THE BORDER OR THE PRESS CONFERENCES. >> DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS TO VISIT THE BORDER? >> AT SOME POINT. WE ARE GOING TO THE BORDER, WE'VE BEEN TO THE BORDER, SO THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT THE BORDER -- WE'VE BEEN TO THE BORDER. WE'VE BEEN TO THE BORDER. >> YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE BORDER. >> AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TO EUROPE. >> Greg: MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET OUT THERE PRINCESS PANTS. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE SHE LAUGHS AND SHE'S WEARING PANTS. ♪ ♪ [APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪ >> Greg: WELL, THAT DIDN'T END WELL. AND SPEAKING OF CATS NIGHT OUT LAST NIGHT... [INDISTINCT] >> Greg: SHE LEAVES A WAKE OF DAMAGED FURNITURE. I ALSO THINK OF ACTRESS ELLIE KEMPER FOLD INTO THE WELCOME. HERE'S A RECAP FROM THE MOST HANDSOME MAN ON TELEVISION. ELLIE KEMPER, STAR OF THE OFFICE, IS UNDER ATTACK AFTER ALL NINE IDIOTS DECLARED SHE WAS A RACIST. HER CRIME? IN 1999 A ST. LOUIS BUSINESS GROUP NAMED HER THEIR QUEEN OF LOVE AND BEAUTY P OF THE GROUP USED TO BE A WHITES ONLY, BUT INTEGRATED 20 YEARS BEFORE SHE WON HER CROWN. 20 YEARS. >> IT'S HARD TO ABSORB THE NEWS WHEN IT'S COMING FROM SOMEONE THAT'S GORGEOUS. NOW, WHEN WE DID THE SEGMENT, WE SALUTED HER FOR NOT RESPONDING TO THE TWITTER MOB CALLING FOR HER SCALP. NO OFFENSE, ELIZABETH WARREN. BUT THAT'S HOW YOU BEAT COUNCIL CULTURE PURITY REALIZE IT'S JUST A DOZEN LOSERS SCREAMING FOR ATTENTION FROM A THE MEDIA. YOU LET THEM SCREAM UNTIL THEY SCREAM THEMSELVES OUT, THAT'S WHAT MY MOM DID TO ME IN THE WOODS. WITHOUT KEMPER COME OUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN LIKE KATIE PLATH WHICH GOING THROUGH A HANGOVER. BUT SADLY JUST DAYS LATER, KEMPER GRAVEL TO THE WOKE POLICE OFFERING NOT JUST AN APOLOGY, BUT A CONFESSION. IT EMBARRASSED JOHN CENA. I KNOW, I KNOW. IT HAD ALL THE WOKE CATCHPHRASES, AND I QUOTE, I DEPLORE AND DENOUNCE WHITE SUPREMACY. AT THE SAME TIME MAY RECOGNIZE THAT BECAUSE OF MY RACE AND PRIVILEGE I AM THE BENEFICIARY OF A SYSTEM THAT DISPENSES UNEQUAL JUSTICE AND UNEQUAL REWARDS. POWs PICK MORE OFF-THE-CUFF THAN THAT. BUT SHE FOLLOWS THE SCRIPT. AS A VERY NATURAL TEMPTATION WHEN YOU BECOME THE SUBJECT TO TELL YOURSELF THAT THEY ARE GETTING IT ALL WRONG. BUT I REALIZE THAT A LOT OF THE FORCES BEHIND THE CRITICISM ARE FORCES THAT HAVE SPENT MY LIFE SUPPORTING AND AGREEING WITH. DID JANE FONDA WRITE THIS? SHE THEN SAID SHE WAS GRATEFUL FOR HER HUMILIATION AND TELLS US THAT SHE WILL USE OR PRIVILEGE AND SUPPORT OF A BETTER SOCIETY I THINK WE ARE CAPABLE OF BECOMING. WELL HOW A NAUSEATING OF HER. SO WHAT IF WE ALL FOLLOWED HER LEAD. EVERY SINGLE PERSON PLAYING PRO BASEBALL HAS TO APOLOGIZE FOR PARTICIPATING IN A LEAGUE THAT ONCE SEGREGATED BLACKS. THAT ALSO INCLUDES BASEBALL FANS, BASEBALL