Helping Children Overcome Difficulties. Ajahn Brahmavamso

so the topic of the talk this evening is like helping children with their problems thank you so it's helping children with their problems and one the important things of the Buddhist teachings and one of the main reasons why it's growing so strongly in many countries is the way these ancient Buddhist teachings can be used for everyday problems as you know the Buddha talks about how to overcome suffering problems in life and if these teachings over 2,500 years ago cannot be used in today's world and I think Buddhism will die out but the reason that Buddhism is growing so strongly is that these techniques discovered by the Buddha and taught for many centuries have actually very wonderful in helping deal with all of the problems of life and as my life as a monk I've given talks on so many different subjects even on one day I gave her to walk at a radio show in Perth I never realized until actually got into the studio the topic of the talk was on adult themes I should have really asked first of all because sometimes you may I asked what does a monk know about such things what does a monk know about children because I am celibate never had children but nevertheless the doctor does not need to have cancer to be able to treat those diseases when you understand the the underlying problems of life you can apply those problems to all situations and this evening we're going to apply those wonderful methods to dealing with our children for those of you who have children they can be a great source of happiness and a great source of pride they can also have be a great source of suffering a great source of worry as well so hopefully this evening that they'll lessen the suffering and give you more reason for pride because you see that many children growing up they're very sensitive young plants dislike little saplings growing in a garden they're very sensitive and sometimes we don't realize just how easy they are to be hurt and so part of our attitude towards children is again getting greater sensitivity to the children who are put into our care that sensitivity is very important because there are times when a child does need discipline there's a time when the child needs forgiveness there's a time when the child needs care just love and acceptance time with and he prays and time when they need to be told off I do remember sitting on a public bus in Perth and just listening to the conversation of children after they come out from school as I was listening to the conversation of these children I heard that teenagers especially spending the whole bus journey criticising one another to girls you've got a big nose yeah but look at you you've got sort of her big ears yeah but you've got spots so you got ugly hair and it's the same with the boys as well if you listen to how children speak so often they speak with what we call in Buddhism the fault-finding mind that fault-finding mind is encouraged in our schools it's parts of Education to see the faults in life and to try and fix up those faults but unfortunately so because sometimes in our education systems in life we only speak to a person to tell them what's wrong it means that sometimes our children don't get enough encouragement when you speak to your children how many times do you speak to them to tell them what they're doing wrong and how many times do you say something to them to tell them what they're doing right now fortunately that if you can if you look at yourself and catch yourself the way you speak to one another you would actually find the most of the time you spend your your words talking to your children telling them what they're doing wrong how they can do things better they must work harder they must do better they mustn't watch too many video games they must do this so often all the children what they hear from us is complaints now do I understand we'll have the children caused you so much trouble in return there's a what we have a very important law in Buddhism called the law of karma so if your children are causing you suffering it must be your fault whereas we say don't blame your children it must be some EU all doing as well there's an old saying which I got for my teacher ajahn Chah it's the same which I use for many different situations and circumstances when we talk about fault-finding is called complaining and ajahn Chah my great teacher would always say no you should not complain about anything he said complaining or finding fault with somebody else is like having an itch on your bottom and scratching your head now if you understand the meaning of that very profound saying if you have an itch on your bottom when you scratch your head you get to itches for the price of one you're scratching in the wrong place so if your children are causing problems and trouble don't just complain about your children how about looking at some things some ways which you can actually solve those situations how you can help your children with your difficulties not with the head difficulties because that's a title of real title of the talk you had the type of how to help children with their difficulties it's always helping somebody else but I'm going to change the title how to help children with your difficulties because we can do that because our for a while we can actually encourage our children and spend a lot of time praising them encouraging them building them up for example that one of the experiences which I had when I was a school teacher I did spend one year teaching children in high school before my soul of higher calling of being a monk became so strong but I had to take a few years off to become a monk actually that one of the other reasons I became a monk in Thailand because in Thailand there was a tradition of temporary ordinations I thought that I'd only become a monk for one or two years but I was in the fortunate position as soon as I became a monk that I realized that's what I've always wanted to do in life I could serve others in my role as a monk I could also grow in my own happiness what better career you can have than being happy yourself and being able to give happiness to others but I did teach for one or two years in a school and on this one occasion when I started work in a new school I was teaching mathematics I was told that one of the children had come bottom of the class the year before and there was someone I was told was no good at maths but now I've always been a rebellious person even as a youth as a monk always looking things in a different way