I Found Out My Wife Was Having An Affair Over 6 Months

I 35 male found out my wife 36 female was having an affair cultivated and developed over six months and she gasps let me and lied the whole time I know my marriage is likely over but trying to figure out how to wade the waters and looking for insight as to why finding all this out really came as a shock to me we have been together for 14 years married for 10 and have two children six and four the last thing I ever expected was to find out she was having an affair or would cheat on me strap in for a long one it started about a year ago we became friends with a couple who had similar age children as us lived close and we all got along really well we started hanging out watching each other's kids going out as a group quite a bit over the coming months my wife and the husband as they are the primary carriage Ivor's to the children while I am the other wife work more hours started to become closer they clearly had similar personalities and could just talk and get along I didn't see a lot of this since it all happened when I was away and they were doing mutual kid stuff together I wasn't too worried about it though I trusted my wife I never had any reason to doubt her she always had guy friends throughout our whole relationship through the early spring there were ups and downs for us she was becoming aware she was somewhat depressed and started going to counseling she started working out and eventually losing weight shortly after starting counseling she asked me to go to couples counseling I thought things were fine and I kind of said I think we are okay let's see how it goes and left it to that she never brought up couples counseling again and she kept acting like things were good with us we were still lovingly active our love lives throughout our marriage has never been a sore spot but probably not as active as one would like we never went more than a month without making love and rarely more than a week but I always knew she wanted make love more than me I had insight into this and found myself asking myself why don't I have any love drive will this ever get better in and around this time I found her vibrator she bought without telling me she was clearly hiding them but they went off overnight one night she woke up - that night the next day we talked and my point was just to say why didn't you just talk to me about it turns out I was probably depressed - with work and stuff we moved five years ago to her hometown where she had some friends but not close friends anymore and I had no friends I have a good job I'm a physician and make good money but we also spend a lot of money so I was constantly worried about money - and that's on me throughout her counseling and working out the four of us started hanging out more felt great oh we finally had friends I was happy about it we started making love more often and everything felt pretty good in June we went on a family trip in July and during the trip my wife told me the other wife discovered her and his text thread on his phone and it greatly upset her she told me it was a large quantity but nothing inappropriate there was one time I said back quote I love you like a joke but it's all just friendly I was told she kind of offered to show me the texts but in a you don't want to see the texts do you kind of way I had no reason not to trust her at this point and was like that quote now at school you have guy friends no big when we got back I started getting anxious I don't know why I just started to feel insecure I noticed the love toy pouch was moving around the two of them were spending more time together he had a week off work for the holiday with the kids on summer vacation and I was working all the time to make up for the trip as I got more anxious the texts kept coming up and it turned into you can't look at the texts that's an invasion of my privacy she bought in the present a week before my birthday one she had to put together with an on patches and that arrived when I was home I could feel it through the package and she gave him the next day while I was at work but then I saw it the day after my point again why didn't you just tell me about it I felt like I was going crazy why was I so insecure why can't I trust her why am I constantly checking find your friends in the nest cams in the house now I felt like I was being replaced lovingly before with the vibrators then now I felt I was being replaced as a partner too and I told her as much I was a mess she reassured me they are just friends nothing is going on it's just like me on but my phq-9 was at the upper limit of moderate I wasn't sleeping or eating so I made an appointment with a psychologist and the PCP and got started on meds I have now been going to the therapist every week since August before my next guy trip in July I talked to the wife who I work with but she's not a doctor about the texts I started to learn more of the details there was not just one hour lovey but many good night good morning almost every day pet names etcetera I was pretty crushed a week earlier my wife made out with me in her sleep and said I love you pet name and then fell back asleep I was confused I asked her and she said I was pet name but after other and the truth I clearly wasn't I talked to my wife about these details the next day she said she was so depressed so sad and so upset with how I had been treating her the last few years she almost left me and he talked her out of it I talked to him for a while too I told them I'm okay with him communicating but the I love yous and pet names need to stalk they agreed apologized and he said he was going to back off to a few weeks go by we are all hanging out and I arrived first and she doesn't really give me a hug or anything then they arrived and I just know he is going to hug him as soon as possible and she does and I lose my mind bad on me I overreacted for sure I knew I was doing it and just tried to separate myself to cool off but she comes and is like what the duck is wrong and we have a fight about it I knew I was in the wrong but she still came to get it out of me the next day the other couple decide amongst