- In this video, I'm gonna show you the single most important decision I have ever made in my life. How this is completely
transforming my life from the inside out. How more opportunities,
more people saying yes, more abundance has flowed into my life since I have simply made this one choice. I wanna show you the five
secrets to making this choice, and how it'll completely
transform your life from the inside out. Now, this choice is to simply
begin to choose yourself. What I began doing is
I began choosing myself just recently more than ever before. It has completely transformed everything. It is like you have been living your life inside the dark and you turn on the light, and now you see all
these new opportunities and all these new experiences that were simply invisible to
you because the light was off. It's like they were always there, they were in the room waiting for you, these people, these situations. And it is just about turning on the light and realizing there's a
whole new reality to you when you begin to choose yourself. Now, the challenge that I experienced for so long in my life is that in different ways
I would not choose myself. I would look for other people
to validate my own frame, my own sense of approval. I would look to the external
for a certain level of safety, a certain level of feeling worthy. And because I was searching
for it in the outside, it would have me feeling
like I wasn't good enough, it would have me putting the
power outside of myself really. Now, I'll share with you one
of the ways more recently this has completely changed
my own level of abundance and how I'm showing up in the world. Now, right now I'm in this transition where I was for a long time
just on YouTube making videos, this is where you've
been seeing my videos, I am now moving into a more empowered like part of my life where
I am doing live events, I'm stepping into my own
power in a very powerful way. And as I've done this, there was for so long I believed that I needed certain things into my life in order for me to feel worthy, in order for me to feel
whole and complete. Now, one of those for a
long time was me believing that I like subconsciously I believed that I needed a relationship or someone in my life that would validate my own sense of worthiness. And there was a part of me that was always kind of looking for that, I was looking for someone to
validate my existence in a way, looking for someone to give me frame, not give me frame, but more
so just like it was almost like I was looking for my
worthiness in other people. And for a long time I also believed that I wanted somebody to choose me. And there was this energy where I would like look
for it in other people, and that really it was also this belief. There was a belief that was like, "If I
find the right person, then I will feel happy, then I will feel validated,
then I will feel enough." But something that's happened
within the last couple months is I have come into my own power in a way unlike anything I've
ever experienced before. And what I mean by this is I became aware that what I thought I
wanted for the longest time was I wanted like a relationship or I wanted some form of
that level of validation. And what ended up happening is I became aware that I
thought for a long time that's what I wanted, but I realized that
that's not what I want. I became aware that I simply
believed that I needed that and then I would like abandon myself to make other people happy. And then what I began doing is realizing that basically I was in a situation where I had everything that
I thought that I wanted, and I realized that I
didn't actually want it. It was just a belief
that I actually wanted it that said that. What I actually realized I wanted is I wanted my own freedom. I actually realized I wanted to be single, I wanted to be in my own energy, I wanted to have the freedom to travel and have the freedom to
like do my live events, and I liked my own autonomy,
I liked who I had become. And as I started to
realize this within myself and to realize that I
don't want these things that I originally thought that I wanted, I started being okay
with the present moment, I started choosing myself more. And then, it opened up all
these opportunities in my life. I'm talking about business opportunities, I'm talking about me being
in like this abundance, and pretty much every area of my life has come when I stopped believing that I needed the external to shift, or stopped believing that
I needed a relationship, or stopped believing that
I needed anything else, and I started focusing on my own process of realizing that I actually have all of which I already want. And it's funny 'cause for so long I
thought I wanted this thing, and then I realized pretty much once it was a potential to be there, I realized I really want
to be in my own power, I really want my own freedom. And it was a funny like realization because once I didn't need it, once I wasn't seeking it,
once I began choosing myself, then it was like it was
I didn't have to prove it anymore to the world. And once you don't need something, you get like an immediate
reflection of that thing. So, once I stopped needing
people's validation, approval, there was more people
validating and approving me than ever before, but I didn't need it, it's a completely different energy. That's because the energy of
want is the energy of lack. So, one of the most powerful parts of this and the first thing I wanna share with how you actually do this is you must start believing more, you must question the beliefs you have and realize that if you believe that you need frame from other people. And by frame I mean
like a sense of reality, a sense of safety, a sense of validation, or a sense of approval. If you believe you need it from them, what you wanna do is
you wanna look at that and you want to question that, and you wanna start believing that you have that within yourself. Start believing in that process for you. Realize the seeking is simply the belief, the attachment to the belief that they actually have something that you actually have within yourself. So, choosing yourself is one of the most
powerful things you can do, And that's exactly what
we're gonna be talking about in this video, different metaphors or ways