CAP WEARERS, AND ANYBODY HAS TRIED TO GET TO SECOND BASE ON A DATE. ALSO EVERY DEMOCRAT MUST APOLOGIZE AND DEMAND A NAME CHANGE FOR THE POLITICAL PARTY, IT WAS THE PARTY OF SLAVERY AND JIM CROW AFTER ALL BRITT THEY FOUGHT A WAR TO KEEP BID THEY EVEN GAVE A EULOGY FOR A DEMOCRAT LEADER WHO WAS A KKK GRAND -- WHATEVER THEY CALL EACH OTHER. SO THINK ABOUT THIS, KEMPER WAS A DEBUTANTE. WHEN SHE DIDN'T KNOW WAS RACIST BEFORE SHE WAS EVEN BORN. BUT EVERY SINGLE DEMOCRAT BECAME A DEMOCRAT KNOWING THAT THEY WERE ONCE THE PARTY OF SLAVERY. AS PEOPLE OFTEN SAY TO ME IN THE SAUNA, WOW, THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. [LAUGHTER] I NEVER KNOW WHAT GETS A LAUGH THESE DAYS. I UNDERSTAND KEMPER, SHE'S TERRIFIED OF BEING OSTRACIZED LIKE MOST ACTORS THEY DESPERATELY WANT TO BE LIKED AND THEY CAN'T SPEAK UNLESS THEY HAVE A SCRIPT AND A CONSULTANT. WITHOUT THAT, THEY ARE VULNERABLE TO THE WORST TYPE OF GROUPTHINK. I WONDER WHAT THE ANGRY WHITE MALE HAS TO SAY. ♪ ♪ >> I'M NOT WORRIED, I CAN'T BE CANCELED. MY MAINSTREAM CAREER WAS DESTROYED YEARS AGO WHEN I MET A GUY NAMED GREG GUTFELD. THANKS, GREG. ♪ ♪ >> YOU ARE WELCOME. HOW ABOUT THE ANGRY BLACK MALE? ♪ ♪ >> WHAT'S UP? SO SOMEBODY HAS TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED LONG BEFORE THEY WERE BORN? AND WHEN THEY JOIN, THEY DON'T DESERVE IT ANYMORE? SO I GUESS THAT KIND OF THINKING... I GUESS DEMOCRATS ARE ALL IN THE CLAN? ♪ ♪ >> Greg: THAT WAS KEMPER'S TIME IN THE BARREL. IT BEGAN WITH AN OLD PHOTO AND BECAME A TWITTER TREND. IN FACT, IF YOU LOOK AT ANY MOB ACTION COMMIT ALWAYS STARTS THAT WAY. WITH SOMETHING CALLED TWITTER TRENDS BARELY SHOW YOU WHAT PEOPLE ARE CLICKING ON WHICH THEN BECOMES AN ATTENTION GENERATOR, MUCH LIKE CHRIS CUOMO. REMEMBER UNCLE TIM? WITHOUT TWITTER TREND, NO ONE WOULD'VE HEARD OF IT. MANIPULATED BY THE LEGACY MEDIA PROMOTED WITH A DISHONESTLY EDITED CLIPS AND THEN THERE'S TRUMP FEEDING THE FISH, MIKE PENCE LOADING EMPTY BOXES, TRUMP WEARING HIS PANTS BACKWARDS. TWITTER TRENDS CREATED THESE FAKE STORIES. IT IS HUB FOR ELECTIVES. AND LIKE THE WUHAN LAB, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS CREATE ONE SOURCE AND THEN UNLEASH IT. TWITTER TRENDS DO THE REST. BECAUSE THAT IS THE MEDIA'S TROUGH. TRENDS ARE THE EASIEST STORIES TO WRITE, AND THEY PLAY UPON OUTRAGE ADDICTS WHO HAVE NO LIVES BID MY THEORY IS THAT ELIMINATED -- THE WORLD WOULD INSTANTLY BECOME ANOTHER PLACE. SUBJECT, IT'S NOT HOURS OF FASTING AND MEDICATION OR THAT STUPID AMISH CHIN THAT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON. IT'S REMOVING THE PART OF YOUR SITE THAT DESTROYS LIVES. UNTIL YOU DO THAT, WE SHALL SIT BY AND WATCH THE ENDLESS PARADE OF COWARD IS JUST UP AS A LIGHT MEANT AS TWITTER FEEDS ON THE CADAVER OF CAREERS. AND THE CONTRITION WILL ALL BE AN ACT. SADLY, IT'S THE BEST ACTING SOME OF THE CELEBRITIES DO. WELCOME TONIGHT'S GUESTS. HE IS SO