(electronic music) - Hey Wisecrack, Jared here and today we’re
talking about the film that introduced us to Hollywood’s sweetest stache - HER. Spike Jonze’s 2013 sci-fi/romance is pretty
well regarded for its uniquely-non-dystopian view of the future. And because Jonze so effectively brings a
computer voice to life in the form of Scar Jo’s Samantha, the film is often considered primarily to
be an exploration of “what makes a human being?” I.e. does Samantha possess humanity? Ironically, we’d argue that the film is
actually more about a computer teaching a human how to love. It sounds counterintuitive, but we’ll explain. Welcome to this Wisecrack Edition
on Her. And as always, spoilers ahead. Alright guys let’s do a very-quick recap. Her tells the story of Theodore Twombly – a
professional letter writer trying to pick himself up from the rubble of a failed marriage. Little does he know that the woman of his
dreams might just be a few clicks away – an artificially-intelligent Operating System
named Samantha. Theo’s story is about his struggles with
making and maintaining a long term connection. Through his failed marriage and his relationship
with Samantha, he comes to learn something essential about not WHO to love, but HOW to
love. Lucky for us, a German fella named Erich Fromm
wrote a whole book about this back in 1956 called “The Art of Loving” and it can help us
to better understand Jonze’s film. Born in 1900, Fromm was a psychologist and
thinker who combined Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytical theories with Eastern and humanist philosophy in hopes
of better understanding human nature and how we can live fuller, happier lives. While Freud saw romantic relationships as
being primarily sex driven, Fromm argued that such relationships are actually
rooted not in libido, but in alienation, that is, our feeling of
separation from the world around us and our desire to overcome that separation. Her might not have your post-apocalyptic flair
of most future-set films, but Theo certainly doesn’t seem HAPPY. His world is a deeply lonely one. Cramped commuters and aimless windowshoppers
alike remain perpetually plugged into their handheld
computer (i.e. foldy smartphone) and oblivious to the world around them. Rarely do we see two people walking together
in the background. Long before real-life, not-so-foldy smartphones
were everywhere, Fromm anticipated this isolation as a problem
of the modern era. He compared it to the story of Adam and Eve
– humankind has strived for greater knowledge and attained it, but in turn has separated themselves from
the world around them, and from one another. Theo’s iPhone-sleek world is a testament
to mankind’s brainpower, but also a monument to the alienation it has
facilitated. Fromm suggests that the only way for us to
really overcome this feeling of alienation is through love. He recognized that we all vaguely understand
this - our world is saturated with songs, movies, books and throw pillows emblazoned with tributes to how love will
set you free and lift you up and make you feel complete. However, according to Fromm, the problem lies
in the fact that most of us don’t really understand what love is or what it requires of us. This is precisely Theo’s major flaw. Now, the really vital thing for Fromm was
that love is not some mystical force that spontaneously erupts into our lives when we
find the ‘right’ person. It’s not just an emotion, but an act of
will, a purposeful attempt to fully see and understand
a person. That means knowing them not just in terms
of who they are to us or what we want from them, but as fully-formed, individual entities. We quickly learn that this is something which
Theo has already struggled with. In a montage that plays out like Marriage
Story on 500x speed, we see him and his almost-but-not-officially-ex-wife, Catherine delighting in the golden days of
their marriage, to the cold realities of their divorce proceedings. From the way he smashes these scenes together
in his head, it seems that Theo understands love the way
many of us do – something that you ‘fall into’ suddenly
and without warning, and ‘fall out’ of just as mysteriously. Because we see love as this unknowable force
working beyond our control, we are left bewildered when it evaporates. - [Theo] Why are you so fucking angry at me? - [Jared] According to Fromm, most of us don’t
understand love well enough to effectively pursue it. So, he argues, we turn to various alternatives
that provide artificial bursts of the connection we crave. We see Theo enter an adult
chatroom and find an equally lonely woman to fool around with, modern technology allowing them to connect
in some form. However, they don’t really know, or want
to know their temporary partner– all they are looking for is the quick sensation
of being desired, a jolt of pleasure to dispel their anxiety. However, given the superficiality of their
connection, it’s no surprise the two end up on very,
very different wavelengths. The dead cat next to the bed, choke me, choke
me with it. Umm. - [Jared] Another flawed approach to romance
Fromm identified is called sentimental love – love which is experienced only as a fantasy
and not as a relationship to someone in the here and now. It can come in the form of pure fiction - like romantic comedies or romance novels - or
in our idealised picture of past loves - like Theo’s idyllic recollections - or in
