House MD | Best of Clinic Scenes

i was playing golf and my cleats got stuck i mean it hurt a little but i kept playing the next morning i could barely stand up like smiling so i take it that means this isn't serious what's that what are you doing painkillers oh for you for your leg no because they're yummy you want one make your back feel better unfortunately you have a deeper problem your wife is having an affair what you're orange you it's one thing for you not to notice but if your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed color she's just not paying attention by the way do you consume just a ridiculous amount of carrots and megadose vitamins carrots turn you yellow the niacin turns you red find some more finger paint and do the math and get a good lawyer [Music] deep breath it's cold [Music] he's been using his inhaler not in the past few days he's um only ten i worry about children taking such strong medicines so frequently what happened to your leg your doctor probably was concerned about the strength of the medicine too she probably weighed that danger against the danger of not breathing oxygen is so important during those pre-pubescent years don't you think okay i'm going to assume that nobody's ever told you what asthma is or if they have you had other things on your mind a stimulant trigger cells in your child's airways to release substances that inflame the air passages doesn't cause them to contract mucus production increases cell lining starts to shed but the steroids the steroids stop the inflammation more often this happens what more often this happens what forget it if you don't trust steroids you shouldn't trust doctors no formula just mommy's healthy natural breast milk yummy her whole face just got swollen like this overnight no fever gland's normal missing her vaccination dates we're not vaccinating think they don't work i think some multinational pharmaceutical company wants me to think they work pad their bottom line is a good business all natural children's toys toy companies they don't arbitrarily mark up their frogs they don't lie about how much they spend on research and development the worst the toy company can be accused of is making a really boring frog you know one of the really good business teeny tiny baby coffins you can get them in frog green fire engine red really the antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months which is why these companies think they can gouge you they think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive want to change things prove them wrong a few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up 40 bucks for a vaccination believe me prices will drop really fast tell me what she has [Music] a cold it's infected with a really big hole like you stuck a nail in it to relieve the pressure i wouldn't do that although the wound is irregular it's not cylindrical shaped like a triangle so not a nail steak knife wife's nail file nail file yeah pain will make you do stupid things something to take the edge off yeah cheers so we got a family here in christie no you're on work no why are you does your penis hurt no why should it no just thought i'd toss you a really inappropriate question your lawyer's gonna love it why would i want to sue you i want you to treat me you're from maplewood new jersey right yeah now why would you drive 70 miles to get treatment for a condition that a nine-year-old could diagnose it's the free-flowing pus that's the tip-off i was in town not for family not for work you drove 70 miles to a walk-in clinic you passed two hospitals on the road now either you've got a problem with those hospitals or they have a problem with you my guess is you've sued to have the doctors in maplewood and the rest are now refusing to help you it's ironic isn't it sort of like the boy who sued wolf you know i bet we have a doctor here named wolf how perfect would that be i'm gonna page him okay you know what thank you i'm gonna find a doctor to take care of this i didn't say i wouldn't treat you drain your knee and run some lab work fix it right up why would you do that i'm a people person dr house hey mr fun stuff i was wondering when you be back got some papers for me you've caused me considerable mental distress certainly hope so what too cheap to get your lawyer to serve it for you is it just more fun this way i'm obviously prepared to consider a settlement you have gonorrhea no i don't well maybe you're right but i have a lab results as you do could be a false positive but normally i'd run a second test but since you're here i'll just go with it first you're just trying to scare me it's reportable you know it's a public health issue i'll be sure to let my wife know oh don't bother yourself the state will call for you look if you're clean i'm sure it'll all blow over no big deal there's an easy way to find out get one of your doctors to run a test these are mine now i'll see you in court it was yellow it was it's not anymore oh that's a shame i thought that might be a problem so i brought you [Music] your mucus was pale goldenrod last week yes should i be worried oh yes erin really i thought it was okay now and yet here you are what happened paramedics took a week to respond to your 9-1-1 call you're not a very nice doctor are you and you are very bad at whatever it is you do you don't even know me i know you're gonna get fired that's why you got the new glasses that's why your teeth are sparkly white you're getting the most of your health insurance while you still can i might be quitting if you were quitting you'd have known that