How to get your loved one with dementia to go to a nursing home EVEN when they don't want to go

welcome back care Blazers in today's video we are going to talk about what you can do to help get your loved one into the car and into the nursing homes so last week's video we talked about the struggle and just making the decision of whether or not your loved one needs for nursing home care today's video is going to be all about what to do to helps get your loved one into nursing home care because I'm sure as many of you have experienced or are currently experiencing just because you've made the decision doesn't mean your loved one is going to necessarily be happy about it and be willing to go [Music] so after you've made the decision to put your loved one in a nursing home you've researched all of the different nursing home options you've decided on the one you figured out the finances what insurance and Medicare will pay you've figured out that you can legally make the decision to put your loved one in a nursing home if they don't want to go after all of that hard work it's not over you've got to actually get your loved one to get in the car and go so I'm going to share a couple of tips with you that have been helpful to other care Blazers okay the approach that you take in order to get your loved one to go to a nursing home really depends on several things first it depends on their personality it also depends on their level of cognitive impairment so somebody with more mild dementia and kind of knows more about what's going on they may not be as willing to go as somebody who is so severely impaired they may not even understand what's going on and their surrounding so the approach that you take the specific tips that you find helpful that I talked about you're going to have to pick and choose based on what you know about your loved one let's start with the most simple approach first and that is to talk to your loved one now again this one is probably good for somebody who has more mild dementia and might be able to engage in the conversation maybe even getting into the moderate stage but basically this is where you sit down with your loved one and tell them what's going on you don't just say hey I'm putting you into a nursing home get in the car and let's go you talk to them so one care player in particular her husband she's caring for her husband looks dementia and he did not want to go to a nursing home and she did not want to put him in a nursing home and for years and years she did everything for him took care of him but it really started to get to the point where it was really dangerous for him he was finding his insulin and taking too much of it he was falling every day multiple times a day she was just unable to keep up with it so her heart was broken that she was going to have to place her husband in a nursing home who they talked with each other earlier in the disease about how they didn't want to make that happen but what happened with her as she sat her husband down she told him the reasons why she felt like it was time for nursing home care because she couldn't keep him safe her health was declining and she didn't want to see anything horrible happened to him in the home because he's had some pretty bad Falls and he still did not like the decision to go to a nursing home but he was able to hear her out and they were able to have a decent conversation and she really took time to answer his questions she took time to pay attention to his underlying emotion again that something so important is just to listen to your loved one not necessarily even their words but more the feelings behind the words the anxiety about going somewhere new the fear about not even knowing what the place is going to be like so she took time to address those feelings she told him she was going to visit him that she would take him out on day trips that she was going to make sure it would be a place that they were both okay with and he could even go with her to tour the place for her and her husband this was a good decision and it was able to work for them but keep in mind he still wasn't happy with it but he was able to sit down and have that conversation and for that care boys or in particular that was enough to get him into the car and move into the nursing home on moving day now another care glazier in particular was caring for her father and no matter which way you sliced it or presented it her father was not having it he did not want to go to a nursing home and in fact he would get quite agitated and angry at the mention of even having to go to a nursing home but it was really getting to the point where it was completely unsafe for him to be at home anymore so with this particular care glazier we talked about different options that she could consider and some of these you could consider as well so for example she talked about telling her father he had a doctor's appointment and the doctor's appointment was at this new place and so the new could have been the nursing home so she toyed around that idea in her mind she toyed around with the idea of telling her father that she had to go out of town for a couple of weeks and that she wasn't going to be home in order to care for him and so for that couple of weeks he had to go stay somewhere temporarily until she came back she also toy around with the idea of telling her father it was a trial period that it was just going to be for a week or two just to see how he how he liked it there was plenty of friends new social activities everything would be provided for him he'd have his own space and she told around was just telling him hey you'll be there for a week or two see how you like it if not you can come back home and she also toyed around with the idea of telling him that there was going to be a study a research study and she was you know he would be a participant in it to help research dementia and other types of things there was a lot of different ideas floating around in her mind but the thing that she struggled with the most about all of these ideas is that they were all lies it wasn't going to be temporary unless the nursing home was completely awful not a good fit for her father in which case she would just find another nursing home but her own health was to the point where she can no longer take care of her father and her own family was feeling neglected and starting to have some difficulty because she wasn't having a lot of time for her own kids and her own husband not to mention she was kind of on thin ice with her work for taking off so many days and in the middle of the day to respond to emergencies with her father so for all of these reasons you know she knew she had to get her father in a nursing home but he was never going to go willingly and she was trying to come up with ways to get him to go so in case you missed it I did do a video on why it is okay to lie to your loved one with dementia when the underlying motivation for lying is actually providing them at the best care and keeping in mind their feelings and safety so if you missed that I'll link to it here in this video but in this particular situation she struggled with it and she had to figure out what lie she was going to tell her father to get into a nursing home now the important thing if you have to go this route is to really be clear with yourself be honest with yourself about the reason and you're putting your loved one in a nursing home because it's going to get ugly it's going to get hard especially when you finally get your loved one into a nursing home and then they're constantly asking for the first couple of weeks to come home that's heartbreaking so you just have to really keep in mind and be clear what's the reason you're doing this and for this particular care blazer it was her own health it was her own family relationship it was her own financial stability in her own job all things that are very important long after her loved one her father would pass away okay so she had to get really clear on that before she chose which option she wanted to do now the other thing to keep in mind when it gets to the point that you're ready to put your loved one into the car and go to a nursing home you may want to consider having somebody go with you so that it's not just you and your loved one not only can that other person help with any anxiety or irritability that might come along the way in that car ride and with the whole introduction to the nursing home but not only is this an emotional experience for your loved one with dementia but it's an emotional experience for you and it's nice to have that support on the way there while you're there in the nursing home and on the way home so I would encourage you to take a trusted family member or friend somebody who's really supportive of you in the situation and bring them along for the ride all right carefully there's I hope this video has been helpful to you feel free to leave a comment below and tell me about what you are thinking about doing or have done in particular for your loved one in order to get them into a nursing home and in case you haven't heard I made a 29 page care glazier Survival Guide filled with tips and helpful information to help you take care of your loved one with dementia without going crazy and without neglecting every area of your life so if you're interested in getting that free care glazier guide click on the link below and stay tuned for next week's where I will talk about what you can do to help make the transition to nursing home easier so after you get your loved one into a nursing home or even a little bit before you get your loved one into a nursing home how can you make it so that they are going to be more comfortable in that nursing home than they're there all right carefully there's intimacy [Music] [Music]

Channel: Dementia Careblazers

Views: 68,649

Keywords: dementia behaviors, careblazers, dementia caregiver stress, dementia struggles, dementia nursing home placement, dementia careblazers, force someone with dementia to move, how to get someone with dementia to go to a nursing home, should i put my loved one in a nursing home, how to put someone with dementia in a nursing home, natali edmonds, dr. natali, dementia and nursing homes

Id: gfjARly-TsY

Length: 10min 17sec (617 seconds)

Published: Sun May 28 2017