Game of Thrones appears to be about war and
violence and grand flashes of power. But the person who ultimately wins the Game of Thrones
will not be the best at riding dragons or fighting wars, because as violent as Game
of Thrones is, most of the power you see on screen ins't wielded with physical force. So, even though Cersei says things like
this She actually acts like this It's the same in our world. Power is not always
enforced physically. It comes from this tiny mini conflicts that are occurring under the
radar and something that I call the 4 W's. And these mini conflicts are, while less physically
capable players like Tyrion, have a very strong chance of winning the Game of Thrones. So, in this video, we're going to explore
these mini power conflicts in a conversation between Tyrion and Daenerys. And you're going
to see why Tyrion is such a force to be reckoned with, and how you can use his principles in
your own life. So let's go ahead and start with the 4 W's of power. The first W, controlling WHEN things occur.
Notice how Dany chooses exactly when the silence will be broken in this next clip. In this scene, Tyrion and Jorah are completely
at Dany's mercy because Jorah betrayed her and Tyrion is from a family that she hates.
She's queen and she has all of the power in this situation. And this scene shows how she
lets that silence sit for a while to emphasize her power. When Jorah interrupts the silence,
she tells him to be silent, effectively deciding when the interaction begins. And what this shows is the importance of sitting
easily in silence. That conveys power, which is something that other characters really
struggle with, maybe, you do too. So check out Joffrey versus Tywin and notice who fidgets
more when there's silence. The power dynamic here is obvious. Less movement
means more power, because movement means that person is reacting to the other person. Clearly,
the one who is in control, who is not reacting is Tywin. And that is the point of the first
W. If you control WHEN a meeting starts, when it ends, and if you can sit comfortably with
silence, then you are taking control of that first W. We're going to talk specific tips for your
own life at the end, but for now, just note that Daenerys wins Round 1 in terms of handling
the timing. Tyrion and Jorah are there when she wants them to be there, and the conversation
starts on her timing. So let's now go to Round 2 and the second
W, WHO matters more. I discussed in another video how Tyrion is excellent at finding what
other people want and making himself valuable in that end. He's also excellent at making
himself seem like he is the important one in any interaction. So, watch now as he makes
himself seem highly, highly important by acting like he is screening Dany for a chance to
work with him. This type of screening occurs all the time
in real life. Typically, an interviewer is going to ask why an applicant is a good fit,
but a good job applicant is going to flip that at some point and say, "Wait a second,
why should I come work at this company?" A buyer typically will ask, "Why should I buy your
product?" But a good salesman is going to say, "Why should we work with you?" This is
how people, who might be in a disadvantage from the situation elevate their status and
convey that they are the best choice. Now, oftentimes, the WHO is more important
question is going to be answered non-verbally. So watch this example of Tywin and Joffrey
to see how physical space makes each person feel more or less important. Clearly, this scene is shot in a way that
makes Tywin come across as inferior. Joffrey is lounging above him while Tywin stands beneath.
And, indeed, this is how so many job interviews are set up. They have a nice chair. You sit
in a crappy one. Clubs, too, are set up like this, with tables in off limits areas, velvet
rope, all that kind of stuff. In these situations, you are at a disadvantage
as long as you stay in the inferior position, which can be very tough to switch out of.
Watch, though, in this clip as Tywin recognizes his social inferiority in the situation and
completely changes the power dynamic by refusing to stay in that literally lower position. And you see how quickly that bravado switches to
nervous fidgeting, which is excellent acting on Jack Gleeson's part, but the point is that ideally,
that's what we should do when we find ourselves in analogous situations. Without making a
big deal of it, you can break the social ritual that reinforces the uneven power dynamic. So i mentioned interviews before just to give
you an example. One of the things that I know worked really well when I was doing consulting
interviews was using the written part of the case interview as an excuse to change your
seating position, so you could slide over adjacent to the interviewer to show your work,
kind of like a teacher would with a student. And that simple shift from moving from across
the table to next to them, made it feel like you weren't just proving yourself to them,
but working together, and they would feel it too. The root of creating this kind of importance
and status for yourself, though, isn't just in saying why should I work with you, and
then, switching physical positions. To actually elevate your status, you need a deep-seated
belief. Because like Varys says Power resides when men believe it resides.