last week when you're snot and still pale goldenrod you're getting fired i just don't like being told what to do i can get you in for a full body scan later this week thanks what are you doing level four no no i mean i know what you meant we're waiting my throat hurts so he said how long are we waiting two minutes less than when you asked me two minutes ago hi hi i'm dr cuddy nice to meet you dr cuddy thanks for the consult his throat seems to have some condition say ah ah [Applause] [Music] he has a sore throat of course yes why didn't i because he said it hurt and i i should have deduced them and it was how you doing okay great i'm doing good too i get to knock off an hour early today now why because i kiss my boss's ass you ever do that i think she just said yes because she wants to reinforce that behavior wants me to kiss a lot of other people's ass like she wants me to kiss yours what would you want a doctor who holds your hand while you die or a doctor who ignores you while you get better i guess it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die i should go you think it's gonna come out on its own are we talking bigger than a bread basket because actually it will come out on its own which for small stuff is no problem it's wrapped up in a nice soft package and plop big stuff you're gonna rip something which speaking medically is when the fun stops how did you you've been here half an hour you haven't sat down that tells me it's location you haven't told me what it is that tells me it's humiliating i have a little birdie carved under your arm and tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation so i figure it's not hemorrhoids i've been a doctor 20 years you're not going to surprise me it's an mp3 player is it is it because of the size or the shape or is it the pounding baseline what are we gonna do i'm gonna wait for what lately i've been feeling sick a lot maybe i'm over training i'm doing the marathon like 10 miles a day but i can't seem to lose any weight lift up your arms you have a parasite like a tape warmer slide back and lift up your sweater you can put your arms down can you do anything about it only for about a month or so after that it becomes illegal to remove except in a couple of states illegal but don't worry many women learn to embrace this parasite name it dress it up in tiny clothes arrange playdates with other parasites it has your eyes that's impossible well i assume you weren't getting your period maybe that should have given you an inkling but i'm on this birth control and i know i saw the scar on your arm and my doctor said i might not get any periods at all if it was working interestingly enough you also don't get any periods if it isn't working which is why you were supposed to get regular pregnancy tests i'm gonna send a nurse in here to schedule your prenatal care you're doing about five months so start planning the shower um doctor please me and my husband wanted to have a kid soon but oh god like four months ago we had this really big fight he moved out i did something stupid one night stand ex-boyfriend well i'll schedule you a paternity test too i can't let my husband know does the old boyfriend look like your husband yeah then just have the kid you'll never know the most successful marriages are based on lies if you're off to a great start conduct your house oh no dr house this is my husband charlie who told you where my office was jill come on he obviously doesn't want it's bothering him i'm just trying to hide it look doctor this is about the mono that you said you thought i had the mono yes you know shouldn't charlie be tested you know the test the blood test right yeah i'm sorry i i sometimes forget patience i thought you were this idiot who doesn't know how to use birth control i can't have mono i i don't even feel sick or anything that's very often the first sign call my office in the morning scheduling for blood tests thank you my younger husband is definitely the source of your mono oh wow oh thank god wow i'm gonna be a mom whoa thank you so much i gotta get you a gift or something sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again okay all right but dr house you've been so awesome i mean i really totally trust you do you think you could do the prenatal no or deliver the baby that would be no okay [Music] let me guess inflammatory bowel wow yeah is it that bad yes it's also written on your chart bloody diarrhea gas pain took self-esteem but it didn't work yeah then then i x-rayed steroid amnesty oral corticosteroids five asa six more cancer purine i'm impressed by my medical history by how well your last doctor charted it's one thing to have to go to the bathroom every hour but when the kids sit on my lap the store sent me home they're going to fire me can't you put me back on 5 a.s.a maybe it'll work this time not likely i can't be your prescription it's cheap which is good your insurance company won't pay for it [Music] cogiritis cigarettes one twice a day and we're no less studies have shown that cigarette smoking is one of the most effective ways to control inflammatory bowel plus it's been well established that you look 30 cooler are you kidding me about the looking cooler yeah the rest is true isn't it addictive and dangerous pretty much all the drugs i prescribe are addictive and dangerous the only difference for this one is it's completely illegal well good news the lab says it's not strep so we're done wait a second no really not strep boys in the lab sure they're hard drinkers but they're pros you know plus your kid actually has none of