I am sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I have so many
regrets in life, as you may have been able to tell. (Music. LOGO) Hellooo, everybody! Today
I am discussing a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and that is healthy romantic
relationships. You guys already know how I feel about the widespread romanticizing of abusive
relationships. It's been on trend for a while now, and it makes me rage. (Sarcastic) “He stalked
me, how romantic!” “He nearly broke my arm, swoon!” Now some writers feel that the only way
to make a romantic relationship interesting, is to make it toxic. But if you genuinely
believe this, you might suck at relationships, or at writing. Or probably both! People aspire
towards healthy relationships because they are enjoyable, they're fun, and they're sexy. So if
you're planning on writing a relationship with the intention of romanticizing it, it SHOULD be
healthy. Before we get started I want to give a big shout out to Audible who has generously
sponsored today's video. I am super excited that audible chose to sponsor this video because
as you guys already know, I am in the process of releasing my very first audiobook and yes, it will
absolutely be available on Audible. Audible is an amazing platform with an unmatched selection
of audio books. They've got titles in fantasy, sci-fi, romance. They have access to news,
comedy, the options are insane. They've also got audible originals, which are exclusive audio
titles created by storytellers in literature, journalism, theater, I could go on. You can access
the audible app on your smartphone, or your iPad, is super convenient. Plus membership includes
one free audiobook a month, exclusive sales, and 30% off regularly priced audio books. If you're a
writer, this is the perfect opportunity to listen to new books, both within and outside your genre
so you can expand your imagination and hone your creativity. It's a new year, folks, let's up our
game, revamp and renew ourselves. Right now you can get your first audiobook for free if you try
audible for 30 days. All you have to do is visit audible.com/JennaMoreci or text ‘Jenna Moreci’ to
500-500. I've got the information listed below. I'm listening to The Myth of Perpetual Summer
by Susan Crandall which is a southern historical fiction novel, and it has a super sweet, super
adorable romantic subplot. And even better, it's a healthy one, finally! Which brings me back
to the topic. I'm counting down some of the most important tips to writing a healthy romance
because we're sick of douchebag love stories and they need to die. A few disclaimers, I will be
using couples as examples throughout this video, but please keep in mind that all of these tips
apply to polyamorous relationships as well. I'm also going to be skipping over relationship
dynamics that should be a given like honesty and loyalty. If you don't know loyalty is
important, I got nothing for ya. Instead, I'm focusing on the traits that are most often
neglected in fiction which leads to couples that shouldn't be romanticized at all, because they're
gross. Number One (1): Consent. The fact that I even need to mention this makes me want to die.
If your characters do ANYTHING physical, there needs to be clear consent, from all parties. “But
Jennaaa he said no, but deep down he meant yes.” Don't care, that's assault. “But Jennaaa she said
no, but she ended up enjoying it.” Don't care, still assault. For some reason writers struggle
with this. They think they need to write consent like (Moronic Voice) “Hello, will you engage in
coitus with me?” “Yes, I would be delighted if you put your penis inside of me.” It's really
not that awkward. Consent happens every day and it can be sweet, or romantic, or sexy. Asking
for consent can be as simple as a shy “Can I kiss you?” But there are a million other ways to do it.
I gave a few examples in my sex scene video, but how about a few more examples for good measure?
“I want you so badly” “Then take me!” “Ooh, what are you thinking about?” “Your lips on my lips.”
There's no one here. No one has to know.” “Undress me Edwardo, I long to feel your body pressed to
mine.” “I cannot! For if I dare I will ravage you with fiery passion.” “Oh but ravage me! It's all I
ever wanted.” “Come my love. To the bed!” There's really no excuse not to include consent, because
it's so easy to show that both parties are excited for whatever shenanigans are going down. Number
Two (2): Equality. Your characters do not need to be identical. They don't need to come from the
same income bracket, they don't need to have the same level of education, but they do need to bring
an equal amount of value to the relationship. There are a lot of stories out there where the
leading lady has a good job, she's got nice friends, she has a lot going for her. But then she
finds herself an emotionally unstable bad boy, who likes to punch walls, start bar fights, and hump
anything with a cooter. But he has a six pack, so it evens out right? If you're going to write a
healthy relationship that means these characters need to see one another as equals and bring an
equal amount of goods to the table. Additionally, not only should they be equals in worth, but they
should also be making an equal amount of effort. If one person always texts, or always pays,
or always saves the other person from certain death—that's a mess. Now keep in mind, there will
come a time in every relationship where things get unbalanced. Maybe one character loses their job
so the other one has to carry the financial burden for a while. Maybe one ends up in the hospital so
their partner has to be the one to offer physical and emotional support. It's fine if this happens,
but their relationship should not revolve around one person constantly mothering the other. Number
Three(3): Respect. Respect does not mean blind worship, it means having a strong regard for
another person's feelings and rights. Thus, if your character is upset their love interest
should give a shit. None of those dismissive brush-offs like “Oh, women are so emotional.”
