How to stop self-sabotaging yourself. (My struggle with self-sabotagers)

hey welcome back to the X Google X Facebook tech lead show now today I wanted to talk about self-sabotage and I'm not talking about myself even though I am moving back in with my parents I've pretty much emptied out my apartment but I think that self-sabotage is holding back a lot of people from success and it's nothing to be ashamed of I know I've held myself back through self-sabotage as well I've had to reinvent myself actually multiple times throughout my life just to break out of the mode that I may be in and I've seen other people do it as well like sometimes I would be on a date and we would just be walking me with a girl and then the girl would just start walking slowly and sure just keep slowing down just to see if I would match her pace but actually what I would do is I would just continue walking and if she's never caught up then I would just be going off into the sunset and I'd never see these people again simply because they decided not to keep pace with me they wanted to play some game test me or something and they've essentially self-sabotage themselves here because I know that if they had kept walking with me they'd probably be a millionaire just like me if they just follow the exact same footsteps that I have been on they'd probably be as successful as me if not even more successful although probably less successful quick pause this video is brought to you by Squarespace from websites and online stores to marketing tools an analytics course spaces all-in-one platform to build your online presence and run your next business visit squarespace.com slash tech lead and get 10% off and self-sabotage is a silent killer often times you don't even see it it is not the same thing as a parent failure where everyone sees that and says oh yeah you felt on that one you just kind of do it to yourself so I'm going to give you five examples of this and how you may be able to identify these let's get into it the first one is self identity it turns out that and this is a real thing your own identity the way you view yourself that actually holds you back because if it weren't for that then you can be anybody you want to be right if you're shy one day you could just say that you're both and exciting if you have low self confidence or if you're a procrastinator what's to stop you from one day just waking up and saying today you're totally new and different person or if you overeat and live and the healthy lifestyle why couldn't you one day just say you know what you're gonna be the healthiest person out there and that's really because of self-identity and that is reinforced by your environment by the family the people the friends around you your own habits your daily routine by your own conception of who you are and so if one day you suddenly decide to act super healthy and extroverted and excited and then vicious people would actually just say hey what's going on with you it's something's weird going on is this is this a real you what are you doing what you think you're better than me you think you're trying to make something of yourself now come on we all know you're a loser like you may get that type of feedback now you may not get feedback as critical as that but you'd probably feel a little bit embarrassed and I know for myself I have been overweight all the way through high school until one day I moved to college by myself and when I left my entire environment and now surrounded by completely new people I reinvented myself I just said you know what I'm gonna be a healthy guy I'm gonna be cool I'm gonna go to the gym and I probably lost 20 pounds within the first year of college when I went over to Japan to do some study abroad again I kind of lost the nerd persona that I had been going through I used to be this really nerdy programmer and then when I went there I just thought you know what I'm gonna be a cool person and I picked up some of the style over there I find that for myself every time I just switch locations entirely I take on a new persona too I can just reinvent myself and decide who I don't want to be in this new location and there's absolutely nothing nobody holding me back and I believe it is this need for self consistency that is truly holding back so many people many people they can't change their minds they've put themselves on the certain route a certain path that they've believed themselves to be a certain way maybe they think they're emo they're not part of normal society they want to view themselves as extreme maybe they think that they're vegetarian perhaps they've made critical choices in their lives that seems to just trap them on a certain way like maybe they drop out of college and that they start having to remain consistent with that and believe that education is just garbage and they don't want to learn anything anymore they don't want to read anymore because they made that decision and now they have to live throughout their whole life supply it well my recommendation maybe try switching up your environment nobody knows your history you can be anybody you want to be now a second form of self-sabotage I've seen is many people just seem to underestimate what it takes to succeed a lot of people they just don't give it their all they don't take every single advantage that is afforded to them they may have friends family coworkers people will need to help them on their path but a lot of these people they're just burned every single bridge and they'll just go off it on their own thinking they can make it for example I'm moving back in with my parents that's going to save me about four thousand dollars a month that's fifty thousand dollars per year plus a bunch of additional time and effort that I would normally have to waste that cannot be combined and shared in say doing cleaning laundry chores and that's going to give me say a 20% performance boost above my peers now many people would say what they don't need that 20% performance boosts they're fine and they'd rather just live alone and gain their independence and they're going to go spend their money and waste their time and they're gonna go hang out with their friends and watch TV shows and read the gossip books and trash and they're not going to really be all that productive and they think that they're still good that they're still going to be able to make it to the top but you may find that you know you needed just one extra oxygen tank to get to the top of the mountain and you didn't have it and sometimes it's just a smallest little difference between failure and success if you just have an extra one or two hours a day that you're willing to pay into something productive say going to the gym working out or put it into a business idea I mean do you know how effective how good you would look if you spent an hour at the gym every day your physique would probably be in the top 1% of people already if you spent one hour learning to code every day you'd probably be able to pick up one new language every month or if you spend an hour reading a book each day you can probably finish several books a month as well so the thing is we are surrounded by mediocrity 99% the people around us that are not going anywhere right if you want to be in the top 1% you have to live a 1% extraordinary lifestyle and so we compare ourselves to other people mediocre people we