Transcriber: Hafsa Atif
Reviewer: Annet Johnson When I die, I want you to say
that I helped you make a difference. I helped you dent the universe,
make the world a better place, change the world— every phrase that Steve Jobs ever used. And I’ve been dedicating myself
to this process for about five years, as a podcaster. I’ve interviewed remarkable people, and I gained a lot of information
and inspiration from them. And what I figured out is that ... there’s three stages in life. Actually, I happen to love tricolons,
so I want to use a tricolon right now. So the tricolons of life. One tricolon is: life progresses from growth
to grit to grace. Another way of looking at it is that
in the first third of your life, you’re underpaid. In the second third of your life, you’re overpaid. And in the final third of your life, you should be paying back. And I’m talking about today,
the final third in life. Really, just the culmination of life,
which is grace and graciousness. So I'm going to talk to you today
about how to embody grace, and I’m going to use
a top 10 format for this tricolon. Frankly, honestly, I believe that you can
explain all of life with a tricolon, a top 10 format or a 2x2 matrix. That’s all you ever need. And I’m going to use two of
those three today, okay? First is the top 10. So the first thing I learned
from all these people, these 200 people — and they were people
who were truly remarkable — not rich, not famous, remarkable. People like Jane Goodall,
Stacey Abrams, Vivek Murthy, Angela Duckworth,
Katie Milkman, Bob Cialdini, Kristi Yamaguchi, Roy Yamaguchi. Oh, they so influenced my life. Step number one is count your blessings. And all these remarkable people,
over and over again, they said, “Guy, we’re towards
the end of our lives too. It’s all about counting your blessings.” Let me tell you a little
bizarre personal story, violating all HIPAA regulations. (Laughter) I am deaf. I lost my hearing about two years ago. And so the only reason I can hear
at all is I have a cochlear implant. It's kind of my direct line to God. I don’t even need, you know,
any kind of sound waves anymore. And you know what? People, when they find out
that I’m deaf and I’m a podcaster, “Guy, you know, that must be
so difficult, so challenging. I feel so sorry for you. How do you do that as a podcaster?” And you know what? I count my blessings. I have lived a charmed life. Yes, I’m deaf, but you know what? I’m on wife 1.0. (Laughter) I have four children. I’m very close to my children. I get to surf all the time. I count my blessings. And so, I think step one
in this process of embodying grace is look back at your life. Look back as an optimist. Look at life as half full. Count your blessings. I’m a very happy deaf person. There are much worse things
to have than deafness. Trust me, nobody ever died
from being deaf. Number one is count your blessings. Number two, you’ve got to change
how you keep score. Don’t get me wrong, okay? I kept score in the most
materialistic ways. I kept score by how much money you made, what Apple stock options were worth, what kind of car, what kind of house. I used to do all that. But now I’ve changed how I keep score. I keep score because I want
to be remembered in a way — as I said, when I die — that I empowered you, that I helped you make a difference. I want people to say, “Guy empowered me
with his writing, his speaking, his podcasting, his investing,
his advising, that’s what he did.” That’s how I’m keeping score. That’s one way. Second way is, what kind of
kids did I help raise? Because I think kids reflect
what you've done in life. So those kids they better come out good,
they’re going to be a reflection on me. And when I say good, I don’t mean because they went
to an Ivy League school. I could care less about that. I don’t want them to go to school
with all those plagiarists anyway. (Laughter) I changed how I keep score. It’s about the impact that I’ve had. How much did I help
you make a difference? Number three is that — As I’ve met more and
more people in my life, especially in Silicon Valley, I think you can pick up this attitude like, “Oh, you know, I’m this hot shit CEO, CXO, CMO, CTO, I got all these options. You know, I live in Atherton
on a two-acre house.” All that kind of stuff. But what I figured out is you need to value almost
everybody you meet. And I will admit that
there are times, you know, when you you feel superior
to somebody and all that. And what I figured out is almost everybody that you meet
can do something better than you. Now, it may be making tacos,
it may be surfing, it may be taking pictures, it may be doing sound,
it may be being a TED host, it may be writing,
it may be poetry. But everybody can do
something better than you. So don't be so smug because that person
has something that can blow you away. Value all people. Number four. When I was in high school, my father, he stressed on me this concept
of “noblesse oblige,” which means this obligation
of the nobility to help other people in the world, to help society. I have to admit that I recoil
at the word “noblesse.” Because it implies a certain nobility,
that you’re born with this, you’re born with this wealth and power
and fame and capability. You know, if you’re a Prince Harry
or, I don’t know, Meghan Markle, you’re noble and you have this obligation. And I think that’s elitist. I think that's fundamentally wrong. And so my turn for this instead of
