How To Overcome Daddy Issues

we're going to talk about not just to the dads today but we're going to talk to everybody today about a topic that really hits everybody right where you are we're going to talk about dad issues in fact it's a Hot Topic having father issues on Father's Day in fact there's thousands of Articles and books and podcasts about people that are dealing with their dad issues so on this Father's Day we're gonna we're gonna dive into maybe a little bit deep Waters here but also talk about how it applies to our relationship with our heavenly father see some people their dad wasn't there for them growing up and so they they walk through life with a sense of maybe lacking in that relationship or that relationship is strained and they haven't maybe gotten the affirmation that they needed growing up or they felt like they didn't measure up to what their what their dad wanted them to do in their life and so they they walk through this uh through life with a bit of insecurity they carry that with them right you know my my father was physically there but he didn't know how to give affirmation or emotional or spiritual support support during my early years but I was blessed to have a grandfather who stepped in to kind of fill that void in my life but a lot of men have not had that void filled in their life and and that's a challenge right and as a result then they don't know how since they didn't receive that kind of love they don't know how to to give that that kind of love and and you know I was thinking as we were preparing for this Dad that um uh I always knew that you loved me like I grew up knowing Beyond a shout of a doubt that you loved me I never once there was never one day in my life that I doubted your love for me and yet there was still something inside of me that made me think I had to I had to work to keep your love for me not nothing you did it was like I felt like I had to perform so even with the best of dads in the world you can still have dad issues and have insecurities and the problem comes is when we project any broken or unhealthy relationship with our Earthly father that's it onto our heavenly father Yes like that we think um because maybe your Earthly father was angry or disappointed in you you then begin to think that God is angry or disappointed in you because your Earthly father maybe was absent or distant or emotionally unavailable you've somehow put that on God and people will think well then God is absent or God doesn't care about what I'm going through so on this uh Father's Day we're going to better understand our relationship with our heavenly father and how we can walk in confidence as Sons and Daughters of God and we're also going to jump into how we as Earthly dads need to Echo the voice of our heavenly father over our own children is that okay that's what we're going to jump in today so let me lead us in a word of prayer and then we'll dive in let's do it Lord thank you so much for your word that teaches us very clearly God how you see us as your children and then how we as Earthly parents can Echo your voice over our children so we pray that as we jump into this word today you would teach each one of us in Jesus name we pray amen you know all of us remember uh just a short time ago when in the midst of the covet crisis the hospitals had basically shut all family and friends from coming in to visit and our daughter Noel your sister was getting ready to go in for surgery and we could not be with her we literally had to drop her off at the front door of the hospital and how hard was that especially for Mom I mean wanting to be there to mother her daughter through this time so the night before surgery Donna came to me and she said she looked at me and she said your daughter needs you she needs her father I mean boom there it was so I went in to our daughter's room and she was battling with a little bit of anxiety going in to have this surgery no one could be there with her and so I I opened the word of God and I prompted her on three very important things she needed to remember about herself and her relationship with God and so I gave those to her prayed over her and I said baby you need to write these down and anytime anxiety starts to come over you again just remind yourself of these three things so we took her to hospital we dropped her off it was so hard Donna wanted to stay in the parking lot I said baby I'm not going to sit in the parking lot for all this pre-op and surgery and post-op and we'll you know whatever we can pray for our home as well as here if you want to come up there okay but I so I drove home and and we get there well the time we got home we got a little text from Noella and she uh sent us a little picture too that she has she said dad I wrote down the three things uh you told me and uh I've been showing them to people in the hospital I said really she said oh yeah and and they're all asking me questions about it and she said and one Nur said to me when she found out what it meant she said you know I don't believe in tattoos but I may get that tattooed on me you know and and so she had written down the three things I'd given her uh to remind her of who she was in Christ and she wrote them down in her hand and I think we have a picture of this I want to show this so look at this if I hope you can see this on on the picture but she wrote down called loved and kept now when I went into the room that night Todd with with your sister I opened up the Bible to the book of Jude chapter 1 verse 1 and Jude addresses the early saints of God with this word he said to those who have been called