trying to see another road to succeed in life instead of always following the old paths always trying to see new paths if at all possible so I didn't accept that this boy was no good at maths I decided to give do a little experiment for one whole year I was a math teacher I would spend extra time with this one boy after the class I go up to him and said he to understand that spend a few extra minutes with him I would encourage him when he got something right I'd always praise I said oh well done you've done very very well to be able to understand that problem I agree it was unfair to all the other children in the class because I gave this one boy special attention and after one year of this you know what happened after the end of the year exam that boy came top of my class I proved to myself to him as I'm trying to suggest to you now there's no such thing as a person being no good at maths there's no such thing as a child being no good at English it just means a child has got it into their minds that they are no good it's because they've got bad marks because they've been criticized because they've been told by their parents and their teachers they're no good they actually believe that and that's why they are no good so part of training a child even part of training one of my months in the monastery if any monk comes up and said they're no good at meditation I don't believe that I just give them extra attention and soon they become better than me can you understand what I'm saying here that a lot of children need encouragement and this should be never a saying that you can't do this even that some people in my monastery say oh I'm only a lay person I can't become enlightened oh I've been meditating for such a long time I can't get peaceful and I say that's not the way right way of saying things in Buddhism it's not that I can't it's just I haven't yet because the future is uncertain and with nurture with encouragement it's amazing just how we could encourage change and allow our children and ourselves and our friends at you to reach Heights which most people would think are absolutely impossible you just need encouragement that's all so one of the things which I'm going to encourage you today is to encourage your children as well is whenever they do well at their school or any class whenever they do their homework whenever they do anything which you want to be increase in their life please praise them encourage them make them feel confident because with that confidence they will do so well for school and at university so often it's the case that when it comes to exam times that some children who have done all of the work who have studied hard because of fear they don't succeed very well in fact they sometimes fail it's just fear that song and any coach of a sports team would know that doesn't matter just how good your opposition is if you go to that sports team and say you're gonna lose tomorrow you're gonna lose there's no way you can win then that coach would get the sack now you are the coach of your children do you deserve the sack are you are you encouraging your children giving them confidence to face the tests of life now with that positive thinking we can encourage our children we can always say that you can do this sometimes when the children do their examinations their tests sometimes we got this idea that tests are just so stressful but for many children in Perth whenever they're doing examinations and tests I try and give them confidence some years ago a young lady who was doing some examinations in the university came up and asked for some chanting from the monks now chanting has only got a very little degree of power to help you pass your examinations but what chanting cans otherwise be very unfair wouldn't it otherwise if I charted for your child Niigata could Marx and the word got around I would never be able to come here for a talk I'll be chanting to all the children in Singapore but this lady came along we gave her some chance and we did this because we thought that would give her confidence and with that confidence that might just him allow her to relax no examinations and do well I never saw her again she didn't come and say how well she did who's only her friends came along and said that she failed and she was going around the whole of person the monks in my monastery are no good ajahn Brahms never quit there was a my fault I found out from her friends that she was a party girl she spend all of her evenings going out to dance clubs or to parties she never done any studies she thought the monks would take care of that part of her you know so important to do those studies to encourage your children to study but to give them that confidence as well and the other technique which I was using with a lot of success was that some of the children in Perth was actually to make the connection between doing exams and say playing soccer or playing tennis or playing basketball because after all isn't a sports competition isn't that the same as examinations isn't like a video game when you're trying to do your best and beat the the record is that too much different than doing disseminations the point was I was trying to make examinations look like fun why is it your children that spent thousand hours and hours on video games trying to beat the record trying to beat their score try to do the best they can that is fun what is the difference between video game and an examination of school our university still you're trying to do your best you're competing against something or someone even if it's yourself or other people the point is that we have the psychology the video games are fun and that video games even if you don't do well it doesn't matter it's not the end of the world unfortunately examinations we don't count them as fun we make them serious we make them end of the world stuff if you don't pass all now that is a trouble so because of that that children are so afraid of passing their examinations or failing their examinations they go into those examinations we're just so much tension they can never live up to their potential so I try and let the children know that examinations are just like like a game a game of life they're important just like every other test which you have in life but not to make it a life-and-death situation and that way there's no fear there's a sense of fun there's a sense of energy which comes from fun and is a sense of being successful when examinations become fun when score becomes fun then the children listen and they do well when this