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the video but for now let's get on with how to let go from the philosophy of Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu was an ancient Chinese philosopher
who is known to be the founder of Taoism. He is also credited as the writer of Taoism’s
most sacred text, the Tao Te Ching, which is a collection of poems that includes all
of Taoism’s central teachings within their meanings. The word Tao itself also translates to ‘the
path’ or ‘the way.’ It is the way of the universe. Taoism as a philosophy focuses on being in
balance with the universe, going with the flow and finding your peace with whatever
circumstances you end up in. To do so, Taoism teaches you to let go so
you are indeed free to flow along with life and be in harmony with the universe which
is why in this video we will talk about 6 things we need to let go of and more importantly
how we can let them go from the wisdom of Lao Tzu. 1. Letting Go Of The Past
Lao Tzu says “New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings”. Letting go of pain or trauma is easier said
than done. Nobody carries it for fun, and it is not a
physical entity that we can indeed choose to put down and move on from. Instead, we have to learn how to deal with
pain in order to be able to let it go. For most people, although we carry our pain,
we feel too fragile to even face it. It bothers us, but we dare not confront it. For example, imagine someone who was mistreated
by their parents while growing up, and now they hate themselves, and thus continue to
seek the company of others to keep them feeling loved and wanted just in order to be able
to ignore the fact that they do not love themselves. As soon as they sit alone at home, the sadness
and grief hits them, thus they continue to find ways to be around people, and in doing
so may pick up some unwanted habits. We tend to avoid our pain and troubles. And by doing so, they always haunt us back. Taoism tells us that, instead of pushing it
away, we have to let our pain be in order to let it go. We need to acknowledge and confront it, and
then learn how to deal with it. Avoiding our pain is like clinging onto a
rock in a river trying to take us forward - we use all of our strength to stay exactly
where we are, afraid to go on. However, if we could just let go and let the
stream take us, we feel we can relax. The trip might be scary, new or confronting,
but it will eventually be less difficult and more rewarding. So, when we feel our pain or troubles announce
themselves to us, we should not ignore it but instead acknowledge it. Ask yourself: what am I feeling and why am
I feeling this way? Only by answering those questions can you
find the antidote to your pain. The person who needs constant reassurance
and love from others has to learn how to be alone and enjoy their own company. This will be hard, but by ceasing to find
constant distractions in others, they might start to pick hobbies like reading or painting
that will allow them to enjoy themselves for who they are or get to know and appreciate
their own insights instead of the insights of others. Only by letting our emotions about the past
be, can we eventually let the past go. This will bring us the rest and freedom needed
to live our lives to the fullest. 2. Letting Go Of The Future
According to Lao Tzu “A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving”. A good traveler is not preoccupied with the
destination, for then they would not be able to enjoy the trip. This is the same for life: if we are preoccupied
with the future, we find ourselves unable to enjoy life itself. Most people today are so very preoccupied
with the future that they forget to enjoy their time here and now - and they will do
so until there is no future to prepare for anymore. When we focus on our future and all its possible
appearances, we often get anxious. We start to worry and feel on edge. This greatly impacts our ability to enjoy
life the way it is. If during a walk you are busy worrying about
things like Will I ever be able to afford a house? Will I be able to travel when I want to? Will I ever find love? All these worries impact our happiness and
ability to relax. You won’t enjoy the beautiful things you
encounter on your walk. The more we focus on our hypothetical future,
the less we can enjoy the present. Moreover, the more we prepare for future performances,
the worse we perform in the present. You cannot be the student, employee, friend,
mother, partner, and so on that you want to be, if your mind is elsewhere. Taoism, instead urges you to let go of your
future expectations and learn how to be in the now. One of the ways to stop obsessing over the
future is simply by appreciating what is already there. Imagine someone who keeps thinking about wanting
to own a house in the future. By focusing too much on this hypothetical
outcome, they are probably not focused at all on their current living situation. They might not buy nice furniture for their
current place or put any effort into decorating it, because it is only meant to be temporary,
so why does it matter? They might never consider it home because
they are so focused on their non-existent future home. This means that if they find themselves unable
to move or buy a house, any enjoyment of their current living situation seems lost. Even if they do manage to buy a house in the
future, they will have spent all their time before that not enjoying their living situation
even though they could have. Instead, if they allowed themselves to embrace
their current accommodation as if this is all they will ever have, they would have all
the freedom in the world to make it a nice, comfortable place worthy of calling home and
enjoying. And then, if they do ever manage to buy a
house, they will simply move on from enjoying one place to another one, instead of having
felt out of place for years. The advice is not to never work for the future,
but to never do it in such a way that it completely blocks you from enjoying the present. Only if we allow ourselves to let go of our
expectations of the future can we stop feeling anxious and enjoy the present. 3. Letting Go Of Someone
Lao Tsu once wrote “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever
