How Dr. Shefali Taught Oprah to Let Go of Expectations | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

DR. SHEFALI: Culture tells me, go ahead. One person you can put your expectations on is your child. OPRAH: Yes. DR. SHEFALI: In fact, you're expected to have expectations. Right? OPRAH: Yes. DR. SHEFALI: So now if my child is not going to fulfill my expectations, I am going to panic. And my panic will quickly become control. OPRAH: Can I share with you just how this showed up for me? After I did our last interview a couple of years ago, I had one of my girls in a school and she was having difficulties and she really didn't like the school. And I realized that I had talked her into going to that school. DR. SHEFALI: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. OPRAH: And I had to actually say to her, I made a mistake. DR. SHEFALI: Right. OPRAH: I made the ultimate mistake. I wanted to be able -- I, when I was your age, wanted to go to that school. And I couldn't go to that school. And so I put my hopes and my dreams on you. DR. SHEFALI: Yes. OPRAH: And that was wrong. DR. SHEFALI: Now, let's deconstruct this. OPRAH: Yeah. DR. SHEFALI: And show parents what you just did. OPRAH: Yeah. DR. SHEFALI: You first had the awareness. OPRAH: Yes. I had the awareness. I said, oh, my God. I am trying to get you to live my dream. This was not your dream. DR. SHEFALI: You went all the way back. OPRAH: Yeah. DR. SHEFALI: To that -- that mother. OPRAH: Yeah. DR. SHEFALI: Who only longed for the best for her child. OPRAH: Mm-hmm. DR. SHEFALI: But beneath the longing were the chains of an expectation. OPRAH: Yes. DR. SHEFALI: You thought, who wouldn't want to go to this school OPRAH: Absolutely. DR. SHEFALI: This is the enmeshment that occurs. OPRAH: I actually said those words. DR. SHEFALI: Yeah. OPRAH: Who wouldn't want to go there? DR. SHEFALI: So you just slapped onto her a desire that was completely coming from your state of lack from your childhood. OPRAH: Absolutely. DR. SHEFALI: This is where all projection, all dysfunction, all conflict in relationships come from, from the parent putting on to the child something from way back. OPRAH: Way back. DR. SHEFALI: That is a slivered sense of their self, an incomplete part of them, that we just automatically assume the child will want. But you, because you had a moment of awareness, and your ego was reigned in, you went, maybe it was me? OPRAH: Absolutely. DR. SHEFALI: Who just sent her on the wrong path? OPRAH: Absolutely. DR. SHEFALI: Set her onto the slaughter house of my spirit? OPRAH: Makes me want to cry because I did that. But you helped me to see that that's what I was doing. So in the moment of her, you know, despair, I thought, I did this. I projected what I wanted onto this. And the realization of it, the consciousness of it, actually, changed me with every other girl. And so now my entire approach, my entire philosophy, is that I can open the door. And you can walk through. DR. SHEFALI: The way you wish. OPRAH: The way you wish. DR. SHEFALI: I paved the path maybe. But you may walk how you wish OPRAH: Or choose not to walk. DR. SHEFALI: Manifest the way you wish. OPRAH: Or choose to not even walk through the door.

Channel: OWN

Views: 384,973

Keywords: Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Where Are They Now Oprah, full episodes, Super Soul Sunday, Oprah Winfrey Show, The Haves and The Have Nots, Have and Have Nots, If Loving You Is Wrong, Iyanla Vanzant, Livin Lozada, Oprah Life Class, Lindsay Lohan, how-to, season, episode, supersoulsunday, SuperSoul Sessions, SuperSoul Sunday, super soul sundays, oprah super soul sunday, brene brown, spiritual, Religion, God, Moment, Reveals, Ultimate, Parenting, Mistake, Dr.Shefali, Taught, Faith, Emotional

Id: WnvP6lYH1Wo

Length: 3min 19sec (199 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 07 2016