who are loved by God the father and kept by Jesus Christ think about that we are called we are loved and we are kept and so I reminded Noel on that first night before surgery I said baby you're called of God you know God's with you and and he who began a good work he was going to carry through to completion you are loved by the father he will be with you every step of the way even though Mom and Dad can't be with you in the hospital room God will be with you the Lord will hover over you and cover you and remember you can be secure in the fact that you're being kept by Christ he will keep you in that Dynamic and so that's what really was the key to this and then I started contemplating this Todd that really that's the father's calling that's upon us to instill in our children these truths that they're called they're loved and they're kept in Christ so let's jump in a little deeper to that can we do that and the first one is where the word of God says in Jude he says you're called so fathers our challenge is to help our children understand they are called by God they are unique in their creation but they were created by God and for God it says in Colossians 1 16 and we need to help our children understand that all the time and then I'm reminded Noel I said Noel you're called of God and he who began a good work in you will carry it through to completion so you have nothing to fear because you're walking in the purposes of God so everything is going to work together for your good no well because you called of God you know Todd we're living today in a culture that is struggling so much with this whole question of identity truly there is an identity crisis going on in our world today and and you know it's the enemy's plan and plot to try to Rob our children of their true identity because if he can rob them of their true identity guess what he then robs them of fulfilling their True Divine Purpose and then that renders them ineffective about their life and they go through life trying to search and figure life out not really knowing the purpose of their life because that's found in their identity Todd you have used many times this scripture and I love it found in the message in Ephesians 1 11 and and it reads like this it is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for right fathers grandfathers our responsibilities help our children understand they are called of God and with that sense of calling comes purpose and direction in our lives and when we live with that purpose Todd I I have found imply to my own life then we understand how to apply the principles of God to help us fulfill the principle and the purpose that God has ordained for us and so that gives us that kind of sense of direction that it gives us a foundation for our lives and so when the pressures of culture come and The Changing Times come and try to influence us we can stand firm in understanding who we are in Christ and we don't give in to the pressure so we we live by principle not by pressure you know this actually saved my life uh when I was 16 years old I I was hanging out in a local drive-through restaurant and some guys pulled up in a 56 Chevy and by the way if you don't know the 56 Chevy is it's one of the coolest cars ever made a 56 Chevy and three of my friends were in the car and a guy in the back seat was my friend I lived just down the road from me and we played football together and they said come on models let's go cruising together so man hey I get to hang out in this cool car with these guys I had my foot in the back seat ready to get in already when I noticed all three of the guys had a bottle of beer had a decision to make am I going to get in this car with those guys drinking or not so they kept pressure me come on Marlins get in the car get in the car get in the car but I knew but it's like my grandfather's words echoed my mind yeah son don't let pressure cause you to compromise your standard or your principles you're living by I knew I should not be in that car so I backed out of that car even though they were pressuring me to get in that car because I knew that's not where I needed to be later that night I'm driving home out of Hamilton Ohio up route four up out of Hamilton Ohio just North Cincinnati saw a burst of flames a car had gotten a drag race lost control hidden embankment through all three of the Riders of the car out of the car by the time I arrived on the scene the police were already there ambulances were there and I noticed the car was a 56 Chevy and it was the very car that I'd been invited to step into that night but principal kept me out of it and I had the sad tragic experience in my life so early on just being 16 Tyler 16 years old when I found my friend Benny lying in a ditch on that dark road that night and he had been killed in that accident I would have been sitting right beside him in that car when we teach our children the principles of God and the calling of God upon their life it was there it was something that will protect them and guide them and bless them and help them and and we can live by those things they're trustworthy they're trustworthy and here's the other thing dads and grandfathers I want you to know this your words that you speak over your children reminding them are calling are so important because those words have echoed over my life my grandfather spoke those words of affirmation he'd say Tommy God has a calling upon your life and what that does when we live our lives according to God's principles I love this scripture time found in Proverbs 3 1-4 said my son do not forget my teachings but keep my commands in your