How to Spot a Narcissist Signs to Watch For

welcome back so what is the best way to recognize and respond to a narcissist you know it can be incredibly hard to tell who is narcissistic at first glance because often it just comes across as confidence or enthusiasm but once you learn to pay attention to some key factors you'll know the signs pretty obvious now today I'm going to share with you really 15 signs 12 of them are about the narcissist three about the people attracted to them now in all fairness there are probably 30 or more actual signs you know whether you're talking covert overt all the different types of narcissism but at least in my experience these first 12 are like they're evident regardless of what type of narcissist these are like the core symptoms again they're many others but this is just my opinion which doesn't make it right but I want to share those with with you so that you can you know you have a basic framework to go all right this is what I want to keep an eye out so the first one is this they lack empathy um and what this can look like is kind of listening without listening I'm going to throw myself under the bus um this what this would look like is when my first wife oh my God I'm having what I call a shame burp to have to admit this but we our relationship was Rocky throughout and um the best I could do back then was I couldn't stand up for myself and so I learned to just shut up and be quiet and not pay attention well that looks like not no empathy and a perfect example of that was the day she told me she was pregnant with our first child and I was sitting at The Breakfast Table reading the paper and I heard her say something and I didn't respond and then and she yells did you hear me and I'm like yeah you know of course I acted like a child saying yeah I heard you dad um she goes so what did I say and of course I didn't know and she this was one of I think this was the second time the abuse started she came over and just Wham just hit me across the head and goes I told you I'm pregnant now while in that moment I wasn't empathetic I wasn't listening is that who I am no I had a moment of it but a true narcissist that is consistent they they're never listening and even if they are they may Fain empathy but they're really not capable of it they don't have remorse like you can see I have remorse I have shame over my perfect imperfection that I didn't know how to handle myself early on in the relationship um I take ownership of it I own that I'm not condoning her abuse but I'm leading with my imperfection that's empathy um it's also having empathy for her like think of her position she's pregnant for the first time that would be awful that your husband's more wrapped up in the newspaper and listening to you like can you imagine her experience that'd be heartbreaking okay and a narcissist isn't capable of that um as number two of the narcissist is special treatment so what you want to keep an eye out for is restaurants taking the car in to get fixed um clothing stores wherever it may be are they constantly looking to be at the front of the line get special treatment from the salespeople you know do they feel entitled to it um if they water you know they said light ice and it's filled with ice does that you know do they explode at that you know are they con L looking to be elevated with a certain type of treatment there's a difference between advocating for yourself and being entitled advocating for yourself is gathering information asking politely entitlement is no you owe this to me and I'm angry if I don't get it all right number three they're very grandiose huge fantasies fantasies about their career fantasies about what they want to achieve in life about um how capable they are at different things there's a difference between knowing that you have a certain skill but not having the skill and believing you do have it or telling others that you're going to achieve it that's grandiosity it's it's a level of reality beyond what is real all right so they're living here or their skill set is here yet their ideas or the way they speak about things or their dreams about things are a complete fantasy reality and fantasy are separate from each other all right number five apparences matter um or number four appearances matter they're very superficial their appearance um matters more than anything and even um your appearance you know they they want B hot person they want to be associated with the powerful with the um popular they're always about social climbing about social connections it's all about appearances matter more than anything you know do what do they look like what does the family look like how is everything projected it's all about other esteem and what they're getting you know social media how many likes oh my God they have more I need to get you know I need to be friends with them I need to be associated with them all of that external validation matters tremendously to a narcissist that goes to uh number five associations I kind of mixed them together they only want to be Associated around powerful attractive popular people the the two kind of go together that sense of appearances matter and associations matter they you'll you'll see that play out over and over I don't want to sit with them I don't want to go out with them what they're white trash you know things like that or I can't go to that place nobody popular to would you see so and so at a place like that there you go what are you wearing that for do you do you see what you're wearing those are comments of a narcissist all right number six emotional disregulation um they will get