LEFT. LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED, GREG GUTFELD WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. ♪ >> Greg: YOU ARE SO SWEET. THANK YOU. HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE AND HELLO KAMALA. SO WE HEARD A LOT ABOUT THE WALL WHEN TRUMP WAS IN OFFICE. BUT THERE'S ANOTHER WALL WHEN IT COMES TO THE BORDER ISSUE, THE ONE BETWEEN REALITY AND WHAT THE MEDIA WILL REPORT. AND IT'S A WALL 50 TIMES HARDER TO BREACH THAN THE ONE TRUMP WAS BUILDING. BUT FINALLY IT LOOKS LIKE THAT WALL IS CRUMBLING LIKE A WICKER CHAIR UNDER AND A NAVARRO. WE'VE BOTH SEEN THE VIDEO OF A DOZEN MY GRANTS ATTACKING TWO COPS IN TIMES SQUARE. THE VIDEO SEEMS TO HAVE BROKEN THROUGH THE MEDIA MOAT THAT PROTECTS THE LEFT AND SHOWS EVERYONE WHAT PROGRESSIVE POLICIES ON IMMIGRATION REALLY LOOK LIKE AND'S SCARIER THAN JESSE WATTERS WITHOUT HIS HAIR AND MAKEUP. YEAH. FOR THOSE WHO SUPPORT LAW ENFORCEMENT, THE IMAGES HAVE BECOME LIKE THE FAMOUS RODNEY KING VIDEO BUT IN REVERSE. AND IT'S HARD FOR US TO ALL JUST GET ALONG WHEN WE SEE THE PEOPLE WE GAVE FOOD, SHELTER AND CASH THEN BEAT UP OUR PROTECTORS. AND NOW THE MEDIA AND DEMS ACT LIKE THEY SUDDENLY CARE. GEE, I WONDER IF IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS WHOLE ELECTION YEAR THINGY. I GUESS YOU CAN'T TURN THE COUNTRY BLUE WHEN YOU'RE TURNING ITS CITIZENS BLACK AND BLUE. AND SO HERE IN NEW YORK, PROGRESSIVES ARE SWEATING LIKE AOC TRYING TO MAKE CHANGE FOR A QUARTER. TAKE MANHATTAN DA ALVIN BRAGG ANOTHER SORE ROSE HAND PUP PET, IT WAS BRAGG WHO DECIDED NOT TO EVEN ASK FOR BAIL FOR THE ATTACKERS WHO PREDICTABLY FLED NEW YORK UPON RELEASE. THE BIGGEST MESS AL'S MADE SINCE SOMEONE HANDED HIM A SLOP JOE IN A SPRY BROUGHTING CHAIR. LAST WEEK BIGGAL GAVE A HASTY PRESS CONFERENCE TRYING TO CLEAN UP HIS MESS. >> IN POINT WE DO NOT TOLERATE OR ACCEPT ASSAULTS ON POLICE OFFICERS. I WATCHED THE TAPE THIS WEEK. DESPICABLE BEHAVIOR. IT SICKENED ME AND OUTRAGED ME. >> Greg: SICKENED AND OUTRAGED BUT NOT ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, THE INCOMPETENT BOOB. THIS IS THE SAME BRAGG WHO SAID IN HIS FIRST DAY IN OFFICE THAT THE OFFICE WILL SEEK DISPOSITIONS THAT AVOID IMMIGRATION CONSEQUENCES. THAT WAS THE CAUSE. AND NOW THIS IS THE EFFECT. CAUSE AND EFFECT AL, JUST LIKE THOSE CRONUTS ARE TURNING YOUR WAISTLINE INTO THE EQUATOR. IS IT ME OR FROM DAY ONE THE ILLEGALS HAVE A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD NOT EXACTLY SUCCESSFUL PROSECUTOR YET THEY CAN'T SEEM TO CREATE MORE INCENTIVE. TAKE NEW YORK CITY $53 MILLION PROGRAM TO GIVE PREPAID CREDIT CARDS TO MIGRANT FAMILIES. LITERAL FREE MONEY HANDED OUT TO SO-CALLED ASYLUM SEEKERS. APPARENTLY THE PRE-LOADED CARDS ARE ONLY GOOD AT GROCERY STORES AND MIGRANTS MUST SWEAR AN AFFIDAVIT TO ONLY SPEND IT ON FOOD AND BABY SUPPLIES. YEAH AND THEY ALSO PROMISED TO LEAD UP ON THE ASSAULT. AND THEN MAYOR ERIC ADAMS WHO PROMISED LAW AND ORDER ONE VEGAN LUNCH AT A TIME. HE COULD RESCIND THE SANCTUARY STATUS THERE BY ALLOWING COPS TO COOPERATE WITH ICE, YOU REMEMBER ICE WHO THE DEMS DEEMED THE WORSTVILLE AND ON EARTH FOR DOING THE JOBS THE DEMS NOW DESPERATELY NEED TO BE DONE. BUT ADAMS