for understanding this. Now, first, off I wanna share with you too today's the last day to join that of the 7 Day Emotional Freedom Challenge, which is happening on
April 14th to the 21st. And if you want the early bird discount and all the bonuses that come with it, now is the time to join. I'll go and put the link in
the top description box below. We're gonna be doing
three things in there. One, we're gonna be
learning over seven days, seven days of live workshops including somatic release breath
work and other modalities. It's gonna be seven days
of, one, choosing yourself, how to choose yourself,
stop abandoning yourself, stop people pleasing, or needing
approval from other people. How do you step-by-step
start choosing yourself so that other people choose you, but you don't even need them to. So, that's about how to
heal the abandonment wound, how to seek frame and feel
safe within your body. The second thing you're
gonna learn is how to feel and heal the unprocessed
emotions of the past. A lot of times a lack
of clarity in our life comes from not having, was having stored energy
inside of our body that hasn't been felt and
processed from the past. And when you do that, you make room for higher
vibrational emotions, and that's why the third thing
we're gonna be focused on is raising your vibrational set point, feeling love, joy, peace
as the natural set point by clearing out the energies
so that then you make room for the higher vibrational
emotions and energy. So, if you wanna join that of the 7 Day Emotional
Transformation Challenge, seven days to feel an emotionally free, click the link below, join, today's the last day
for the the early bird and the bonuses and all of that. So, anyways, the second
thing that I wanna share when it comes to this emotional freedom and how to feel more free
inside of your own body than ever before is understanding that of the individuation process. Now, what happens is
a lot of us growing up we may have not felt like it was safe for us
to be in our own frame. We may have felt like a
survival mechanism growing up was that if I get the validation and the approval of mom and
dad, then I can feel safe. And what ends up happening
is from that belief we then tune to other
people to get safety. And if you feel like an
empath or identify an empath, this is definitely a
pattern you wanna look at. Now, what happens is growing
up there's a certain point to where we feel it's safe
for us to individuate. And part of being an individuate and individuating from your parents is realizing that you
may have perspectives that are different from them, realizing that you have the
ability to meet your own needs. And if we never experience the individuation process growing up, then we'll continue to looking
to other people in our lives, maybe not mom and dad anymore, but maybe your boss or your coworkers to give you and to meet the same needs that you feel that weren't met growing up. So, one of the processes in the parts of the individuation process is beginning to focus on
your own sense of values, your own sense of self-worth. What do you believe? Not what do your parents believe, what did you have to believe in order to get love and
approval and validation, but what do you actually feel about you? Part of my individuation
process with this, to be honest, was a couple years ago I shed the whole nice guy people
pleaser persona that I had. I got that from my dad. My dad was the ultimate like nice, is the ultimate nice guy like archetype. And I became aware of this pattern and realized it was really
fucking up my relationships. It was depolarizing sexual polarity in the woman I was dating
because then I was being nice and I wasn't being in my
own strong masculine frame. I realized that I would abandon myself and do things for other people that I didn't really want to do. And I would in a way then
result in me banning myself and being angry and like
having anger inside my body because I did something
I didn't want to do. And eventually what
happened is I became aware of all of this energy and all of this like pattern that I had. And then I began to
realize, you know what? Just the awareness itself
helped me begin to individuate from my dad and realize,
"Wait, I'm not him. This isn't how I choose to be. I don't need their validation or approval to feel worthy,
whole, and complete anymore." So, what I ended up doing is I ended up starting to choose myself by setting boundaries with people. I ended up realizing that I'm not my dad and the awareness itself was
the secret to knowing that. And that changed just
about everything about me and I stopped living and and
and tuning to other people to feel that sense of frame and safety, and I started to instead focusing more on what I wanted to do, what was what am I passionate about? And if I didn't feel like doing something in
a specific situation, I would express that. That meant being vulnerable at times because nice guy people pleasers
don't wanna be vulnerable, so they hide it by pretending
to be okay with everything. And instead, I would express how I actually felt to friends and family, and it completely changed everything, it was like I was wiring
in a new version of myself. So, that individuation process is about me becoming aware
of what are my own values. I let go of wanting and
focusing on the values subconsciously of validation approval, and I started valuing authenticity and I started valuing my own sense of vulnerability,
being vulnerable. I realize that vulnerability is attractive because it takes courage to have. And as I started focusing
on showing my heart more and opening that up, it changed just about everything about how I showed up in the world. So, realize if you have
the people pleaser, the nice guy persona, you can shed it. And part of the way you do this is by becoming aware of your values and realizing you've been valuing things that you had to value growing
up to get your needs met, but then you realize that
you can meet your own needs in the way that as you
start loving yourself, as you start choosing yourself, that is a form of self-love
that has you feel empowered. It will literally feel like
a completely new reality when you begin saying no to people you've never said no to before. It'll feel kind of fearful at first because you think you're
gonna get all this tension. That's the reason, by the way, a lot of people avoid
