Harvard University 2011 Class Day Speech by Amy Poehler

ami we're we're so excited to have you with us today and we're really glad that your parents could make it from Parks and Recreation to Saturday Night Live and from baby mama to wet hot American summer which is a personal favorite of mine I know that I speak for the rest of the class when I say how much I mire your work and we're so grateful that you've chosen with us to be with us today and we can't wait to see what lies ahead in your career Thank You Lizzy Thank You Toby hello good afternoon thank you for that that a beautiful award and for giving me a symbol of an animal that is on its way to extinction I will find a prominent place in my garbage for that later on tonight thank you very much friends Romans countrymen lend me your beers I am honored that you chose me to help you celebrate your graduation today I can only assume I am here today because of my subtle and layered work in a timeless classic entitled deuce Bigalow male gigolo and for that I say you're welcome I'm truly truly delighted to be here at Harvard I graduated from Boston College which some call the Harvard of Boston's but we all know that Harvard is the Harvard of Harvard and you can quote me on that I have to admit I'm very surprised to be here because like so many of you I was pretty convinced the rapture was gonna happen show of hands how many of you woke up on Sunday and thought you're kidding me I sold all of my belongings I told my boss to shove it and we're still here I understand how you feel I am so mad at heaven right now so I tried to write today's speech the way I wrote everything in college stayed up all night typing on a cannon word processor while listening to Sir mix-a-lot to be fair first I took a nap I ate a large pretzel I cried a little bit and then I went to see that movie Fast Five and I'm here to tell you life is like a heist that requires good drivers an explosives expert a hot girl who doubles as a master of disguise and this is a hard and fast rule if the rock shows up they're on to you but the class of 2011 did not invite me here to tell jokes they invited me here to talk about the recent tensions between oil traders and regulators of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission I'm sure we all read the New York Times this morning which posited that there may be a complex scheme that relied on the close relationships between physical oil prices and the prices of financial futures which of course as we all know moves in parallel hilarious what do I know about Harvard I know it is the oldest American University I know it provides the ultimate experience in higher learning and according to the movies I know it is filled with people who get rich by either inventing things or suing the people who claim they stole their inventions let me be clear I believe everything I see in movies and if you remember anything I say today remember this every single thing you see in movies is real so what do the fine students of 2011 need to hear from me if I wanted to give you advice as a Bostonian I would remind you that just because you're wicked smaht doesn't mean you better than me and I would also want to say good for you for working so hard he graduated from haben huh it must be nice if I wanted to give you advice as a New Yorker I'd tell you excuse me ma'am could you move please don't walk in the bike lane get off the bike lane please and I would also like to take a moment to inform you as a New Yorker and as my cought cab driver did recently that Bloomberg pretends to take the subway but we all know that's a bunch of baloney if I wanted to give you advice as an actor I would tell you this don't do it don't be one there are too many I have a lot of talented friends who aren't working sorry no more room at the end I bet you're great but um just work with the human genome instead you're all smart and sophisticated people you know the world in a way that my generation never did because of that I realize I don't have much advice to give to you in many ways I learned from you I don't have many answers just questions specifically when I use FaceTime on my iPad and I'm talking to someone and I take a picture sometimes the screen freezes how do I fix that all I can tell you today is what I've learned what I have discovered as a person in this world and that is this you can't do it alone as you navigate through the rest of your life be open to collaboration other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own find a group of people who challenge and inspire you spend a lot of time with them and it will change your life no one is here today because they did it on their own okay maybe Josh but he's just a straight-up weirdo you're all here today because someone gave you strength helped you held you in the palm of their hand God Allah Buddha gaga whomever you pray to they have helped you get here that should make you feel less alone and less scared because it has been a scary 10 years you were young children when you watched planes hit the World Trade Center you quickly understood what it was like to feel out of control your formative teenage years were filled with orange alerts and rogue waves and unaccomplished missions for my generation it was aids we all grow up afraid of something your generation had to get used to taking off your shoes at the airport my generation had to get used to awkward PSAs from boys to men telling us to use protection but during those tough times we realized how wonderful it felt to be part of a group but more about me I moved to Chicago in the early 1990s and I studied improvisation there I learned some rules that I try to apply still today listen say yes live in the moment make sure you play with people who have your back make big choices early and often don't start a scene where two people are talking about jumping out of a plane start the scene having already jumped if you're scared look in your partner's eyes you will feel better this advice has come in handy and it it would off to be something I would think about when I would perform on Saturday Night Live live television can be very nerve-racking and I remember one time being nervous looking into the eyes of the host and feeling better I should point out I was wearing a chicken suit at the time the host was Donald Trump he was wearing a bigger more elaborate chicken suit I looked into his eyes I saw that he looked really stupid and I instantly felt better see how that worked I should point out that that sketch was written by a Harvard Graduate and also a graduate from Northwestern but who cares about that am i right I cannot stress enough that the answer to a lot of your life's questions is often in someone else's face try putting your iPhone's down every once in a while and look at people's faces people's faces will tell you amazing things like if they are angry or nauseous or asleep I have been lucky to be a part of great ensembles my work with The Upright Citizens Brigade led me to my work on Saturday Night Live and when I graduated from that comedy College I was worried about what came next then Parks and Recreation came along a show I'm proud of where I get to work with people I love you never know what is around the corner unless you peek hold someone's hand while you do it you'll feel less scared you can't do this alone besides it's much more fun to succeed and fail with other people you can blame them when things go wrong take your risks now as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible and I mean that literally I hurt my knee on the treadmill this week and it wasn't even on try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don't know about limit your always and your Nevers continue to share your heart with people even if it's been broken don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used and don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a Batman with a limited edition silver Batarang and therefore if it stays in its original packing and increases in value watch it Harvard you're not better than me even though as a class you are smart you are still allowed to say I don't know just because you are in high demand you are still allowed to say let me get back to you this will come in handy when your parents ask when you plan to move out of their basement and you answer I don't know let me get back to you which leads me to my final thought would it kill you to be nicer to your parents they have sacrificed so much for you and all they want you to do is smile and take a picture with your weird cousins do that for them and with less eye rolling please and so class of 2011 it is time to leave Oprah has spoken so I will end with this quote hey yeah hey yeah hey yeah hey yeah hey yeah hey yeah hey yeah hey yeah alright alright alright alright the group Outkast the song hey-ya the lyrics nonsense I'm sorry I was it was really late when I wrote this this is what I want to say when you feel scared hold someone's hand and look into their eyes and when you feel brave do the same thing you are all here because you are smart and you are brave and if you add kindness and the ability to change a tire you almost make up the perfect person I thank you for asking me to speak to you today as you head out into the world I wish you love and light joy and much laughter and as always please don't forget to tip your waitresses thank you very much [Applause]

Channel: Harvard University

Views: 516,763

Rating: 4.8410325 out of 5

Keywords: amy, poelher, commencement, class, day, speech, harvard, tercentenary, harvard yard

Id: 7WvdxgGpNVU

Length: 16min 19sec (979 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 07 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/coffeeknight]

She graduated from Boston College, not Boston University.