How to Be More Confident

one of the First videos we did was a video about how to be more productive and that video has got over 3 million views right now which must mean that people are interested in becoming more productive so it occurs to me that people are also interested in how to be more confident now confidence is something that I didn't always have that was a function of just being a shy kid and I think I am overburdened with something that is now called trait conscientiousness which essentially means you want to please other people which is a great character trait except it will also you if you don't understand how to sort of respond to that impulse appropriately at least part of the time so confidence is a very subjective thing and not everybody had the good fortune in life to have two parents my mom and dad were there all the time they were steady as a ticking clock as I have thought about this I think I can attribute the shift that happens sometime between when I was in first grade and throwing up when I would walk from the house to the school bus to get on the bus and go to school because I was so terrified of the kids and the teacher and everything about being in that public situation I would throw up most mornings for a long time the doctor thought I had the beginning of an ulcer fast forward to you know the other aspects of my life where as a man I began to relish walking onto a job looking for a new job because the other one was done and sticking out my hand and saying I can do whatever you need and I can exceed your expectations and I need a job so how did that shift happen well I think for me and perhaps it could for you I can attribute it to just a fairly small handful of things first my parents were steady whether or not they were perfect they were steady you may not have the advantage of having two parents but you are likely going to have kids and you're going to need to be steady for them if you don't have steady parents find a steady mentor someone who through thick or thin count on for good advice and encouragement and wisdom and criticism if you need it that's a powerful powerful tool towards becoming confident the second I think was public performance of music now that's not available to a lot of people but to force yourself to perform publicly in some way and overcome that natural hesitation of putting yourself out there is incrementally a game changer and it'll get easier and easier like any other muscle that you exercise until the day comes when you don't even notice the public aspect of what you're doing maybe unless it's a camera but the the other one the third one that I've been thinking about is the books that I read the stories that I read became acquainted with starting first and don't click away here because you think I'm going to preach to you but the stories of the life of Jesus that my mom told me a lot taught me a lot about quiet confidence and the difference between confidence and aggression they're not the same confidence is not even always the same thing as assertiveness although it often can be but confidence is closely related to courage and I love the way that John Wayne described it courage is being afraid and saddling up anyway okay that's something we can all practice because we all have plenty of opportunities to be afraid and yet we always have an opportunity to saddle up anyway in Practical terms different personality types find confidence easier than others but the personality types that find confidence easy are easily seduced into aggression even violence I mean a pirate is not a confident person a pirate is a pirate he's mean he's vicious a mob is not confident it's just a group of people caught up in an emotion of taking something or or resisting something it's not confidence confidence is something that if you don't have it it can be built on the foundation that you can see in some of the books that you might read or stories you may have been told or things that you believe in a practical way by recognizing skills that have improved for you take a minute jot down the things that you can do and you will realize there was a time when you couldn't do them jot down the things that you're better at now than you were a short time ago and you'll realize that that establishes an arc of improvement and then apply that empirical evidence I mean you have evidence that you've gotten better at some things apply that evidence to the motivation that you need to start to master the next thing it's easy for me and perhaps for you to be so caught up in the next thing and the next responsibility and the next group of people whose needs I want to satisfy and and end that I don't take the time it takes to recognize how things were before and and draw strength from the progress that has been made that's throwing away a resource and frankly we don't have enough personal resources in this world to squander any of them make a note of where you are or a little video clip or ask your mentor to give you an evaluation on where you are here and then work on it the world is full of self-help books and videos and advisors there are plenty of ways to find the Practical steps you can take to improve in any area of your life and then if you mark that Improvement you're going to have a basis for confidence let me just throw out one more proverb and it's from Marcus Aurelius he was a Roman Emperor and one of the sort of foundational members of the stoic community and I'm going to quote this badly but the concept is this Don't Fear the Future because you will meet the challenges of the future with the same character the same skills the same mentality that you used to overcome the obstacles in your past your confidence today and tomorrow can build on the successes you've had in your past and if you're honest you've had some don't set them aside now it's more complicated than