World War 2 destroyed most of Europe, cities
were burned to the ground and entire governments collapsed. At the end of the war, along with physically
rebuilding, the people came together and said: You know what, we need to figure out a way
to stop this from happening again. Governments were restructured and entire constitutions
were rewritten and intergovernmental unions were formed. And society reordered what they thought was
most important. Many of the changes that took hold in Europe
after the war were also proposed here in the United States. Had FDR not died, they might have been implemented. But unlike Europe, America was relatively
untouched by the war, we didn’t need to rebuild entire cities and when it came to
society: We won, why should we have to change anything? So we didn’t, America persevered through
the war and came out the other side relatively unchanged, maybe a little more arrogant for
being the only country to do so. Some changes eventually happened, but slowly…
over time… and with a lot of push back. I’m not saying which path towards change
after World War 2 was better – whether it be Europe’s or Americas. But that is objectively what happened. I want you to remember this story and those
two different approaches as we talk about personal struggle through adversity. This video was brought to you by Audible. Most of what we know about how the world works
comes from childhood. I’m not talking about complicated things
like how to do your taxes. But basic foundational concepts that shape
your view of how the world works. The base, upon which everything else you know
is built. This is called the Assumptive World, and it’s
not simple stuff like two plus two equals four or the sky is blue. It’s even more fundamental than that. Like that adults have it all figured out and
they know everything – teachers, doctors, and especially your parents. When I was a kid, my dad was the smartest
person in the world. Or that true love exists, there’s someone
out there for everyone and once you find that person, your soul mate, everything is easy
and works out perfectly. And that may have been the case for a few
of you. But for the rest of us, that assumption was
shattered rather early, we know that you eventually find someone who fits most of your criteria
and you make it work. If I could offer you just one tip for the
future – after wearing sunscreen – it would be that relationships are work. I blame Disney for putting that fairy tale
notion of love in our heads, and no, I’m not bitter about anything… Why would I be bitter? Apparently, I have a new feminist girlfriend,
which is great. Can’t wait to meet her. Another basic fundamental concept you learn
as a child is that good and evil exist and are clearly defined. People are either good or evil, and we assume
most people are good. You also learn the difference between right
and wrong, and that every action you take is either right or wrong. This doesn’t come from religion – can
we not have that discussion right now please? While we all know things like murder and stealing
are wrong, we also have more complex moral issues to deal with – like lying. We all know lying is wrong, we’re taught
that from the beginning. Except when someone gives you a present that
you don’t really like… then your parents tell you you’re supposed to lie in order
to make the other person feel good. So instead of good and evil being clearly
defined there’s this little gray area in between. Then you forget to do your homework because
you were too busy playing Podracer on N64, but of course you’re not going to tell your
teacher that, so you say something like you forgot your math book in your locker. Or when you’re late for work, you can’t
tell your boss it’s because you’re hungover, so It’s traffic. So lying is okay if it makes other people
feel good or it protects you from getting in trouble, that little gray area between
right and wrong becomes more of a… gradient? I feel like there’s another word for that
but it escapes me right now. So you’re taking that fundamental concept
and building on it as your understanding becomes more complex. But the basic foundation is still there. A similar thing happens to our view of good
and evil as we get older, we realize that people aren’t purely good or purely evil,
there’s a gradient. We still generally classify people as good
or evil though. While we acknowledge there are shades of gray
in between, we still have some sort of division between good and evil. Where that line is changes from person to
person. If I were to ask you if your friend Devin
is good or bad, you’re not going to say “Well, he’s actually somewhere in the
gray, though he tends more towards-“ No, good or bad. This understanding comes with another idea,
that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, this is known
as the Just World Hypothesis. It’s also known by other names like the
Just World Fallacy. This is the belief that people get what they
deserve, some people call it karma others call it divine justice, but you don’t need
to be religious to believe this. Everyone believes in the Just World to some
degree. It’s one of those things that we all know