SHARP, FORMER DIRECTOR OF THE NATIONAL ECONOMIC -- LARRY CARLO. WHEN SHE LEFT ARIZONA THE TEMPERATURE DROPPED 20 DEGREES, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KATIE PLIABLE HER. SHE IS LIKE A PRAYING MANTIS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR CAT. AND FINALLY, MY MASSIVE SIDEKICK, TYRUS. [APPLAUSE] >> Greg: LAWRENCE COME YOU'VE BEEN A WHITE GUY FOR A WHILE. >> WHAT? [LAUGHTER] >> Greg: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ALL THIS WOKE STUFF? DO YOU THINK IT WAS RIGHT FOR HER TO APOLOGIZE? >> NO, I DON'T THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE APOLOGIZED BRITT OUT OF IT SHE HAD ANY IDEA WHEN SHE WAS 19 YEARS OLD IN ST. LOUIS WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, AND HOW. NO IDEA. JUST BEING WOKED BY THE TWITTER MOB. >> Greg: WHEN I WAS A DEBUTANTE I HAD NO IDEA. I DIDN'T LOOK UP THE PAST RACIST ABUSES OF THE PEOPLE THAT MAY BE A DEBUTANTE. >> THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WAS THE DRESS YOU DECIDED TO WEAR. >> Greg: [LAUGHS] SPEAK OF THE FASHION CHOICES YOU DECIDED, THOSE PICTURES WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER COME OUT. >> Greg: SPEAKING OF PICTURES THAT NEVER COME OUT, HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANYTHING ON INSTAGRAM? >> ON INSTAGRAM? THAT'S PUBLIC. >> Greg: DO WE HAVE ANYTHING FROM HER INSTAGRAM WE CAN SHOW? [LAUGHTER] WHAT IS THAT? YOU ARE LETTING A DOG EAT A BABY. YOU ARE LETTING A DOG EAT A BABY. ED FILLED ME THAT! >> THIS IS FAKE NEWS, HE'S ACTUALLY SAVING THE BABY. HE WAS ALERTING US THAT THE BABY MAY NEED SAVING FOR YOUR THOUGHTS WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS DOING. >> Greg: BOY DO I HAVE EGG ON MY FACE. >> HE'S TOO CUTE TO COUNSEL. >> Greg: IS HE NOW SAY FROM CANCELLATION? >> SHE SAFE BECAUSE SHE'S A DEMOCRAT, AND IF YOU ARE A DEMOCRAT YOU CAN GIVE EULOGIES AT FUNERALS FOR KKK MEMBERS AND FELLOW DEMOCRATS. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU ACKNOWLEDGE AND SAY YOU HAVE WHITE PRIVILEGE AND TRY TO MOVE ON. SHE WILL BE FINE. >> Greg: WHEN WE DID THIS ORIGINAL STORY, YOU ARE SO PROUD OF HER. YOU SAID THAT BECAUSE SHE WASN'T GOING TO RESPOND, AND THEN WHAT DID SHE DO? SHE BETRAYED YOU. >> BEFORE WE GO THERE, I WARNED YOU. BUT YOU ARE JUST A BIG MAN, AREN'T YOU? YOU ARE JUST A BIG MAN. FOR THE SHOW WAS OVER TONIGHT I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW BIG HE REALLY IS, BUT I DIGRESS. I AM GOING TO CHANNEL MY INNER WHITE WOMAN AND I'M GOING TO GIVE WHITE AMERICA SOME ADVICE. THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS YOU YOU HAVE WHITE PRIVILEGE OR YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED, DO WHAT WE DO. I'M HERE BECAUSE I WORKED HARD, I STARTED, I WENT TO COLLEGE, I AUDITIONED. IF YOU WANT MY SPOT, COME GET IT. I'M NOT JUST GOING TO COME GIVE IT TO YOU. THE COLOR OF MY SKIN HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. EVERY