I Lost My Dream, Toughest Month In The Cabin // Story 9

[Music] life can be so filled up with beauty and just the day after life can look completely different really experienced those two sides of life in these months the false start is so beautiful out i was filled up with dreams and energy and new hopes for the future and i begin to get a longing to bring new wishes and old dreams back into my life [Music] [Applause] kelly and i started this fall by welcoming the winter and expose ourselves to the cold we both have read a lot of wim hof's work and we really want to connect with the cold this year [Music] even though i have to admit that it's not easy to dip yourself into the cold water every morning but the energy you're getting from it that makes me want to do it again and again [Music] i also stick back to my old last love poses my neighbor jenny invited me out for a ride and i enjoyed every moment of it [Music] so this fall was really about self-care and i felt so ready for the window to arrive but one november morning we got big news no there's only one line and you yeah but if you look at the lines yeah not pregnant is that way no that is not pregnant that is one line yeah but one line going horizontal it doesn't have to it doesn't need to be one line okay i'm pregnant is across exactly this is not a crush no you sure i see very clear class cross isn't it just because it i'm pregnant can i open this one just to see if that's starting yeah absolutely but do you think you can see a cross right it's not just one line oh god okay then you might be pregnant do you think so maybe on the screen is very much just one line but it's the vertical line yeah i don't know you can see the both irons on the screen no it's hard to see you see this one very clearly yeah and that's what makes me really yeah i get insecure about it because shouldn't it be two completely dark lines yeah but it shouldn't be one line at all i think that way you know because that's the one indicating a plus either way is it something on this one it's a you can almost see something that way can't you you this is so confusing how am i gonna work today he's gonna make a new youtube video today [Laughter] we can't tell you yeah [Music] after several of tests and a meeting with our midwife it was clear i was pregnant and we were so happy but i was also very nauseous and very tired and for three weeks i was not able to do that much at all so those weeks was a bit challenging in the cabin but in the beginning of december i finally felt better and we begin to dream about how to surprise our family with this big christmas surprise and how to tell you guys in january most of our talks was a lot about our dreams of the future and how fun that this was our last christmas as only christine and kelly [Music] it's so cool [Music] kelly also surprised me with a really big christmas gift this year something we both had talked and dreamed a lot about she's so good at this yeah [Music] kelly gave us a slid in a christmas gift and now we are trying it for the first time um it's gonna be really exciting [Music] now i used to running with a slit so it's not a new thing for them but twos seconds before seconds before first launch i'm nervous i really am but i'm also really excited what do you think it's also your your christmas gift yeah yeah what it's gonna go fine yeah okay you said that you're not gonna try it first yep okay let's go okay [Music] okay eight two three [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] such a pretty [Music] [Music] coming out as you can see right now we are in the summer house in denmark and keller and i have just had an amazing new year just him and i where we could really just relax and and really recharge from everything that just had been happening oh this is so tough that i have to tell you the story i just want to run away i can feel our december have been really really really tough and actually our christmas was totally canceled this year both me and kelly have disappeared a bit from social media and that been a good reason why we have been away i have really been debating with myself if i should tell such a private and warnable story but i do this for two reasons when this happened to me i need this kind of story i'm gonna tell from all the women because you feel so alone when this is happening i did not know how common this actually is before it happened to me so in the beginning you ask yourself like what did i do wrong um why does this happen to me you know you blame yourself for it so when i begin to share my story and i actually got back from many womans that have been experienced the same all of those stories gave me some comfort and that's why i have chosen to share my story the second reason i'm gonna share this story is that i cannot be fake here on my channel i cannot make uh made a cozy christmas video or everything going so well in the cabin when the reality is something completely different as we go back to the beginning keller and i was really excited and we begin to fent we begin to plan how to surprise our families and um i was in the middle of december i was in week 11 soon week 12 and i remember i had a live stream with my wonderful online woman circle a really really good live stream and we really share honest with each other and i was so close to tell them that i was pregnant um because i was soon going into week 12 so i begin to feel a bit more safe about it two hours after that live stream i begin to bleed a lot and i told kelly with concern in my voice like i think this is not so good but he googled a bit and he could see that many women have tried to bleed a lot in when the uterus growing a lot and we were like okay i'm soon in week 12 so maybe that is the reason but when the crimes come i i knew that this was not good um and after one hour of crimes and a lot of bleeding i lost the baby in the cabin [Music] i thought i wouldn't be emotional but it was a really really horrible experience and i never try something like that to like be so out of control and and i was not you know kathy was holding me and i knew exactly the moment the baby came out and that is a feeling i would never never forget after the baby came out and after the baby came out i thought it would be over now because my uterus was empty and and i thought now we could just just yeah i don't know the english word for it but just um realize what just happened but then the cramps continued and i bleed even more and the cramps got higher and higher and higher and stronger and stronger and stronger i think that is the word um and it began to be so bad that i just lay on the floor and screamed and then we decided to call the emergency room to hear what was going on with me and after i think i have crams for four hours or something then we get head of the emergency room and they called us in admittedly so we have to drive one and a half hour to the nearest emergency where they're gonna kind of kind of gynecologist i think that is the english i'm sorry if i can't say it right so we drew all the way to a town called sunswell and into the emergency and then we get head of the doctor and after he scanned me he could see that my uterus was not completely empty and that was why the cramping continued so he had to go in and empty some of it and this took all the night um and he told me that i was not completely empty after he have been doing his um i don't know what that is calling um but my uterus would take care of it itself so we drove home around i think it was six seven in the morning and this started like around nine in the evening so this has been continued for a whole night for many many hours we got home and we got two hours of sleep and then i walked