themselves the best thing for their family is to set a boundary that the male and female from our two families no longer communicate privately I didn't love this because I was starting to be good friends with the female but I agree and my wife said it's BS but she will respect their wishes couple more weeks and we are on a family trip just us I oversee that she has been texting him privately and texting a million other people the whole trip it's really every time she goes to the bathroom or I go she's on her firm eventually I call her out and I was really furious so much for bounder as I say was not a good day to have this fight but it happened and I meant what I said I was assured they were no longer communicating privately three weeks later I get a call she needs to tell me something the other wife looked at the phone logs and the two of them no longer texting have now been talking for hours a day 40 minutes at 4:00 a.m. on his way to work one and half hours at night 20 to 40 minutes during lunch every day always when I'm at work I leave for overnight at nine one and half hour call if I'm home at night no call but call at 4:00 a.m. literally every day I was crushed betrayed she lied like directly lied we started going to couples therapy finally she assured me and the therapist they had no more communication it was over and she was working to rebuild trust so we as families could be friends again and the kids could have their friends back well a month goes by and one morning on the nest cam I saw my wife taking a workout selfie but with a sin seal kind of pose later that night I'm able to get on her computer and find her photo stream and find they have been nearly texting no true nudity but sensual pictures sexy poses underwear pics sensual smiles I have never seen before going back until August also there are a ton of inspirational quotes about finding your second love not being able to be with the one you love due to outside circumstance being with someone who loves you for who you are and not what they want you to be this is crushing to me I'm devastated I'm so afraid she told the counselor they weren't talking I told the other wife me and my wife talked they were using a secret messaging app since before our trip with the big fight but there was nothing physical I was assured how will this time be different I asked over the next few days I can't hurt you again I can't keep lying to you I find out that she had told him she wanted to run away with him in five years when kids are older or 20 years if she has to I'm told it was just an escape a fantasy but nothing physical two days later he spills the beans to his wife they have been kissing since August since before my hug of reaction they had made love numerous times at least two to three it all made sense now she would go run errands during nights she knew the wife would be at work and either I would be home or she would hire a sitter and she would go over there the first night she went over I had a bad feeling because she turned find your friends off and hired a sitter before I got home from work I asked her the next day and she said no I went to my friend's house see here's this picture I took with her but this was definitely the first night she went to his house to sleep with him she made sure to take a picture as an alibi my wife still didn't tell me about this we went to couples therapy she explained the pictures and made a point that nothing physical happened and then I came out with what I knew I couldn't hold it anymore we cried I was devastated she was ashamed however the next day she went to his work to try and talk to him to get closure and tell him sorry he sped away and she followed for a bit then turned around and called me but how can I be sure that's what she wanted how do I know she didn't go to see if there was something left with him and he wasn't just ignoring her because of what his wife made him do now she says she's sorry she's crushed by what she did to and can't think of anything else in the meantime we had another therapy appointment and we go back tomorrow we had a long talk about what this means and I think we both know this is heading for divorce I'm not ever going to get past this I don't think I won't be able to trust her again I can't everything I found out I found out because someone else or I discovered it she told me nothing that someone else didn't already discover through this whole process I guess I'm looking for some insight into what she might be going through there's still no transparency she has changed all her computer and phone / iPad passwords the therapist asks if she would share her passwords and she was like no it's my privacy and the therapist was like are you kidding me if you want any chance for this to work you need to be 100% transparent but she still isn't I don't want to have to ask for everything at this point though I don't even want to know and I'm asking how to proceed tomorrow in the future the legal stuff I can work out I've talked to a lawyer but timing is tough do I tell her tomorrow I want to start the process of in-home separation we have a guest bedroom do I separate our accounts everything is joint right now but I make the majority of the money and everything is going to be split 50/50 in the end so would this just make things acrimonious do I continue to just hold until our next couples session in January after the holidays update filed yesterday by 35 mail found out my wife 36 female was having an affair cultivated and developed over six months and she gasps let me and lied the whole time I know my marriage is likely over but trying to figure out how to wade the waters and looking for insight as to why well we made it through the holidays we move bedrooms agree to separate officially and be okay seeing other people if we wanted Christmas came and went with just a little fight and overall was cordial the more time we spent together the more I know this is the right decision eventually I can heal that I can't trust and get annoyed by all the little things I listen to leave ochita gain a life or do book and it was extremely helpful anyone who finds out they were cheated on should listen