talk becomes fun people listen that's why I tell jokes there's important a two-drink that's who that so the end of my school year as a teacher it was my helper tonight I had to set an examination in maths and being ajahn brahm I put a joke in the examination paper I thought the headmaster would really discipline me as a teacher I thought they'd get into trouble but I put the joke in in a mass examination I think the first teacher to do that in that school and I was the invigilator I was a master when every child of this year came in to do the examinations they were sitting in front of me just as you are and you can see just how nervous each of those children were even though it was an important examination it was the end-of-the-year examination but it wasn't like the English oh levels or a levels it was a year before whole levels and all these children came in so nervous and I told them to be quiet as you have to during an examination the paper was turned upside down and said it was a time for everyone to start and being the person in charge of this examination I looked at my clock and said turn over the papers now the examination starts and I had to watch every child to make sure that no one was cheating but I also I was waiting for them actually to see that in one of those questions there was a joke and I remember with great happiness seeing one child after the other readings lamination paper come across the joke and be so surprised look up at me because they knew who set the paper smile relax and then they did well because that's what it was therefore to tell them that examination was important but not the end of the world making them smile meant that they relaxed and when they relaxed that when they did well so it's important for your encouraging your children to actually to give them these techniques on how to succeed in life look when you're going for an interview for a job do you tense up if you tense up what boss is going to hire you they they've got to live with you they want someone who can work hard who can relax but also can be fun to work with because when it's fun to work with we get lots of things done so this is how you're teaching your children now the exams are fun it's like playing video games just like playing sports it's just another game where through putting fun into our life we're giving our life energy we're relaxing and then we can live up to our potential have you seen underlying all of these techniques here is like encouraging our children that is your job as parents to encourage them and positive reinforcement encouragement has been shown time and time again to work much more powerfully than what we call negative reinforcement otherwise known as punishment sometimes you've got no choice but it's been shown in educational psychology it's been well known in Buddhism for 2,500 years that positive reinforcement is so powerful what we mean by positive reinforcement is you encourage children you praise them you build up their confidence whatever activity action of body speech and mind is really what you want to see in your child you praise them you encourage them and that way the children like they like praise they want to be loved they seek out that love they want more of that love and they will actually repeat those actions which you praise to get more love to get more attention now this is actually a different way of actually encouraging children look into their activities whatever they do and praise them encourage them I know this because in educational psychology and also in my life as a monk I've seen this happen many times always picked up articles which reaffirm what I know from my own mind what I know from my own understanding of psychology there was a group of children I think it was in Europe who had an eating disorder it was a rare disease but a very terrible disease where the children would never be able 20 to keep food down and he started food after a few seconds they would vomit it up again they tried many types of drugs but nothing was working as well as a little group who solved the problem in this way they would have a group of children with their parents some nurses and whenever any child kept their field down for more than 10 seconds the parents and the nurses were throw a party they put on the child's favorite music they put on funny hats they start dancing and singing with a child at the center of the celebration they found that those children started to keep their food down longer and longer and longer until they were completely cured just the encouragement the feeling of being the source of other people's happiness literally rewired their nervous system and encouraged them to be better good more healthy people that's why encouragement is so powerful for our children so whenever you see your children doing something good encourage them please spend time with them because we're that encouragement there will be growth in those qualities we want to see in our children I was very fortunate growing up to have a father who encouraged I'll tell you something about my father because my father was actually born in Liverpool he came from a very poor family I never knew my father's father my grandfather he died during the Second World War however my father would never speak well of my grandfather in fact my father hated him because my father was a victim of what we now call domestic violence his father would he was a plumber a simple man he would come home every evening drugged he would take out his belt for no reason at all would whip the kids and then turn upon his wife my father's mother but the results for my father when he felt the end of the belt when he saw his mother also being beaten for no reason just out of drunken violence he told me that he resolved even as a young child if ever he survives gets married and have children he will never never punishes children in that way my father was not a disciplinarian at all my father never beat us my mother did he was a disciplinarian and there was a few times when I deserved a hiding but my father wouldn't do it when I saw that the resulting me was I realize I done something wrong I'd realized all right let down my father because of that I tried harder not to do those things again there's a strange psychology my father wasn't punishing me I wasn't afraid of him I was respectful of him so respectful that when I grew up in London in the 60s and early 70s before I became a month many of my friends started getting involved in drugs this is one of the problems which we have with our children in