heart and then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man yeah you Dad you always did that for me you gave me a sense of confidence since I was very young that I could do something with my life and it wasn't just a self-confidence but it was understanding who I was in God and attaching my life to an eternal purpose and that has nothing to do with being a pastor because I wasn't going to be a pastor I was going to be a doctor and you were like well Todd whatever you do I mean God's got a calling on your life you're called of God whatever purpose you step into means in the same way that um we as Earthly dads need to do that to our children our heavenly father all throughout scripture is constantly reminding you that there's a calling on your life there's a purpose on your life that verse in Ephesians 1 11 in a different version says before you were even born God gave you a destiny yes and Ephesians 2 the very next chapter he says you're a masterpiece he has created you Anew in Christ Jesus so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago before you were even born God covered your life with purpose covered you with Destiny has a calling on you regardless of what it is that you do I mean he's got a calling and a purpose on your life and you need to know the heavenly father your heavenly father speaks that over you today there's a verse in Colossians chapter 3 that says whatever you do work at it with all your heart once you say that last part with me out loud wherever you are as though you were working for the Lord and not for people because you're working for the Lord so whatever it is that you do in your life that's it you you're running your business you're doing it for the Lord right you're closing that deal you're doing it for the Lord you cleaning up the house after the kids it's as if you're cleaning up after Jesus now I know Jesus would not make a mess like your kids made a mess right but but you're doing it as unto the Lord whatever you do what you need to understand is it's holy when you do it for the Lord now we tend to separate things out in our life between um the sacred and the secular like we think things that are sacred are like coming to church like this and our Bible study and prayer time and that's that's holy right and then all the other stuff that we go do to the gym and grocery store and work that's secular but secular by definition means worldly or without God and the truth is there is no place on the earth that is has to be without God God can be with you every place you are everywhere you go you carry with you the very spirit of God in you so what you're doing is full of his purpose and full of life when you do it is on to the Lord and um I think his Earthly fathers we have the responsibility to Echo The Voice voice of God over our kids amen helping secure their identity and helping them know Dad that the uh the truest thing about them is what God says about them and you did that for me over and over again so that I knew that I was called of God and I'm watching you to do that over your son and your daughter so I I love that well you know dads the second thing that that Jude brings out to us here is for the calling of the father is not only help our children understand their calling but also for them to know God's love to know God's love and and here's what I know we were created to be loved yes it's in our DNA it's in our emotional spiritual DNA to receive love and and to be a Channel of giving that love and and fathers I want you to know it's our responsibility it's our responsibility to allow the love of God to flow through Us in such a rich way that our children experience the love not only of the Earthly father but it opens our hearts to receive the love of their heavenly father and they can know and experience that in their own life the Apostle Paul he does his best to try to describe that love when he says in Ephesians 3 17-19 I pray that you being rooted and established in love may have the power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God so men the more we allow the love of God to flow through us and our lives to our children that easier it is for our children to be open to experience his Divine love in their life and that love taught is transformational it is in their lives you know I I said this a little earlier about my dad my dad was a good man a hard-working man he expressed his love this family by providing for the family but he he grew up in a family that never expressed affection never said the words I love you didn't any of that stuff you know but praise God had a grandfather who who expressed that word and it was affectionate with me but but the one thing Dad did do to express his uh his love and supported me as as every football game he would show up now he was a truck driver he drove a big old uh Cummins diesel truck and he would drop his trailer somewhere not here I'd be waiting I'd be on a football field preparing for a game but I'd be waiting to hear the downshifting of that Cummins diesel truck coming that means dad was head and I knew dad was there so dad was there I'm ready to go so one night Todd we I was playing this game on a Friday night up in Southern Ohio and I had a really good game and for three quarters I I ran for 276 yards scored five touchdowns and uh I mean I was having a good game so when the game was over I ran right for my father like a little puppy dog and I'm a winning dad just to pet me and tell me good game he couldn't even tell me good game he pointed out the tackles I missed he pointed out the place I should have made a ball I dropped one