way they like”. We all have to lose people during our lifetime,
be it through distance, a breakup, a change of circumstances, or even death. The process of losing people hurts and hurts
even more when we cannot seem to let the person we lost go. In relationships, we often act in contrast
to what Taoism preaches. We cling onto our partners, feel attached
and hold on tight. For example, when a relationship is going
badly, many partners have the intuition to be more present, more confronting and more
active within the relationship. However, this can feel controlling and pressuring
for their partner, only worsening the tension. However if they learn how to take a step back
and allow their partner their own space to breathe, they feel more free and relaxed to
take further steps within the relationship. Holding onto a partner is like holding onto
sand: the more you squeeze it, the more it slips through your fingers. Instead, partners who allow each other their
own space and lives have the best relationships. Furthermore, a rejection and breakup are often
seen as tragedies - something to be avoided at all costs. Think of people fighting tooth and nail to
keep their relationship afloat when it is clearly making both partners unhappy, or of
people trying again and again to ask someone out who’s already expressed disinterest. Actually, being able to let go of a potential
partner can be the very best thing to do for your own growth and happiness. There is a story in Taoism of a Taoist sage
named Zhuangzi. He was taking a walk in the mountains when
he encountered a thick and crooked tree. By the tree, Zhuangzi met a lumberjack who
refused to cut it down. ‘It is worthless,’ the lumberjack explained. ‘There is nothing this tree could be used
for!’ To this, Zhuangzi said, ‘Well, because of
its worthlessness, this tree can now continue to grow and live out its years peacefully.’ In other words: its uselessness to the lumberjack
was a blessing for the tree. The same can be said for the rejections we
encounter throughout our lives. The tree was rejected by the lumberjack and
consequently got the freedom and space to grow old and more beautiful. Whenever we are deemed unfit or not good enough
by someone else and they reject us, they also give us the space to spend more time with
ourselves and grow. Every minute not spent with someone who is
not right for us is a minute we can invest in ourselves. In this way, we can see rejection as a blessing
in disguise. This knowledge might make it easier for us
to let the one who rejected us or broke up with us go. We can either keep chasing them, only to be
disappointed and worn out, or accept their rejection as an invitation to work and focus
on ourselves. Not all people are good for each other, just
like the lumberjack and the tree were not right for each other. By focusing on ourselves and our growth instead,
we can learn how to let go of someone else. The same can be said for more intense cases
of letting go, such as having to let someone go due to life circumstances or even death. Although these scenarios do not generally
mean that you are better off alone, it is still possible to find your peace with these
losses. This is important, because if you do not find
your peace with these losses, you will always fight against the circumstances of life and
exhaust yourself by being unhappy. Taoism believes that life is a series of natural
and spontaneous changes and if we resist, we will suffer. Birth, life and death are just other changes
in the world that one has to deal with, and some changes are less desirable than others. If you’re a big fan of summertime, for example,
you’re unlikely to be happy when autumn starts. However, the very best you can do is just
accept the end of summer because such a thing was inevitable and is now unchangeable. Similarly, death is inevitable. You must face your grief and sorrow and learn
how to deal with it. For example, you may find that journaling,
talking to others about memories, honoring their hobbies or favorite music by engaging
with it, recounting your happiest memories with them, or anything else, may help. But in order to be able to do any of this,
one must face and accept that their loved one is gone. If you eventually accept a loss, you will
also find you have more room and energy to move forward with life and to allow yourself
to feel happy again. 4. Letting Go Of The Desire to Rush Things
According to Lao Tzu “He who rushes ahead doesn’t go far”. One of the most famous taoist concepts is
the concept of Wu Wei. Wu Wei is best understood as ‘non-forcing.’ To understand this concept, think of floating
along with the current of a river. If you do nothing and do not force anything,
you will simply be taken along with the current to where you will eventually need to be. A lot of people, however, do apply force. Maybe they swim in order to get there faster,
wasting their precious energy and failing to enjoy the trip. Or they swim against the current, desperate
to get back to the past, which is exhausting and will not lead to any lasting results. Or they cling onto a rock or branch in order
to stay right where they are, too scared to move on, which is similarly exhausting and
will never bring you to better circumstances. This river is a metaphor for the course of
life. Any force you try to apply to the way your
life is going, will be exhausting, hard and ultimately pointless. If you have mastered Wu Wei, however, you
will allow yourself to let the river take you with it without fuss - you will accept
any changes life throws at you and simply move along with it. This ‘non-forcing’ approach to life is
incredibly hard for most people, because society often teaches us that life consists of moving
fast! Society tells you to work hard, create your
own chances, be faster than anyone else, and do more, more and more. If you want a certain job, go for it! If you want to be in a relationship, go on
as many dates as you can! In most cases, this will eventually lead to
people forcing circumstances that they or their lives have no room for yet. It is a recipe for burnout, exhaustion and
disappointment. The more you try and fail to control, the
more powerless you will feel. Typically, someone who desperately wants a
