How Dutch vs Americans think of PERSONAL SPACE | Dutch culture vs. American culture

hi everyone i'm ava and i'm an american living in the netherlands and today i wanted to talk to you about something that dutch people and americans at least in my experience seem to have a completely different definition and idea about i don't think you would even guess what it is and maybe you've never even stopped to think about this before but today i want to talk about personal space so if this isn't your first time watching one of my videos you might know that i moved to the netherlands a little over two years ago to be with my dutch girlfriend she's dutch i move for love and in the two years that i've been here i've sort of picked up and i've been noticing differences between american culture and dutch culture and i like to talk about them and share these experiences of mine in this in these videos that i make and in today's video i wanted to talk about something that i kind of have noticed i've been thinking about and i didn't know what label to put it under and then i thought maybe it has to do with the idea of personal space okay so i feel like very generally very broadly speaking americans are very respective of each other's personal space so you have your personal space and i respect that i am my personal space i feel like in the netherlands the concept of personal space didn't quite transfer um i feel like dutch people think their space which we don't have so people are always fighting for space and then personal space like what is that i don't even know so this is this has been the summary of my experiences in the last two years and the first example that i want to talk to you about when i talk about personal space is more literal so i'm going to be talking about personal space as a literal thing you know like actually like this is my space and then i also want to talk about personal space figuratively so very loosely and this literal example that i want to talk about is that americans will not for instance touch you randomly because my personal space is also my body and my possessions whereas dutch people are not afraid i've noticed to touch you when they're talking to you or when they're trying to say something now this i mean it can be very nice but this was something that i noticed right away because for instance i one time i was on the street walking and this is when the first corvona pandemic lockdown had happened in the netherlands and we were all really afraid of getting covered from like i don't know doorknobs or whatever so the idea of touching someone during that time that wasn't your partner you know it was a big step so i was walking on the street one time and i distinctly remember that someone bumped into me and i was already like oh you're bumping into me and everyone is frustrated when you bump into someone that is not news but then this person simply touches my shoulder and says sorry and i was like okay i was surprised by the part at this point but they were you know they touched my shoulder and i felt furious i was infuriated because first of all in the us we don't go around touching people again blanket statement but to me that was like what and then second i was like this is also the pandemic uh this person was just trying to be very nice and i think this is their way of being personable like that person's way at least but i did because it did stand out to me i was extremely confused and i was walking with my girlfriend i was like what just happened this guy just dushed me out the street and she assured me that it was normal and he was very nice and she thought i was overreacting and she told me to tone it down a notch but once i noticed this happened to me i also noticed this happened elsewhere for instance i watched um one of those press conferences for covid or maybe it was just a news item i don't know but i noticed that um hugo de la and mark rota were having a conversation i think they accidentally touched each other or something and then margarito was like oh sorry and then he put his arm again on hugo deoma's shoulder and that made me think this is exactly what happened to me like mark ruther should not have been touching hugo de oga but he did and then he apologized by touching him again it was hilarious you might have seen this uh clip going around but it happened to me and i'm thinking i guess this is just something that's different between the us and the netherlands so if you are dutch and you go to america don't go around touching people yeah americans will not like that and by the way my girlfriend does this too she does a lot of dutch things that a lot of non-dutch things this is one thing that i've seen her do over and over she's very much a toucher when it comes to you know apologizing or being close to you it's all about that touchy feely so it's not just people who i don't know doing this there's also people very close to me i've seen do this over and over again now the next example i want to share with you that illustrates a different idea of personal space is also quite literal and it has to do with when you go grocery shopping or when you're out and about just conducting business in public spaces so i have noticed that when i go shopping in the netherlands let's say i go to the lapis mart where you can buy fabric or let's just say i'm going i'm in a grocery store maybe i'm looking at some fruits let's say i've decided that you know 2022 is gonna be the year that i incorporate more fruits into my diet instead of all that dutch cheese i've been eating so you know i'm standing there taking a look at some apples and then you know let's say there's a dutch person standing next to me they also want to get to the apple so instead of saying excuse me you're taking too long can i go look at the damn apples that you're looking at they'll slowly like eye you and if you're not paying attention because i'm so interested in these apples they'll like slowly creep over a little bit a little bit a little bit and you know you're here doing your apple thing they're trying to do their apple thing and then slowly they will come in front of you you know you won't even see it happening they'll like creep up creep up creep up until they're close enough and then they'll just like grab the apple or they'll just like do something next to you in the us that would be so rude someone would if if i were in the u.s it would be completely acceptable for me in that situation to turn around to the person and say excuse me do you mind because it's my personal space but of course i want to acknowledge that i know that they are not being rude or maybe it is rude what do you think if you are dutch let me know but to me i think if you have different cultural norms and you're just abiding by them that's fine but as an american we have different cultural norms so now the same situation in the u.s if i were in whole foods i don't know just name american supermarket and i was standing there looking at the damn apples again and you know there is an american who wants to look at those apples they'll just stand there like and say nothing and they'll just look at you with a smile like that like like very obviously like trying to as as far away from you as possible like stay there and then try and get your attention like but you know awkwardly so it's all very awkward because americans tend to be passive aggressive and non-confrontational not always because in this situation i would also expect an american to just simply say hey i want to grab some apples uh do you mind and then they would do it but they wouldn't creep in front of you because then i think anyone would just flip in the u.s it's really not something you should do and i have two other similar examples to illustrate this point so if you are for instance on an escalator in the netherlands um and