all countries today not just in the West but in Singapore as well and one of the reasons why I never got involved in drugs was out of respect for my loving and caring father I did not want to hurt him there's no way I was going to embarrass him or cause him any type of suffering when he trusted me that much it was another way of solving those problems his example was so loving and caring there is no way I would ever hurt such a man here was that positive encouragement which made me what I am and I respect that example even in my monastery in Perth when any man makes a mistake what do you think the punishment is in a monastery my monastery is very strict when a monk makes a mistake or even a young a nagger occur for example singaporean a nagger economy giriko is a person in our tradition and the first year of training he don't he just come to our monastery for two or three weeks and he crashed our car it was an expensive car - he will felt so guilty he rose up I was giving some talks in the weekend when I came back on Sunday evening he disappeared I had to find him on Monday and when he confess he started crying so I had to give him a punishment I gave him 50 strokes of the cat Noah 50 strokes of the cat is we have a cat in our monastery he had to stroke it 50 times that's what we call 50 structures of the cat because he wanted punishments he did not understand compassion so he had to throw the cat 50 times to learn what compassion is and forgive him spell we all make mistakes but when we give compassion rather than punishment it's wonderful what it happens sometimes he expect to be punished he came from Singapore but instead of punishment like Athens this okay I told him look people are more important things it's more compassion is more important than having a vehicle isn't that the Buddhist ethics of compassion of kindness of forgiveness of love of working together it's not more important a vehicle you can crash as many vehicles as you like but please don't crash the Buddhist teachings and when I say things like that he relaxed when he relaxed then he doesn't crash cars anymore if I'd have punished him there needed been so tense and so frightened the next time you'd live in a car need-a probably crashed again you understand why because fear is what challenges our children to fail because of fear because we afraid we'll never do what in life because of fear we know haven't got our parents who we really trust them love and care for we haven't got them as our guides in life we're afraid of them so please never let your children be afraid of you loving kindness compassion of the Buddha there's something which is not just a theory it's not just something which was working many many years ago it actually works these days as well compassion is all powerful once you have it alongside of wisdom the two have to work together you have to be firm but compassionately firm set boundaries but with compassion and kindness as well for your children to encourage and nurture them your job as parents with children is actually to the same as a gardener with a seed you plant that seed you grow that seed you nurture it there's only so much you can do we all want our children to come top how many people in the class of 30 can come top this drives this that lack of wisdom when we try and be compassionate I'm going to give you a little test at the moment how many of you now be honest now so I'm gonna actually put your hand up honestly how many of you think of yourselves of as being above average intelligence we hand out if you think yourself is above average intelligence the older don't you but of course only half of you could be above average intelligence the other half are below average intelligence not on average means so how much are we denial about the realities of life the realities of life is not every child can come top with a class only one can not everyone can go to universe and not everyone can be a doctor can become a lawyer but everyone can become a monk what I'm really amazing but everyone could become wise and compassionate so can your children so what do you want your children to be in life doesn't matter if they're a doctor a lawyer a monk or whatever what's really important isn't it that your children become wise and compassionate look at me all those examinations which I did at school low levels a levels university degrees teaching certificates all those examinations and what did they help me they did help you it's awful if I only would have known I was gonna become a monk so the point is sometimes it's just because your children don't do another best thank you thank you very much not an awful bio jokes as a puppy yes just because your children don't do the best they are not failures and please that your children know that because sometimes the children work so hard for their parents they try so much they feel they let their parents down when they don't do well they feel they've failed they've hurt the people they love the most imagine how that feels to a child their parents really wanted to succeed and my goodness they try they just can't do it no every child can do it so please encourage your child to do it well but doesn't matter how well they do as long as they've tried hard praise them and say thank you for all the hard work you've done even if you can't bottom of the class this other story I tell from my years as a teacher that year the one who came bottom the year before now came top but there was another boy who came bottom that year at the end of the year exam as one child has to come bottom and when I gave out the results you know all the children were just some were expecting to do well some were afraid of what they did you know what it's like when you give out the results and this one child when he found out he became komen bottom he looks so depressed he looks so afraid you'd have to take that school report back to his parents and you could see him he looks so so miserable and out of compassion I couldn't let him look so miserable so I went up to that boy and I said listen so that you in Buddhism than yours have put us even as a school teacher I was a Buddhist and I said you input is amor what we call a bodhisattva you've given up your own happiness for the sake of others you've taken that terrible position of water with the class so no one else in that whole class has to take that position you are actually a hero you sacrifice so much the little boy thought I was crazy but he laughs and that broke his depression the next year it was somebody else's choice to be the