(dramatic music) I was a kid that would play by myself and create these elaborate scenarios and be consumed with it for hours. I used to draw and write plays and songs. You find ways to escape reality. You know, my dad wasn't just a mean dad. He was literally the monster that was in the basement. And my grandmother is the person that brought attention to me that... She goes, "When you would tell stories and make stuff up, "all I was hearing was what you were going through, "a kid trying to escape from a monster, "and he didn't make it or he did make it." I think the irony that the song is called I can Only Imagine, imagination definitely got me through almost all of it. I guess it could have gone any direction as far as being creative in different avenues and stuff. But the handful of good moments in my childhood are all attached to songs. (upbeat music) Wayne Newton's Christmas, when that plays, I go back to Christmas when my dad was happy. If Dad's happy, everything's good. The music was connected to the good moments and the safe moments of my life. My brother had a friend that lived down the street. We were playing in the yard and I heard this music coming out of his room in his house. I was like what is that? And he was like, "It's U2, Unforgettable Fire." So he gave me that, and then he gave me Petra, More Power to Ya. And I was like, "You mean this music exists "and it kind of lines up with this amazing youth group "that I was part of?" And so I became incredibly obsessed with Christian music. Like at an unhealthy level. It just became a natural escape. If there was ever a chance to kind of express myself, it would be through that. What if I want to sing? Maybe I'm good at it. The pastor of the church asked me to sing this morning. That's gotta mean something. Did he ask you to sing for a living? Football was his life. And when he dropped out of SMU, he just became really bitter. Don't waste your life chasing after some pipe dream. The one thing that's more unrealistic than playing pro is being a professional singer I guess. Really your two worst options as far as goals, he said. If I did like a high school musical, or theater, or any kind of music thing that I wanted to do down the road, that was a waste of time, a waste of his money in college, whatever. Because you need to get a job. You're only gonna hurt yourself. He was definitely bitter towards anything that seemed unrealistic. And to him, everything was unrealistic. So you're saying what, I'm diabetic? No. On your MRI, we discovered a mass. We believe it's cancer. No, no, no. We'd like to run a few more tests and then decide on the best treatment options for you. I don't need your treatment. I'm gonna go home. Mr. Millard, if you refuse treatment, it could drastically reduce your chances. (dramatic music) When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, he kind of started evolving into his passing love with Jesus. I never guessed that God would change him. I just thought bad guy, and God's my savior, and never will they ever meet. So you've found God or something? Well, I been listening to some preachers on the radio and reading the Bible and what-not. What part? All of it. A couple of times, actually. And it's pretty confusing. It's like Leviticus. What is that? I don't get it. I guess you noticed I got a few projects going on around here. And I got one out in the garage I was hoping that you'd help me with. I've been rebuilding that jeep of mine. And man, when I was your age, I made some memories in that jeep. And I was hoping that maybe we could get it running again and I don't know go somewhere. What are you doing? What is this? I wrote you some letters. Did you get 'em? Yeah, threw 'em away. Did you read 'em? Nope. Oh. I thought that's why you came back last night. I was just trying to make a memory. That's all. That's kind of hard for me to do, Dad. All the memories that we have together are bad. You want some... Get some ketchup. I didn't want grace to be for him. I didn't trust him. He was supposed to play the villain, and I'm the good guy, I'm the rescued one. It was almost like it was not fair. It was very much like the prodigal son of this dude runs off, messes everything up, spends everything, and you're gonna throw him a stinking party when he comes back? And sometimes you just don't want Jesus to be for him to be quite honest. I got a memory for you, Dad. That night you beat me so badly that I had to sleep on my stomach 'cause I was so bruised. Couldn't move. What was I, 10, 11? Yeah, I remember that. That tore me up. I cried that... All night about what I did to you. I cried too, Dad, in pain, all night. Why were you? And now you just want to come back in here, make breakfast, pretend like nothing ever happened? It doesn't work that way, Dad! What am I gonna do, Bart? I just... I want to make things right with you and me. And... I don't know what to say. I don't know how to do it. I'm trying. I'm reading a lot of books I don't understand. Just got a lot of questions about myself. I don't have nobody to answer 'em for me. You've got to forgive everybody else. Why can't you forgive me? God can forgive you. I can't. I could forgive everybody but him. He wasn't allowed to be on the list. God was all these things I didn't have in my father. But then for him to kind of infiltrate my dad's life, and not only change him emotionally, but physically. Because they're saying with the frontal lobe stuff, none of that should have changed. But the temper went away. Everything went away. Everything changed. He'd fall asleep with his face in the word every night, and I could hear him praying for my brother and me. And I was like, "What is happening?" There's no audience. He's not trying to impress anybody. He's doing this without anybody in there. And when I was able to let my guard down and trust that something had changed, my view of God got so much bigger and so much more intimate at the same time. He not only was my escape, but now he's fixing the problem, the point to where this is the Godliest man I've ever known. Not being able to forgive someone, and it kind of festering, is just as damaging to ourselves as it is anything else. To hold that in, it affects every aspect of your life, whether you realize it or not. And one day you will realize it. A lot of forgiving my dad was after he passed away. And that's when I got engaged to Shannon, we got married. And then when it started affecting how I was a father, or husband, or things like that, just how I dealt with things, I was like this is unfinished. And then over time, you start realizing this is still eating me alive. He's nowhere to be found but I'm still... I see the effects of this still in my life. And so I did have to stop and literally forgive him of things that I just thought would be buried with him. I've lived enough of my life without the ability to forgive my dad and even my mom. You know, I convinced myself just to be numb and it's not even worth bringing up. What kind of mess do I make if I bring up that I forgive you or whatever? You know, we're great now. But it took longer. But it was probably in some ways more damaging than what he had done to me, just being a third grader and your mom leaving is hard to overcome. Now I feel like I'm making up for lost time. Learning the circumstances around my dad and his accident, it kind of gave me a better understanding of how could he become this. Like the more you understand, it definitely helps in the process of forgiving someone. I get so caught up in me being the victim, I realized at some point, my dad and my mom were victims. My dad was a victim of a horrible accident, and my mom was a victim of a horrible husband, and a situation where she had to leave. And a better understanding that definitely plays a part in the ability to forgive. I think no matter what you go through, whether it's horrific or whatever, I think the enemy loves isolation. He loves for you to go through things alone. The body of Christ is the body of Christ because it takes a village to get through this. We weren't meant to do this alone. The thing that helped me the most was finding community that you can just kinda unload on. 'Cause there's some things that's hard to tell your wife, or obviously your kids. But you need men to be able to say, "Yeah, I know exactly what you're going through." I think it's something that's definitely needed with people just to work through it, and have people love them as they are. That'd be a start. (dramatic music)
