(bell dinging) - I am trying to understand why a person would attract others who ultimately betray them. Assuming that we create our
relationships consciously or unconsciously, why is there
the experience of betrayal, assuming also that I know
I love myself profoundly, what is to be learned from being betrayed? The question sounds a little abstract, but the questioner is not here. I assume that the
questioner feels betrayed. (audience and Eckhart laughing) By someone. And since the questioner is a woman, perhaps she feels betrayed by a man. Perhaps, maybe it's by a woman. Now of course, betray already
is a word that is quite heavy. He betrayed me. (audience laughing) She betrayed me. There's already a huge amount of heaviness and story in that. If you put it slightly differently, it loses some of its heaviness, and putting it slightly
differently could sound like this. He is a human being, and
he manifested behavior that corresponded to his
level of consciousness (audience laughing) at that particular time when he did it. Perhaps at other times, when I met him, he seemed to be at a better,
higher level of consciousness, but then he fell back to
a more unconscious state, and then his behavior manifested that. Where's the betrayal? It suddenly disappeared. So that makes it easier
on you to deal with it, than to impose a huge
narrative or judgment on another person, and involve you in this dreadful act of which you become a
part, the act of betrayal. Yes, of course you suffered. We all suffer. We all encounter humans
who make us suffer, because many humans, most of them, are unconscious and they're
not always at the same level. That's an interesting
fact that humans can be at enormously varying
levels of consciousness, according to the situation
they find themselves in. There are some humans are, who have a potential
for committing a crime, but circumstances never
put them in a position where that potential becomes actualized, and then it can happen that other humans encounter a situation
that is very challenging and brings out all the worst
accumulations within them, so it come up to the surface, and suddenly they turn
into these monsters. And before you might have known a completely different person, a completely different
level of consciousness, so humans get challenged
or encounter situations that bring out certain aspects
of their unconsciousness. Between, in sexual encounters, because it's not unlikely
that the betrayal has something to do with the man going off with another
woman, not unlikely. Now that is an area that
that kind of attraction that can make people very
quickly very unconscious. (audience and Eckhart laughing) There are expressions for that, but I won't say it. (audience and Eckhart laughing) So yes, that's the unfortunate
thing with human beings. They're not not fully enlightened. So, and then of course
you say, "I trusted him. "He promised me when we got married, "that he would be faithful
and I trusted him. "And I'm sure when he
promised it, he meant it. "I don't think when he
promised to be faithful "he meant I'm not really going to do that, "when he promised to be
faithful, he meant it. "But then a few years passed, "and then one day he had a few drinks, "and then he looked at that woman there, "and he was gone (audience and Eckhart laughing) "completely unconscious." And again, in Jesus' words, "Forgive them them for they
know not what they do." Now to forgive them is only something that you do for yourself
because you free yourself of the burden of having
to live with a narrative or a story of betrayal
and be part of that, and then part of your sense of identity, this is very painful part, but seductive, part of your egoic, your
ego identity then is "I am the one who has been betrayed." And that's a dreadful burden to carry in your sense of self. So if you believe in that story that your mind has created, the act of betrayal, he betrayed me, so you're setting up for yourself an enormous amount of suffering, because that story will become
part of your sense of self. And if that's the case,
then even it will influence and color the way from now on in which you relate to other
men or women or whatever it is, can easily color that, so you have to be very careful and see what you're doing to yourself
by creating these stories. They, on the conventional
level, they are true. You can say "He betrayed me." That's the conventional
way of using language, but it's not the real truth. You might have heard of Byron
Katie, the spiritual teacher, she always questions whatever
thoughts the mind produces. And that's a wonderful thing
because otherwise you might feel tempted to believe in every thought that comes into your head. He betrayed me. And of course, Byron, Katie would ask, "Do you know that for sure? "How do you know that?" "Yeah, of course, I know for sure." And then eventually, if it works, the person is meant to
dis-identify from the thought that the mind has created, and become free of being
trapped by this thought, which really means
consciousness is trapped by these thoughts that
the mind has created, and you are trapped in it. So be careful with the stories
that your mind creates, and sometimes if you rephrase,
as I just did for you, rephrase the story, it suddenly does not cling to you anymore, and it no longer becomes
part of your identity, your painful identity, your sense self, because you want to be free of that. So, and of course then unfortunately you have to forgive him. Sorry, you have to, that is part of it, when you realize yeah, he was unconscious, you have to ... Forgiveness comes and that's fine. It doesn't mean you want
to start all over again, or maybe you will, but probably not, because unless a shift
has happened in him, the same kind of thing
might happen to him again, the next time he has a
drink and sees a woman. (audience laughing) So be careful, be very
careful with stories that the mind creates and then become part of your sense of self. (water rushing)