“noblesse oblige” is “success oblige.” I think that when you are successful, you have got to be obligated
to help society. It is an obligation. You need to fulfill that obligation. It’s not something that is nice to do. It's not something that you're
being wonderful to do it. It’s an obligation. It is a moral obligation to help people. You have an obligation to help people
make the world a better place. Number five. Number five is one of
the best ways you can keep score by helping others succeed. Listen, when I was in the sixth grade, an elementary school teacher — and I grew up in
a very poor part of Hawaii — she convinced my parents to take me out
of the public school system in Hawaii and put me in a private school. This private school, it’s called Iolani, it’s the school that
Barack Obama couldn’t get into. This private school prepared me
to apply for college. And I tell you honestly,
I don’t know why I applied to Stanford. There is no doubt in my mind,
I would not get into Stanford today because I haven’t started a foundation,
I don’t have a consultant. Nobody helped me write the essay. I didn’t pay somebody
half a million dollars to Photoshop me into the tennis team. (Laughter) I didn't do any of those things. But you know that teacher, she convinced my parents
to put me in a private school. My parents agreed with her and they made the sacrifice
to put me in that private school. I got into Stanford. At Stanford, I met a guy named Mike Boyd. Mike Boyd, years later, hired me to be
Apple’s second software evangelist. I am living proof that
nepotism can work out. (Laughter) And I’ll tell you something. So now I look back
and I say, “You know what?” As Steve Jobs said in his commencement, “You can only connect
the dots looking backwards.” So I connect the dots. A sixth grade teacher tells my parents
to put me in a private school. I get into the private school. I get into Stanford, I meet Mike Boyd. Mike Boyd hires me into Apple. This is not because I have qualifications. I had a psych degree because that’s
the easiest major at Stanford, okay? (Laughter) And I never took
a computer class in my life. So I get into the Macintosh division. I do well as a software evangelist. Fast forward 20 some odd years and Ronit reaches out to me
out of the blue in an email and says, “I have Jane Goodall coming
to TEDx, Palo Alto. I need somebody
to interview her on stage.” Now, I didn’t know Ronit. It wasn’t like we were BFFs. Ronit knew of me, she didn’t know me. And she reached out
and I looked at that email. I said, “Are you freaking kidding me? You want me to interview Jane Goodall? Sign me up. Cancel everything else, I will be there.” So I became friends with Jane Goodall, very good friends. And then, years later,
when I started my podcast, I thought, “Who would be the best person
to start your podcast with? Can it get any better than Jane Goodall?” So she was guest number one. And let me tell you something, the way many people make a decision
whether to get on a podcast or not is who else has been on it, okay? And when you can tell people,
“Would you like to be on my podcast?” And they say, “Who else has been on it?” You say, “Oh, I don’t know. Jane Goodall, have you heard of her?” Everybody says yes, trust me. So the point is, help others succeed. That teacher helped me succeed. When you are successful,
you walk through a door. Your obligation is to keep that door open. Even better is to make the door bigger. Expand what people call, well, in a negative sense, the Overton window. Make it an Overton platform
and Overton patio, okay? Help others succeed. Number six. Number six is life ... is about raising the tide because the rising tide floats all boats. Life is not a zero sum game. If the people who are in front
of me in this presentation, if they help make A.I succeed, the rising tide of A.I will make
many companies succeed. It’s not just about making
Perplexity succeed — First of all, they have to overcome what I consider the world’s stupidest name
for a company: Perplexity. So it’s not about Perplexity. It’s also like Bard and Gemini, right? It’s all these LLMs. You make the rising tide
and all boats will float. And the falling tide
will take all boats down too. So think about this. Raise the tide. Life is not a zero sum game. Number seven is to punch up. Punching down is absolutely despicable. Punching down means you go to SFO
and you rip on the flight attendant, you rip on the person checking you in,
you rip on the luggage handler, you know, you rip on the waiter. You rip on the waitress because
you’re punching down, you know? If you’re a presidential candidate
in South Carolina, you make fun of a New York Times reporter because of his neurological
differences, right? That’s punching down. You’re a billionaire,
you’re a presidential candidate, you’re making fun of
a New York Times reporter because he has a neurological difference? What the hell is wrong with you? That’s punching down. What you should do is punch up! (Applause) Take on these people. Don’t be afraid. You know what? I’ve figured out that when you punch up, there are a lot of people
watching you punch up and they’re cheering you on. Punch up. You cannot go wrong punching up. Number eight. Number eight is when you encounter people
that you cannot understand, like, why don’t you believe