individuation and being independent is because what that means to them is that means if I individuate myself or am independently myself, I'm gonna cause tension in the family, I'm gonna cause tension in my friend group because then it's gonna cause
things to come up from people. Now, one of the most
powerful things to remember is that if that's the case, remember that's their stuff, not yours. It's not your responsibility
to be the glue in your family, it's not your responsibility
to make all your friends happy, it's your responsibility to
be the most authentic you. And if that means
certain friends or family repel away from you, then guess what? That's oka because the
worst thing you can do is to abandon your true
self to make them happy and then keep people in your life that don't really resonate
with the real you. By having people that may leave your life because you're being the most
authentic version of you, you will make room for people that really resonate with the real you. So, it's not a problem,
but choose yourself. And the way that you can choose yourself is by choosing your own values. What do you value? I value vulnerability,
courage, authenticity over validation, approval,
and all these other things. And I realized that for a long time I thought I wanted that from other people, and I realized I don't, I
like being in my own energy. And as I started focusing
on realizing this, I started valuing my own energy, I started valuing myself. It is crazy how many things have come into my life
since this realization. So, realize that you may
have believed for a long time you wanted something specific, but now you realize you may
not actually want that thing that you thought you wanted, you may want because there's an inner
child inside of all of us that feels like their needs
weren't met growing up. And what happens is if we don't
listen to that inner child, what we do is that inner
child lives inside of us looking for its needs
to be met in adult life. And what happens is it
wants the validation and approval of a YouTube audience, or like coworkers, or friends, or family, or boss, or whatever. But deep down, the inner
child doesn't want approval or validation from them,
they want it from you. They want it from the part of you that you've been neglecting, the shame, the state, the belief that
like, "Oh I can't show that part of myself
'cause I'm ashamed of it." When you begin loving
that part of yourself, that isolated self-alienated
part of yourself, it will completely transform the energy. That's why an inner child meditation could be so powerful for this, by the way. And in that 7 Day Emotional
Freedom Challenge, we're doing inner child work. So, that's another thing
we're gonna be focused on, like another pillar of it. Now, there's something
from this Instagram account called The Holistic Psychologist, and she said this thing that
really resonated with me and that is that self-love
is or love is not a feeling. We think love is a feeling, love is also the choices
you make about yourself. So, think about this, you could say, "Well, okay, how is love if I'm gonna set boundaries
with someone else that doesn't feel good?" If I set boundaries with someone
else, they may not like it. But by setting boundaries
with someone else, that may be an act of
self-love for yourself. Leaving someone else may
be an act of self-love. You may leave a relationship that is toxic and you can say, "How is that love? I don't, I feel abandoned or
they're gonna feel abandoned, all this stuff." But the act of leaving someone
else that doesn't value you and you starting to value yourself can be an act of self-love. Setting boundaries with other people can be an act of self-love. Choosing to focus on your
own positive qualities can be an act of self-love. Taking a bath can be an act of self-love. It's not just a feeling, it's the choices you make about yourself that create a sense of
safety within yourself because if you know you got you and you know you can meet your own needs, then guess what? You feel safe within your own body. So, that's why the third
part of this process is understanding that
love is not an emotion, not just an emotion, I should say. Love is also the actions and the choices you make
that allow you to feel safe. This is why also not
like to choose yourself means living in integrity with yourself. Living in integrity self
means keeping your own word. If you know that if someone
else crosses your boundary, you're gonna stand up for yourself, you will feel more safe
within your own body. If you know that when you
say you're gonna show up somewhere at by a
specific time and you do, you then start to trust yourself more. Trust comes from integrity. Integrity within yourself, doing the things you say you're gonna do, not doing the things that
you say you're not gonna do. Being clear as to what that is. What is your boundary? What is okay if someone does something and what is not okay if
someone does something? You becoming aware of these is very powerful for
being in your own frame, for understanding your own power. That's a third step to this process is the choices you make
are the act of self-love that allows you to be in
your own sense of frame. Now, the fourth part of this process is probably one of the most powerful ones I've ever learned in my life, this has to do with something
called the frame technique. The frame technique is all about that of a simple meditative process where you understand the
simple basis of reality of what is called self versus
other, self versus other. Now, what happens is people that seek frame from other people are people that only see other, they don't really know where
their sense of self ends, and ends and where they begin. They think that it's almost like, "I need to get everyone else's validation or approval to feel safe
within my own body." Not knowing that you can
feel safe within yourself, but you have to know what that is, and you have to feel into that. So, what the frame technique really is we're also gonna be doing that in that 7 Day Emotional Freedom Challenge. But the the frame technique is simply feeling inside of your body and feeling the separation
between you and a candle flame. On the in-breath, feeling the separation and on the out-breath, relaxing your gaze. Still focusing on the candle, but focusing on the peripheral. What you start to do as
