HOW WE MET & FELL IN LOVE IN FLORENCE, ITALY

seventeen years ago i arrived alone in florence tuscany for the very first time like many young girls embarking on a foreign adventure of course i thought i was ready to meet the love of my life but it was not yet time i drank in the cultural and architectural beauty with awe and reverence little did i know the man i would one day marry was walking through those same streets eating and drinking in the same squares dancing till dawn in the same discotheques and yet we never crossed paths if you had told the younger me that i would leave florence have adventures all over the world live in so many other countries and parts of italy experience years of deep loving relationships and almost be tempted to say yes to marrying others before somehow being drawn back to florence i don't know what i would have thought many years later when i was living in rome i would spend so many weekends with italian friends we'd drive up to tuscany from rome we'd be in florence i would be on sailing trips with friends of guido i would go to the exact same birthday parties that guido attended and yet we never laid eyes on each other so before i share this story of how i met guido i just want to say that if you have given up on a city or on the probability of finding someone remember that it could still happen just not on the timeline that you expect good morning good evening uh let's settle down and have a little chat uh if you uh not aware on instagram and also i posted to youtube this week and asked you if you had any questions for a q a because my emails are getting out of control and i it gives me a lot of anxiety because i think oh no this poor person i would love to respond and i just don't have time to i can see the emails just coming in just hundreds of them and i can't possibly respond to everyone so q a is a good opportunity to uh answer some of the common questions yeah over 500 questions and i'm not going to answer all of them obviously but let's just start with the question that hundreds of people asked which was how did i meet guido and how did we fall in love was it love at first sight uh what was one of the other ones the other ones was uh who said i love you first uh i debated whether to share what to share i talked about it with my family and my sister and and uh i just it's really difficult uh like for example i've had very long and serious relationships with people i really was very committed to and we were talking of marriage and all these other things and i never shared it on social media since i've started this youtube channel as well and i've not spoken about it at all i haven't had them be on camera because i wanted to keep that part of my life private while i was still deciding whether the relationship was one that would be would end in in marriage because i think that it's uh important to me to not have social media at all either the good or the bad even if people were like oh we love you together and i just thought no i want to make this decision clear-headed and so that's why i never really shared my past relationships and some of you thought that i was single or something and i i wasn't i was in beautiful relationships but i just just kept that private because you know relationships are hard enough without taking on board a million opinions that's also why i kept my engagement private for four months and only just announced it three weeks ago i was honored by guido's proposal and i love the sacred formality of marriage but i've always been cautious about this choice of partner and i didn't say yes straight away because i take this promise very seriously with the ubiquity of divorce or just heartache and betrayal we see so many people get this choice of partner wrong and it can't be easy to forecast how a rapport will transform when we turn 40 or 50 or 60 years old i didn't want social media influencing such a personal decision i've noticed how people often assume the female is the one in a couple who is desperate to be married or just waiting to be asked but that's not always the case it's possible for someone to be nurturing and romantic yet also discerning and prudent i have also filmed uh some of those some of the questions with guido on our long trips between the farm and florence so uh he yeah he has some responses in here so you just have to look at me well i'd come out of a relationship that was very very important to me and a person that i loved very deeply and i decided to end things because it just there i just did for my reasons i'm not going to tell you why and um and uh so i wasn't in the headspace at all of of looking for someone and so it wasn't love at first sight i didn't in fact i've never in my life experienced love at first sight but i do believe it exists i've met a lot of people who've had it happen to them but just hasn't hasn't happened to me um i'm i'm much more of a slow burn i fall in love very very slowly i think uh someone asked one of the questions was how do you protect yourself in relationships well i can tell you i ah i'm not uh i might be adventurous and all the rest of it but i'm not uh like that in in relationships i'm i'm just quite old-fashioned i can very slowly i only fall in love with someone i can never fall in love with one element of a person like their profession or how they look or what nationality they are or anything like that how they just one one night uh i i it's more about how they treat me over time and that's when i really fall and then i fall and i'm just totally uh they become my whole world but i it that rarely happens to me i don't fall in love easily or quickly and i think that's helped me avoid getting too hurt because i don't tend to rush into things with relationships i don't i don't ever never had a one night stand i mean also you guys know i don't i don't drink so that sort of helps because i never find myself uh in oh i got so wasted and then i ended up fell into bed with someone or ended up kissing this person that i you know barely know no that that just never has never happened to me because i uh i'm usually yeah i'm i'm quite upfront as well i i don't really have any qualms about saying who i am what i what i love what i'm not interested in and i'm not interested in i've never really been interested in casual dating i've always been very um a huge uh advocate of monogamy and and having things be official um getting back to the story so yes i just come out of a very painful breakup uh because