"I Love My New Job, But I Don't Understand the Mandatory Popsicles" | Creepypasta

klancy pasta presents I love my new job but I don't understand the mandatory popsicles written by bad out Oh [Music] for the past month I've been working at this new place downtown I said at a desk all day man her numbers into an Excel spreadsheet it is mind-numbing repetitive and anti-social I love it I have a spacious cubicle my own computer and a chair with lumbar support best of all is the lacks working environment as long as you met your quota each day management takes a hands-off approach however there is one rule they rigorously enforce at the beginning of each workday every employee is required to gather in the boardroom and eat a popsicle they offer a simple spread of cherry grape and mango for the diabetic staff members they have sugar-free alternatives they taste and feel like normal popsicles but every time I peel back the wrapper and take the first to lick I feel at my core that something is intrinsically you're wrong about the whole thing I don't want it to sound as though I don't like popsicles I think they are fantastic it tastes good are super refreshing and take about five minutes to consume at first I felt uncomfortable standing in a cramped boardroom with about two dozen other people and eating a frozen treat after a couple weeks a guy used to it but I still cannot shake the feeling that it was an incredibly eccentric workplace policy to make popsicle eating a mandatory part of the job the only time I really interacted with my manager was during the daily popsicle meetings he's always ensured I had my name checked off on the sign-in sheet he collected our wrappers and an outstretched garbage bag this has been the routine every single morning since I started until yesterday I was running late and I missed the popsicle meeting I was hoping that if I snuck in I could avoid an awkward interrogation by the manager I darted out of the elevator as soon as it opened and I ducked my head down - no one would see me enter ahead of me the office was filled with a chaotic milling of over a dozen unfamiliar men they all wore red doctor scrubs and had surgical masks that obscured their faces I watched bewildered as they walked in and out of my co-workers cubicles dragging behind them trays of unfamiliar equipment I heard the mumble to each other an Eastern European language I could not understand I advance slowly towards my desk keeping an eye on the intruders I glanced into the nearby cubicles I noticed that none of my co-workers seem to pay these red clothes and men any attention at all completely oblivious they continue tapping away on their keyboards I arrived at my cubicle and found that one of the strange men awaited me he was on his knees tinkering with arcane looking tools sprouting in front of him was something that resembled a waist-high red mushroom I saw copper piping stick out of the strange fungus and snake its way into the back of my computer seat what the hell is that thing I asked I saw the man in red suddenly bolt alert he stopped what he was doing and whispered something into his wrist five seconds later my manager leans into my cubicle he has a raging grin and holds a rapt popsicle in his hand hey guy we missed you this morning but don't you worry but one aside from when you came in he passed it to me and waited expectantly Thanks I said removing the wrapper and placing the frozen tip on my tongue no problem he watched me lick the popsicle down to the stick before shooting me a pair of finger guns and retreating back to his office I turned around to examine the weird mushroom behind me it was gone along with the man in the red scrubs I stood up and scan the office all the strangers and all of their curious pieces of equipment had vanished i sat back down onto my computer chair to collect myself there was no way that all those men could evacuate the office so quickly especially not with all their tools it must be going crazy I loaded up Excel and went to work I didn't see the men in red scrubs or the odd mushrooms for the rest of the day throughout the day I could not escape the feeling that I discovered some forbidden secret I kept returning to one revelation all the strangeness disappeared the moment I licked a popsicle could there be a connection maybe there's some medical ingredient in the popsicles that's messing with my brain chemistry but why would my employer do that I came up with a few possible explanations first maybe the company is drugging us with performance-enhancing drugs to improve productivity sort of like fighter pilots since I missed my morning dosage maybe I was experiencing the symptoms of withdrawal in that case the men in red and the giant mushroom were nothing but a visual hallucination but I never saw anything like that on my popsicle free weekends so there goes that theory another option was that Excel was warping my brain the man in the red scrubs then would be an expression of neurological damage the best explanation was that maybe the popsicles prevented me from seeing something instead of blocking out pain they inhibited the brain's ability to process certain images that would mean that the strangers have always been there lurking invisibly all around us I haven't seen them until today because I've been consistent with my morning licks no matter the explanation I vowed I would never eat another popsicle fortunately that put me in a major dilemma my job depended upon my consumption of the frozen snack despite its eccentricities I really wanted to keep this job I needed a strategy that I could get past the scrutiny of my manager so I devised a plan just before the popsicle meeting I would store an unwrapped condom in my cheek when the time came to consume the popsicle I would use the condom to act as a barrier between the frozen treat and my mouth that way poison my employer was supplying would not enter my system additionally I would keep a plastic bag in the collar of my shirt that would allow me to spit out the excess liquid this morning I tried out my plan the manager smiled at me and nodded as I entered the boardroom I already had the condom in my mouth I picked up a cherry flavored popsicle and retreated in my corner this was the moment of truth I unwrapped the popsicle tongue to my mouth condom into position and slowly slid the frozen treat into the rubber sheath and I started choking uncontrollably part of the condom dipped past the back of my throat and triggered my highly sensitive gag reflex I realized too late that I should have taken this weakness into consideration before enacting this plan everyone in the boardroom stared at the spectacle I coughed so hard my eyes watered I gave up and noisily regurgitated the condom wrapped popsicle into my hands absolute silence followed I felt someone behind me breathe heavily into my ear I knew was one of the men in the red scrubs I turned around and no one was there moments later the manager took me to his office the HR rep followed shortly after they had terminated my employment apparently since I was still in my probationary period they had no problem releasing me it seems they got the impression that I have a perverse sense of humor they said my behavior was unbecoming in a professional environment they said the popsicle meetings were meant to be a cheap and effective way to engender office-wide camaraderie they emphasized it was not an opportunity for badly timed fellatio joke I mention the men in red and the tubes and the mushrooms the manager then said they aren't really a problem as long as you eat your popsicles [Music] [Music] thanks for watching and I hope you enjoy today's video I'm gonna give a huge thanks to all of my supporters over at patreon and YouTube's memberships your support makes these narrations possible and I appreciate it a ton if you'd like to join these lovely ghouls you can head on over to my patreon at patreon.com slash clams e pasta or click the join button below to become a member and if you'd like creepy cool shirts make sure to head on over and check out my official merch store for some awesome t's hoodies stickers and more alright thank you all for watching and I hope you have a great night Cheers [Music] you

Channel: ClancyPasta

Views: 65,434

Rating: 4.8347225 out of 5

Keywords: creepypasta, reading, narration, creepypasta reading, creepypasta narration, scary story, scary stories, horror stories, creepy story, asmr reading, asmr story, audiobook, nosleep, creepypastas

Id: DgdErgOiSlw

Length: 11min 22sec (682 seconds)

Published: Wed May 29 2019