isn’t real and we tell each other it isn’t real. But deep down, we still believe it. We have a number of common phrases that help
to reinforce the Just World and even resolve the cognitive dissonance that occurs when
something challenges that belief, like when something good happens to a bad person. Oh, what goes around comes around, you reap
what you sow, he’ll get his in the end. It sounds childish I know, but even as adults,
many of us still hold onto this idea that good things happen to good people and bad
things happen to bad people. We all know in the back of our minds that
sometimes things cross over, but very very rarely – and certainly never to us. Things don’t just happen randomly, so if
a bad thing happens to you, you must be bad, and if a good thing happens to you, you must
be good. Say for example, you win a raffle. You go up and get your prize, you sit down
and say “Wow, I can’t believe I won” and your friend looks at you and says “Hey
man, good for you, you deserve it.” But… but it was random. There are numerous studies into the Just World
where someone in a group is randomly chosen to be given a candy bar before a task, and
then afterwards the group is asked to rate each other on likability. The person who was randomly chosen to be given
a candy bar is often rated higher. Because if something good happened to them,
they must be good, they must have done something to deserve it. For longtime viewers, this particular aspect
is known as the Halo Effect. There have been other studies using monopoly,
where one person started off with much more money, and they eventually came to believe
that they genuinely deserved their advantage. Even though the game started off unequal,
they believed it was fair. You see this in the real world all the time,
rich people are rich because they worked hard or they must have done something to deserve
it. But this also works in the reverse. We all accept that sure, sometimes random
bad things happen, but we want to fit them into our Just World Hypothesis. Even if that means blaming the victim. We don’t want to believe that random bad
things can happen to us, so if it happened to you, you must have done something to provoke
it. Maybe you said something or you wore something? I hope you get what I’m hinting at here,
but if you don’t, let’s switch to a different, less controversial example like… cancer. We all know that cancer is random, right? Well not really, if you have cancer, you must
have done something – you smoked or ate asbestos or… used the microwave with the
door open. Or you’re just a garbage human being who’s
getting what they deserve. You might be thinking that you’re not that
terrible of a person, but we all do believe this to a certain extent. When you find out that someone has cancer,
your first question is often – how? Partly so you can avoid doing whatever they
did, so you don’t get cancer, but also because… you think they did something. Sure, random things happen, but not to me. So let’s alter the example a little, let’s
say your wife gets cancer, you know her pretty well you’ve been together for years, she’s
a good person. You know she’s never smoked or been to Chernobyl. So you sit there and try to think of what
she might’ve done or how this could have possibly happened, some people might tell
you… “Everything happens for a reason” or “God
works in mysterious ways”… which doesn’t help, since it kind of implies that God- You
know what, let’s change the example, you get cancer. Now there is no wondering about what they
might have done behind your back or in a past life to deserve this. Because you don’t believe in reincarnation
and you know everything you’ve done. You know who you are, you know what you’ve
done, and you know you’re a good person… but you also know that good things happen
to good people and bad things happen to bad people. So if something bad is happening to you… There are only two options, you can’t resolve
this with some colloquial saying, either you’re a bad person or this fundamental belief you’ve
had about the world since childhood is wrong. This is the Shattered Assumptions Theory and
it’s triggered by a Traumatic Event. If you think you might have had a traumatic
event happen to you, you’re wrong. You know if you’ve had a traumatic event. A Potential Traumatic Event has to be sufficiently
devastating enough to cause inward self-reflection, when you to question your entire reality. Your favorite pet dying, while tragic, probably
isn’t going to do that. It also has to occur in adulthood, when you’re
a child, this is your life – you have your foundations and a few pieces here and there,
family, friends, maybe a few savings bonds from your grandma. Losing this wouldn’t really be that much
of a setback. I’m not trying to downplay anything that
may have happened to you that may have been traumatic, but when it comes to the Shattered
Assumptions Theory, it has to occur in adulthood. When your life looks more like this. It took you decades to build this – it’s
not perfect, but it’s also not done, you have a job, maybe a career, a family, maybe
even a little savings. You’ve had to cut corners, skip a few pieces
here and there. You’ve had to add pieces on that you didn’t