or eat it me years was especially tough as it was basically the 14 year anniversary for our relationship and although I was with my best friends ever it was me and 14 other people all couples I should have stayed in town and spent the day with my single friends maybe but I needed to see my old best friends who all knew my wife as long as I have we had one last family vacation last weekend a museum trip we had promised our son for his birthday but never got around to doing it was good for the kids it was tolerable most of the time but the more time I spent with her the more annoyed I got little things and also being on her phone a lot towards the end of the days but I held it together I know I had every justification to file and spring things on her and separate the finances but I didn't I talked to my lawyer a lot kept most of the finances joint and she hasn't moved money or anything I let her see a lawyer and after seeing him she told me either she can file or I can and I told her I would like to and was going to file as soon as possible and she said she's ready so I filed yesterday which felt great now she almost has a job she has found a house and as soon as it's closed she will start moving out we can still coexist in the house I think things will go smoothly which we both want we have agreed on custody arrangements and due to my shed you like and have them for a lot more time during school days than most people I get days off during the week and on weekends so I can pick them up at 2:00 on school days and have them all day vs just picking them up at 530 if I had a nine-to-five job for example we agreed on holidays etc just have to get the details hammered out in writing I know it's unusual and maybe was a little risky but it was worth it to keep things amicable I'm going to have to interact with her no matter what I don't know if we will ever be great friends or not but we still need to be able to coexist in the same room and be able to smile a couple other things after separating and agreeing we could see other people I did get involved with someone it gave me some insight to what it's like to be desired and wanted and into what she and I were both missing from our marriage that was good and things were fun and that's all I signed up for from the beginning and she knew that but then I could tell she was getting the feels and was trying to let her down and she told me she loved me after 12 days EGH I know I'm not ready for all that so well that's complicated I suspect my soon-to-be ex-wife is getting involved with another man which I mean whatever now that she stopped dragging her feet I didn't care but he's married to she knows him through her volunteer thing she's on the board and is doing a lot of the little work and he's the new president but they are exchanging 500 to 600 texts per day since a day or two after Christmas that I can see since they are SMS I can't see the content just quantity for example while we were on our family trip she sent and received 270 messages from 6:00 to 8:30 p.m. while we were at dinner and doing bed time which seems excessive she went over to do some work with him last night and was there from like 8:00 to 11:00 which isn't too long I also have some suspicions based on text timing and frequency she has been going to his house other times also there are a fair number of late night 11 to 11:30 texts as well as texts on New Year Eve right at midnight and later at 1:00 a.m. I know I need to stop digging for pain but I can't help but feel can we just stop it blowing up two families should I bring this up we have couples counseling today mainly to talk about how we are going to proceed with the kids it will probably be my last session but I don't know if I should bring this up or just let it go and or bring it up after the divorce is finalized I also have some suspicions she knows about my girl at which point I should probably just let things be she isn't saying anything my lawyer knows all about both points above and didn't really say anything one way or the other I also think she could be back in contact with her affair partner but I'm not sure there was a screenshot of her secret messaging app taken one over one it was scrolled up and I don't know when the messages were sent that the screen shot showed but it was a new picture of him I hadn't seen before with a longer bid than this fall and his name in the message was default whereas it was named in previous screenshots I haven't seen any other evidence and I'm going to let this be for now but it wouldn't surprise me thanks for all the support everyone it has helped a lot she moved out well it's done she moved out tonight is the first night she's not sleeping at the same house as I she has the kids too it's ok I feel well I found some good friends to hang out with tonight and I have friends coming over tomorrow in the next night it's still sad I miss the good times I miss what we had I look at our wedding photo and see how happy she was and wonder what changed what went wrong I'm not sure I'll ever know I'm going to be ok the kids will be cared for by both of us I still love her but realize she had changed and doesn't love me like she used to my bubbeh I will miss her I'll never forget her I'm so sad right now I was ok but I'm not now thanks for watching if you liked this video hit like get subscribed and give the opie any advice you have for him in the comment section and support the original writers with upvotes links in the description box

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Keywords: Beast, Stroke, Beast Stroke, ask reddit, best of reddit, reddit, tts, funny, serious, top, posts, stories, story, cringe, askreddit, reddit top post, reddit stories, top posts of all time, best reddit posts, subreddit, my wife, wife, cheated, my wife was having an affair, affair, lied to me, lied, to, me, having, my wife was having an affair for 6 months and lied to me, 6 months, months, gaslit me, gaslit, marriage, is over, r/survivinginfidelity, Surviving Infidelity, r/, ask, surviving, infidelity, cheats

Id: GHasfjjjgsQ

Length: 19min 1sec (1141 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 18 2020