you're standing there you will have another dutch person or another person standing right next to you like as close as possible they can get covered or not they don't care they're standing right there and they're breathing down your neck and it's just you know it's just what it is here that is the norm people don't expect you to leave a lot of space because that would be rude to everyone who's trying to hurry so but you know but then that means that they stand very close to you and again i'm covered or not i feel like this isn't my space on the escalator and but it's just different here in the us you can expect that people will leave a little bit of space so that they're not very close to you that you can feel their breath on your body on your very person and also americans like to just go on the left hand side and the left yeah the left-hand side and just pass you and while that is also a thing in the netherlands i feel like people often stand next to each other as well so it's not that's not working so if you were in the netherlands or if you just moved to the netherlands welcome it's a great country i'm having a blast here lots of good stuff uh not so great people breathing down your neck when you're on an escalator and i do think this also ties into dutch people being a little more impatient because they just want to keep going and another example of that is when you're waiting for traffic lights so if i am on my bike and let's say i'm with my girlfriend and we're waiting at a traffic light on our bikes and if there's literally like 30 centimeters of distance between us because i mean we even in our relationship we like to have our personal space because what is a relationship even without a little bit of personal space so anyway we're standing there with our bikes and then be sure if we left that much space someone will stand in between us with their bikes you're waiting at a stoplight with other dutch people on bikes on foot you will all crowd up because that's just what people are like they just want to make sure that they can get as close as possible to moving forward in contrast bikers in america will be standing in a line like that like a one file line they will not be crowding up quite the same way moving on another thing that i've noticed that i quickly want to mention is that i don't see this happen all the time but often times sometimes at least i notice that um dutch people will stand quite close to you when they talk to you because that's very nice that's inviting good body language etc but then in contrast i've noticed that in the u.s that distance between two people trying to have a conversation tends to be a bit larger so i wouldn't stand right here next to someone in the u.s while having a conversation but here in the netherlands i feel like even in a situation where someone is not very flirty and they're just talking to you very normally they might stand quite close to you because that's personal and in the us i think i've generally noticed that people tend to keep a little bit of distance in conversations that is a quick thing i wanted to drop in here okay so i shared a couple of literal examples with you or physical examples with you and i want to talk a little bit about the metaphorical figurative examples of personal space that you can you know interpret in this way now one of those examples is if something happens on the street i have noticed this without fail because i live in busy parts of town like in the netherlands i've moved a couple of times but each time i've lived in a busy part of town or city the cities are small though but anyway you know in a busy part of town and then um someone on the street let's say does something like maybe they say something or maybe there's a ruckus someone's got into a fight and without fail every single dutch person who lives on that street or who's that will pop out of their windows and you know pull open their curtains if they're doing the whole curtain thing because you know most dutch people don't even bother but they open up their curtains and then they will sit there at their window for their prime seat to watch the show it's really funny because in the us people i think also would let that play out maybe they would keep distance maybe maybe they don't care i don't know but i have not noticed so many people put so much focus into an incident that is happening out on the street and when i say everyone comes out of their windows to look i mean as far as i can see on the street that i'm living on i always see people just popping their heads out or literally sitting on the windowsill so that they can have a good look at what's happening let me tell you i find that so interesting because i cannot for to give a relatable example like i'm from new york city and i cannot tell you the number of times i've like cried or you know got into a fight in public cried on the new york city subway yelling at someone on the new york city subway and no one cares no one is looking at you dutch people would have all eyes on you you absolutely cannot do that without drawing attention to yourself so yeah the first time someone had an argument like a loud argument on my street and everyone popped out i had a great time not only did i get to see that fight because of course i wasn't gonna sit back while everyone else got to enjoy the show but i also got to enjoy other people watching the show it was really funny and you might have noticed in this example that i mentioned if dutch people are doing the whole curtain thing or if they're even opening up their curtains to begin with because dutch people don't do curtains i think this is also a great example of personal space in the u.s people really like to shut their curtains and everything that happens behind those curtains is very private it's their private life now i will say that this stereotype of dutch people not having curtains it's true but it's not as true as you would expect especially in really busy parts of the city people will have curtains but not as often as you would expect and i think people are very happy just with you with not hiding what happens behind their closed doors as much because even people who live on the ground floor you can sometimes just look and see what they're doing i could tell you like the details of their lives because there would you know they're huge windows here and you can just look right in now i know you're not supposed to but can you blame me of course i want to look it looks really inviting as well like dutch people have these roselike households so you definitely want to take a sneak peek but anyway try not to and it's just that dutch people don't care they are very open about that more so than americans would be in the u.s it would be really weird if many people in the city just had their curtains open going about their daily lives especially if they lived on the ground floor or a floor where you could just look into their apartment or house so those are some of the examples that i wanted to share with you today that i think illustrate that dutch culture and american culture can also differ along the lines of personal space or at least something that resembles this idea of personal space and privacy i'm curious from your experiences what have you experienced what is it like where you're from as always i'm excited to read about that in the comments down below and until next time

Channel: Dutch Americano

Views: 29,419

Keywords: cross-culture, cross-cultural differences, Dutch vs American culture, American culture vs Dutch culture, Dutch culture, living abroad, dutch culture and traditions, dutch culture vs american culture, dutch culture shock, living abroad as an American, life in the Netherlands, American abroad

Id: cizp9F1WU8o

Length: 15min 0sec (900 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 16 2022