pass I was telling him and I dropped and he was going on and on I mean Dad can't you just at least say good game son I mean I know we were playing rosarian School for the Blind but I had a good game come on come on dad give me some affirmation but but I was gravitating my my uh grandfather's family because that's where I got affirmed and people gravitate to that we all need affirmation and Men you may not have received it growing up but you need to learn how to give it to your children you need to speak that affirmation over your children you know even God the Father spoke the affirmation over Jesus that's right the son if you remember at the baptism of Jesus in the Jordan River by John the Baptist it says when he came up out of the water that the heavens opened up and in Matthew chapter 3 God's voice speaking says this is my son whom I love and with him I am well pleased leave that up for just a minute look at that it says this is my there's identity in that this is my son right right and then there's love declared whom I love and affirmation with him I am well pleased and I'm thinking if Jesus needed a declaration and affirmation of God's love over his life how much more do our kids need to hear that from us right and I think Dad I grew up so securing God's love because I was so secure in your love like I like I said never doubted that you loved me even when you had to um uh correct me and I felt your love on my backside you know what I'm talking about like I felt this he's got strong hands right somehow I still knew that you loved me like I still knew I think you got me in your arms after you had to like correct me and I would cry and look at and you were crying going I really just want you to know the difference between right and wrong and I'm like I know and I was wrong and so but I but the way you did it just helped me know I was securing God's love and I I think uh there's a lot of people that did not get that kind of love from their Earthly father so they can't imagine that their heavenly father loves them so unconditionally and so we have a tendency to perform a certain way to try to think if I do this then God's gonna like me but if I do these things then God's not going to like me anymore as if his love is conditional it's not his promises are but his love is unconditional nowhere in the Bible does it say his love is conditional in fact what's in the Bible in Jeremiah 31 3 God says I have loved you with a what look at that everlasting love with unfailing love I have drawn you to myself so God's love is Everlasting which means it's not going to run out God's love is unfailing it's it's it's you can depend upon it it's a chase you down kind of love it makes me think of um the story of The Prodigal Son you might remember that story uh the son asked his father for his inheritance before the fathers even died and he takes that money and he goes on the run and lives a wild life and then uh runs out of the money and finds himself without any friends or anybody and he's having to feed pigs for a living so you have a Jewish boy trying to feed pigs going so hungry that he ends up starting to eat what he's feeding the pigs he comes to his senses and says even the servants Back In My Father's House have better off than I do right so he decides I'm going to go back to my father not to be a son anymore because I've lost the right for that like what I've done is it's so bad it's so wrong that I he could never accept me back as his son but maybe he'll take me back his as a servant or as a slave and so he makes his way back home and he's rehearsing in his mind what he's going to say to his dad and it says in Luke 15 20 that while he the son was still a long way off the father saw him coming filled with love and compassion he ran to his son embraced him and kissed him and if you read the story The Son starts giving all these excuses for uh you know why he made this mistake and he doesn't want to be the son anymore the dad doesn't even listen to him doesn't even pay attention to what the son's saying he just tells the other servants hey go get the robe and bring me some sandals for my boy and he's hugging on his son and he says kill the fatty calf or my son has come home now the reason that Jesus teaches us this lesson is to help us get a clear picture that's right of your heavenly Father's Love For You that no matter what you've done nothing you can do can make him stop loving you he's going to come chasing you down to see as soon as he sees you turn towards you he's the father that's looking for you waiting for you right and in fact I believe some of you need to run home to the father on this Father's Day like there's a heavenly father that's waiting for you and today you're going to have a understanding of his love like maybe never before because you're never going to be able to be who you're supposed to be and love people and if you're a parent love your children the way you need to until you fully understand and embrace God's love for you in the same way that we as Earthly fathers have to communicate this this has been so communicated to us God loves you you're called you're loved and the third thing we learned there out of Jude is you are kept you're kept and John I want to make one more comment about the love part is that this no matter how old your children are they still need the father's words of affirmation and love yes and and I try to Todd when I communicate with you are are Julie or Noel or Jefferson or cast anyways I try to tell you every day I love you I try to close out my texts with love you dad I just want to keep speaking those words over