TIME -- YOU ONLY GOT THIS JOB BECAUSE YOU ARE BLACK, I'M LIKE, BLACK -- I DID THAT. SO START FIGHTING BACK WITH FACTS AND NOT APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DEAL WITH. >> I REALLY LOVE THAT. I JUST LOVE THAT. BUT I'M SITTING HERE, IT'S THE FIRST TIME WE'VE BEEN ON STAGE TOGETHER, AND BASICALLY SCARED TO DEATH. >> Greg: DON'T WORRY, HE'S GOING TO KILL ME. >> NOT QUITE THERE YET AMERICA. [LAUGHTER] >> WHEN I'M IN THE ALLEY, YOU GO THERE. [LAUGHTER] >> IT'S HARD ON MY CHEST. I PROMISE. >> Greg: YOU HAVE A BIG HEART ON YOUR CHEST. >> I TOLD YOU. [LAUGHTER] >> Greg: WHAT IF I DIDN'T WRITE THAT JOKE? WHAT IF I BLAME IT ON ONE OF MY WRITERS. >> I KNOW TOM, I KNOW KAT. I KNOW YOU DID IT. >> Greg: SO KAT, HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT I LEARNED TODAY. DID YOU KNOW TWITTER TRENDS ARE BASED ON REALLY SMALL NUMBERS? OVER A SIX HOUR PERIOD AND GET TWITTER TRENDY. THAT IS NOTHING. >> IT MAKES MY BRAIN SCRAMBLE. THAT IS WHY I GOT MARRIED. HE CAN DO THE TAXES. I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM WITH HER APOLOGY, I WILL SAY THAT. THE PART WHERE SHE SAID SHE DID NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS ELITIST LIKE BRO, IT WAS A BALL. NORMAL 19-YEAR-OLDS -- WE DIDN'T GO TO BALLS. WE WENT TO DOLLAR PICTURE NIGHT AND HOPE THEY DIDN'T CHECK IDs. IT'S NOT LIKE SHE JUST REALIZED OH, I WAS RICH. SHE GREW UP INCREDIBLY RICH. HER GREAT-GRANDFATHER STARTED WHAT HAS BEEN CALLED A DYNASTY OF BANKERS. THIS IS WHAT I WAS GOOGLING. SHE WAS SUPER RICH PRETHERE WAS A MUSEUM NAMED AFTER HER GRANDMA. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU HAD NO IDEA -- YOU NEVER GOT STREP THROAT IN THE McDONALD'S PLAY PLACE LIKE THE REST OF US. >> THAT'S TRUE. >> HOW DARE SHE BE BORN INTO A RICH FAMILY. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? >> SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW THE RICH LADY BALL SHE WENT TO WAS ELITIST. >> THERE'S A MUSEUM NOW THANKS TO YOU, LET THEM KNOW. >> Greg: HOW CAN SHE POSSIBLY KNOW THAT SOME 19-YEAR-OLD KID IS GOING TO THIS DEB PARTY -- HOW COULD SHE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS? AND WHY, 30 YEARS LATER, DOES SHE -- >> Greg: THIS IS AN EX-BOYFRIEND. THIS IS MY THEORY. HE'S BEEN HOLDING ON THIS PICTURE FOREVER. THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO. >> IF THIS IS THE WORST GUILT TRIP I'VE EVER SEEN. YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT THAT. BE PROUD OF IT, HAVE A GOOD TIME. [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, JUST GO OUT THERE AND DANCE AND GO TO BALLS AND HAVE DEBUTANTE PARTIES. BIG DEAL. >> YOU ARE MAKING PROGRESS, LARRY, LARRY. >> I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS POOR UNTIL I GOT TO COLLEGE. I DIDN'T KNOW. BE ONE I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS SHORT UNTIL I GOT TO HIGH SCHOOL. [LAU