the symptoms for strep i just figured it was quicker running the test than arguing with you my point is go i just wanted to ask your opinion doctor she's having a birthday party next week and she's upset that i'm getting a sugarless cake the other kids hate it this is why you're here sugar is the leading cause of obesity in america you want a doctor to scare her about the dangers of sugar she needs to get her weight under control well you know i feel sorry for those other kids wendy who don't have a mom like yours a mom who knows that sugar causes heart disease appendicitis and athlete's foot that's not fair oh yes it is no i get it you want her to slim down a little so she can wear pretty clothes like yours love the bracelets hey what about matching outfits you could be twins oh she can't be your daughter it's impossible you look way too young happy birthday give the kid a damn ice cream cake i've tried everything pulling the tongue ice packs on the throat hitting yourself the groin pitch while you've certainly covered all on normal medical bases uh how are you hitting yourself though is it that an open hand or fifth open hand well that's that's how they teach it at harvard med how hard though i'm sorry i missed that could you do that again that's that's very good it's hiccups i need to speak with you now i need to go pee-pee just dial it up a notch and repeat i'll be back anything else besides the shortness of breath not really it's actually just kind of a tightness you smoke no never exercise eight hours a day i teach preschool sounds fun any history of heart disease in your family not that i know of take a deep breath been under a lot of stress lately no more than usual you're probably just a little anemic i'm gonna do an ekg just to make sure do i need to take this off uh no you just pull that down in front good lord are those real do they look real they look pretty damn good they were present for my husband's 40th i figured he'd enjoy them more than a sweater that's so sweet i'm afraid the cause of your problem could be staring us right in the face actually i guess i'm the one doing staring of course i can't be sure i'd like to consult a colleague he's actually somewhat of an expert in these matters [Music] can i get a page on dr wilson [Music] is a lie a lie if everybody knows it's alive well if a tree pretends to fall on the forest house come on they're breasts they're a birthday present not a philosophical treatise line number one she did not do that for her husband she did that for herself she thinks if she looks different she'll be different no she thinks if she looks different she'll be more attractive which i have to say not to her husband cosmetic surgery so everyone else will look at us differently same reason you're wearing that tie well exactly that was going to be my next point last three months same five ties thursday should be that paisley thing it's a gift for my wife no it's not julie hates green you bought that yourself you want to look pretty at work wilson's got a girlfriend stop stop i don't it takes two department heads to treat shortness of breath what do the complications increase exponentially with cup size i want an ekg and blood test including tox screen on mrs exam room one they're ordering tests to cover your luxury interesting very tricky boys mrs campbell's test results you remember her the preschool teacher with the heart of silicone nope doesn't ring a bell they came in yesterday i figured you guys would have been all over them i know how concerned you were she's all upset because we paid more attention to the other girl you check out her ass i've got the chest the tests were normal of course that's just my opinion you might want to call a couple of guys from maintenance in for a consult you check her ekg results before she left the other day you ordered it you're the responsible one what's wrong they look normal to me where is she waiting downstairs why i was right [Music] do i have to get rid of the implants surprisingly no but your ekg shows a slightly decreased heart rate is that a problem you told me you hadn't changed your diet or exercise were you lying lying does your husband have high blood pressure my husband yeah if you're gonna repeat everything i say this conversation is gonna take twice as long yes he was diagnosed six months ago you do a lot of cooking at home not really other than oatmeal in the morning did you happen to notice a slightly odd taste of the oatmeal lately wait are you saying that it looks like your husband stirred in some of his blood pressure medication along with brown sugar you think my husband's trying to poison me no nothing like that he just doesn't want to have sex with you decree's sex drive is one of the most common side effects of the beta blockers he's been taking i'm guessing he figured you're both frigid no harm no foul should have gotten in the sweater that's ridiculous fine if you're still concerned about the shortness of breath i'd start making your own breakfast wait what should i do if you care about your husband at all i do the responsible thing buy yourself some condoms go to a bar fine huh

Channel: The Condiment Kings Fridge

Views: 381,306

Keywords: dr house, hugh laurie, gregory house, house clinic scenes, house clinic duty, house clinic, house md best of clinic, house md funny moments, house md best of clinic scenes, house best clinic moments, house md wilson, house md funny, house m.d., house best moments, house funniest moments

Id: sLeTZMmc-LE

Length: 21min 42sec (1302 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 13 2022