expect to, but you made it work. It’s not great, but it’s the life you
have. And then something comes along… and that’s
it… everything’s gone. This is what we call hitting Rock Bottom… Roll Credits Go away CinemaSins, nobody likes
you anymore. After my last video, many of you asked me
what caused me to look at the world differently and re-evaluate my positions. And this is your answer. If I’m a good person, and something bad
is happening to me… maybe I’m not a good person… or maybe this fundamental belief
I’ve held since childhood is wrong. And if I’m wrong about that, what else am
I wrong about? This process doesn’t happen overnight, it’s
a reflective period that takes place over months or even years, it’s not like I was
hit in the head and woke… actually, I was hit in the head, with a golf club. But that was years before and I’m fine now. Before the age of 25, if you had asked me
if I had experienced a traumatic event, I would have said yes. And I would have listed them all for you. If you were to ask me today… the answer
is still yes. But there’s only one. In 1999, Baz Luhrmann released a spoken word
song called Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen), it’s amazing and I’ve come back to it
several times over the last twenty years. Each time, I’m able to extract a little
more meaning from it. I’m not going to play it for you because
of copyright, but this particular passage is important:
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as
trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to
be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM
on some idle Tuesday. According to the Shattered Assumptions Theory,
in order to hit rock bottom and question everything you thought you knew and re-evaluate your
entire life, a traumatic event must be sufficiently traumatic. The kind that blindsides you at 4PM on some
idle Tuesday. There are three paths available to you after
a traumatic event sufficient enough to fit the Shattered Assumptions Theory. You could choose to be resilient. You knuckle down and push through it as you
always have, you persevere and you don’t change anything. You chalk up the event to a random happening,
an outlier. It doesn’t cause you to question anything
or rethink your life, resulting in no changes. This is, by far, the most common approach
and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Or, you can take a look in the mirror, assess
the situation, and go through some cognitive processing or rumination. And you have an additional two choices here. If good things happen to good people and bad
things happen to bad people, and something bad is happening to you… You might conclude that you are a bad person. This is called Intrusive Rumination and typically
results in severe distress, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Nietzsche was wrong. What doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make
you stronger, sometimes it can break you. This can take years to reverse, if at all. Or you can decide that the Just World Hypothesis
is actually the Just World Fallacy and is wrong. This is called Deliberate Rumination and leads
to Post-Traumatic Growth. You throw out or reevaluate everything, the
idea of good and evil? Gone, the gradient too. And you know what? All those people I used to point and laugh
at for being wrong? Well clearly I don’t know anything anymore
so… Tell me, what’s your deal? People who have gone through Post-Traumatic
Growth are able to completely reorder what’s important in their life. Maybe career was too high up on the list and
relationships were too low. They’re able to re-evaluate what makes them
happy and what doesn’t, and they’re able to get rid of those things. It’s very difficult to break up with friends
and family. But in this position, someone can say “this
person has always been there for me, they have my back no matter what and I trust them
unconditionally… but this person is toxic. In fact, I can trace all of my bad habits
to this person.” After hitting rock bottom, you figure out
who your real friends are. Along with re-evaluating your interpersonal
relationships, you realize your own strengths, and you’re far more capable of handling
future traumatic events. You also have a greater appreciation for life
and perception of new possibilities. You get to pick up the pieces and rebuild
them however you want, tossing out the unnecessary bits, and now that you’re an adult, you
have a plan and you know what you want it to look like. Rather than haphazardly tacking on pieces
as they come along. Jonathan Haidt’s book The Happiness Hypothesis
puts forth two versions of what he called the Adversity Hypothesis. There’s the weak version… Adversity can lead to growth and self-improvement. And then there’s the strong version… In order to achieve the highest levels of
growth and development, one must endure adversity. I personally agree with both and I don’t
see them being at odds with each other. We all know someone who has never had anything
bad happen to them, maybe the worst thing is their dog died. And those people kinda suck, don’t they? People who have been through adversity and