relationship goes on loads of dates and, as the saying goes, puts themselves out there. But how often have we heard of people who
always go on dates or hop from relationship to relationship or even get married too fast
and divorced soon after? They virtually always end up single, no matter
how hard they try forcing a different path for themselves. Instead, Taoism teaches us that we need to
let go of the rush and acknowledge the natural course of things. Practicing wu wei, however, doesn’t mean
that by passively letting go, everything will fall into your lap. Taking action is vital to achieving anything
but our actions need to be coupled with an acknowledgement of the natural course of things. Nothing can happen earlier or later than it
should have. Using the previous example, If none of your
relationships work out, maybe it is because you are not ready for a relationship. Some people need to learn how to be single
and love themselves first, or change their behavior or mindset in order to be able to
be a good partner. If you always keep forcing yourself to enter
new romantic scenarios, you will never find out what it is that needs to change. But on the other hand, when you let go of
your desire to control things and instead go with the flow, trust in your progress,
you become more confident and in time, you will attract the right partner. 5. Letting Go Of Excess
In the words of Lao Tzu “Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you”. Taoism believes the world itself is in perfect
balance and perfect connection with itself. This means that if we take more of the world
than we need, we are disturbing this balance - not just the balance of the world, but also
the balance within ourselves. In our competitive and work-oriented society,
we work to be promoted, to afford more, to be able to move into a bigger house, etc. This means we work extremely hard and stress
ourselves out to attain status, money and goods that we do not even necessarily need
and spend our entire lives being out of balance, on the verge of burnout, for nothing. Even when you find yourself at the top, being
surrounded by everything you’ve wished for, you have to keep on working just as hard not
to lose any of it - and the fear of losing it only adds to the stress. The more we have, the more we usually want. For someone with ten cars, it becomes very
tempting to want to buy an eleventh. Furthermore, it does feel important to note
that this chasing of excess not only negatively impacts the individuals who do so, but also
the world around them. Think of overproduction, food waste, environmental
issues, and so on. It wouldn’t be just ourselves and our environment
that would benefit from moderation, but also the entire world. To live moderately, we can start by asking
ourselves the question: “What do I truly need?” When shopping, cleaning, celebrating, or even
working, ask yourself “What is enough to satisfy my true needs?” This can take effect in a variety of ways. You may find you don’t need to run the tap
when brushing your teeth, or you don’t need to cook as much because you’re not that
hungry. Furthermore, we can also be more mindful of
what the world needs. When you’re done using particular clothes,
you can choose to donate them instead of throwing them away. When considering getting rid of something
you don’t use, you could consider recycling it. By living this way you will find that you
are balanced and this balance will make you feel less stressed and more relaxed. When you are satisfied with less, you are
more satisfied in general. The Tao urges you to think about what you
need, what you truly use, and how you can fulfill those needs in the least excessive
ways. When our happiness doesn’t depend on excess,
we are less likely to lose it. 6. Letting Go Of Your Ego
In our final quote from Lao Tzu for this video, he says “The ego is entranced by ... names
and ideas... However names and concepts only block your
perception of this Great Oneness”. Taoism believes that everything is connected. We are connected to the universe but the universe
does not consist of names and permanent attributes. Instead, it changes and shifts with the times. The same goes for us: so how could we ever
identify with all our impermanent attributes and flow along with the universe? Quite simply, we can’t. Thus focusing solely on one’s ego makes
one blind to the greater picture of connection and oneness. Focusing on our ego leads to overidentifying
with unimportant aspects of ourselves. Our jobs, hobbies, status, possessions and
appearances are not a clear picture of who we are. This means that ourselves, as we see it, are
dependent on things that are impermanent. What if you lose your job, interest in a hobby,
status, possessions or looks? Do you stop being you? Of course not. But if we have been overly focused on our
ego, we might feel like we do. Thus we become obsessed with remaining the
same, with holding onto those things that we think define us. This causes stress, worry and resistance. It is, again, like holding onto a branch with
all our might to avoid being taken along the course of the river - just because we have
convinced ourselves that we are a type of person who belongs in this part of the river
only. We will never see the scenery beyond the part
of the river where we force ourselves to stay, no matter how beautiful it might be around
the corner. If we learn to recognize the beauty in impermanence,
change, and flow, we will find that letting go of our ego is freeing. It will not feel like a loss, but like a gain. It will teach us to find peace and happiness
wherever and however we end up, no matter what. Letting go of your ego is akin to ‘letting
go of who you are, so that you can become who you might be’, as a famous quote by
Lao Tzu says. Being who you are is not something you can
chase or permanently achieve, but just something you are continuously becoming. Thus, when you manage to let go of your ego,
you can learn how to find and know yourself in whatever circumstance. You will be at harmony with the universe in
a way which you could not before. And, most importantly, rather than being stressed
and struggling, you will find yourself relaxed and at peace. As mentioned at the beginning, this video
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