i loved this person so deeply and uh however just realized it wasn't the right person for me we were set up by these two friends my landlord in florence is italian cosmo and he his wife is french marion and they were just crazy about getting us together they kept he kept telling uh guido about me before he even met me he's like you've got to meet this girl blah blah blah so cause my marion these two great friends of mine i lived also in in florence with marion we shared the flat not as boyfriend and girlfriend but with friends and we roommates and of course they invite me for a dinner and they told me you have to meet this australian girl she's amazing you will match surely because she's supportive she loves nature she's beautiful and so on and i went to this dinner with no expectation and thinking about other things it was during the week so there was work on work thoughts and everything so i just wanted to sit next to my friends and have a couple of maybe three glasses of wine and just forget about problems but then marian took me from an ear and said no no you're sitting next to her she made sure that we we sat together and it wasn't like sparks flying straight away but i'm used to that i've fallen very deeply for people where it's not been sparked straight away and i think it's it's healthy right because um of course it does happen for some people i know but but uh for for a lot of people and especially young people if you're out there and you're just first starting to date i think it's good to take your time with someone and get to know them and see how they treat you um and so anyway yeah so we started talking that dinner but it was just i just did i just saw him as a as an acquaintance i didn't really think any of of love or anything romantic and then at the end of the dinner guido says that he because he was involved with someone he just thought okay this is it i have to um well he had to close things off with that um with that story uh and uh before he would start with me so he didn't really make a move or anything he wasn't flirtatious at all uh but i was just the dinner had finished and i was just off dancing and he came to say goodbye and in italy you know you when you say goodbye you just kiss on the cheek when we said goodbye that evening like we not hugged but i i touched her to to give a case and it was like sort of sparks like it's like when you touch the the jumper a wool jumper and it does and he went to just kiss me on the cheek and he just put his hand on the back of my back here just his fingertips and and i felt this like this spark i felt this like jolt of like something like electricity and i know it sounds ridiculous even hearing myself say i'm thinking this sounds crazy but then uh much later when we were actually together he he said that he felt it too and then um my parents who have been happily married for well over over 40 years um they said that the first time they touched their fingertips touched there was a little spark of of energy or something and so it's peculiar i wonder if any of you have ever had that so yeah it was quite bizarre because i've never felt that before and anyway we went our separate ways and and we didn't we didn't really pursue each other uh but then the the first time we were sort of alone together we just went into the countryside we were walking through the forest and we were with other friends and having a lunch and and uh and yeah i think the thing that impressed me about guido is that he is very uh even though you can you know he's sort of a little bit um timid and he's not he's not like one to uh well he's not like these people who are super extroverted chalmers you know the one who's got all the lines and the you know is very confident and he's not like that and but he was very brave i guess in in in being comfortable with his feelings and telling me straight away even though he had no sign for me that that i was i was necessarily reciprocating what he felt and i i think that's always it's it's very romantic because it so much takes so much more bravery to put yourself out there and tell someone you're falling in love with them before you've even kissed them before they've even said i feel the same way right so i just i had so much admiration for him just seeing how emotionally intelligent he was and and and just how committed he was because it takes commitment to say right i want this i would like this relationship and and i'll i'll put myself uh at emotional risk uh in order to to have a chance of making it work and how many questions have we got this morning another question they had is who said i love you first do you remember yes i said first yes but you said it before we kissed even yes yes but that's what i like is you know being really clear with each other and articulating that you love someone before even the first kiss you don't always have to trust the talents when they say i love you but i was sincere so but that's and then uh and and how did you know that you were falling in love when you were falling in love with the adjectives when i met you the first time at the dinner i knew that you i had to try and and and be with you and then at the first stage but probably yeah i mean at the first moment i said okay this is it i have to try and catch her somehow uh you just feel it but i think when we spoke and i saw you that you were how do you say sparkling in in shining egg and so i said oh this is very shiny and beautiful i want to try and see what happens and then we just clicked very easily in in and not in what we were saying oh yeah also yes i like this i like this other but it's it's a sort of comfort that you feel when you are talking with someone and that with which you match i suppose deeply i think i don't know what's your answer for that there were just all different types of people from the campania from the countryside around that day at the lunch and there was this lots of elderly gentlemen and this old guy came over and he must have been like 90 years old or something and he was like what are your intentions with this senorina and uh and guido said well look i i frankly i'd love to marry her but i'm just let's just work on on getting through the first date and yes yes yes yes yes yes another was beautiful lunch and and then from then on that's it here we are and it was a non-stop run it hasn't been a relationship of like oh we fight and then we break up and then we got back together and uh it's not just it was just simple and