angry like that just blow up throat Tantrums like you're like a child you know now some of the narcissist covert and others are so you know gifted at manipulation that they can they can fool you with periods of quiet in all of these aspects all right this is part of the emotional disregulation they can put on the act of holding it together but you know there's Dr ramani she's brilliant if you want to learn about narcissism look up Dr Romani on YouTube She to me she's the best and she uses the analogy of a rubber band and you know if you you can stretch it out and that's kind of like a narcissist they can stretch it out stretch it out but event that rubber band snaps and it goes back and that's the tempered tantrum that's the anger they they can never sustain a change they always bounce back to who they are and that's a key thing that you're looking for all right number seven they're highly um sensitive to any type of critique or criticism yet they are highly critical of you and everybody else all right that's pretty self-explanatory number eight uh they don't think they need to change any suggestion that they need help they need to learn more that the problem might somehow reside with them or that they could adjust in some way boom huge wall like it is just still this is where the empath lack of empathy that they would just stop listening they just can't even go there rage will come out all of these all of their dysfunctions will come up to protect that Grandy it of what do you mean me change it's them it's not I'm great all right number nine very jealous jealous not only of who you talk to and who you spend time with but jealous of people with higher status um that are better than them now we all get envious I get it too but there's a difference between being driven by it that then triggers think of that rubber band that then triggers all of these other dysfunctions they are consumed and it'll trigger the rage it'll trigger the emotional instability all right number 10 gas light and this is this is the most dist for me at least in my experience when I went through it the gaslighting is the most destructive because you really question everything about yourself and if you have the sense that you need to record your conversations you're being gaslit you you will have the sense that you're crazy you be like wow maybe I am bad like you're constantly questioning yourself um there's always the sense that when you you'll come into maybe you even started the conversation with a healthy critique or suggestion or request but by the end of it with a narcissist you walk away apologizing because you were so wrong and out of place that's gaslighting okay and to me that's the most brutal part cuz while I'm always an advocate of you know codependence we we do allow people to infect us with their thoughts feelings and actions it's really hard to protect yourself against somebody who gas lights you because that's the problem with abusers they trample boundaries boundaries codependence recovery don't work with them they have no respect for them and so it can be very hard not to get sucked in and be affected by by somebody who gaslights you all right number 11 they are disloyal they will always they will leave you at any opportunity for higher status anything bigger and better than you if if it's to their advantage they're gone like that no feeling about it doesn't matter it's just like well what uh you think I'd stay with you like do you see who I'm with do you see what like I don't even understand why you're upset see there's the gas light boom yeah it's just creepy sorry it's too you know I'm recalling conversations and it just kind of hit me there of experiencing that um number 12 and this is really one of the in Insidious aspects they get pleasure from Mother's misery I remember you know one of the narcissists I I married and the glint in her eye the tilt of her head and the little smirk she got so so much joy from taking that knife and gutting me like it was you know PE I mean it's like a child opening their favorite Christmas present a six-year-old you know a four to six-year-old they're um cognizant enough of how special Christmas is and they get that Christmas present they wanted the whole year and that's that's that excitement that a narcissist get gets and that so you see that little like they do something hurtful and they see it in you and you and you can see and feel how much they enjoy it get out now we get to the three aspects that I brought up of to let you know if you are with a narcissist and they have to do with us we always have to take ownership of who we allow into our life and that's why at least in my videos I always include aspects of the part we play because we are not innocent bystanders we each individual is responsible for their life and must take ownership of their life um to not do so is narcissistic in nature it's hey no you have to be everything I want but it's from a passive aggressive position of well it's not my fault I didn't know well then go learn that's our responsibility that came out harsh I didn't mean it harsh I mean it emphatically really with empathy of God please people stop this victim mentality if it's not my fault that kills all of us I'm really trying to empower you go learn CU we don't have to end up with these people in our life all right and the key sign for you to recognize in yourself is you think you can love them out of it you're you're sitting there go God well they were so hurt if I do this if I dress this way if I if I act this way if I just if I just if I just if I just you're constantly thinking all the different ways you could