Bodhisattva we can you understand what I was doing there that someone has to come what if it's not the end of the world and if I sort of said that's a terrible thing you've done if they really did get punished if they really did feel terrible about themselves sometimes it even hurt themselves because they feel a failure in life but I turn failure into a success for them I say so wonderful thing you're doing there what I was doing I was giving again encouragement not making the exam the end of the world because it's true that sometimes people have a bad day they do not so what in one example then you do what in the other exam if you can encourage your children they will all find their place in the garden which is why I use a simile of a seed you're growing that seed an enemy person has their place in the world these that your children no whoever they are however they do they're all valued we nurture our garden my monastery is in to the south of Perth is in a forest and Australian forest when I first went to this forest in Western Australia there are many dead trees now some old trees in the Sun trees leaning too far to the left some leaning too far to the right my first idea was actually to cut down all the dead trees even actually to cut down the ugly trees but I thought were the useless trees until I was told by a person he knew more about the environment than I did or I would ever know for those dead trees are the places where the bird's nest they build their nests in the hollows of the dead trees to raise their young those dead trees are vital for the health of the birds who live in that forest so are the trees which are leading to the left and the right even the old trees every tree in a forest has its place has its use and that way I didn't just look are the big leafy trees as being the important ones I found out that every part of a forest is just as important as the next in our life it's not just the big businessmen it's not just the elites it's not just the doctors not just even the monks who are important everyone is important if you're all monks or nuns who would feed me you are important to me so everyone has their place in this world now if you can encourage your children to feel that they're living up to whatever potential they have they're finding their place in this world whatever that place is you encourage them to feel good about themselves to feel confident to encourage themselves not only will you actually allow your child to live up to their potential whatever that potential is for you also giving yourself a lot of happiness because sometimes the way we judge things in the world is all skewed we think as parents we're a failure if our children do not make it to University sometimes these days I think they were fairly if you don't go to university in the West please never think like that and allow your children to grow in their own way they don't all need to be University graduates in fact sometimes university graduates they think too much and because of that they're very stupid how many times has it been these so-called experts come along and they make so much confusion in the world they'd know it all but they feel very little very certainly I was I was so moved because I was invited to give a a speech on grief on death and dying especially grief or loss at a big conference in Australia White conference which was held in my local city of Perth and they had professors and lecturers and people from overseas people were experts in their field who had so many degrees after their names and I gave my talk and everyone went quiet they heard things which the professors and lecturers hadn't told him when it came to question time there was a slave famous professor who was sitting next to me and from the orders they asked the question and the professor says turned to me and said past the expert I was so moved to be had to be called an expert had no degrees at all a nine that field anyway my fear was theoretical physics what's that gotta do that got to do with grief and loss slow raising children now that it's interesting somebody asked me this question just today this morning that young brown you give a talk on so many different subjects how come the what you say makes so much sense where'd you get your wisdom flock think the last time I was in Singapore I also mentioned that about two months ago the man came to see me he reminded me that about two years previously I'd attended a conference about the transport problems in Perth and I can involved in all sorts of things even like trucking and at this conference that somebody because it was strange to see a Buddhist monk amongst all these engineers and experts on transports and roads but they gave me an interview and the interview was actually for the shipping news and I gave them the interview about Buddhism and shipping and I forgot all about it but they came notice two months ago to tell me they told me that that article that he called it zen and the art of shipping that article apparently was so well received there was republished in many shipping journals all over the world and he said that he was talking with one of his friends who is an expert in the field who's one of these consultants which governments pay all this money to find out to know to solve the problems of shipping and he said his friend this great consultant said oh that mark he really knows what he's talking about I confess I don't know anything about I don't know what I thought but somehow rather you get to the heart of these problems you open your mind up with meditation with mindfulness with peace you listen to your heart and there you find the answers to all the problems of life I've been going around telling people I'll say this at the conference about bridging traditions about getting the heart of wisdom all of the scriptures of Buddhism you will not find them in libraries in temples or in public libraries all the scriptures of Buddhism the teachings of Buddhism you'll find in your own heart every word which the Buddha uttered came from his heart came from opening the heart of wisdom and if you practice as a Buddhist not just come listen to talks but put these teachings into practice open your heart up you will have all the wisdom you'll ever need to look after your children - no to them and trust you to allow them to grow into good people so wisdom chasm inside all my wisdom of shipping comes from opening the door of my heart because of inside here so we're sensitive to our children when we actually see them we open our heart to them and we need