easy from the first moment and someone asked about the uh what was it about what we admire about each other and or what uh what makes it work and i think it it would be naive to to assume that one isn't going to encounter uh conflict in a relationship i've had enough long-term relationships to know that and i've lived with everyone that i've been in a relationship with and i've had relationships that are five years long four years long two years long so i i think that's the thing is that both of us squido and i are a little bit older so we're not at this stage in your life you you understand much faster uh who you have in front of you and you're able to uh discern whether it's someone you can trust and it's someone who has uh values that are aligned with yours and so for those of you who are perhaps thinking oh gosh i've been waiting so long for love don't worry because eve with the passing of time i think as people get older or even just it's not even a case of age i think as people have more experiences in love they get better equipped at uh understanding uh what they want and what they need and and then you can know a lot faster whether it's it's going to work or not because you've you've you've made all the mistakes or you've had all that you know how you are in a relationship you know how you are when you live with someone if on let's say on my side the fact that i've had my life my experiences and doing my mistakes and everything made me re realize what i wanted and so when you try and do mistakes and everything it's easier to when you find what you're looking for to recognize it because many times you don't know what you want and you don't and you haven't got the ability of of recognizing uh the maybe the love of your life or another own opportunity or whatever and so that yeah it meant lots of a long journey before doing also lots of mistakes to arrive at that point ready to meet you and to recognize you and to be ready also to say okay i want to commit to this to this uh opportunity and probably if we met uh 10 years before when you were in this is always in florence uh we wouldn't be we couldn't we wouldn't have matched in any way because i was in a different moment of my life and you too so yeah i suppose luck but you have to also be very aware of what you want and and and and be ready to risk to achieve to catch the perfect prey so forward the la campagna yeah but if you want if you want to and obviously you're not a prey but there's a a part of of uh dating and and of being romantic that implies also some distinct some passion some so we are still humans and and humans have been uh hunters once so that brings out your instincts your passions your you focus more on the object even though we come up against conflict or just a day where one of us or both of us is as cranky or tied or just has little patience we resolve conflict so quickly it's amazing um we both just really go straight to saying uh i'm being triggered by this ah this is i'm not angry at you i'm actually just anxious about this other thing that happened um at work or with my friend or with my family and and so yeah it's really it's really it gives i suppose it gives us or gives me a lot of hope because it makes me think okay well then you can combat anything if you know how to resolve conflict really quickly and without the other thing that i love about guido is we never uh neither of us like shouting neither of us like going below the belt and i think some people they're very comfortable with that and they can say sort of cruel things and then they say oh i'm sorry i didn't mean that and and all is well and you make peace but i think uh we both come from families where that's not the case like we're just uh we and it sounds silly to say it but there's just a lot of courtesy there's a lot of even when we both lose our temper uh guido never goes below the belt he'll never say things that he can't take back and and i and i try to do the same and so i think uh for me that's a really beautiful thing because it means that you can live without it doesn't you you're living without fear because you know that you can um you have someone who knows how to communicate with you and as long as you can communicate i feel like you can deal with almost anything um as long as you can communicate with respect and and empathy right and compassion you ever been married or ever like no no no never proposed to anyone i had relationships that were also long uh some were ended disastrously for my fault but no i never i never proposed to anyone and i actually knew that i wanted to get married and and build a family but i never arrived at the point of really thinking it and really planning what to do so where to move and all the rest so going going in details it was just an idea for the future yeah i will one day do it but no so lots of people asking does we do have a brother yes i have a bigger brother older sorry yes i have an older brother and he's happily married with a wonderful daughter my niece and yes and someone said are your parents happy that you're married yeah very happy my parents uh my mother but my mother loves you and also my father that sometimes is old a bit old and grumpy he cheers up when he sees you and he is yeah he's definitely happy someone else uh what are our plans for the family would be like children yes yes if god wants and gave us this grace yes oh so sweet uh yes yeah of course uh i had really beautiful childhood and i i could only hope to be as as as capable as my as my parents were and in creating a family and yeah i hope i hope that we're lucky enough to to be blessed with children i mean a lot of people these days have a lot of trouble with fertility and hopefully yes two three i i'm very childlike and so is guido like we're both very playful uh by nature and we just we really love like both of us just we love fairy tales and and disney and all these things i mean it's one of the things i love about guido and he just he's sort of like my father in this regard like my father just loves romantic comedies my father he's not in for he's very masculine like guido has uh very masculine traits but then also has lots of sensitivity and compassion and this tenderness and this just this desire to be uh in his downtime to consume things that are uplifting and good and sometimes that's not always seen as a male trait it's like oh a male should want like to see violence and be okay with like rape and all that no my both guido and my