How To Deal With The Pathological Liar: 6 Tips- Psychotherapy Crash Course

so hey guys it's Tamara welcome back to my channel thank you for coming back to be with me today we're gonna talk about ways to manage the pathological liar so we talked on Monday about what pathological lying is I also defined and kind of further explored their typical pattern of behaviors and so in this video I want to focus on giving you six strategies or tips to make sure that you don't get sucked in by the pathological liar you know they have a lot of ways to suck you in manipulate you and ultimately destroy you or use you and so we want to stay away from people like that and we also want to know how to deal with them when they mysteriously pop up in our lives not all pet illogical liars are easy to spot so we want to focus on that in today's video so thank you so much for coming back to my channel for those who are subscribed and if you're new to my channel and have absolutely no idea who I am my name is camera and I encourage you to go ahead and hit that subscribe button so then that way you can stick around with us and learn and grow and suggest topics I love getting suggestions from you guys and topics and if you missed it I encourage you to go to the community section of my channel and look at the listing of topics that we're going to be covering this month so let's just go ahead and jump in when I'm seeing clients who are dealing with pathological liars the first thing that I encourage them to do is to step back okay if you're too far in to a situation with a pathological liar you're going to get sucked in emotionally and psychologically you're also going to get manipulated because you don't have the stamina or the strength or the quickness to deal with a manipulative individual who has has studied you and has figured out how you operate so pathological liars tend to have other personalities other personality disorders excuse me with them so an example of that would be narcissism or their sociopath or their a dependent personality or their borderline person these individuals have other behaviors and traits and characteristics that you may not be aware of and so they've learned how to maneuver people for their benefit so it's often best to step back because if you're too far in once again if you're too far in you're gonna have a hard time figuring out what they're doing so step back take a break now the best way to step back is the stop texting stop emailing and stop answering their calls so that you can reassess the situation figure out where you belong and then take your your your approach in your next move ok the next thing is to distance yourself now this is different from stepping back I don't mean just like distance yourself like ghost the person or go m.i.a but what I do mean is distance yourself indefinitely right so put that that barrier between the two of you or however many people it is because what you're gonna need to do is slowly back away when somebody's a pathological liar they obviously cannot be trusted so you want to make sure that you identify the PUF illogical liar in your life and then figure out how best to distance yourself and distancing doesn't mean I'm gonna distance myself for a few months and then go back to that person distancing means I'm gonna distance myself little by little and slowly until I'm completely out of this person's life and I become just a figment of their imagination all right so distancing from my book and my definition is slowly stepping back so that you can be completely out of there the periphery you want to be nowhere near them okay the next thing is you need proof you want to make sure that you get proof of your communication with the past illogical liar they do what they do best which is lie and so you want to make sure that you have everything you mean in case they come back with accusations in case they come back and try to manipulate you manipulate you and other people or try to do what I call triangulate and triangulation is a term that's mainly utilized in the field of trauma-informed care but the whole idea behind triangulation is that there's a victim a persecutor and a rescuer and the victim who is the person that feels scorned is going to try to create a triangle between you somebody who's a rescuer at heart or or a helper and and you are going to become the persecutor the one who's pointing the finger is in creating a problem so they're going to create that triangle between all of you and so the best way to deal with a person like that is to make sure that you have emails that say things that are true and and and you want to make sure that you don't stray too far from the truth right like going to a friend and and sharing information you want to share exactly what's been said to you by the pathological liar and you want to make sure that you have email touched exchanges letters and otherwise to prove your interaction with that person because pathological liars know how to triangulate and they know how to go behind your back and create drama unnecessarily so half proof the next one is you want to witness if you're gonna have a conversation with this pathological liar always have somebody around with you right don't put yourself in a situation where that liar is gonna get a leg up on you you want to make sure they have somebody always in the background right and somebody who's gonna accompany you to talk to this individual or somebody that's gonna hang out with you and you're hanging out with this individual you always want a witness okay pathological liars are sneaky to say the least you want to also this is number five you want to also be compassionate towards yourself okay it's called self compassion if you're anything like me you tend to go inward when things externally are not going well because you you're bent on making sure that everybody feels needed and wanted and respected and loved and cared for and when things go haywire in that social group if you're anything like me you most likely begin to withdraw and isolate because now you're trying to figure out what happened what went wrong who did what what do I need to do to fix this do I need to fix it right so you're just you're kind of ruminating right sometimes that's healthy other times it can become toxic and obsessive so you want to have self compassion self compassion is the whole idea that I'm going to be compassionate towards myself because I can't deal with what you're doing to me so what I'm going to do is make sure that I have self-care I'm going to put up boundaries okay I'm gonna be firm I'm not gonna blame myself for this interaction because I've tried my best and I know what I deserve and I deserve respect I deserve boundaries and I deserve for you to acknowledge that I'm a human being so self compassion highlights all of those things okay so show yourself some self compassion and the last but not least you want strategy when dealing with the Pepa logical liar you don't want to communicate with them as you would other people other people you can communicate with and say hello and say bye or you know you can say a sentence or two or a paragraph or you can have a long conversation and nothing comes with it a pathological liar may take what you say and run it to other people and create a triangle and create confusion and chaos so you want to be able to strategize and what I mean by strategize is figure out what situation should I talk about with this pathological liar and what situation should I not talk about what exposure to this person do I need versus what exposure do I not need right how do i how do I not feed in to their manipulation right how do I block them over there but accept them over here right I've had clients come in in the past and they've had siblings who are pathological liars and they found it very hard to live with but then at the same time they still love their siblings so they needed to strategize right one client from I think it was about maybe five years ago said to me Tamra my sister's getting married and she's a pathological liar so I don't know what to believe what not to believe and we came up with a strategy and our strategy was go to the wedding but after the wedding kind of take a step back a little bit right funerals you can you can talk you can hug you can connect but then after that take a little bit of a step back right so that was the strategy the other strategy that we utilized was you can talk to your sister in person but don't talk to her over text because she's gonna take those text messages and run them to other people and create chaos right or you can talk to the person on the phone but don't touch them don't email them right so so you gotta have some strategy to protect yourself thank you so much for being with me today in this video I want to share with other people please give me a thumbs up and subscribe I won't need to do that Friday we're going to talk about something else and guess what guys we're going to continue with all of our topics that we talked about in the community section I look forward to continuing this month I think we have some really cool videos coming up all right I'll see you soon [Music]

Channel: Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC

Views: 14,234

Rating: 4.9442725 out of 5

Keywords: how to move on from trauma, how to move on from my boyfriend, I feel stuck, how to find a good therapist, Google, search engine optimization, tamara hill lpc, dr phil and trauma, sexual abuse, youtube

Id: 2bmq1PSucyE

Length: 9min 26sec (566 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 02 2019