How to embrace complexities in your identity | LaShawna (Dean) Moyle | TEDxWesternIowaTech

[Applause] thank [Applause] you as stated by Beverly Danielle Tatum the concept of identity is a complex one shaped by individual characteristics family Dynamics historical factors and social and political contexts who am I the answer depends on large part who the world around me says I am who do my parents say I am who do my peers say I am what message is reflected back to me in the faces and voices of my teachers my neighbors and store clerks what do I learn from the media about myself how am I represented in the cultural images around me or am I missing from the picture altogether biracial having parents or ancestors from different racial or ethnic backgrounds deriving from or made up of two races also referred to as mixed in 2020 the percentage of white PE excuse me of people who reported multiple races changed more than all of the race alone groups increasing from 2.9% or about 9 million people in 2010 to 10.2% of the population are about 33.8 million people in 2020 I'm biracial my father black my mother white my parents divorced when I was eight my mother raised me my white mother so why the emphasis on white mother because I was raised in white culture appearing as I do I grew up with access to a multitude of things various forms of Social Capital social supports opportunities don't get me wrong we struggled financially but we were advanced V aged on the paternal side of things my father had an eighth grade education my grandmother was unlettered meaning that she never learned to read or write she never learned to drive either I have been referred to as a zebra an Oreo as high yellow I've been told that I have good hair I've been told that upon the announcement of my status as a utero that the idea of a mixed grandchild was appalling and unacceptable within the family system I was othered before I was born my very existence pushes the boundaries of race I do not fit into any box I disrupt the dichotomy of black and white my existence is a resistance to the idea of race so I cut all of my good hair off I speak about colorism I talk about race I talk about diversity and inclusion I have given birth to two wonderful children who are one quarter black again disrupting the dichotomy I date men of various racial and ethnic backgrounds I am an example of exogamy further I disrupt the ideas of exceptionalism and tokenism because I recognize them I talk about them I refuse to be better than them I refuse to be successful simply due to my racial identities daughter a girl or woman in relation to one or both of her parents so I'm firstborn Generation X though depending on chart you look at they may name me as Millennial geriatric that is however I claim Gen X so again contrary in my birth date as well I'm the only child to my father I was also introduced to my first addicted loved one upon my entry into the world my daddy first grandchild on my mother's side yeah yeah we know where this is going I'm the oldest my parents were involved in an interracial relationship they were naive and in love they married young I was the product contrary to that I've occupied the role of stepdaughter this is defined as a daughter of one's wife or husband by a former partner I eventually became part of a blended family ability in the United States more than 48.9 million folks have at least one form of disability that's one in five Americans y'all amblyopia also known as lazy ey is characterized by the misalignment of the eyes where one eye may turn in out up or down causing the brain to favor the other eye this is a vision disorder that typically develops in early childhood as it did for me lazy eye is present in approximately 2 to 4% of the United States population terrible I am still not comfortable with this identity I struggle and I struggle and I struggle with it however I've become a public speaker I do this for a living literally I began performing at a young age gymnastics band choir Color Guard dance cheer very visible activities in fact I've been on a stage of some sort as long as I can remember standing in front of people while Dawning a lazy eye is frightening being asked to take a photo oh my gosh my hands are sweating I continue to work on this sister a a female who has the same parent as another person so my only sibling a brother is 11 years younger than I am he has a different father than I do a white father Yes sha my beloved brother is a white man he and I are on two extremely different life Journeys for many reasons but it's not uncommon for children to live with siblings who share just one biological parent in fact one in six children under 18 live with a half sibling according to the US Census Bureau I pose yet another contradiction here as I have been welcomed to a sister Circle none of these women are blood relatives they are in fact fictive kin choosing to be part of The Sisterhood while contrary to the idea of family via bloodline is one of the the best contradictions that I am part of it is not without its challenges however but I make the choice to sustain this connection each and every day woman typically refers to an adult female typic excuse me generally expected to dress in typically feminine ways and be polite accommodating and nurturing I have long been this person this woman feminine ladylike the Damsel in Distress dependent on other people for approval especially that of men somewhat quiet even maybe a touch submissive what Society views as appropriate for a woman I have often presented myself in a palatable manner I'm thin pretty well-dressed I've been named as articulate I've been kind and caring people pleasing often to my own detriment I've also fallen into the idea that women should compete with one another that we should gossip and be caddy as I continue to evolve I understand that I have been held down by these descriptors and behaviors I have operated as a stifled woman for years I have been constrained I have struggled with confidence body image saying no setting boundaries so many internal sacrifices so many conflicts I have essentially denied parts of myself due to the ideas of what a woman should be however Womanhood involves the assertion of agency and empowerment allowing individuals to make choices about their lives their bodies careers and relationships this empowerment often involves cha challenging societal norms advocating for gender equality and supporting other women these qualities represent a rejection of societal constraints and Embrace of personal freedom and autonomy being Unapologetic liberated empowered and assertive involves living authentically and confidently without fear of judgment or reprisal I now describe myself as this woman authentic independent vocal assertive liberated empowered and Unapologetic I wear big bold bright colors sequins puffed sleeves funky patterns I wear tennis shoes with professional attire large Gody earrings I say things that go against the grain I call people out on their expectations of me and of others I no longer people please by default mother a woman in relation to her child or children I became a mother at the tender age of 20 my son was born first a daughter almost four years later my children present differently my son has a complexion that favors my own he's seen as a black man my daughter passes for white meaning that visibly she does not exert much melanin she does she struggles with reconciling herself as black to Aid them along their Journeys I have had to advise them differently my son the talk interactions with law enforcement clothing attire use of language the