you do this exercise, I mean have a meditation called the frame technique meditation. This meditation has
literally had so many people say they cry when they do it because they finally start to
feel safe in their own body. They finally start to set
boundaries with other people. I would do this meditation
and go out in public and you will notice that by
feeling safe in your own body and not needing anything from anyone else, you have a magnetic quality
that is very hard to describe. But that's where the power of this is, is feeling safe within
your own frame of reality. And as you begin to do that, you also begin to feel more worthy for the individuation process. Doesn't mean you individuate and you never connect with people again. But it's realizing that
as you do this thing that probably maybe never
happened in childhood, you begin to feel safe
within your own body. As you feel safe within your own body, you allow energy to come
up to be transformed, you allow yourself to process emotion that hadn't been processed before. The frame technique for
me was a game changer when I began to use it back in the day. Two, a year and a half ago maybe, I would go into public like
I would go on even hikes, I lived in Sedona at the time and I would notice that
like there was a part of me before that would like greet people, feel obligated to say hi to
people that I was passing. I know could be the nice thing to do. Sometimes I wasn't in the mood and I didn't feel like doing it. And then eventually I
realized, "You know what? I'll just bring the awareness
back inside of myself." And it was crazy as I would do that, there was such a magnetic quality to it, people were just drawn to me where I could feel not guilty and just feeling my own
frame, it was crazy. And I've shared this
with so many other people and they have similar effects. Feeling safe in your
own body is so magnetic, and the frame technique
is a very powerful way to wire that in. And that's what we're gonna be doing in that 7 Day Emotional
Freedom Challenge as well is really wiring that in. Now, the fourth secret to really being in your own frame and to really choosing yourself has to do with trusting
the course of your life and also trusting the universe. The ego, when the ego thinks
it must figure everything out, that's when it causes resistance. When the ego believes that it must control everything,
that causes resistance. And when there's a realization that there's a higher sense of reality, you could call it God,
source, the universe, that is bringing to you all the things that you would ever want. If you would just get
into alignment with it, you can begin to trust more, begin to trust your
higher faculties of life, begin to trust the divine. As I started trusting
the timing of my life and I stopped trying to control things, it also released so much resistance. That's really the name of the game here. How much resistance can you let go of? And how can you just get in alignment with who you really came here to be? Now, that means trusting the universe and realizing that many times the universe knows better than what
the ego thinks it knows. There are many times when
I've let go and let God, and as I let go, the universe brings something even better than I could have even
imagined in my life, but it had to do with
letting go of the past. And that was another part
of choosing myself too, I'll say this too now it's towards like just 'cause I think
it might help some of you. Part of the past for me of letting go meant letting go of the ties to like past relationships
that didn't serve. And I felt blocked for so long because there was like a little thread that I hadn't let go of
in past relationships. And anytime I completely
let go of the thread by realizing really accepting
that this was not ideal, even though the mind fights for it or the past childhood patterns that you're trying to
keep alive fight for it. When you finally let that go, that's when you allow
opportunities to come in, that's when you let go of the old energy and you allow something even better. But you have to trust that
when you let that thing go, you will allow in something better. But once I let go of the past and let go of the belief and realizing that what
you miss about someone else that's maybe an ex or someone else that's left your life, you think you miss them, sometimes you may just miss the karma, you may just miss the familiarity with it. And once you become aware of that, you say, "Why am I fighting for this?" Then you start to free yourself, then you start to realize how silly it is, and you realize that you deserve more. But you only get that when
you begin to give yourself what you believe you can
get from other people. So, choosing yourself is
really a choice that you make where you stop believing that other people have your happiness. You stop believing that once you get that thing
you think you want, you realize it's not gonna
be what you think it is. What you really want and
what your inner child wants is it wants your own approval, wants your own validation,
it wants your own presence. And as you begin to heal
that inner child within you, you will begin to choose
yourself more and more. Realize your own sense of individuation is about disconnecting from what and who you think you need to be from mom and dad's approval, and begin instead focusing
on what are your own values? Do you value vulnerability, authenticity, your own integrity? Realize the more you begin to
live within that value system, the more safe you will begin to feel. Realize that as you set boundaries and you become clear what is
okay and what is not okay, you will also begin to feel safe because you'll know that
you have your own back. And realize that this
process about trusting God, trusting the universe to flow through you, you don't need to control. And as you begin choosing that aspect, choosing yourself, which
includes the divine, you will trust more and you won't need from
other people nearly as much. So, with that being said, if you like this video, can you like it? Can you share it if you think
this can help other people? And if you wanna let go of your past and become emotionally free, if you wanna start choosing yourself, feel to heal the past
familiar childhood patterns, then click right here,
join the 7 Day Challenge, and let's transform together.