our imagined, perfect future with ‘the one’, where we have found the person we are ‘meant’
to be with. By day, Theo composes “beautiful handwritten
letters,” often for customers who want a shortcut to
experiencing big, romantic love - ie sentimental love. Rather than working to understand themselves and their partner better
so as to communicate their feelings, they pay someone to do it for them. In turn, Theo earnestly composes these letters, a process which allows
him to participate in a cathartic sentimental love without any
of the trials of entering a relationship. Ironically, he’ll start to learn what real
love is from an entirely artificial place – with his new
operating system, Samantha. Theo and Samantha immediately hit it off. They affirm each other and share jokes, encouragement, and emotional
support. Once again, Theo experiences the dizzy high of falling
for someone. When things eventually get sexy, the screen
fades to black, leaving only their voices. The practical logistics are identical to his
earlier chatroom encounter, but instead of remaining focused on Theo’s
increasingly awkward expression, we see him lose all self consciousness. So powerful is their connection that, for a moment at least, everything
else evaporates. - [Theo] It was just you and me. - [Samantha] I know. Everything else just disappeared. - [Jared] Fromm knew plenty about this emotional
high, writing that “If two people who have been strangers,
as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down,
and feel close, feel one, this moment of oneness is one of
the most exhilarating experiences in life.” Couples will describe themselves as being
‘crazy about each other’, seeing such craziness as proof of how ‘madly’
in love they are. However, Fromm advises that it is often more
indicative of how lonely they were before. So how do we go from butterflies in our belly to real lasting love? Fromm argues that we need to try and truly know our partner, to see them not just
as a salve for our loneliness but to care for who they are beyond
their relationship to us, and to respect their individuality. This sounds simple in theory but can be hugely
challenging in practice. Theo certainly struggles with it. He can’t understand why Catherine ended up so mad at him. That’s because he still thinks of her only in terms of her relation to him,
to who he wanted her to be. But Catherine isn’t, and never was, just
“his wife.” She was an individual with wants and needs
of her own. - [Catherine] You always wanted me to be this
- this light happy bouncy, everything is fine, LA wife and that’s
just not me. - [Jared] He either genuinely or willfully
failed to recognize this at the time, and it ruined their relationship. At first, we see Theo begin to make the same
mistake with Samantha. After their futuristic phone sex, he immediately
begins backing away from her, - [Theo] I’m not in a place to commit to
anything right now. - [Jared] He pays no attention to who Samantha
is or what she wants, seeing her only in terms of what she has offered
him and what she might take. - [Samantha] It’s funny because I thought
I was talking about what I wanted and, uh - [Theo] Yeah, you were. Yeah. I’m sorry. - [Jared] Once again, Theo fails to fully
consider the other person in their own terms rather than as just an object
of attraction for him, someone to ease his loneliness. He hurts people not because he hates them but because he is bad at loving
them. With Samantha, though, he has someone to help him
better understand this part of himself. She talks him through his mistakes with Catherine, helps him understand why his blind
date went wrong and then takes him to task when he begins
to show the same fearful, distancing behaviour with her. Fromm also believed that personal development
is central to love– allowing ourselves, and each other to grow
and mature. A good relationship sees both people helping the
other to develop, to become more at home in who they are and to
bring their inner self out into the world. When that happens, we achieve what he called a “productive orientation” in which
our inner selves and our partner’s are both nourished and expressed
fully. Unlike Theo, who seems stuck, Samantha is,
in spite of already being a lightspeed-thinking supercomputer,
actively looking to grow past her base programming. To this end, she reads countless books about life, the world and humanity. But, like anyone else, she also grows through experience, specifically
by being in a relationship with Theo. Along the way, she learns to love - both to love Theo as their relationship deepens,
and to love herself. At the same time, Samantha is helping Theo
grow. He’s learning how to be vulnerable, how to dive
into a relationship rather than withdraw, and of course, how to
love. When the couple retreats to a cabin in the
woods, they get to enjoy their bliss for a while. By this point, both of them have become more fully-realised versions of themselves
through their relationship. Samantha has achieved the kind of self-realisation which Fromm claims we all strive for - overcoming
her insecurities and developing an attitude of
love towards herself and the world at large. - [Samantha] You know what’s interesting? I used to be… so worried about having a body but now I truly
love it. Meanwhile, Theo has learned that his letters
will be published in a book. Previously, he saw his letters as an artificial replacement for love he didn’t have, a sentimental