up and want a shower because i have you know i have blood on me and makeup after the live stream makeup sitting like all over my face um so we head back into the car and drove to the nearest shower place where we used to take some showers when it's so cold outside but of all days where the shower could broke it broke that day we took off our clothing and went into the shower and it was only cold water we called the owner and he couldn't come immediately so we have to find a plan b and that plan b was that we have to go to the nearest town celeftia where we could find our i don't know if this is the english world but a public swimming hall and for my worst nightmare uh that swimming hall have just had ended our girl class so when i went into the bathing area and you know in a swimming hall it's not private at all you're just standing in lines bathing together it was filled up with girls and women and and then i have to undress myself with blood all over um make up in my whole face and stand in line with these girls and shower myself clean from this experience that was that was not fun at all after that i thought now we could go home we can eat some food and now this is over but the next day in the evening i got really really high fever and that should not happen so we have to call the emergency one more time then we have to go to the nearest hospital in sullivan there was only one hello there was only half an hour away but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me they maybe think some of the pieces that were still left uh have made like our inflammation or yeah i think that is the word for the inflammation in my uterus so they gave me some medicine and then we have to call to the hospital in sunswell the next day but i got so high fever um so in the morning so we have the next day just drive to sonsval one more time and then we got hit of a doctor again i had so high fever that kellen almost have to like carry me around and they found out after researching research me one more time yeah i have inflammation in my uterus and i have to be hospitalized admittedly they told me that i have to take some pills so that maybe couldn't help the uterus to contracts and push these things out that make me so sick um so i stayed a whole night on a hospital with these pills and that didn't help then we have to stay a whole day in the hospital um and then they told me that i have to go into operation i can tell you how wonderful kell was in in this time where i felt so bad he he was just there and he was next to me all the time and he didn't almost sleep because he was so nervous about me and when i got hospitalized we cuddle up together in one hospital bed and hold around each other and that day when i have to get to the surgery i need to take a shower first and i have so much fever i couldn't wash myself because i have needles in my arms so kelly he had to put me into the shower undress me and while i was in the shower he just washed my hair and i was sitting on the floor and i felt so little and he just looked at me and said christine you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world and here i'm just like i'm so proud of you that you go through this and you not complaining and yeah thank you so much for that kelly really oh my god [Music] okay okay oh so in that evening i um i got the surgery and got into narcos called it on danish i don't know if this is the same in english and um and then they could empty the wrist of what was in me and make so much trouble and and they have to give me really a lot of cottosone because i have a bit of allergic reaction to uh narcos i hope is that you know the sleeping thing you get when you get into surgery and um and that was a bit of special light when i come out from from back for the surgery because the cortisone makes you so um i think that is how you feel if you're addicted to something i i couldn't sit still i couldn't be in myself i just have to walk around on on our little um um room we got and so i think i was just walking around for hours there while kata just have to sit and keep an eye on me and if i will keep well the next day after the surgery i could finally get back to we could finally get back to the cabin again and kelly really need sleep because he was exhausted from being awake day and night with me um and we thought again it would be over i got so much medicine with me home but no i had so much pain in my whole body i was again have some really tough nights with a lot of pain and kelly have again to take care of everything it was it was so tough to live in the cabin because i have to get outside and pee in minus 20 celcher's degrees and you know i couldn't lift anything and i could do i couldn't do anything and it was so cold in the cabin after three days of me just feeling so bad i got high fever again and we have to go back to the hospital and get hospitalized again and then we figure out that i maybe have a allergic reaction to the medicine as well um so they really didn't know what to do with me and so the only thing we could do was to stay in the hospital where they could keep an eye on me and again kelly couldn't sleep he couldn't get a second bit so he had to sleep on the floor on a chair next to me and we were exhausted and christmas eve was just around the corner but thank god after some days in the hospital i felt better and we went back to the cabin and we arrived here in denmark after christmas and yeah now we're here and we're gonna stay a bit here because we are so exhausted both of us and we need to gain our energy our power and our mental with all these things that just happened and yeah i am i just want to get my energy back and get into the nature and walk with my dogs and kiss on my on my husband house on my man and yeah but thank god for our wonderful families and my wonderful boyfriend and our wonderful friends i have we have got so much support so i feel very loved and i feel i can you know i can get through this and thank you so much to my online woman circle i told you when i got hospitalized i have to be honest in the group and you have been so wonderful so thank you so much for that the girls and i in the women's circle we're gonna have something called the cottosal diet here in january it's gonna start the 10th of january where are we gonna nourish ourselves i'm gonna teach you how to eat after your hormones and i'm gonna show you guys how i'm gonna nourish and make my body strong again after experience like that so i'm gonna make raw vlogs where i'm gonna show like a healthy day in christine's life um and i'm gonna show teach you how you individually gonna support your body and many of us typical after christmas want to nourish ourselves i really looking forward to this wonderful fun month with you guys in the women's circle and we're gonna get strong together and again thank you so much for me for letting me be so honest in the group and thank you so much for listening to this story here on my channel and waiting for me i know it's been a long time since i have posting any videos but i hope after the story that you understand why i just want to say i love you guys and we're gonna talk in the chat hello in the what you say in the comments under the under this video so i hope you have a wonderful new year and let us make 2022 wonderful and yeah i love you guys mwah see you [Music]

Channel: Christine Kjaer

Views: 208,212

Keywords: Christinekjaer, Kalleflodin, Cabin, Sweden, Miscarries, Pregnancy, Dog, Husky, Dogsledding, Winter, Snow, Free living, Simple living, Christine Kjaer, Kalle Flodin, Denmark, Living in the woods

Id: 7IcmBHPhyUQ

Length: 27min 29sec (1649 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 05 2022