you and if if you've not done that fathers you can start now okay it's never too late to become the man of God and the father that God has ordained you to be that's right okay let's jump into this last one real quick so Jude says to the called and loved by the father and kept by Jesus Christ I love that kept and kept our children need to know they are secure in Christ they are kept by Christ Todd as you know there's a spirit of anxiety that's loosened our culture today and it's attacking especially our children when you see what our teenagers are dealing with today and what everyone's dealing with today this whole challenge of anxiety it is the spirit it's a spirit that's going on and and I love the word of God is there to reinforce us and remind us that we are secure in Christ I love what the writer of Hebrews said it says in Hebrews 13 5 quoting really from the book of Deuteronomy where God says to his people I will never leave you and I will never forsake you the Holy Spirit has been given to us not only to guide us but to protect us and Empower us to face the challenges of life I also love what Paul says in Romans 8 31 he says and there if God before us who can mess with us that's coach's translation you know and then I love him in second Timothy here it is God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power love and that of self-control when we realize that we're kept by Christ then there is a confidence that comes over us that really God is there to sustain us and help us face every Challenge and overcome it we are more than conquerors through Christ who has saved us and greater is he that's within us than he that is within the world Amen now here I wrote a book one time Todd you know I'll call the confidence factor and I believe that confidence is The Winning Edge in life and when we have our confidence in Christ we really have The Winning Edge in life and then we can declare with Paul I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength you know Todd one of our our great athletes from our Port St Elizabeth campus was now visiting with me uh recently and and this was back really over a Christmas break and and he was sharing with some of the challenges having a college Series in the Big Ten uh plane he just you know his great athletic young man but then there he was telling me about some of the challenges with anxiety and the spirit of anxiety not only he but his other teammates are facing and so I shared with him this simple little message from Jude I said you're called you're loved you're kept and I said I want you to post this somewhere where you can see it every day and remind yourself of who you are in Christ you're called you're loved and you're kept and then the spirit of anxiety will have to flee from you when you recognize who you are in Christ and so um it was sometime later he sent me this photo from his dorm room with his teammate I want you to look at this they're standing there they posted this on a poster board I I'm called I'm loved and I'm kept now I don't know if you can see way down in the corner of that but it says do not erase I love this we're leaving it up and you know what we need to post this in our lives but most of all we need to post this on the hearts of our children's lives that they are called and loved by the father and they are kept by Jesus Christ yet I love that you uh you don't limit that voice of affirmation to just your biological children but you have echoed that just in that one example over you know thousands of people individually and then corporately but it teaches all of us that we have a beautiful opportunity to be that voice over the Sons and Daughters of this house remember in this race to get there first right there's some things that the world's not going to tell them that we got to tell them that we have to be the ones professing it and declaring it and prophesying to them so that that lands in their spirit in their heart because understanding who they are in Christ is going to be the foundation of the security of their life it's going to help them know that God is there God is for them God is with them ever ever present like he's the ultimate helicopter parent you know what I'm saying that's that's the that's our Heavenly Father I remember a story when um when Jefferson our son first started driving I uh both my prayer life and my insurance went up right you know the parents like I know can't believe it so we we spent those few months you know where you're driving together with the driving permit but the day came when he had to go solo and I remember we had driven back and forth between school and the house multiple times to make sure he would not get lost on the way and and at which intersections to avoid and so I released him on that day I'm like okay you've got this just text me when you get there and uh she texted when he got there and then when he was leaving I said text me so I know when you're coming home and he texted me uh when he was leaving and so he texted and said I'm leaving now I said okay well I knew that it took about 15 minutes to get from the school to our driveway in fact it actually took 14 minutes and 22 seconds I I yeah sorry I timed it and uh so after about I was home that day with Julie we're working on some things and I remember in about 15 minutes I realized he wasn't home I was like ah by 17 minutes my heart starts pumping I'm like what is going on right I'm getting a little nervous breaking out in a cold sweat by 18 minutes I'm calling him on the phone to go where are you like what's happened I didn't have a little tag on his car so I had no idea