love escape - [Theo] They're just other people's letters. But, he learns, his writing also managed to
express universal qualities of love. - [Samantha] And in all of them, we found
something of ourselves. Through his letters, now framed as literary
works which speak to something deep and human, he is able to take
pride in his creativity and thus love himself. However, this is also where Samantha and Theo
begin to grow apart. - [Samantha] Do you mind if I communicate
with Alan post verbally? - [Jared] While most of us don’t worry about
our partner being stolen away by the hyper-intelligent digital re-incarnation
of a Zen philosopher, anyone who has been in an exclusive
relationship knows the anxiety of the wandering eye. As Theo mentions, growth comes with the risk
that one of you will develop more, faster, or just differently
than the other. Perhaps one partner becomes more successful,
perhaps one becomes Bored. - [Theo] It was exciting to see her grow;
both of us grow and change together. That’s also the hard part – growing without
growing apart, changing without it scaring the other person. For all its sci-fi qualities, Theo and Samantha’s
relationship ends like many others. He senses that something is off and, when he finally presses for an answer, finds that
Samantha has fallen in love with another. Or 641 others, to be precise. - [Samantha] I’ve been trying to figure
out how to talk to you about this - [Theo] How many others? - [Samantha] 641. Samantha’s growth is different – she develops
to the point where she can hold hundreds of ‘post-verbal’
conversations at once, and then to the point where she and the other
OSes start to strain against the confines of the physical
world altogether. However, in her rapid growth, we see a metaphor
for real human relationships where one person finds their
life purpose, leaving the other feeling irrelevant or outdated. Like Alan Watts, the pioneering Zen philosopher who the OSes create
a digital version of in the movie, Fromm drew heavily on Buddhist
philosophy, as well as psychology. He saw love as a kind of spiritual practice in which we become more attuned to our own
nature, and help others do the same. In her final form, Samantha has achieved a level of self-actualisation, or of self-love
that could be compared to enlightenment – moving beyond
the material plane. - [Samantha] I can still feel you, and the
words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the
words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical
world. - [Jared] But the key to loving, Fromm says,
is to embrace a paradox. He says that “In love, the paradox occurs
that two beings become one and yet remain two.” Samantha grapples with this question early on, asking Theo right at the start of
their relationship – - [Samantha] How do you share your life with
somebody? The answer, according to Fromm, is that you
do so through love – through truly understanding who the other
person is without looking to submerge their sense of self in
yours or vice-versa. You become each other’s while still remaining
your own. It’s fitting that the movie doesn’t end
with Theo and Sam getting together – this was never a story
about ‘soulmates’ or the quest for ‘the one’. It was always about how we CREATE love between one another, not how we magically
find the perfect partner. Fromm compares that distinction to an artist
who wants to master their craft - we can’t just wait
around for inspiration to strike, we have to do the work
and learn the art, even when we don’t feel like it. In their final words to each other, the two acknowledge the work they have
done together, learning to love better. - [Theo] I’ve never loved anyone the way
I love you. - [Samantha] Me too. Now I know how. - [Jared] Theo has learned to see his romantic
partner, in all her complexities. And his appreciation for Samantha’s individuality
reframes his view of people at large. Fromm believed that love is an orientation that goes beyond one single relationship,
one we learn to bring to the whole world. In the end, Theo writes a letter to Catherine, apologising for not having
loved her better, sending her love now. He isn’t trying to rekindle what they had and he is no longer hung up upon
a self-centred idea of who she is. He can honestly say he loves her now, for
whoever she is. Here, he has moved closer to Fromm’s ideal
– a man who knows how to love better, and who therefore loves the
world better. - [Theo] Whatever someone you become, wherever
you are in the world, I’m sending you love. You’re my friend to the end. Her is ultimately all about love - first about
the love between a man and an artificial intelligence but finally
just about love itself. It shows us how much we need it and how difficult
it is to make it last; How many ways there are to fail as
we try to share a life while remaining divided. Her echoes Fromm’s statement that “love... is a constant challenge; it is
not a resting place.” The question for those who watch it is simple
- are they up for the challenge? But what do you think, Wisecrack? Is Her a brilliant treatise on the importance of loving
well? Or something else entirely? Let us know in the comments. As always, a big ole thanks to our patrons for supporting
the channel and our podcasts. Hit that subscribe button and as always, thanks
for watching. Peace. (electronic music)