know that sometimes we have to be firm sometimes we have to be caring when we're sensitive we know what to do at the right time and the right place this is actually how we become wise people unpredictable because we're not just following this old ways of doing things we become resourceful we see new ways of doing things new ways of encouraging the children and I can but I need to say one more thing about raising children the children's problems we do need society to take time with our children in order to be sensitive and to listen to what they need there's an old story which I got from the internet some years ago it's a very tragic story but it's a beautiful story the father came home one evening after a hard day at the office his young six year old boy was waiting for him and said daddy how much do you earn in one hour at work his father said well that's got nothing to do with you son I'm tired leave me alone this thinks you're old said again daddy how much they pay you now I told you son be quiet I wanna rest daddy how much they pay you one hour how many dollars why that's it said the father go to your room you're grounded too sometimes when you come home you're very tired and what does it matter to a child how much you were in it and now it's got nothing to do with them so certain the child to the room now after half an hour or now when their father relaxed he felt so guilty he been so unfairly firm to his son he decided to go out to his son's room and say sorry so went out to his son's room and open the door gently and said look I was so tired had had a such a busy day at the office I'm sorry I shouted at you if you really want to know and I don't know what it's got to do with you I own twenty dollars an hour the son smiled and said daddy could you please lend me another ten dollars and her father said what but then he'd already upset his son once and so he controlled himself and said look I don't know what you wanted ten dollars for but here's ten dollars and so he took ten dollars out of his wallet and gave it to his son and his son smiled reached under his pillow and took out some other notes and coins which was also to the value of ten dollars he said daddy now I have twenty dollars can I have an hour of your time please but you get the message of the story the little child could never get any time with his father so he thought he'd have to pay his father $20 to get an hour of his dad's time what is true but sad indictment of our society that is so please please spend time with your children because they need it and the time you spend with your children is well spent if you don't spend time with your children now quality time good time you'd have to spend much more time in the future with all their problems at school and other places it's an investment of the future you spend time with them now and you don't have to spend so much time worrying about the problems in the future so it's like spending time and caring the being sensitive to your children understanding where they're coming for what they need encouraging them praising them looking after them getting those good qualities going not putting too many demands on them especially at school they don't have to succeed in the way you want them to succeed allow them to succeed in a way of Buddha would want them to succeed feeling that they're valuable no matter who they are no matter what they do in life they don't need to actually be the elite sometimes the people who are the elite the bosses or they have so much suffering sometimes I wish I couldn't give good talk sometimes I wish people walk out of my talks sometimes I wish that no that now I'll come to listen to me they never have an easy life rest and relax so sometimes the successful ones are the ones who have to do all the hard work so whatever your child does at night please encouraging them to feel good about themselves at peace with themselves that way they will be actually living up to the highest possible potential because they're relaxing a number tune you're not putting these terrible demands on tune to be something they can never be you're valuing them no matter what part of the garden we call our community they become it's called compassion encouragement we need all sorts of different people in our communities also different types of flowers in our gardens your child has got their place in this world they come into this world with their karma from the past there's a limit to what they can do but we encourage them we encourage them and encourage them and no matter how Li's whatever happens them in life if they are happy at peace with themselves good people kind people then he can be very proud as parents I thought that my mother would be very upset that I had such a good education the Cambridge University and I ended up a monk but my mother is so proud of me it doesn't really matter sort of what you do in the world mothers are always proud of you even I know that some criminals in jail because I used to visit prison their mothers were so proud that there hey what they told me now that's a love love mother is that strong they'd love the child no matter what they ever did that sort of love actually can actually encourage your child not to be a criminal not to do bad things they know they've got parents who love and care for them you can encourage them in the world it's so tough we get criticized our force get pointed out at school at work but at least we have a home where we have parents who we know who really love us a place where we can return evil acts where people can understand us understand how hard we work and how hard we strive and if you have parents like that you'll have children they may not be successful in school they be successful in life and isn't that what we really want I'm redefining what success is success in life means happy at peace with themselves people who don't even think of committing suicide or getting lost in drugs people who feel so at ease they are naturally good people people who you are fouled off so can we redefine success for our children and then we find most of the problems we have of raising children are completely gone we are not shown to be happy to feel at peace with themselves then they will do well in whatever part of the garden we call life they actually find a place in so there's a little few little Buddhist ideas about how to solve your problems in raising children thank you

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Length: 52min 24sec (3144 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2013