take their advice and we learn from mediocre people to achieve mediocre results we're surrounded by complacency contentment people are just watching their TV shows playing with their video games gossip about trash hating on other people discussing politics everybody's talking about politics thing is getting into all of that it's not really going to change your life it doesn't concern you in many ways right gossiping about other people engaging in negative toxicity it's a great thing to do with friends and people love to do that but you know as they say great minds discuss ideas average Minds discuss events and small minds discuss people you know I'll never forget this interesting fact in a real crisis emergency like if there's a plane crash most people they're not going around panicking people don't panic like that most people just they become very complacent they simply don't grasp how critical the situation is they simply don't grasp that crisis they'd rather believe that everything is okay they stop seeing that reality and a number of people unfortunately they just sit at the airplane and they burn they don't even move that's what happens in a real crisis and you know you may be under crisis right now and all you of your friends and family they're just going around there pretending that everything is okay when maybe you're the only one who can see the reality of it and that you need to take drastic action now that brings us to self-sabotage tip number three which is not getting out of your comfort zone many people they think that there are now respectable adults they don't want to be failing publicly anymore they're not children anymore they don't want to be a crybaby they want to show how successful they are and this need for social status pride status ego that actually ends up holding you back and you don't want to be going around failing but you know what they say if you're not failing you're not trying hard enough what you want to be doing is pushing yourself to fail in one way or another every single day if there's something that's challenging to you that means you're learning and that means you're gaining new skills right like public presentation for example talking up at the meeting learning the new technology or still and not being very good at it and going back to complacency a lot of us think what we're pretty comfortable at least at least I'm not homeless like that guy over there at least I'm not living with my parents there I'm good I'm just wanting to take the weekend and burn it on a two to three-hour lunch go to the beach and then come home and watching Netflix out there because I've got that good right I'm a respectable adult now and I don't want all of my friends and family to be laughing at me at what a loser I've become when I need to go and start failing publicly in front of everybody but what you want to do is exactly that because even for myself I know when I got my first job out of college 75k over at Sony Pictures working as a software engineer I was feeling pretty good about myself and I thought this is it that's all I need that's great and I could have just stayed there and settled in but what I did was I actually continued to pushing on myself learning new skills and I would learn like PHP making Web Apps yeah a lot of people made fun of me for that my co-workers thought it was trash just stupid web apps when they're doing real engineering and people would be life ant that but it turns out that projects like that will go on to make me like a million bucks when my co-workers they're probably still over there laughing at me slaving away at their real adult corporate jobs tip number five friends I don't keep many friends around I think that in reality a lot of them are toxic considering that say 99% of the world are mediocre people they're not going where you want to go they just want to go out and have fun they want to invite you out go party have a beer have a drink go to the beach go to the amusement park waste hours basically and that's how great if that's what you're looking for but let's imagine that suddenly you won 100 million dollars in the lottery and now you simply hold yourself to higher standards you believe more about yourself you're just more confident and you want more out of life you don't want to be making stupid decisions anymore you may find that not all of your friends but some of them may change you may just say some of these people they could be living toxic lifestyles their views on life could be too small too negative too critical because the fact is you're the average of your five friends whoever you associate with that's kind of who you may end up becoming like and social status playing that social status game I believe that's part of it you know I think that half of us if we didn't have friends to show off to we probably wouldn't be buying expensive luxury cars that spend the hours at clothing shops looking for just that perfect shirt or buying houses and then decorating them with all sorts of random stuff in an effort to try to impress people social status is a dry conflict of interest with success and then my last and final tip if you're looking to self-sabotage yourself is simply to not believe in yourself I think that if you search deeply enough inside yourself you know exactly what you need to do you don't need anybody to tell you that you know what you need to do but many of us would just you know you just don't prioritize it you put other things in front you procrastinate but just remember one thing and this is also a message for all those other girls who rejected me saying that they're too busy to hang out with me to talk to me and is that if something is truly important in your life then you will make time for it so ready to get your life back on track start your next business with squarespace.com slash tech leave Squarespace empowers people with creative ideas to succeed every day they helped millions of dreamers makers and doers by providing them with the tools they need to bring their ideas to life and squarespace's all the one platforms customers can build a custom website claim a domain sell online and market a brand their suite of products combines cutting-edge design and world-class engineering making it easier than ever to establish and own your online presence so check them out at squarespace.com slash tech lead I get 10% off your next order believe in yourself take nothing for granted and live in the ways such that you will have no regrets later on that do for me let me know other ways that you've seen people self-sabotage themselves I'm really curious to hear about that if you liked the video give a like and subscribe and I'll see you next time thanks bye

Channel: TechLead

Views: 413,880

Keywords: self sabotaging, self improvement, self sabotage, how to stop self sabotage, stop self sabotaging, self sabotaging behavior, self help audio books, self help motivation, investing, investing for beginners, investing in your 20s, how to invest, how to invest in stocks, stock market investing, stock market investing for beginners, stock options, robinhood, best stock trading app, how to be a millionaire, credit score, credit card, credit cards for beginners, passive income

Id: 7t2X-kMhPIA

Length: 12min 12sec (732 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 13 2020

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