WHO PREIOUSLY SAY THE MIGRANT CRISIS WOULD DESTROY NEW YORK HAS APPARENTLY VANISHED INTO WITNESSNESS PROTECTION. COULD IT BE THAT VISIT FROM THE FBI WHO TOOK HIS PHONES AND ANNOUNCED THEY'RE INVESTIGATING HIM. NOTHING BRINGS AN APPRECIATION OF BIDEN'S POLICY GENIUS LIKE A LOOMING FEDERAL INDICTMENT. SPEAKING OF MIGRATION, THERE'S NEW YORK GOVERNOR KATHY HOCHUL WHOSE USE OF A TURKEY BASTER TO INJECT BOTOX HAS HER EYEBROWS MIGRATING TO CANADA. IN THE WAKE OF THE VIDEO OUTRAGE HOCHUL IS NOW SAYING THAT DEPORTATION IS, QUOTE, WORTH CHECKING INTO. YEAH, THAT'S JUST WHAT NEW YORK NEEDS IS A BOLD LEADER WHO'S NOT AFRAID TO EVENTUALLY LOOK INTO THINGS BUT ONLY AFTER A 2:00 P.M. DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE. THIS IS THE SAME HOCHUL WHO HAS NOT ONLY A BETTEDD THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORMS THAT ALLOWED THE MIGRANTS RELEASE BUT SIGNED A LAW THAT MADE IT A I CRIME TO EVEN THREATEN TO GET SOMEONE DEPORTED. IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FROM GETTING KAT SENT BACK TO DETROIT. HOCHUL COULD ALSO RESCIND THE EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT BANS NEW YORK STATE OFFICIALS FROM COOPERATING WITH ICE. AND SHE COULD FIRE ALVIN BRAGG FOR LITTLE THINGS LIKE, NOT DOING HIS JOB. ABOUT YOU THAT WILL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL. MAYBE THAT'S WHY HER FACE IS FROZEN. FINALLY, THERE'S JOE. LET'S FORGET THE ROUGHLY 90 TRUMP ERA BORDER INITIATIVES HE REVOKED WHEN TAKING OFFICE. WE KNOW JOE CERTAINLY HAS. HE FORGETS THE REMOVE HIS SUIT BEFORE GOING INTO HIS WALK-IN SHOWER. RIGHT NOW WITHOUT CONGRESS BIDEN COULD SIGN AN EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT BRINGS BACK REMAIN IN MEXICO THE SIMPLEST MOST EFFECTIVE BORDER POLICY WE HAD OR INVOKE THIS FROM HIS GOVERNMENT WEB SITE AND REFER SPECIFICALLY TO THE VENEZUELA MIGRANTS DHS MAY ALSO DECIDE TO TERMINATE YOUR PAROLE AT ITS DISCRETION FOR ANY REASON SUCH AS VIOLATING THE LAWS OF THE US IF YOU STAY IN THE U.S. AFTER YOUR PAROLE ENCOUNTERS OFFICIALS MAY REFER YOU TO ICE FOR IMMIGRATION PROCEEDINGS. IN OTHER WORDS, JOE BIDEN AT HIS DISCRETION COULD SIMPLY ORDER THESE DEFENDANTS EJECTED LIKE A GRANDCHILD AT A BIDEN FAMILY REUNION. I KNOW. BUT HE WON'T. BECAUSE VENEZUELA WON'T TAKE THEM BACK. AND ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES COMMON SENSE MAKES HIM AGREE WITH THE BIG ORANGE MEANY. ON TOP HUGE GROUPS FROM CHINA WERE RECENTLY SEEN POURING INTO THE SOUTHERN BORDER ON 60 MINUTES. A STEADY STREAM RIGHT THROUGH A GAP IN THE FENCE. WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING? AND SO NOW SENATE DEMS ARE COOPERATING WITH REPUBLICANS ON AN IMMIGRATION DEAL. IT EVEN INCLUDES BUILDING THAT IMMORAL WALL WE KEEP HEARING ABOUT. SURE THEY WANT TO MAKE IT OUT OF PAPER MA SHEA AND COTTON CANDY BUT IT'S A START. SUDDENLY THE DEMS SOUND A LOT LIKE YOU KNOW WHO. THAT SAME OLD DEMOCRAT SPECIALTY THAT PUSH A POLICY THAT FEELS GOOD BUT DOES BAD BUT WHEN IT TURNS TO PREDICTABLE CHAOS TURN INTO REPUBLICANS TO CLEAN IT UP. RINSE AND REPEAT. CHAOS JUNKIES ADDICTED TO DUMB. JOE, CHUCK AND NANCY, HOW ABOUT A DOSE OF COMMON SENSE FOR ONCE AND WHEN THE COUNTRY REALLY NEEDS IT NOT WHEN YOU'RE SCARED OF BEING THROWN OUT ON YOUR ASSES. >> PERIOD! