How to Deal with Criticism | A Monk's Perspective

so i'm here in the middle of the forest in chiang mai and as you can see it's absolutely beautiful i'm surrounded by pine trees the nature is just absolutely breathtaking the trees are so tall it's amazing in the morning and in the evening it's very cold but in the daytime like this now it's more livable and the environment is just perfect but for me i wanted to take this time to answer a question which is how do you deal with criticism i think this is a good time because now with social media and how public we all are and how we can spread information faster there's a lot of people who then are criticized or feel that they are criticized and i think this is a important thing to tackle the first thing we need to address is what is criticism and this is just my language but for me it's just when people make an observation about a person place things event or situation and then they add their judgment or their opinion to that issue this topic is important to talk about just because people can then be impacted by what other people say what other people think of them and specifically when they feel criticized today i wanted to share a very personal example two examples specifically that may help to illustrate this point and then that may give you a different lens to looking at this issue but one thing that comes to mind that i can share specifically is a video that i posted several years ago i first came to thailand and i did my ordination and it was a two-month program and after the ordination was done for me i just felt so proud of myself and i felt so good because i left my world came to thailand for two months and learned to develop myself i learned the wisdom of the east learn the teachings from the teaching monks learned about meditation learn how to fix my habits so this was a very big step for me so upon learning this newfound knowledge i wanted to share with the world so after the program was done set up a camera and i wanted to document my experience and i sat in front of the jd like this video and in the video i was just sharing openly i talked about my experience i talked about some of the challenges i shared some of the wisdom and the nuggets that i was able to learn from the program hoping that it may help someone also in this video i talked about my plans for the future and my goals and my dreams and how it shifted that and i always knew that when i came to thailand at that time that i was going to go back home it was temporary and i mentioned that when i went back my dream professionally was to work as a licensed therapist working with celebrities or entertainers in the hollywood realm and then also working with top ceos and professionals in the silicon valley area and keep in mind i live in california and this video i thought nothing of it it's really in these kind of experiences i'm an open book i just like to share truthfully i like to share where i'm at and i like to share my experience and hopefully it will help someone and again not thinking anything of it so when it released the feedback was great people felt inspired people can relate to it not a big deal and some also had criticism some of the criticism that i saw was that people questioned my motives people were saying why would you want to work with only celebrities entertainers and also top ceos is that because you just want to work with the wealthy do you just want to be rich is that you want fame is that because you're a businessman but is that your ego why why are you doing this and the list goes on and on and on people can have any opinion that they want and it's okay genuinely for me i'm it does not affect me why why does it not affect me is because i understand that when you take a look at something with not a complete picture you're going to make observation you're going to come to conclusions and judgments but the thing is is not complete and it doesn't really reflect what is happening because at that time and even now i feel like i don't need to explain myself but i will do it just because to highlight this point of criticism with the background now looking at this video i can see why someone would question why would you want to work in the realm that you want to work and what they did not know at that time was that i wanted to work with this clientele because i was in the mental health field for eight years in that time i was working as a licensed marriage and family therapist working with foster teens we had about a hundred teenagers aged 12 to 18 in san diego these kids i absolutely adore they were removed from their home and now in custody of the state through various situations many of them came from underprivileged backgrounds had many different struggles and challenges and i felt very privileged to work with this population also at the same time i was working at a hospice working with people who were dealing with end of life issues so sitting actually sitting with clients at the hospital where they passed away where they lost their life sitting then with the families who lost their loved ones and people were grieving from losing their spouse people were grieving from losing their children i sat and counseled many young clients who were dealing with the loss of a parent who at that time were dealing with school shooting and they were dealing with the trauma and the consequences of the things that they witnessed and for me again very privileged also at that time working as at working at my own private practice true nature counseling center and i got to develop my own tools i got to use my own modality and develop a new framework for healing so those were the things that were going on and it gave me an array of experience so of course with that professionally you want to move on you want to round out your skills and get more experience and then for me that's when i made the comment of i want to work with this new population the entertainment population and business population again the second part that people did not know is why would i want to work with entertainment yeah because i'm an entertainer i come from that realm i've been working as a professional dancer before a hip-hop dancer i do i do training in ballet and modern and jazz and contemporary and that was the love of my life for 20 years working at amusement parks working doing