either persevered or benefitted from it, are more empathetic and are generally happier. Some would also argue that they have more
wisdom. Some of the wisest people I know when it comes
to life are former addicts, which are the last people I would have guessed ten years
ago. They’re the definition of hitting rock bottom. But they came out of it far better than someone
who’s never been through anything and they were able to rebuild their lives into something
much cooler. So I agree with Haidt that adversity is almost
necessary for personal growth. Though I may be a little biased since I first
heard about this hypothesis after my own shattered assumptions period. It was almost like he wrote that chapter specifically
for me. If I were to pick the book that shaped my
psychology and outlook on life as an adult the most, it would be The Happiness Hypothesis. And I’m not just saying that because Audible
is sponsoring this video. I’ve recommended this book in the past and
it was the primary source for several of my older videos. But you don’t have to physically read it,
you can listen to it while you’re at the gym or out for a walk, which I’ve also done,
by going to audible.com/knowingbetter or texting knowingbetter to 500-500. Where you can get a free 30-day trial of Audible,
which includes two Audible originals and your first audiobook for free. I personally recommend The Happiness Hypothesis
by Jonathan Haidt, but you can choose whatever you want. A lot of the books that I use as sources for
my videos are actually audiobooks that I listen to on Audible. Sometimes I’ve read them before, other times
you guys recommend them to me. Either way, you can do the same by going to
audible.com/knowingbetter or texting knowingbetter to 500-500 to get started, you’ll also be
supporting the channel when you do. If you’re feeling a little envious, like
dang, I wish something terrible would happen to me so I can grow from it. Don’t, that’s a weird thing to wish for. Personal growth and self-improvement is possible
without a traumatic event, it’s just slower and more difficult. The hardest life lessons can’t be taught,
they have to be experienced. So while you can try to convince yourself
that you maybe didn’t earn all your advantages and that victims probably didn’t do anything
to deserve it, it’s hard, and it often takes blowing it all up. Remember our analogy from the beginning? I obviously don’t wish America was bombed
into oblivion so we could rebuild like Europe and I don’t wish any ill will on any of
you. But traumatic events will happen, both personally
and nationally. And when they do, I hope you don’t just
persevere – seize the opportunity to make meaningful changes in your life and possibly
rebuild it into something new, because now, you know better. Spectrum, spectrum was the word I was looking
for… I’d like to give a shout out to my newest
legendary patrons, Kenn and Corina. If you’d like to add your name to this list
of just individuals, head on over to patreon.com/knowingbetter. Don’t forget to shatter that subscribe button,
check out the merch at knowingbetter.tv, follow me on twitter and facebook, and join us on
the subreddit.
Great video, but did u/knowingbetteryt lose weight? Or does this hair color match and hair style match him very well to his facial structure?
Here’s the song he was talking about. https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI
Just curious, but what if you rebuild yourself in the wrong way? What happens when people are faced adversity and don't rebuild everything, just some things? Is it even possible to fully drop everything? Asking as a young person who hasn't had anything bad happen.
In this video he says many times about what made him hit rock bottom. Is that something he already discussed before, or something he doesn't want to talk in details? Just curious, it felt strange how he spoke about that many times but without going any deeper. I assume it could be to respect his privacy, or because he didn't want to lead the commenters to a war of "my trauma is worse than yours"
Anyway, great video as always. I only discovered KB a couple months ago, and I've fallen in love immediately, even if usually I don't like videos where there is only the guy talking. Keep up with the good work :)
Thank you, u/knowingbetter.
I needed this video today.
Very awesome video. I love the ending too where he's essentially saying, "some of y'all have never hit rock bottom and it shows"
I WILL BE YOUR FEMINIST GIRLFRIEND.! WE WILL TALK FACTS AND FERRETS ALL DAY! Just kidding. Great video, man!
Being one of the few people in the world who doesn't live in the USA I'm always happy when you upload a psych video rather than a political one. This one is especially informative. I say this speaking as someone who went through a traumatic event - sadly a life-changing injury that didn't go away and allow the sort of post-trauma psych processing / rebuilding you speak of here. Still now I know better about what happened, have learned (or have had clarified) a concept or two and will incorporate some of what you said into my home-brewed CBT. Cheers.
Nice video! Can’t wait for what’s next in the pipeline!
Great video— definitely gave me a lot to think about!