bias okay so now maybe you're like okay Don I understand I shouldn't feel bad about this thing that I got rid of but why why does is it just right there all of the time and I'm beating myself up over it it's because of negativity bias now negativity bias isn't a bad thing it's meant for survival it's meant for us to be like oh hey that was a resource I could have used and you know back in the days when resources were scarce we needed all the resources we can get resources are not scarce anymore right isn't it just remarkable like how quickly we've gone from things being like lack like hard like I read some historical fiction and they Liv with so little and they were just getting by and I'm like that wasn't that long ago right and now here we are and our problem is too much stuff like I can't even imagine telling my like great grandparents like don't worry we're going to get to a time in the future where we have so much stuff we're just giving it away right so much extra that food is literally going bad in the fridge right they probably been like I I can't even fathom that and so our problem is abundance but yet we have this hard wirring um that's like don't get rid of resources and then if we do accidentally this negativity bias um kicks in and so I heard it described recently on a podcast on Mel Robins I can link to it down below um but the gal was talking about how those negative thoughts are sticky and she's like they just they kind of get lodged in and they stick there so if you've ever made a mistake and you're like you just keep beating yourself up and beating yourself up it's because it's sticky right I kind of think of like do you have like Cocker Birds what do you call them like when you're like walking through some Woods or something they're like stuck all over your legs right you're just like why why and then you pull it off and there's still some little pieces stuck right it's negativity bias so what is the best thing we can do well again remind ourself that regret is not a good use of our brain power we didn't get to compare like both sides of our decision and also remind yourself that hey I've actually made a lot of good decluttering decisions I mean how many things have you decluttered and had no negative experience you're so glad it's gone I mean I've said this before but I often look back at video clips of things that I have decluttered in the past and I'm like I don't even remember those things and I'm certainly glad that they're not in our house anymore I don't want any of that back right I've completely forgotten about it once it left our home and so you have made good decisions but yes I understand the stickiness of a lot of these negative ones all right next let's talk about a a replacement budget this was something I I shared I don't know a little while back and I couldn't it got a lot of traction right there was a lot of like hey that's such a great idea so let's talk about it a little bit more so there are a few couple things I have decluttered in the past and been like oh right I I could have used that okay so one was a pair of black pants um and they were just like a dressier pair of pants and then when I wasn't working professionally anymore I'm like I don't think I need these anymore and so I donated them except I didn't I found them again later on they were in one of my like my clothing time will tell bin right and so I'm like oh my goodness I found the pants this th this is what happened though I put them on and I was like oh now I remember why I didn't like those pants I got rid of them because I didn't even like them they hit a weird place on my calf and I'm short I'm like not even 5'2 things can make me look shorter right and they where they hit on my calf I'm like that is not flattering and I don't they were comfortable otherwise but it was like not flattering so then I didn't really like them and that's why I donated them okay so we often build things up in our head that's a side note okay so I got rid of the pants I thought so can't even really have those on my regret list anymore because then when I tried them on again I'm like I remember why I got rid of them now there was another thing actually let me grab it so one time I was decluttering and I came across a cord and I'm like I have no idea what that's for I left it for a little while and then eventually I'm like it's just a homeless cord I'm not keeping this anymore and I threw it away and then it was a few months later and I had this old camera and I was like I I think I can just sell that on Marketplace I'm not using anymore I've gotten another one um and so then I'm like looking through for for the charger and I'm like oh right that was that cord that I got rid of okay so the the really nice thing though now is you just go on Amazon and you're like I need a charging cord for this type of camera and lo and behold for $12 is I don't remember exactly it wasn't that expensive um I was able to get another charger still cost 12 bucks and I am cheap I like I don't want to have to Reby things right but again if we're looking back at all of the things that I have decluttered and I had to spend $12 probably I'm still coming out ahead right because once we get our house simplified my buying habits are so different I save $12 every week if not more right and so I love this idea of giving ourselves a replacement budget nothing that has reward comes without risk so if we are believing that we will be better off in a highly simplified and decluttered home that it's going to be better for our mental health better for our finances better for our physical health just all all around right we believe there are benefits to decluttering and simplifying our home that's why we hang out together well there's going to be risk and so sometimes in our like comfy culture that we have now we are like so adverse to risk and we're like oh but I don't but but what if right a $12 cord who cares right so give yourself a replacement budget what if you say okay because I believe in the value of decluttering I am going to allow myself one $100 in mistakes every year I almost guarantee you or your money back that you will never touch that budget and more likely than not if I think of something and I'm like oh like this is kind of a specific example because this was the only way to charge that camera right but what about food storage containers cutting boards craft supplies all these other things clothing right and and you say well what would I use instead like would I Reby it no I wouldn't Rey it I would just use something else right and there's something that feels really good about sometimes having to be creative or use something else because again anything that is a reward there might sometimes be a cost to it but the cost feels so small compared to the benefits that you're going to get to experience so it just becomes such a non-issue but unfortunately until we get here into this highly simplified and decluttered home we don't always realize how good it feels and how we're just not going to be that hard on ourselves moving forward all right next we have to remind ourselves of the benefits why are we doing this I got to visit with Brit Frank recently and I love her so much she is a mental health professional but she has validated the the necessity of decluttering for our mental health so much and so I have a podcast with her but here's a recent clip from the interview that we just did BR you've been one of the my best cheerleaders for the impact of simple living on mental health so maybe I don't know would you just maybe want to give a little promo for why decluttering you actually apologized to me that you didn't put decluttering in the book I know I do I felt so bad I do have a chap decluttering we need to I have a chapter called decluttering your inner closet it and I I cannot emphasize enough like