How to Deal with a Jealous Husband | Paul Friedman

hi i'm paul friedman i'm the founder of the marriage foundation this topic is really uh this is an interesting topic usually we get this it's how to deal with a jealous husband honestly we usually get it the other way how to handle a jealous wife but this is important too and it's less of an issue but it's still a big issue when you're facing it so how to deal with a jealous husband requires a lot of kind of backup knowledge so you can do a good job and and here's what we're going to and you know the marriage foundation is all about very different than what you normally see out there so we tend to explain things more holistically and accurately we don't get into labeling people but we explain it differently for instance let's get right down to what jealousy is okay so you have an understanding of it so that you can deal with it without being pulverized by it so it's an emotion and emotions are sort of the second stage of primary reactions and primary reactions are often instinctive and instinct are you following me here i know it's a little long but instincts come from the body you see we're souls and we have a body and we have a mind we are not the body you're not your body and you're not your mind and neither is your husband you have a body and you have a mind and your body being biological comprises of trillions of cells and we know this it's a fact that the number one attribute of a living thing is its drive to survive its whole drive for self-preservation every single cell demonstrates this struggle that it has to exist every single one when you put trillions together it's an intelligent it doesn't have a consciousness your body doesn't have a consciousness per se you do because you're a soul but your body isn't a soul it doesn't have a consciousness but it has intelligence so it knows to work together with the other cells and it's constantly pinging the mind using the mind as a servant to protect it not the individual cells because when they get together they form a community and now they want to protect the body a lot of it is automatic but all of those automatic things are actually happening in your mind and there are individuals very very few who are able to control their heartbeat with their mind control the flow of blood control all sorts of things that we take for granted right the point is you have free will so you can control it but when you don't learn how or even that you need to control your mind you become a victim of your mind which is what most of us are because we're not taught this i'm not blaming anybody but we're not taught this we're not taught how to utilize our free will and so our free will is a muscle that atrophies and so we're not controlling our emotions we are just driven by them and so this emotion of jealousy begins in the body you might say the drive to survive is saying oh my god my relationship with my wife is threatened and so i need to stand up and let her know that she can't do this and i'm going to call her attention to it and i'm going to check her phone and i'm going to watch her like a hawk and that's what your husband is doing right he's a victim of his mind so what do you do about it do you see what i'm saying it's not like he's consciously going my wife is a if i don't watch her she's going to cheat on me it's not like he's consciously doing that but his mind is telling him that that could be the case because the mind is running amok just like yours is all of ours are until we decide we're going to start controlling our mind in your husband's case because we're not exactly an enlightened group of people your husband doesn't even know that all he knows is that his marriage to you is threatened and he's putting it on you and he's not accepting you he's not trusting you what do you do well i can tell you this right now no matter what you say he won't be assured no matter what you do he won't be assured no matter how you behave he won't be assured why because it's not about you it's about his mind so what do you do because with what i just said it's like give up but no that is not the answer you see you married your soul mate and you chose him subconsciously to live your married life on the plane of love but when you start reacting to his reacting you're sucked down into the mundane existence it gets primal you're fighting you're arguing you're losing trust the love gets hidden and that's not marriage that's no fun and marriage is supposed to be amazing god gave us marriage because it's like the most incredible venue for ordinary people like us to experience ultimate joy ultimate love but when you're bickering when you're suspicious when you're defensive when you are acting on this primal level you can't feel it you can't feel that love and your husband is going well i would love you if i knew i could trust you he's putting it on you what you have to do is ignore all of that stuff the jealousy that he's experiencing is a diseased emotion it's not a normal emotion it's not under his control because he doesn't know he's supposed to control it and you can't tell him that won't work we all come across this in our own time in our own way but what you can do is you could dodge the bullets you could ignore the insults you could ignore the accusations you could ignore him going through your phone you could ignore all that stuff and you focus on loving him with all your heart mind and soul because that's what you signed up to do anyway so why change your wonderful behaviors and get down into the mud and fight with him it's not doing you any good and it's a big lesson for you because there's another side to this there are things that you're doing especially in the western world that makes him jealous perhaps you're dressing provocatively because that's how everyone dresses in we don't even think of it as provocative but it is you know the the morality in the western world i'm not condemning the western world but we have lost sight of modesty we've lost sight of yeah you know i i had children many children too many maybe and i had daughters a bunch of daughters and one time you know one of my daughters was going through this phase where you know she was acting like what she saw on tv and most of us learned how to be married on tv isn't that crazy and i spoke to someone who i considered saintly and i answer i said what should i do and she said well tell her that isn't very ladylike and i thought wow that's powerful so most people in the west don't behave in a ladylike fashion so the threat that your husband feels is overwhelming i mean women flaunt themselves in the west and you know that that's true i'm not condemning them it's how society is but it's a reality even those who consider themselves conservative because conservative and and otherwise is more of a standard set by society you know it used to be that women wore dresses when they went into the water in the ocean and god forbid if they wore a dress that came above their knee it was scandalous so you know i i can't comment on that but i can say that your husband feels threatened because he's tied to that emotion so what you can do is you could see it as a disease and you know let's use this as an illustration let's say your husband got in an accident and he hurt his arm really bad and it's in a sling and you want her to move the couch would you ask him honey help me move the couch no you wouldn't because he's got an arm in his sling right it's a diseased part of his body so this is a disease part of his mind you don't condemn him but you accommodate him and that's what you do and you try your best you learn how to live your marriage on the highest plane of love and joy and you do all those things to live there with your husband and you avoid to the best of your ability these conflicts that come from this diseased emotion i hope this helps you you should subscribe to this channel if you like this perspective subscribe because that's all i ever talk about is the joys of marriage how much marriage is so amazing and it is so like the video if you think it's a good one leave a comment if you'd like god bless you and i hope you visit again again i'm paul friedman founder of the marriage foundation god bless you and take care

Channel: The Marriage Foundation

Views: 4,242

Keywords: how to deal with a jealous husband, how to deal with jealous husband, how to deal with a jealous insecure husband, how to handle jealous husband, how to deal with a jealous controlling husband, how to respond to jealous husband, how to deal with a possessive jealous husband, jealous husband, married to a jealous husband, how to live with a jealous husband, how to handle a very jealous husband, how to deal with a jealous partner, the marriage foundation, paul friedman

Id: BPECPy2Hqmc

Length: 12min 4sec (724 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 21 2022