perceptions of others my daughter beauty standards the pay Gap shaming body autonomy and friendships the list goes on and on though very different both of these convers conversations have centered on identity again I push back against the norm here as a mother maintaining an openness with both of my children no matter their differences this is my favorite identity wife a married woman considered in relation to her spouse y'all I finally found my person someone to share with build a home a family a teammate a partner new experiences security we were so good together parented two extremely involved children concerted cultivation we stepped in as coaches and Troop leaders we served as the carpool parents we were it the ideal family I come from a long line of addiction as it turns out I Married an addict he relapsed after 15 years of sobriety we had never seen him an active addiction over 20 million Americans suffer from a substance use disorder less than 10% of these folks will seek help addiction is brutal y'all addiction involves exactly the opposite of everything marriage represents instead of operating as a unit as one addiction undermined the foundations of trust communication and mutual support and these are essential for a strong and healthy relationship our marriage very quickly became characterized by infidelity research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25% of married men cheat and 10 and 15% of married women cheat domestic violence one in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner toxic and illegal behaviors grief pain and loss empty nester a parent whose children have grown up and left the home according to the 2020 sensus there are 22 and A5 million empty nesters in the United States I've been in an y nest for almost a year and a half having the close relationship that I do with my children this was initially a shock motherhood is a valued and respected role an emptiness suggests that I am no longer relevant that I am old and no longer useful within the parenting Arena a mother is not a mother without her children let me just say that I felt this initially however I I've adjusted rather well to an empty nest I feel liberated yet I have struggled coming to understand that doing for me is not selfish this is difficult as that is cont contrary to everything that a mother is supposed to be divorce a divorced person every 42 seconds there is a divorce in America this equates to 86 divorces per hour 246 divorces per day 14364 divorces per week and 746,000 per year women lead in divorce filing at nearly 70% with college educated women at 90% I am semi- divorced I am even contrary to a completely divorced person y'all I am at the mercy of others I'm in dissolution limbo waiting not so patiently even my name is posted for this tedex event is in resistance my maiden name is in parentheses is I am not yet able to claim it I'm waiting for permission to be myself the most difficult part of owning the title of divorce is indicative of me being a failure at relationships that I am bad within this realm y'all I thrive on connection I'm a social worker this one is still difficult for me to accept professional working and behaving in such a way that others think of them as competent reliable and respected I present challenges to the idea of professionalism too I'm a late bloomer I was a non-traditional student and in 2019 33.4% of postsecondary students identified as non-traditional I got a late start within my field so to say however I'm good at it in fact I'm great I hit the ground running I am explosive within my work more than my late entry into the field serves as a not so likely to be professional or successful label so does that of my experiences with addiction incarceration mental health abuse an absent father Financial struggles racial differences and the like I have so much in common with those deemed as unprofessional the conundrum here I am not supposed to be an awardwinning professional Advocate a person who represents another person's interests a person who speaks or rights in support or defense of a person cause Etc so here we are the reason why I'm here why have I told you these things about me why have I spilled my guts to you all possibly alienating people who love me do I want pity am I seeking reparations well no of course not I am an advocate through and through all the things that I've experienced and will continue to inform my purpose I am vocal many times the things that I say are unpopular I disrupt the dichotomy I speak and behave in ways that dismantle the system my passion is to connect with others to help others understand that no matter how much our identities conflict with the norms and the status quo we are worthy metamorphosis during this stage the caterpillar undergoes profound changes as it transitions into a butterfly or moth the breakdown of the old caterpillar body and the formation of the new creature involves the organization of tissues the development of new structures like wings and the rearrangement of internal organs inside a crysalis a caterpillar's body digests itself from the inside out the same juices it used to digest food as a larvae it now uses to break down its own body eventually the caterpillar emerges from the Cocoon as a fully formed butterflyer moth ready to take flight and begin its adult life stage Renaissance a French word meaning rebirth as I speak to difference it is shaped who I am it is who I am different unique refined vibrant resistant Renaissance I've listed many examples in which I was wrong it was bad frowned upon Against the Grain unheard of not an option an ideal of the country that I was brought up in maintains that individuality is encouraged and supported yet I've listed numerous accounts of how my individuality uniqueness my auth authenticity has disrupted and will continue to almost every facet of societal Norms dichotomies structures representations and the like there are times and there will be again that I wanted to give up I wanted nothing to do with this life that I felt as though my body was digesting from the inside out here before you today stands an emerging butterfly I would also like to note that there are other ways in which I disrupt every fre idea of what should be or is not my very existence is a resistance however I persist as I was introduced you were asked to attempt at separating the Lana you believe you know from the one standing in front of you in this time and in this place for those who have never met me you were asked to throw out all of your preconceived notions and assumptions I didn't ask you this to trap you or point fingers I did this in an attempt to create empathy and connect ction we all have belief systems we all make judgments based on what we know I hope that today's discussion Spurs self-reflection think of a time when you hope that you were seen as your authentic self reflect back on your thoughts of me and a few of my named identities now consider giving Grace to Those whom you encounter and most importantly to yourselves if you take anything away today let it be this You Are Not Alone alone you matter wear your labels your identities contrary authentically for the world to see you are beautiful and there are no apologies necessary I wish you all well on this journey I will be celebrating your Renaissance from afar your identity serve as your ultimate source of power thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 155

Keywords: English, Identity, Social Sciences, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:56262]

Id: PI73jyBdcVQ

Length: 18min 27sec (1107 seconds)

Published: Tue May 14 2024