in vaccination? Why did you believe
the election was stolen? Why do you believe all this kind of stuff? And it can cut either way, okay. But instead of asking,
“What do you believe?” or “Why do you believe
vaccinations work or don’t work?” Ask people, “How did you
come to believe this?” Because the “how” shows
what they went through to arrive at that place. So if you encounter somebody
who is dead set against vaccination, ask them, “How did you
come to that conclusion?” And if they say, “My grandfather
was in the U.S. Army. They did an experiment on him
where they gave him this drug. They wanted to see the effect of it. It was a vaccination test
and that vaccination killed him. So now I’m against vaccination.” I have to say that is
a reasonable line of thinking. And when you hear that kind of story, maybe you will understand
how people have come to differ with you. It’s not because they’re stupid,
it’s not because they’re ignorant, it’s not because they’ve been misled. Ask them why they came to that conclusion. It’s terrific for empathy and insight. Number nine. Number nine is to learn how to apologize. What a skill apology is. And I'll give you the key to apology. The most important thing
when you apologize is the words. “I’m sorry,” must pass through your lips. (Laughter) That’s it. Not, “Oh, I didn’t intend to do this. Oh, are you offended? Oh, did it hurt you?” You know, not all those qualifications. Just say, “I am sorry.” “I am sorry ... that the security of my company
enabled somebody else to get all your passwords and names. I am sorry.” It’s not that I never intended it, it’s not that somebody else
did something worse. I am sorry, that’s the key. I am sorry. Learn how to apologize, it is a skill. Number ten. Number ten is to ignore the small stuff. Ignore the small stuff. I’ll tell you a story. My wife and I were living with our son
on Union Street in San Francisco, towards the Presidio at the end. That is a very nice part of San Francisco. So one day I’m out in front — (Chuckles) I crack up even when I think
about this story. I’m in front of our house and
I’m cutting the bougainvillea. Okay, I’m cutting the hedge. This older white woman comes up to me
and says, “Do you do lawns, too?” (Laughter) And I’m telling you,
like, I just jumped on it. I said, “Oh, I’m Japanese American
so you think I’m the yard man, right?” She goes, “No, no, no,
you’re doing such a great job. I wondered if you do lawns?” Okay, so right there,
there’s social profiling, which is bad enough,
but that’s not the punchline. The punchline is two weeks later; my father comes from Hawaii. I’m Sansei, third generation. He’s Nisei. He served in the U.S. Army
and all that good stuff, right? More American than American. And I say to him, “Dad,
let me tell you a story. This holly woman came up to me and asked me if I was a yard man
because I was cutting a hedge.” And I thought he was going to
go off on her, right? “How dare she question you? You went to Stanford, you worked
for Apple, you knew Steve Jobs. You’ve written books. How dare she ask you
if you’re the yard man!” Right? Okay, guess what? He says to me, “Son, a Japanese guy cutting
a bougainvillea bush in front of a house on Union Street. Statistically, most likely,
you were the yard man.” (Laughter) So he said, “Son, get over it. Get over it, take the high road. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she just wanted to know
if you’re a yard man. She wasn’t making
some kind of racial judgment. Son, you’ve got to learn
how to ignore the small stuff.” If you take something like that to heart
and it gets in your head and rattles around in your mind, it’s going to ruin your life. You’re not going to be
grateful and gracious. Ignore the small stuff. Now I have one more thing — That stops at zero,
it doesn’t go negative. (Laughter) That’s good. (Laughter) Are we in a rush? Is there like a bar mitzvah
here next or something? All right. Okay, one last story. This is a surfing story. For those of you who are
familiar with surfing, I don’t have to explain this too much. But for those of you
not familiar with surfing, surfing is about 90% sitting in the water,
you’re watching the ocean, and you’re looking for that perfect wave. That wave is the right speed,
right height, and right direction. It’s clean and it’s well formed. Life is good. Surfing, many people think, is
about making the right decision. How do I make the right decision? How do I know which way to go? How do I know all this? Make the right decision, then it’s easy. I’m going to now show you a little video of somebody who was intent on looking out,
making the right decision, but she made the wrong decision. And maybe the decision
was even made for her. And I’ll show you what happened. (Ocean waves crashing) She’s turning. Uh oh. (Beach goers yelling) What am I trying to show you? I'm showing that so much of us, we spend so much of our life
trying to make the right decision. What’s the right wave? What’s the right direction? What's the right strength of paddling? What should we do
to make the right choice? I think that people who are
grateful and gracious, what they do is they make a decision, and then what they do is they focus
on making the decision right. Not making the right decision anymore. Make whatever decision right. And that’s the last way to embody grace. Thank you very much. (Applause) Thank you.
