He Loves Him, and Their Son—An Interview with the Author of Far From the Tree: Andrew Solomon.

when I was in second grade Bobby pinko had a birthday party and invited everyone in our class but me my mother assumed there'd been some sort of error and she called mrs. Cinco who said that Bobby didn't like me and didn't want me at his party and I graduated high school without ever going to the cafeteria where I would have sat with the girls and been laughed at for doing so or sat with the boys and been laughed at for being a boy who should be sitting with the girls I survived that childhood through a mix of avoidance and endurance but I didn't know then and do know now you need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come to be and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph evincing a better self in response to things that hurt I was ashamed of being gay I would have done almost anything to stop being gay I had the secret for my parents I had a secret from the world I'd experienced myself as being you know a disappointment to everyone there's just a point at which I thought I can't do it anymore I have to open up and be straightforward and direct say say Who I am and my parents were not supportive and were not pleased about it at the time she said I wish this weren't true this is really upsetting to me we were giving up the most important thing in life which is having children and having a family to fulfill some short term sexual need six months after my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she died about a year and a half after that and I just remember just finding everything so hard the idea even of keeping up a conversation with a good friend was more than I could do taking a shower me getting something to eat it just all felt so overwhelming and then I met John and you know I knew fairly early on that he was this was going to be the great love of my life it was really in meeting John that I began to feel not merely that I had accepted who I am but that I was actually quite proud of Who I am [Music] and so the question I'm about to ask you you will answer vigorously we will will you the families and friends of Jarmon is group supported a portal in their civil partnership now and in the years to come Andrew and John I now invite you to join hands and make your vows the presence of God I think for us having grown up with the sense that this would never happen and then having it actually happening felt quite miraculous everyone is coming together and there is this there is this vast structure of support that we have to count on we have all these friends we can rely on and who will be part of our lives forever I used to have a narrative of my life that it was kind of tragic you know I was depressed I was all these other things it's switching I don't have a tragic life anymore I felt in the moment of that wedding as though oh that's changed and I can leave that completely behind [Applause] I think we give each other confidence I think it's very important because the world is very hard though in the world is hard on people when you're with your husband or your wife it's very important you support each other all the time ja I give you this ring so I give you this ring as a sign of our Hajj the sign of our partnership we straight people are married but you gay people just going to have a civil partnership as soon as you start making the difference there is an inequality built into that when you use a different word you're suggesting it is a different thing and in terms of gay marriage versus straight marriage when you say it it's a different thing you're saying it is a lesser thing you know the life that I have now was unimaginable when I was growing up the idea that I could be married to a husband then when we get invited anywhere where I was invited as a couple that we could have children and that everyone at the school uptown would be completely comfortable with us as the parents of our child you know the ways in which being gay is peace to feel so aberrant and so different that's been a fantastic fantastic progress within the society and I feel so lucky in it I always have the other side fine John was the one who said it he said George do you ever wish the two had a mom and a dad like everyone else instead of having two dad and George said but if I had a moment of dad I wouldn't have one of you and that would make me sad and then he asked me how old I would be 48 years old and I said well I'll be I would be about you know a hundred and six or something if I'm still alive but then he thought for a minute and he said Papa I'll be ok when you die I'll still have daddy [Music] and Andrew daddy yeah and I remember my my mother saying the love for your children is like no other feeling in the world and until you have children you don't know what it feels like wish that she had gotten to see me fettled was gone I wish she had met my children who she would have loved I think she was a very very good parent to my brother unto me and and it's an inspiration for the way I am as a parent with Leah in October it was my 50th birthday and my family organized a party for me and in the middle of it my son said to my husband that he wanted to make a speech and John said George you can't make a speech you're 4 but George insisted and insisted and finally John took him up to the microphone and George said very loudly ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please and everyone turned around startled and George said I'm glad it's daddy's birthday I'm glad we all get cake and daddy if you were little I'd be your friend and I thought thank you I thought that I was indebted even to Bobby Cinco because all those earlier experiences were what had propelled me to this moment and I was finally unconditionally grateful for a life I had once had done anything to change well I would love to tell her that it all worked out it's had its ups and downs but it's already turned out okay and that's what I would like to be able to to tell her and I also would like to be able to thank her I feel like having children I've come to an appreciation of how complicated it is to be a parent and of all of the ways in which you get a bunch of things right and then something's wrong and I think I was a little unforgiving when she was alive and I was angry that she didn't accept my being gay I was angry about various other things and I just feel like I'm not angry anymore and I'd love to be able to tell her you know what I understand better now and you did a pretty fantastic job [Music]

Channel: 鏡週刊

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Rating: 4.8585858 out of 5

Keywords: Andrew Solomon, Far From the Tree, Celexa, homosexuality, Same-sex marriage, civil partnership, National Book Award, TedTalk, Seconal, depression, Forest Laboratories Inc., sexual surrogate therapy, came out, civil marriage

Id: CeOiYRweyHE

Length: 8min 55sec (535 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 16 2017