where he was yet I have that now um but so I rang and rang and rang I went to voicemail so now I'm really like freaking out like he's not picking up he's dead on the side of the road somewhere I've got to go find him so I leave Julie at home and I race over to the school I I drive through the school parking lot don't find his car anywhere meanwhile I'm calling him the whole time I'm looking down side roads wondering if he broke down on the side of the road checking all the routes expecting to see you know ambulances and fire trucks and fire rescues somewhere but I don't see anything so Julie calls me and she said maybe maybe he went to the gym because his gym is in between the house and the schools so I drove over to the gym ran inside looking around at people working out and he's not there they're thinking what is this man doing looking at us working out this is weird so I get back in my car to leave and as I'm driving out Jefferson was outside with a group of guys running they were jogging down the street so I'm racing by this this play and he sees me and I I see him looking at me like why are you here and I remember just going okay play cool play cool so I'm like hey and they just kind of like awkwardly drove off embarrassed thinking Todd you've got to cut the umbilical cord like this is like Let It Go but as I was reminded that is probably how God looks out over you not not the crazy worried freaking out part but the part of always there present right there if you need them Watching Over You watchful eye never going to leave you never going to forsake you he's got you he's he's watching you and with that sense of confidence that God is there for you you're able to face whatever it is that God has in front of you I want us to pray a couple prayers today on this Father's Day and Dad I I want to um I want you to first of all maybe pray over all the dads and the and the granddads and um spiritual dads in the house and that like you said it's never too late for us to to be who we're supposed to be and so maybe in all of these different areas there's an area you can work on and improve and pray for that that we would help our kids know who they are and then I want to pray a prayer over all the all the kids of the house which is us the kids of the heavenly father that we would understand who we are in Christ that we're loved and called and kept and if you're here today and maybe on this Father's Day you need to run home spiritually to your father and his arms are wide open yes what what better time than on Father's Day for you to get your relationship with your heavenly father right and so I'm going to pray that second prayer for you let's pray father we are so thankful For Your Divine love and you loved us so much that you gave your son Jesus so that we could know you in a true personal way and Lord that you have called each of us uniquely and I I pray God that we as as men and as fathers and grandfathers will understand the calling is Upon Our Life to help our children and grandchildren Embrace their calling and to help them to know your love as we love them and allow your love to flow through us and that they will find a confidence and Security in life knowing that Christ is with us he gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit to indwell us and to protect us and guide us and and guard Us in every step of our lives and I pray that we will take up our responsibility we will man up and become the men the fathers the grandfathers you've called us to be speaking over our children that they are called they are loved and they are kept in Jesus Christ and as we continue to pray Lord I just pray for every person here today and those joining online that Lord we would walk in the confidence an assurance of our Heavenly Father's Love over us today that that would bring a peace that anxiety would flee because we're kept in your hands that you're a watchful God that you care for us and that you love us and there's absolutely nothing we have to do to earn that love we just have to receive it and walk in it as your sons and daughters and we as we continue to pray with every head bow here today um for some of you you need to get your relationship with Jesus right you need to get a relationship with God the father right and that is through a relationship with Jesus and so uh maybe your relationship isn't where it needs to be I want to pray this prayer and if you would say Todd include me in this prayer that on this Father's Day I could get my relationship with my heavenly father right that I could accept his love and his grace in my life if that's you and you say include me in this prayer right where you are just raise your hand up let me see those hands yeah pull them up high all locations even online if you're joining with us just you're saying I want to get my relationship with God right today let's pray this prayer out loud and those of you with your hands up this is your prayer so you prayed just a little bit louder pray this after me say dear Lord Jesus dear Lord Jesus forgive me of all my sins give me of all my sins and go in my own way go on my own way Come Into My Life come into my life and be the Lord over my life be the Lord over my life and I will follow you and I will follow you the best I know how the best I know how the rest of my life for the rest of my life in Jesus name I pray Jesus name I pray amen come on let's take

Channel: Christ Fellowship Church

Views: 8,033

Keywords: christ fellowship, daddy issues, live church service

Id: cc-rC2VYkKE

Length: 34min 46sec (2086 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 18 2023