father are really just not into they don't enjoy that that's not that's not like what they like to do in their free time guido just loves a fairy tale you know so uh i think that's certainly something we have in common um where we sort of not not that there's anything wrong with that i mean there are some incredible films that really go into very dark places but i don't know it's just not i work so hard and in my downtime i don't i don't want to go somewhere dark and neither does guido we just kind of want to just when we have like an hour to to devote to a film we just want to go somewhere that feels light and it leaves you feeling hopeful about humanity so that's another thing we have in common as as a as a woman he always makes me feel very protected he does these little things which i don't think he's even aware of but like when we're walking down the street he'll always just move my body across so that he's walking outside closest to the cars and i'm protected on the inside which is really lovely they're just little gestures or for example he's always he'll always be checking in to see if i'm cold if i'm hot and he'll always be it sounds trite oh giving someone giving you the jacket but he he actually is genuinely always just thinking about my welfare and makes you feel very protected and uh and i think a lot of people might say oh well you know i i love i love cooking for him and people can say well that's you know i don't know just like too old-fashioned but the fact is i i do that with all my loved ones when my sister was living uh with me in an apartment in australia or when she was living beside me uh a while ago in florence i was always i cooked all the time for her she would just come over and breakfast lunch dinner was always on the table because that's just how that's how i relax and it's how i show affection for someone so yeah that's just how i am what's your advice for finding the one it's not easy first of all you have to understand yourself and what you want because many times we are looking for the wrong thing so if you look for just beauty you look for just fun you look for money you look for whatever you will end up searching for the wrong prey and then when you catch it you will be just disappointed because you say okay this is what i thought i wanted but then it's you don't have you don't feel well with it and you will just go on looking for something else so i think that that deep comfort that i felt uh meeting you probably was [Music] myself opening up to love and so that's what you have to look for love and and probably feeding uh meeting someone that makes you feel safe to er necessary you will have to be ready to take that risk because some many times we we avoid that risk because it's obviously it's very scareful because it's the most painful thing in life loving someone and and being disappointed or being dumped or whatever or being rejected that that because it's it's a deep deep rejection that scars you deeply so as i said first i think you have to be ready to take that risk and understand what you want rain in life that's not money it's not success or if you want that if you want that maybe love will be not what you what you will achieve because money is not love success is not love power is not love all you need is love brooke i know that feeling i've been there my sister and actually three of my best friends are all feeling this right now and i think it's particularly hard with the covid lockdowns i would say perhaps try shifting slightly from what you normally gravitate towards i thought for example that i needed a fellow creative who understands what it's like to be an artist in flow state but i found that if someone respects a side of you or your life that is enough and they don't necessarily need to mirror your passions i understood i felt that the i loved you as a person and some of characteristics but the thing that i loved more was how bright and and and possibly beautiful would could have been the path with you in the future and and so that became natural so to think about family and wedding together with that because i think that if you want to build a strong family and try and manage to keep it as long as possible marriage is an important very important step to do it's not just let's let's try and see how it goes it's a proper commitment so we are also doing it in church and i believe that that's even bigger moral commitment that makes it more difficult to bail at the first bombs one of the many things that made me realize i could spend a lifetime with guido is that he was already seeing a psychologist to better understand his fears his triggers repeated patterns he'd made in past relationships he was doing that long before he met me so that he would be ready when the right girl came along or just so that he could improve all his relationships with his family and friends as my italian friend sophia said when she heard this therapy is still quite modern here so it's rare to find italian men who will actively seek out self-knowledge and therapy that isn't motivated by a divorce or a trauma or some kind of intervention anyone who's lived with a partner for over a year knows you can't change a spouse you can only hope that they desire growth and emotional evolution so it's beautiful to be with someone who is humble enough to want to work on knowing themselves better so that they can treat their loved ones better but it's it's amazing and it's fun and what else can i say she is really what she shows on on on her videos and she has amazing capacity of transforming something more normal in something beautiful full of light full of opportunities so an awful rainy day becomes a wonderful cozy opportunity i didn't know you you think you know what you were looking for but you don't really know until you find it and you say oh wow this is what i was looking for so herb you sorry i saw how kind you were how you cared about making someone feel loved i saw also how you cared about how you manage the the how you say the looks of the house or a place where you are and so i thought wow if i want to give a present to my future children would be giving them a mother like you so i said okay that's that's it [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Kylie Flavell

Views: 364,412

Keywords: dating, love, relationships, engagement, Tuscany, Italy, move to Italy, learn Italian

Id: 74e6T8JGSE4

Length: 36min 16sec (2176 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 23 2021