How to kill your body language Frankenstein and inspire the villagers: Scott Rouse at TEDxNashville

you okay when you meet someone and you're talking to somebody or you're in conversation with someone how do they let you know that they're interested in what you have to say they smile at you and let's say you're an entrepreneur and you have an idea and you're pitching it to an investor how do you know that the investor isn't into your idea halfway through the pitch what is his body language say I'm not into it now see do it he crosses his arms or she crosses her arms now we see someone like this guy so what it doesn't like if somebody's angry with you you know it because they show it in their face these are the simple body language things that we all know now who tells us these things they're simple they seem like we all know them but who tells us what these are who's your advisor on this well today I'm going to give you some information that's going to change every interaction you have with every person you come in contact with from this day forward for the rest of your life now if you share this information with your friends and your family and the people you love the most then maybe today we in this room can change the world just a little bit for the better do you ready here we go now over here we have everything the average person thinks they know about body language over here we have everything that research in science tells us about by language the facts now over here we have everything the average person thinks they know 87% of this information is incorrect science and research 100% correct the facts now in these two things come together they crash into each other and they cause miscommunications and misunderstandings with all kinds of people and it can happen to you and I'm sure it does at work or at home at church or even when you're sitting in audience so when that happens it could be really a big problem personally and in some cases depend on situation you can be huge problem globally let's say you've got a couple of world leaders in the same room when they're talking and one of them makes two or three bad decisions about the other ones body language that can be a huge problem for all of us now the last three months to death three months the United States has spent over a million dollars on Putin's body language trying to decide what he's thinking what is going to do next especially with this crimean situation going on now that's a big deal that's a huge deal and that says every bit of information about body language that you are exposed to should be true everything that you learn and take and use as tools for yourself that stuff's got to be correct or there'll be problems now who do you get your information from who's the advisor you use for your body language every person in this room has created their very own body language Frankenstein hmm but no so what is that by language Frankenstein is an imperfect advisor and vertically created by an incomplete understanding of body language so in other words if somebody you've got telling you about body language they really know what they're talking about much about it so how did you create this well let's say you go to meeting and you see somebody crossing her arms what you saw on TV or you heard somebody say I know what that means they're not into what I'm saying their arms across they're closed off to what I have to say they don't they're not into it okay well that's not true every time you see that it could be somebody if they could be cold it could be fat like me just like you enjoy it's easy to put your arms up rinse and relax so it doesn't mean that for everybody every time so you take those alarms off and you put them up here on your body language Frankenstein now has arms you see somebody stand like this and people that stand like this usually our law enforcement police officers stand this way and people in the military stand this place is called legs akimbo now that keeps them on balance all you'll see martial arts people do as well because you can and they're pretty much on balance the whole time and that's why idea plus it gives them the effect that yeah I'm in charge in control so your brain serve your body length and says or probably brain says I see somebody standing like that I know what that means and it doesn't mean that maybe somebody just confident maybe that's just the way they stand doesn't mean they're being aggressive doesn't mean they're me so now I've got a pair of legs for you body language Frankenstein now let's say you ask somebody a question and we know they look down to the left before the answer they're lying because we saw it on TV we saw in that movie because they're accessing a part of their brain that says that helps them to create a story and lie to you but that's not true what if you're left-handed are you going to look down to the right maybe when people are asked a question you how they look around if you ask about colors usual luck it up you'll look up into the left a little bit if you ask about sound you look up them to the right a bit a little bit usually that's most people but not everybody there are no absolutes in this so you think you know what's happening so we've got a pair of eyes they go with your body language Frankenstein now once you start collecting all this information you get enough about it get a brain and a mouth so once you get that it's still all this information that you've gathered little bits and pieces and parts of body language this thing starts telling you what it thinks is going on and most of it so it's partially true but not all of its really you know completely hundred percent true so once this happens you've created a monster of your own it sits right in here all day long hey man guess what it does that to your friends and your family and your loved ones the people you work with and we all know when you create a monster you can't have a monster without some angry villagers now your villagers are the people that are in your life again people you love people you hang out with your family your friends and the ones that are the angry ones the upset ones are the ones you've you've made these bad decisions about because of body language because your body language Frankenstein now let's talk about this girl's picture again your body language Frankenstein told you she glad to see or she was happy she was smiling she is but check this out back in the late 1800s there was a guy named Duchene de Bologna French fella and his study in science was for facial expressions and and what the face looked like when you're a happy sad and he's specialized in found out about specific things that told you when someone's smiling for real or if it was a fake smile so they found out that the fake smile was the one who looks you know the say cheese don't so he says chase changes her you've seen it from every 1470 grow kid on vacation is you know the beach so that's their that's what that looks like now the real one you see it you see someone smile a real smile when they're happy when they've been told some good news or they've heard something funny now check out these two girls the one on the right is the one you saw the picture and she's smiling let's say cheese smile and her sister is smiling real smile she actually said something funny to her sister they were told to look at the camera and smile and a little girl says something to her sister they're twins and the other one thinks it's funny and she keeps smiling now we know this because Duchene found out that when you smile the little muscles around the eyes when they close like this they do something different at the very