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Greg: LET'S WELCOME TONIGHT'S GUESTS. HE'S SMART, FUNNY AND CHARMING, BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE GUEST WHO DROPPED OUT. HERE'S FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR TOM SHILLUE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Greg: HER COMMENTARY GIVES LIBERALS DISINTAKER, EDITOR AND CHIEF OF THE FEDERALIST, MOLLIE HEMINGWAY! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]. >> Greg: HE RECENTLY GRAZED THE COVER OF WHITE HOBO MAGAZINE, TV WRITER AND PRODUCER ROB LONG! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Greg: AND TERRORISTS PUT HER ON THEIR WATCH LIST, NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR AND FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Greg: TOM, ALWAYS A PLEASURE HAVING YOU ON THE PROGRAM. >> Tom: YEAH. YEAH, THERE YOU GO. VERY CHEERY MONOLOGUE, GREG. >> Greg: I KNOW, I KNOW. BUT IT'S AMAZING THAT THIS GUY SAYS HE COULDN'T ARREST THOSE PEOPLE BECAUSE HE WASN'T SURE WHO THEY WERE. WHY NOT JUST TAKE THEM ALL IN, THEY'RE A GANG, AND THEN FIGURE IT OUT. >> Tom: YEAH, AND THE MAYOR, NOW THEY'RE GIVING THE FREE MONEY WHICH IS PROBABLY BETTER SPENT IF YOU HAND IT DIRECTLY TO THEM THAN HANG IT TO THESE NON-GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES THAN EVERYONE ELSE, THE AMOUNT OF WASTE YOU CAN SEE JUST WALKING FROM HERE TO GRAND CENTRAL THEY HAVE MIGRANTS COMING OUT OF THE HOTELS RIGHT NOW, AND THEN THIS BORDER BILL WHICH, YOU'VE GOT REPUBLICANS THAT ARE PREACHING TO ME, I MEAN, WHAT'S HIS NAME? DAN. >> Greg: CRENSHAW? >> Tom: YEAH, HE'S DAN EXPLAINING ME. YOU HAVE TO READ THE BILL IT'S IN THE DETAILS. I'M NOT GOING TO READ THE BILL I DON'T TRUST THE BILL, THERE'S ALREADY LAWS ON THE BORDER. WHO NEEDS ANOTHER BILL IT'S ALREADY AGAINST THE LAW TO COME INTO THE COUNTRY AND THEY'RE NOT ENFORCING THAT. SO I DON'T NEED SOMEBODY EXPLAINING TO ME AND I HAVE LOOKED AT THE BILL, FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE A DAY. THAT'S LIKE IF YOU WANT TO STOP SHOPLIFTING AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE, OKAY, LET'S BUILD A SHIPPING AND RECEIVING DOC JUST FOR THE SHOPLIFTERS AND THEY CAN STEAL 5,000 A DAY AND AFTER THAT WE'RE GOING TO SHUT DOWN THE SHIPPING AND RECEIVING AND SAY YOU HAVE TO GO AROUND THE FRONT AND YOU HAVE TO STEAL THE OLD FASHIONED WAY. >> Greg: YOU KNOW, THAT IS A GREAT ANALOGY [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Greg: IT IS. BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THIS BILL IS, I'M NO EVEN SURE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS CORRECT BECAUSE I HAVEN'T READ IT. I'M NOT SURE IT'S 5,000 A DAY BUT IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM NOT TO KNOW THAT, RIGHT? I DIDN'T READ THE BILL MOLLIE, I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYONE COULD, AND YET THESE JACKASSES PUT IT OUT THERE AND THEN THEY SAY IT MUST BE PASSED IMMEDIATELY AND IT'S ON YOU, IT'S ON YOU FOR NOT READING IT. THAT JUST PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE, TO TOM'S