different shows and traveling to different sites going on tour to do these kind of things so why would i want to work with entertainers yeah because i understand that world to understand that language i understand some of the struggles and it's easier for me to relate so it's natural for me to work with entertainers also i was living in california at that time right next to hollywood i mean it's los angeles it's hollywood it's right next door so it's very natural it's very common another thing is then why do you want to work with business people um yeah because at that time i was in business i own my own private practice i pursued business things so again i have that lens and i wanted to round out because i worked with people who did not have many resources now i just wanted to jump into a different realm the same way where working as a licensed marriage and family therapist in the mental health psychology realm of the west i also want to balance myself with things that i learned from the east how do you develop a spiritual practice how do you go inside of yourself and how do you heal from this lens it's very important to me because it all comes back to help my clients it all comes back to help me and as a person who is in the helping field i feel like it's an obligation and a duty to know what you're talking about and be an actual practitioner so you can guide them not just because you have book smart but actually you know what you're talking about and you live and practice the tools that you're living so again coming back to this situation i can see with the limited amount of information why someone can think that so hopefully this can help you apply to your situation when someone judges your lifestyle when someone judges any of your work or your presentation okay they're entitled to that because that's all that they see you saw one clip and you don't know the back story and i didn't feel a need to explain that back story nor do you need to explain your back story but just know that you take this with a grain of salt when people provide you with their opinions sure you can think anything and it's okay because it doesn't represent the whole truth i know myself i know my intention so keep that in mind the second example that i can share is just making this content here and a lot of people have been so receptive receptive to it because it's been helpful for them and that was my intention all along but also somewhere along the lines some people would have their opinions of it and some of the stuff that people say it's ruthless and it's okay it really makes me laugh and i'm just entertained by it does not bother me one bit for some reason but starting out doing this was not my intention to record videos and make content about the monk life to make content about buddhism i never had that idea but it fell into my lap and as a new monk as a person who is coming into this new realm into the monastery i wanted to double check with my seniors and to see am i even on the right path is this okay to do what is appropriate or not so i went to check with one of my brother monks he's more senior than me and i asked him i'm still a new monk long p and i want to get your opinion and advice because i'm making this new content about buddhism and i want to share this with the world and again i'm still a new monk and i would love your feedback as if as to is this even appropriate am i on the right track is this okay to do not okay to do please guide me and it was so sweet because immediately he just looked at me and he smiled and his answer was just so honest and so genuine and it was very sweet but he just told me that lumpinik you have to keep in mind that when whatever you do and you present to the world someone already has something planted in their minds that will come out okay what does that mean so what that means is that if i'm making content about buddhism about the monk life about simplicity sharing a new perspective out into the new world there's someone out there with already something planted inside of them if you don't enjoy those things if you have issues with those things it was already there prior to me doing this and all it was was that this content gave you an opportunity to express it may be triggered gave light to what is already inside of that person so if you don't enjoy these things of course you're going to say negative things about it or have different comments that's okay and the other side is also true and the other side is someone who loves buddhism who loves meditation who wants to develop themselves and is interested in the monastic life they will look at this content and they will say good things about it and it will inspire them and they will be positive about it so again it was not what i'm doing but it really is what was already in the mind of that person what you did is just that it triggered and it sparked that reaction uh even more importantly what he guided me was that it's not so much what people said and where it came from but he said keep in mind what is your intention why are you doing this and i told longpi i said i'm doing this because for me i was on a very long journey a very long journey to heal my own suffering and at that time i didn't have teachers and i was just looking i also work with clients back home working as a therapist and a lot of people are suffering and they're looking for answers and with my experience in the monastery now living as a monk wearing these robes i'm just so grateful because i have access to amazing teaching monks like every day i have my brother monks i have access to the dharma and it's deep i get to develop myself and i get to cultivate new habits i get to change myself and shift myself i get to sit and allow my my mind to be still and become centered out of this gratitude and i can see myself shifting i just wanted to share that with the world because i feel like there's a disconnect a disconnect because in buddhism the wisdom is so deep very deep i grew up as a buddhist i went to temples this is how i was raised but to understand buddhism in depth i did not have that nor did i have the tools to change myself and working with people in the west i knew some of the issues i knew the struggles and i wanted to bridge the two i wanted to pull out the wisdom and extract it and give it to people on the silver platter here