How Andrew Rannells' First Relationship Shaped His Life

you know you tell this story about in high school the first sort of sexual experience that you have and we're going deep we're gonna get into it a little bit because I think it's such a an informative piece for for young people to read especially young people who are marginalized within their community because it's not just a story of a first sexual experience it's how when you are marginalized you can be exploited and those who are exploiting come from being marginalized as well and they might not even recognize that they're doing it there are so many layers to that story and the people involved in at you as well as the the two men who one of which you have a relationship with and the other one is upset with you what were you thinking about when you wouldn't what did you learn from that story when you were writing about it as an adult I was very judgmental of myself at that time I was 17 years old I got myself involved in this relationship with a guy who was 40 I thought that I was sort of smart enough to handle the intricacies of an adult relationship and I was not you write about it so smartly in the sense that this was also your only option in a way well I certainly felt that way I mean you know growing up in in Omaha and going to an all-boys Catholic school it's not like there there was no like you know gay and lesbian Ally meeting at my high school like that wasn't a thing and I didn't meet a lot of other young gay people there were they were there but we just were not out to each other and I think that's something that I realized to my my best friend growing up was his kid Joe Costello and we were friends from like best friends like inseparable from kindergarten to eighth grade and then when we got to high school we just stopped speaking and I think there was this strange and I'd always wondered about it and then in in writing about it I realized I think we both recognized that we were gay and that we couldn't be too close to each other because like if we were together that somehow would draw more attention to yes which makes me sad that was one of like the sadder like we're gonna I realized that I was like oh I think we both consciously consciously made this decision to kind of pull away from each other out of some sort of weird fear of being caught or something so that was a affected twist when putting together this this book but going back to the the guy no I I really didn't feel like I was I felt like I was capable of making those decisions but I certainly didn't know how to get out of this relationship and it I didn't realize how much that affected me well into my 20s because I just I moved here and I was like well that's in the past let's move forward and I never really dealt with what that did [ __ ] with your trust issues they mess with how you relate to other people how you get into relationships commit to them yeah those really early formative relationships when they are with someone like that can really break apart those periods of time where you should be having like healthy exploratory relationships in your 20s and that takes a little longer I think for it certainly did for me to have that I mean I had my first real serious relationship when I was 22 which is a little not late but now it's later I suppose to have like your first serious boyfriend yeah I describe it as having high self-worth but low self-esteem I feel like I deserve a lot but I don't really deserve it [Music] you

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Id: 2xL5jkurlnE

Length: 3min 30sec (210 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 12 2019