we we do need to collab on something because if you were to come to my office and you have a clutter at home I'm gonna send you home and tell you like go to you because nothing helps you think better make better decisions and faster not be stuck in the analysis swirl nothing gets that job done as fast as a itively as a decluttered home like it's real it's physiological it does things to your brain it does things for your brain it settles your nervous system like it is one of the practices in the book is make your bed and not like Pinterest worthy multi-layered pillows it's like just smooth the sheet fold over the blanket and then you're done because when you're de the active decluttering is an anti- anxiolytic so when you're decluttering you're touching things and you're moving things and your brain is seeing things go from this to that that does a lot of jobs in your mind and in your body so clutter is costing us it's costing us time energy our mental health it costs us money when we can't find the things we need and then we have to buy it again and so again sometimes we make a mistake and we're like oh but that was a $90 thing right yeah but what about the cost our mental health oh my goodness our mental health we live in such a loud and noisy world right now we need a safe place to come come home to so we have to remember why am I doing this because I deserve a peaceful home to come home to and so does the rest of my family and I am valuing that more than these physical things that maybe I could once in a while make a mistake but again I just don't think you're going to make that many mistakes as you go and then lastly when it comes to getting past regret and you know mistake decisions that we've made when we're decluttering it can be really helpful to surround ourselves with community so uh earlier today in um two of our membership groups I asked the question I I said okay what is something you have decluttered that you regret how much did it cost and how did you move past that mistake like what mental tricks are you using to get past it so I want to share a couple of these answers with you because I just thought they were so good okay I posted this 4 hours ago in our membership group there's already 84 comments on here oh this is good Andy says I think this question is hard to answer because it's fundamentally the wrong question you know what I regret finding hundreds of dollarss of expired sunscreen I forgot I bought one summer throwing away hundreds of dollars in food because I didn't keep a simplified kitchen reing a gadget just to find the original when I put it in a random spot because it had no home I regret going into debt to buy big toys we didn't need oh Andy that's a good one I like that preach it sister okay oh okay here Wendy says I regret decluttering my weddings dress it was a 1990s overly flouncy dress I took a long time to finally decide to Let It Go but due to its age none of the bridal Reus places would take it none of my children wanted me to keep it for them so I cut it up saved some of the lace and fancy gems and gave the fabric away to Freecycle my regret is not the cost because that money is gone yet I've since learned that there are people who reuse old wedding gowns to make you know different things for babies stillborn babies and whatnot I really wish I had that information before tearfully going through my process Wendy I'm so glad you said this because sometimes it is not over the money like she said it's over I could have done this with it or that and so I'm really sorry that that happened but again this is where Community cuz now there's other people chiming in and saying it's okay you did the best you could right oh and see well and how helpful is this then Fran says I tried to do that with my wedding dress too but everywhere I contacted had more than enough dresses see Wendy we don't even know for sure that one of those organizations would have needed your dress so again maybe there's no need to feel regret and guilt over this Becca says I know there are things have briefly had regrets over sometimes I'll see an old photo and think I wish I still had that shirt even this last week in the kitchen I threw some things out and thought oh shoot I could have used those for this I know in the past when I've heard you or others say you won't regret anything I've always reacted with but that's not true I definitely have regrets but now that you're asking for specifics I can't think of even one I guess I don't have any true regrets after all and as far as that I could have used that they are normally items I didn't remember I had until I decluttered so so I wouldn't have used them anyway I love that Becca I think that is such a great reframe but the truth is that it really is just physical stuff and it's not the most important thing but as we have decluttered and simplified our home I'm able to invest now in the most important things the relationships like when when Gage he's going ask me like hey will you play Legos with me and I'm like yes I can do that or when my mom needs help with something and I can drop everything and go help her yeah we can get hung up in this stuff but as we get homes decluttered and simplified it's amazing the perspective that comes with it and we sometimes talk about our um decluttering success path in our in our mentorship group and so when when you're at the beginning and you're in the messy middle a lot of these decisions are very hard and were hard on ourselves because we haven't experienced the benefits yet but something happens keep pushing through the messy middle you get to a Tipping Point where you do you have this Clarity of mind all of a sudden you're like oh yeah it is just stuff I don't miss the things I've been decluttering I'm building up my decluttering muscles and I'm more confident about my decisions and now we get to a place where the decisions are easier we don't beat ourselves up over mistakes we don't even call them mistakes anymore and then we get to this point of fine-tuning and maintaining our simplified home and we have such Clarity and we're like oh my goodness I can't believe I've been used to like debate over those things like who cares right because the benefits of living in a highly simplified home are just so awesome so if you are in the messy middle if you have been beating yourself yourself up over a mistake decision you made go ahead leave a comment down below get it off your chest let us validate what you've been feeling let us tell you it's okay it's it's not that big of a deal so feel free to use the comment section down below and we can help each other out you might need more Community around you I'm always here to offer that as well I'll put some opportunities in the description but no you're not alone we just have to reframe it and keep moving forward because getting your house decluttered and simplified is one of the best things that you will ever ever ever ever ever do so I'm sorry if you've made a mistake I'm sorry if you feel like you've wasted money but it's okay no reward comes without some kind of risk and you are on the right path and it is going to be so worthwhile all right I'm going to L link to our long format decluttering videos they can be helpful to put on in the background could I also go ask a favor well I mean if you've made it this far you're probably already subscribed but if not would you mind subscribing thank you you can also follow me on Instagram and Facebook too I try to post content there as well all right enough of all that I love you you're doing a great job and I will see you again soon

Channel: The Minimal Mom

Views: 54,406

Keywords: minimalism, family minimalism, minimalist, the minimal mom, the minimalist mom, minimalist home

Id: t1AIVY7BvSw

Length: 20min 29sec (1229 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 11 2024