it is if you're muslim if you're christian if you're buddhist doesn't matter take it apply these things to your life and hopefully you will suffer less that is really my intention and monkey just said there you go and when your intention is right that's the most important thing so keep your eyes on your own work and also your own intention and this is important and i'm sharing it because you can't control what people are gonna do what they're gonna say the impressions that they're gonna have and the way they share it and it's okay so just keep moving on with your life and don't let it impact you so much another thing that i think it's very important to clarify is what is the difference between criticism and feedback so it's not to say that tune everything out don't listen to the world yes it's very contradictory i get it but there's also the other part where we need to have a middle way where you also need to pay attention to the reaction the feedback and the feedback to me is something that may be of help to you you know there are blind sides that we have so for me i love to get feedback and to hear how people experience me i like to get feedback from my teaching monks from my brother monks from people like you because it helps me to enhance my way of communication it helps me to better see myself and not have a false sense of perception these are the things that take what people are giving you when it comes from a good heart when it comes from pure intentions to help you because it can benefit you and it can help you grow so when it is feedback i am open to that so i take it and i implement it some things when you get feedback compromise take it utilize it integrate it into you and then there are some things we don't shift because that's who i am and that's our values for example as monks we hold 227 precepts someone can have the feedback of well you need to change it and have less precepts and hold 200 well no that's not even an option because that's who we are some people will say well you should wear a different color robe no this is our tradition this is what we wear and there's some things we do not compromise on so again learn how to take feedback some things is you do not compromise and some things you do and take it take it all with a grain of salt and whatever can um help you to grow i say it's a good thing so utilize it properly so before i get into the conclusion of it can i just take a moment to highlight how beautiful this sunset is and this is why i love this environment so much to be in thailand to be in the monastery where else can you sit like this just out in nature openness and to feel this beautiful energy i hope you can feel that back home too but to conclude this for me regarding criticism again people will have their opinions and ideas and the second part is it's okay allow them but just for yourself know that sometimes it comes from incomplete lens and they're missing something what's even more important i touch on this earlier but your job as the person who is getting criticized don't pay attention so much outside but most importantly take the time each day to check your intention and what you're doing is it actually pure do you have hidden agendas you say one thing you do something else but again does it match and this is one of the beautiful things for me in monk hood because this is what we train every single day we need to take time to be alone we need to take time to reflect and make sure we're congruent what we think about what we speak what we talk about and then also our actions is it pure so for me every night every day i try to make sure what you're doing is it is your intention pure and in this moment i can say for me it is um it is because there's a lot of people suffering um my whole life i always felt that i didn't fit in i didn't belong why did i do so many different things being born in laos moving at a young age to california at the age of five selling real estate then doing uh hip-hop then working as a therapist then running businesses then becoming a monk and my whole life i couldn't quite fit in and i didn't understand why did i have to go through all these experiences but for the first time for me it just made sense because before nothing made sense but now through the different types of experiences the variety of experiences both personally both professionally then it gives me an opportunity when i do my work now i'm in the monastery i can bring this wisdom out in language in a way like i said that people can actually hear it that they can interpret it and use it otherwise it's pointless it's so deep but we don't get it and i don't know how to use it so it doesn't make sense and i think i have the cultural context and out of like i said out of gratitude um for my own experience and having peace it took a very long time to get to this point i just want to share these kind of things because there's someone out there who is suffering and i just think if it can decrease someone's amount of suffering someone's amount of trying to find answers then here it is i hope it helps you so with that being said just tying in the things that we learned from the monastery of just keep your eyes on your own bowl just keep looking at yourself looking to make sure that your intentions are pure and if it is genuinely pure i say don't worry about anything just close your eyes put your head rest your head on your own pillow sleep in a sea of merit smile and continue the next day so don't worry about anything i hope this was helpful for you if i left anything out please feel free to share but again from the bottom of my heart just thank you and hope you guys are all safe out there thank you you

Channel: Nick Keomahavong

Views: 71,293

Rating: 4.9536552 out of 5

Keywords: how to handle criticism, how monks handle criticism, how monks deal with criticism, buddhist monks criticism, a monk's approach to criticism, how to handle criticism buddhism, buddhist approach to criticism, dealing with criticism monks, buddhist monks, daily life of a monk, a day in the life of a monk, monks, monk, monk life, buddhist monk life, dealing with criticism buddhism, buddhist monk and criticism, buddhist perspective on criticism, coping with criticism monk, criticism

Id: bjNmeuv8TuA

Length: 24min 28sec (1468 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 26 2021