It's a trick; a shadow on the wall and a very small man can cast a very large shadow. So, in order to have power, you need to believe
that you have power, which is Joffrey's problem with Tywin. Now you don't need to be like
Joffrey. This isn't about feeling morally superior. It isn't about believing that you
matter more than other people. It simply means that you believe that you do not need any
specific person, that you have options, that you may want to create a relationship with
the job interviewer or a buyer, a boss, a date, whatever. But, then, you'll be fine whether you do or
don't. Now, this can be tough to pull off when your life is on the line, like it is
with Tyrion in so many of his encounters. But in terms of the situations that I've mentioned,
job interviews, dates, sales, your best bet is to mentally review the reasons that you
don't actually need the other person. It's to mentally review all the options that you
really do have. Then you can move forward from the position of it will be nice to get
the job, to work together, to go on a second date, but you won't come across as powerless
and needy. So, anyway, let's go back to Tyrion's position
and explore the third W, WHAT you focus on. Watch how Dany ask Tyrion a question, and
rather than shooting back with a straight answer, answering it in her terms, he begins
a story. See how Tyrion doesn't directly respond to
her comment, but instead, tells a long-winded story? He is controlling the agenda now. Dany
is listening intently because it's interesting to her. The story has a bit of mystery. Where
is he going with this? What is the point? And she puts together very quickly that he's
talking about her, so it immediately becomes relevant to her, and, now, Tyrion has her
listening to him. Exactly the way that Jorah wanted her to at the beginning. You, in your own life, can direct what people
focus on in a bunch of ways. You can tell a fascinating story, especially one with mystery,
or teach them something they didn't know. The point is take their attention in any way
that you can. Get them on the edge of their seat, because once you've gotten that attention,
you can redirect it wherever you want. In the case of this clip, Dany goes right
where Tyrion wants her to as soon as he finishes. She asks him why she should keep him around.
So check out what happens. It might seem like she's still attacking him,
but, now, they're at least talking in an area that Tyrion has dominance over. How he can help
her reclaim Westeros . He is an expert because he lived there and she's not. He shifted the WHAT of the conversation from
"maybe I should kill you" to "How can you help me?"Just with a simple story. So Round
3, WHO goes to him. And from here, so does the rest of the conversation as he hammers
home his social status by screening her. And, then, moving up the stairs to switch
the dynamic from one of an interrogation to actually advising her. And you can see that at this point, Tyrion
has gotten what he's wanted. He is advising her and she is listening to him. So, the final
and fourth W is WHERE. Clearly, Dany had this one sealed from the gecko. She started
on her home turf with her guards surrounding her, perched at the top of her throne. But just to illustrate how powerful location
can be, contrast her power plays when she isn't in such a dominant location. And they go without saying that you want people
on your turf. If they're not, guide them to your turf. Have a first date at a place where
you know the people who work there. Hold the meeting in your office. In short, whenever
possible, do things in places where you have status. Now, Tyrion probably doesn't think
of it like this, but he perhaps has a very, very firm command of these four W's. And even
when he's physically outmatched, he's often able to snatch back power from winning these
mini conflicts over the 4 W's. When he can't control WHEN the conflict occurs,
he shifts to WHAT the person focuses on. If he can't control WHERE the conflict occurs,
he suddenly changes WHO is more important. In your own life, you can start to notice
these 4 W's and how they affect if you get what you want. The most actionable piece of advice I can
give you, though, is to get your mindset in the right place. And you do that by focusing
on what you bring to the table that is unique in any interaction. You do that by focusing
on the options that you always have, whether it's a job interview, a sales pitch, a first
date, never walk into any of those situations feeling like you need something, because that
is the fastest way to communicate that you can be walked all over and you will be. Get your mindset back to your options. Be
willing to walk if things don't work out and you'll do better just about every single time.
And just so you don't make the same mistake that I did years ago, Not everything in life
should be viewed as a power game where there's a winner and a loser. It's a helpful perspective
for seeing how you can be more assertive, but don't get obsessed about it. You got to balance an eye for power dynamics
with the realization that sometimes the best way to win is just to ignore power dynamics
all together. I apologize if that's a little bit too Zen for you. If you want me to talk
more about that in another video, let me know. But, in the mean time, if you're looking for
something more concrete, we set up another video that covers the four emotions that guarantee
a great first impression every single time. If you hit those in the right order, it doesn't
matter whether you're in the bar, a club, a board room, at work. It doesn't matter.
These make an amazing first impression on anyone because they're based on the emotions
that generate that. So, if you're curious what those emotions
are, go ahead, click the box. It's going to take you to a page where you can drop your
email and you'll get immediate access to that video and you'll understand what those 4 emotions
are. Also, if you've enjoyed this video and you
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We don't always do Game of Thrones Breakdowns. I love Game of Thrones. I'm happy to do more
if that's what you guys like. But, really, at it's core, this channel is
about how to be your most charismatic and confident self. And we're going to cover that
in the best way possible. So, sometimes, that means advice videos with me on camera, sometimes
that means Game of Thrones Breakdowns, and other times that means me breaking down famous
celebrities that really are charismatic. So, if you have a suggestion as well of someone
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