just colloquialisms and aphorisms and Proverbs right and I got an insight and personal look at confidence as a kid in the books that I read um I don't know how many of you young guys are watching this or however many how many of you people have young people in your home that need to grow confidence but put them in contact with stories of people who learned confidence for me it was I remember three authors I remember Jack London The Call of the Wild confidence in the animals and confidence in the men I remember Joseph outsheller he wrote this series about Trappers in the Northeast um Henry Ware was the protagonist a young man who was confident but he wasn't mean he wasn't brutal he wasn't a pirate he didn't relish violence he was just an example to me of quiet confidence and then Jim kelgaard I think his name was wrote the book big red about this wonderful Irish Setter and the young man who was my age who learned Confidence from his dog now those stories settled deep and they helped me and maybe they will help you or stories like those I have a grandson Leo was reading Harry Potter Harry Potter is a great set of stories for teaching a young person about confidence and being afraid and saddling up anyway now this is all very vague and subjective but there's a particular poem that I'm going to read to you and then maybe talk about 21st century applications and it was Rudyard Kipling's most famous work it's a poem that he wrote for his son for this specific purpose and it's called if if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too if you can wait and not be tired by waiting or being lied about don't deal in lies or being hated don't give way to hating and yet don't look too good nor talk too wise if you can dream and not make dreams your master if you can think and not make thoughts your aim if you can meet with Triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools or watch the things you gave your life to broken and stoop and build them up with worn out tools if you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch and toss and lose and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss if you can force your heart and nerve and send you to serve your turn long after they are gone and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to them hold on if you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue or walk with Kings nor lose the common touch if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you if all men count with you but none too much if you can fill the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run yours is the Earth and everything that's in it and which is more you'll be a man my son foreign so those expressions those Concepts those connections and those beautiful words are teaching something so subjective and so powerful and it's this we cannot control any of the outcomes in our life no matter how hard we try and the harder we try the more damage we do to our relationships people hate to be controlled and circumstances refuse and so too often our lack of confidence stems from the fear that things are not going to be as we hope and that's true things are never going to be exactly as we hope but what Kipling is talking about is the confidence that comes from knowing that no matter how things turn out I know or you know how we're going to react we've set some realistic and appropriate and good boundaries and expectations for ourselves no matter what our expectations are for the people around us Because by the way they'll never be able to meet them all the time but if we know in our heart of hearts that no matter what we confront there are some fundamental values that we will not betray that breeds confidence that gives us the ability to get up in the morning knowing that that night no matter what it was that we won at or lost at we are going to be able to look ourselves in the mirror lay down with a clear conscience and know that we did what we had determined we would do in that situation and I don't know of a better definition of confidence than that there's something else that I would be so sorry to have neglected and that is this confidence and gratitude are two sides of the same coin if you're not grateful if you don't recognize the gifts and the blessings you've received your confidence is going to be something other than confidence it's going to be an urge for plunder okay it's going to be an urge to take or to manipulate but if that impulse which men are particularly susceptible to is tempered by gratitude developing the attitude of gratitude the habit of expressing gratitude your natural assertiveness which comes with being a man for those of us who are men will be tempered into something much more worthwhile which is confidence so as I wrap this up you got to know that like I mentioned earlier I'm a little short on the confidence to teach anybody anything about confidence but what I would like you to do is post in the comments what has made you more confident and what helps you sort of recognize the difference between confidence and aggression or even confidence and assertiveness confidence and selfishness these are important ideas and one of the most worthwhile aspects of anything associated with this channel is the comment section they're fascinating they're enlightening and so will you please take a minute and write down what it is you've learned about confidence and how to develop it and how to use it appropriately and post it thank you for watching essential Craftsmen and keep up the good work

Channel: Essential Craftsman

Views: 216,271

Keywords: anvil, forge, blacksmith, forging, craftsman, mentor, trades, tradesman, career, smith, carpetner, builder, wisdom, workbench, fabricate, tools, tool, tips, trick, hacks, protip

Id: s1zEYnl7V7s

Length: 14min 12sec (852 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 01 2022