adjust who you are to get them to love you and get them through this that's a key sign you are with a narcissist and that's the part you're playing the second thing is uh you think you're not enough in other words you would say things like man if I was better looking or if I was thinner if I made more money if I cooked the better meals if I did this or did that if I didn't have if I wasn't so needy if my parents weren't this way remember that's part of the gaslighting that's why we are pray for their gaslighting is because underneath that is low selfworth and shame and so we will constantly bring it back on us and think we could if we could be different we could get them to love us well where did we learn that childhood we were made to take care of somebody in childhood and that's why this comes up and that leads to the final thing we look for ways that we can change them the key indicator that you're with a narcissist is you are online watching video like this reading resourcing everything you can not to learn how to save yourself or to heal yourself but you're trying to figure out the narcissist and what you need to do to get them to like you to get them to be different all of your questions and I get almost every single person that reaches out to me privately or even in my public comments on the narcissism posts they will almost invariably be questions about the narcissist not about themselves and how they need to heal themselves and the part they're playing or or any of that it's always can you help me understand the narcissist that is a major red flag that you are with a narcissist now not always we're all we're all codependent so that can happen in a so-called normal relationship I'm just in this example that is key so basically a person attracted to a narcissist is putting 90% of their efforts into the relationship and not into themselves so how do you respond what do you do if now you've listened to this and you're like oh my God that's me that's us three options get out just get out the chances of a narcissist ever doing work and ever healing are slim to none and just like that rubber band effect they might do some of it but they don't see an advantage to being empathetic they don't see an advantage to this they will always bounce back and that's why you you you have to let go of the grandiose fantasy yourself that you can somehow change this now maybe you're in a situation married kids religion Financial there's something where you're like I can't get out Kenny I have to stay well okay then the second option is this you have to lower your expectations you just you have to realize that 90% of the time you'll get nothing that it is all about them and so my suggestion to you is this massive self-care because remember the three things that make it possible that you are with a narcissist within yourself it's 90% of your life is about them and 10% about you you need to flip that Dynamic 90% needs to be about you you need to get into self-care um you need to get into therapy whether it's a coach or someone like myself um or a therapist um you need to see how your childhood trained you to and created an attraction where you most likely took care of your parents just like this you looked all up and down left and right sideways trying to find a way to get your parents happy they may not have been narcissists themselves some could have been but you were trained to seek this out you need to learn to heal from that um and you're just because you're just replaying it that's why you end it up we all all relationships are our repl of our childhood wounds that's it and so any problems we're having in a relationship they're a mirror to what we didn't heal in our childhood and so that's the biggest thing we have to do and as I said the most important part is flip that 90% gather friendships join groups learn to meet your needs stop asking them for to meet your needs stop fighting with them it's useless you've been with this for years you already know it's not going to change the only person you have control of is yourself and so we have to take control of ourselves and learn to meet the needs ourselves okay so there you go there are the 15 signs to look for I hope that helps you um if you think it did please like it if you know somebody in a situation like this or just think this might help somebody please share it leave me your comments um please don't leave me comments about the narcissist leave me comments about you at least to me you matter your health and Recovery matters more to me I can't help the narcissist they don't want help but please start the 90% today leave a comment about how you're going to turn your life around about how you're going to make yourself a priority that I would love to read okay and I know this is all very difficult to deal with narcissism my recovery from both of them one almost the recovery on one almost killed me it's not easy but I will say this please enjoy the journey along the way it does get better so don't forget that enjoy the journey

Channel: Kenny Weiss

Views: 18,207

Keywords: Kenny Weiss, your journey to success, Trauma recovery, worst day cycle, codependency, mental health, kenny weiss narcissist, self sabotage, self help, self improvement, growth mindset, personal growth, your journey to being yourself, emotional authenticity, emotional self help, kenny weiss youtube, kenny weiss life coach, how to spot a narcissist, how to spot a narcissist early, how to spot a narcissist on the first date, how to spot a narcissist when dating

Id: 0RjwOUi3DHo

Length: 19min 9sec (1149 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 06 2024