Or “He's so cute when he's mad.” They don't trivialize their partner's needs. They don't shame
them for how they feel. They treat them like a person they actually care for and admire. Respect
can be shown in the simplest ways. For example, if one of them is upset, the other one can ask
what's wrong? Is there anything I can do? Or maybe the character asks their partner for input
on plot related activities because oddly enough, they value their opinion. I've said this in the
past but a healthy romantic relationship exists between two people who are first and foremost good
friends. And that's largely because of respect. The best friendships are between people who share
a deep respect for one another. And it's the same deal with romantic relationships. Number Four (4):
Fighting. No matter how healthy a relationship is, there are going to be arguments, but the
difference between a healthy relationship and a dysfunctional one, is how they handle
their arguments. First, while healthy couples do fight occasionally, they usually don't fight
nearly as much as dysfunctional couples. Second, when they do fight certain things do not happen.
Physical harm in any form is a no-go. If you've included this in your story, you've written an
abusive relationship. Then there's verbal abuse: manipulation, gaslighting, and derogatory name
calling are not okay. “But Jennaaa, sometimes when you fight you say things you don't mean.”
That's true, and even in healthy relationships, people are gonna to mess up. But there's a big
difference between being momentarily rude or hurtful, and being abusive. If your characters
are going to fight, even if they overreact, or put their foot in their mouths, be sure that they
say and do things that warrant forgiveness. Which brings us to apologizing because people in healthy
relationships admit when they shit the bed. A proper apology includes a full admission of guilt.
They need to own their mistake, express remorse, and then offer to change their behavior. Then they
need to actually change their behavior. Again, this is provided the mistake doesn't cross the
threshold from forgivable to a deal breaker. If your character slept with their partner's best
friend, I think the forgiveness ship has sailed. Number Five (5): Communication. People in healthy
relationships talk about stuff. Isn't that weird? I know you wanna write a leading man who was
hard and stoic, but in the real world people with no emotional outlet are prone to explosive
violence, and have no control over their feelings, like babies. (Mocking Voice) So masculine!
Instead, why don't you write about two mature adults who actually tell one another how they
feel. What a concept? Not only will this make the romantic relationship healthier, it'll make
both characters far more likable. There are few things worse than going through four books waiting
for the characters to finally admit their love for one another, but they won't do it because
talking is hard. And look, miscommunication is going to happen, but it doesn't need to
last for hundreds of pages. If it does, these characters probably shouldn't be together
because they're clearly too immature for a relationship. And Number Six (6): Happiness. Books
are loaded with conflict, that's literally what drives the plot. But if we're to believe these
characters are in a healthy relationship, that means they need to be happy together. This doesn't
mean that they're happy in general, or that their problems magically disappear. It just means that
the love interest has a positive impact on them. There are so many books that feature love stories
where the couple never have a single happy moment, it's constant drama and pain. And if that's the
case, why are they together? A relationship should bring the best out of you. So amid all the hell
you're putting your characters through, write an instance where they're enjoying each other's
company. Or where they're actually better because they're together. It's such a simple detail,
yet it gets overlooked far too often. So that's all I got for you today. There are so many more
things that go into writing a healthy romance, but right now we're talking about the things that
everyone seems to screw up. Equal standing, basic communication, oh my god—consent! Why are people
not writing this? Let's make healthy romances the new trend in fiction because they're entertaining
to read and because they don't make me want to jump out a window. A huge thank you to Audible
for sponsoring today's video. I cannot wait for The Savior's Champion to be available through
them. Again, you can get your first audio book for free when you try audible for 30 days. All
you have to do is visit audible.com/jennamoreci or text ‘Jenna Moreci’ to 500-500. Information is
also listed below. Don't forget to subscribe to my channel. I post new videos on Wednesdays and
if you want to be alerted as SOON as I upload, ring that bell. It’s right there, you can't
miss it. And be sure to follow me on social media. I'm on Instagram, at Tumblr, Facebook and
of course you can tweet me @JennaMoreci! Bye! (Jenna) “Oh but ravage me. It's all I’ve every wanted." (Jenna Giggling) I hate myself.
(Cliff) You do a real good job. "Ravage me!" (Cliff) That’s really funny, by the way.
(Jenna) Really? (Cliff) You doin’ a good job. (Jenna) Thank you. (Cliff imitating Jenna)
So masculine! (Jenna) Thank you, I’m glad you like it. (Jenna cooing to Buttercup) My sweetie, my sweet.
Aww. Aww. Aww, I love you too.
