James Corden has the fastest growing late night channel on Youtube. Thanks mostly to the massive success he had with carpool karaoke and while it's certainly fun to watch your favorite singers rock out to the most popular songs, a big contributor to the success of those videos is the dynamic that James is able to create in such a short time. He's able to get people to open up and really enjoy themselves and if you watch closely, there's a moment where the stars were previously bored or sceptical seemed to really begin to like James. Here's Justin Bieber saying why himself. You know what? I appreciate you. I appreciate the character that you come with. Stop it, I'm welling up. I appreciate your heart. You're such a kind individual — you love people. It's probably true that James Corden does love people and his magnetism comes from the fact, certainly, that he's able to make people feel good without losing the respect. That's what we're going to learn how to do in this video so let's start with one of the simplest ways to make someone feel good — the direct compliment. We often compliment people at the beginning of an interaction saying something like, "It's great to see you" or "you look great." Both are solid polite phrases but watch how James takes those to the next level by being specific in his complimenting. You are looking fine right now. Thanks very much, James. Seriously, I'm loving the hair — it's a triumph. Everytime I've met you, you seem like you're in a great manage. Thank you. You have such an amazing audience. Don't I? I know. It's the most incredible audience I've ever seen. (audience cheers) By trying to compliment to a specific attribute, James makes it feel like more than just a polite formality. And while you might brush off it's-nice-to-see-you, if someone were to say to you, "You're always in such a great mood," it would probably make you feel really good and want to spend more time with that person. So the lesson here is that the more specific you can make your compliments, the more genuine they feel and the greater impact they will have and that's because in order to be specific, you can't just have a stock compliment that you use with everyone — you need to notice something special about the individual. And the more that you can attune yourself to the things that you appreciate in others, the easier this will become because at that point, it's just about voicing what you've seen. Now while compliments can be wonderful for connecting with people, if you overload on them, it can begin to feel a bit like you're kissing butt — that makes people lose respect for you and the good news is that there's a simple way to make compliments not feel like butt-kissing — it's the push-pull compliment or, in our case, the pull-push compliment. Just watch. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Yes? I swear to you, and this is what I've been saying this whole carpet, I was like, "If the only person I want to win is this man right here more than anything — more than anything, truly, because if he wins, it gives us hope." (Jimmy laughs) Push-pull, pull-push — whatever you want to call it, it's something that we've discussed in the video on flirting which you can check out now in the description or by clicking on the screen here. The main idea is that even though it feels nice to be complimented, it does create a feeling of tension so an excellent way to defuse that tension is by following the compliment up with a joke that lets some of the air out of the compliment and allows people to relax back into laughter. This next clip is a great example. Watch as Emily Blunt starts to feel a little bit embarrassed while James pours on his specific and genuine compliments. I've been telling people for a very, very long time that I think Emily Blunt is one of the best actresses in the world — I've been saying it for a long time. Genuinely, I've been saying, "You got no idea." You know, like, if you go back and watch that My Summer of Love and things like this, they have phenomenal performances and the the most thrilling thing watching this film is you go, "Ah, there it is," and now everyone's going to say it... So at this point, Emily is thoroughly embarrassed by the lavish praise. You saw her making the kill-me sign at the beginning. Even though that kind of praise must make her feel proud, she simultaneously feels like she needs to reject the compliments because they're beginning to feel like a bit too much. So here's when James releases the tension with a joke. ...and it will be actually annoying and then I'll come full circle and I'll start saying, "She's a bitch." She is the worst. She is horrendous. She is the worst. Like I said, we have more examples of push-pull in a flirting context in the description link but for now I want to move on to another way of being both complimentary and funny which is basically by complementing someone in such an over-the-top manner that it becomes a joke. By exaggerating someone's good features or success so much that it becomes absurd, you can see James do that here as he talks about a short film he's shooting with a group of people he just met in Starbucks. Excuse me? What are you four doing right now? Would you like to be talents folk in a major motion picture? Come here just you four. Here, here, here, and here. Cut! That's the scene they'll show at the Oscar's — that's the scene. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone knows that James is being absurd here but it still feels nice to receive that over-the-top compliment and the absurdity makes it a funny moment as well so in this next clip, James does something very similar with the addition of some self-deprecating humor. Now I've gone deeper into self-deprecating humor before so rather than repeat myself, I've made a playlist that you can check out just go ahead and click the link in the description. The important thing to know for this video is that self-deprecating humor is very winning when it's used by someone who is demonstrating the ability to lead conversation. Now, if self-deprecating humor is used by someone who is already on the outskirts or who seems to has low self-esteem, that can rouse feelings of pity rather than laughter. Clearly, as the host, James is capable of leading conversation so it works for him — check it out. We would make a hell of a boy band, no? We've got the cute one, the cool one, the fat one who writes the songs... (audience laughs) And the bad boy. ...and the Maverick who refuses to play by the rules. Yeah. (audience cheers) Now everything that we've covered up until this point is how you can go out and make people feel great but of course we want to know how to do that without getting walked over, without losing people's respect, and sometimes that can mean dishing it out a little bit. Now this is particularly true in certain groups of men. There are groups, and you probably know some, who relate to each other by digging at one another in a playful manner and if you find yourself in a group like this, it's usually best not to go overboard trying to win the who-can-dish-it-out-the-most game but being able to ping pong back and forth in a playful insult manner can help and the cue to do this is that someone tosses a playful insult your way. So in this next clip, watch Joe Montana do it to James after he drops a few catches. Are you serious? We refer to that as The Credit Card Jump. A Credit Card Jump? Why is that? Right, because we could just get a credit card underneath your feet. Don't start, Montana. So Joe has shown that his style of humor is going to occasionally involve dissing his friends — in this case, James. Again, it's all playful — he's not commenting on sensitive subjects — just that James drop the football. Now, James picks up this style of humor and comes back at Joe after some other drop catches. Check it out. You put the hands on the laces. That's how you throw it. There. See what I just did? I threw it into your hands. Sorry guys, let's go again because of Joe Montana. The important thing here is that even though he's giving it back to Joe a little bit, James isn't taking really serious digs at him. Joe Montana's ability to throw football is not something he's insecure about — he's one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. So you can tease people on topics in which they are strong like when James teases Joe's throwing or about topics in which they're not particularly invested like when Joe teases James about dropping the football. Either case is likely to lead to laughter and maybe even some bonding but unfortunately not everyone follows these guidelines. Some people do make mean-spirited jokes so watch here as one guess makes comments about James looks and weight. It's undeniable. (audience laughs) That's Matt Damon and Fat Damon. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror and I feel like you don't think so. Like a funhouse mirror or... (audience cheers) Now those are not nice jokes and I've talked about this before in previous videos but I don't recommend making jokes that are really at someone else's expense. These jokes might have been worthwhile and funny if James Corden were a male model but he's not. When you tease someone for something that they likely struggle with, it might get laughs but it makes you look like a jerk so I really recommend that you don't do that. And if someone does it to you, the goal is not necessarily to hurt them back — you're not trying to make the most mean-spirited joke and win that way — not if you want to be charismatic. The goal is simply to retake control of the conversation Now the first time that this guy made a mean-spirited joke James just ignored him. It's undeniable. (audience laughs) That's Matt Damon and Fat Damon. Now, ignoring someone who's making mean-spirited jokes usually works but in the cases where it doesn't send a strong enough message, you have to do something else. So here, James retakes control by sarcastically saying that he's glad that he invited Zack and then making a quip about Zack's age since it's his birthday. Again, the age quip is not meant to hurt his feelings, it's just meant to retake control of the conversation and establish that James' jokes are funnier. So pleased you're here on our fifth... (audience laughs) ...on your 55th birthday. (Zack and James laugh) It's coming in. It's coming in. (audience cheers) For the rest of this conversation, there were no more mean jokes at James' expense and while that's partially because it's a short televised interaction it's also because people are less likely to make digs at those who established themselves as conversational leaders. So if you find yourself as the butt of jokes and you don't like it, start off by ignoring then see if you're able to work in James' reply basically, "Wow, I'm really glad I invited you," and then a bit of situational humor. If you add up all the things that we talked about — the specific compliments, absurd compliments, push-pull, dishing it back out and, again, setting boundaries — you're well on your way to making the kind of amazing impression that gets people to open up on carpool karaoke though of course it's not everything. There are four primary emotions that you need to hit if you want to leave someone with a great impression of you. If you create those emotions in the right order, you are set — miss them or do it in the wrong order and you're not. If you're curious what those emotions are, go ahead and click here now. You're gonna be taken to a page where you can enter your email and get immediate access to a video with those emotions — it's a sample from a paid course that we do and you will be well on your way to making great first impressions if you understand the basic emotions that create it. Also, if you have not yet done so, make sure to subscribe to the channel so that YouTube shows you our videos whenever we release a new one. Now, you also nowadays have to hit that little bell button next to the subscribe button if you would like a notification when we release a new video. Otherwise, Youtube might not show it to you that is as far as I can tell what they're doing these days. So if these videos are helpful to you, hit subscribe, push that little bell button and you won't ever miss a new one. If you have any suggestions for topics, go ahead and put them now in the comments. I've gotten a lot of great video inspiration from you guys and those definitely do make their way into these videos so let me know for sure if there's anything you'd like to see. For now, I hope that you've enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