edges when they wrinkle now a real smile is going to go all the way up it's going to wrinkle from the outside in like this when you do a fake smile your face just going to smile it's going to push them up so it's a very different look on your face see the difference in the two girls there is dramatic now also Duchene found that when you have a real smile you smile really wide the reason being for the fake smile is you just kind of push your mouth open huh I'm going to take my pictures you take your picture when you're really happy these muscles here also pull on your mirror face in your mouth as well as push it and it makes little corners you mouth go up so there's a dramatic difference in those two you can see the two the difference in the two let's talk about this guy again this guy I took this picture it's a friend of mine we're watching somebody pitch as they're pitching this guy crosses his arms about halfway through the pinch and it's not because he's not into the idea he loved the idea was because it was cold in there this guy's watching he thinks he's not into the pitch now one thing it tells you that not only is it cold in there but he was really into it his arms are really really tight now if they weren't really really tight he would be not really that into because he just crossed his arms because he's bored his head would be about looking straight ahead not straight up it would be headed at an angle like this way and then not like the listening angle but back into the right just touch and that means that he's a little bit bored but his line of sight is right the guy pitching at the pitch screen now if you remember nothing else but this little piece of information will give you watch someone's feet if I'm talking to you and and my feet are pointing right at you you got me I'm listening I'm like yeah tell me all about it but if you're talking to someone on their feet a point toward the door that's where the brain is where if their feet are pointing is where your brain is pointing so you've seen people in meetings or at the office that giving the day's almost over the meeting is almost over they'll be sitting like this almost in the runners position because that's where their brain is for the door now where else to body language mistakes and and the things that aren't true come from Oz get a little heat for this one but it comes from body language experts and presentation coaches you really haven't done there but their research they may even have a degree but they haven't been doing research for the past few years they'll see some on the internet and say hey looks good the main we'll put in the class so the big one the big the telltale sign of that is called the rule of communication of seven 3855 rule and what that says is this and it looks good because got a chart so your body language Frankenstein goes this is great but remember this is not true everybody thinks is I've heard people walk away from this is a oh I didn't know our communication with seven percent would of talking communication fully they say is seven percent of it is the words you use thirty-eight percent of it is a tone of voice you use and fifty five percent of it is the body language you use and when you hear that at first it does make sense you go huh it's a chart it does look scientific again you're but you by the language Frankenstein goes looks good to me in you should do this you know grant we're down but that's not true because if it were true that would mean ninety-three percent of communication was your body language and I could say let's say hey and I just said hey why don't you come up here I'll cut your head off and then I'll buy us all lunch and it's all on me let's not go to you so could be a good show stick around so I kept hearing this one guy's name connected with this Albert Mehrabian this was years ago so I called them up he was the professor at UCLA at the time psychology and I said hey but so it's just this body language thing with person he said listen they've got it wrong they're not doing it right what they've come up with I did two studies and the percentages that you put together at the end of the two studies they've combined those and come up with this number and it's wrong it has nothing to do with body language his studies had to do with the voice in the face and the tone of voice it's a long story we should google it it's a great thing but I can't give it all to you right now so anyway well that information is wrong in that in the seven 3855 rule so don't forget that when somebody comes on like this is true here's what it is if they're like again a body language coach or presentation coach they're not lying to you they just hadn't done the research speaking elias who's the most famous liar of all time it's not clinton it's not oj start Nixon it's not Hitler I was shocked to the core when I found out that it wasn't max wife snobby ex-wife I'm ready it's not it's not it's not it's not so who's the most famous liar of all time this man because we knew his village knew when he lied his nose grew but they didn't know it until somebody else in the village told him I was going on hey man oh you see that wooden kid kid made out of wood with a red pants a little hipster hat when he lies nose Groves hand to God what we told me a little cricket burned up so we didn't know what that was until so they didn't know these the villagers didn't know what that was until somebody told them and the same thing was this man let's go back and let's talk about what your body's language Frank Stein told you about him and said this guy's angry you know don't get around him he's mad he's not this guy's this close to crying if you look right here that's called the grief muscle it makes a little upside-down horseshoe and when that happens it usually happens with with women when they've lost a child or if a mate has been with somebody very long time they lose their mate or if you lose a pet and spend with your very really long time you'll see that as well sometimes you'll see if someone's been shot if they're in a car wreck no a lot of pain but mostly you see it when someone's grieving so he told you wrong on that one so there are three great examples of your body language Frankenstein telling you something that's you think is true it's things is true when in reality it has nothing to do with what's actually going on so how do you kill your body language Frankenstein you stop listening to them it's that simple and you realize that body language as many pieces in that puzzle there's not just one piece of that puzzle that says this is a fact this happens that everybody does this they cross their arms every time they're they want to distance themselves from you every time they lie to you they scratch their nose there is no absolute in body language so to really understand someone into to really communicate with somebody and listen to them communicate to you the key is you listen with your ears but you listen with your eyes and you listen with you've got and you listen with your heart this is a big picture so if you do that maybe you'll inspire your villagers and they'll do that and they'll inspire their villagers and they'll do that and they'll inspire their villagers which would mean that today we started change the world just a little bit right here thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 446,848

Keywords: Body Language, English, tedx talks, Communication, ted, TEDxNashville, ted talks, tedx, United States Of America (Country), Nonverbals, TEDx, Nashville, tedx talk, ted talk, ted x

Id: Ro2dgzXKJfQ

Length: 16min 37sec (997 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 30 2014