POINT, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT PLAYING THAT GAME. I'M NOT GOING TO LIKE INGEST THIS BLOATED MONSTROSITY BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST YOU AT ALL ANYWAY. WHAT DO YOU SAY? I JUST LIKE BABBLING. >> Mollie: THEY NEGOTIATED THIS BILL IN SECRET FOR MONTHS. THEY WOULDN'T LET ANYONE KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON. THEN THEY RELEASE IT UNDER DARK OF NIGHT AND SAY YOU HAVE TO PASS IT IMMEDIATELY. THE PROBLEM WAS, SENATOR McCONNELL AND SENATOR SCHUMER WHAT THEY REALLY WANT IS FUNDING FOR UKRAINE. >> Greg: RIGHT. >> Mollie: THEY SAID WE'LL PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT THE BORDER IF YOU GIVE US WHAT YOU WANT AND MOST OF THE MONEY IN THIS BILL IN FACT GOES TO UKRAINE. BUT THEY FORGOT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO AT LEAST PRETEND TO WEAR ABOUT BORDER SECURITY AND INSTEAD IT JUST CODE FUSE ALL THESE THINGS THEY'RE ALREADY AGAINST THE HALL SO THEY'RE EXPANDING WHAT IS POSSIBLE IN TERMS OF BREAKING OUR LAWS TO CROSS INTO THE COUNTRY AND IT IS A JOKE. I MEAN, I'VE BEEN IN POLITICS FOR A LONG TIME, I HAVE SEEN A LOT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING AS OFFENSIVE AS WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO DO WITH THIS SHAM BORDER BILL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Greg: WOW. THAT'S A HIGH BAR. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF OFFENSIVE THINGS. I JUST SAW SOMETHING IN THE SENATE THE OTHER WEEK, OH, MY GOD. BY THE WAY, THEY NEVER CAUGHT YOU, ROB. >> Rob: WEIRDLY THEY DID CATCH ME, AND THANK YOU FOR POSTING THE VIDEO. >> Greg: HEY, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FOX NATION SPECIAL. >> Rob: THANK YOU. YES. >> Greg: IT'S CALLED. >> Rob: IT'S CALLED A HISTORY OF THE WORLD IN SIX CLASSES VERY FUNNY PEOPLE HOSTED BY JIM BELUSHI AND THE GREAT DAN AYKROYD, LOTS OF FUN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIGN UP FOR FOX NATION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU CAN WATCH IT. >> Greg: I ALSO ENJOY THE HOLIDAY HOBO LOOK YOU'RE DOING. >> Rob: THANK YOU. I GREW IT BECAUSE I WAS PREOCCUPIED READING THE BILL, WHICH I READ. >> Greg: DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU HOW THIS PROCESS WORKS? >> Rob: HERE'S WHAT, TWO THINGS BOTHERS ME. ONE THING IS THE BILL ITSELF, YOU KNOW WHAT? 5,000 PEOPLE IN, THAT IS GOING TO TRIGGER THE TROUBLE. BUT 5,000'S FINE. SO THAT MEANS THAT EVERYTHING AT THE BORDER IS SO MESSED UP THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO THINK, WELL, 5,000'S ABOUT AS GOOD AS WE'RE GOING TO GET. LIKE THAT'S CONSIDERED A WIN FOR PEOPLE WHO -- WHICH IS BANANAS RIGHT. AMERICANS ARE THINKING 5,000 SEEMS LIKE A LOT. ACTUALLY IT'S NOT A LOT. IT'S 50,000. SO YOU'RE WELCOME. >> Greg: EXACTLY. >> Rob: THE SECOND THING IS LIKE, IF YOU'RE A FAMILY IN NEW YORK CITY AND YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE STRUGGLING A LITTLE, WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS YOU SHOULD GO TO MEXICO, SNEAK IN THE BORDER, COME BACK TO NEW YORK WHERE THEY'LL PUT YOU UP IN A HOTEL AND GIVE YOU MONEY. >> Greg: RIGHT. >> Rob: WHY WOULD YOU NOT DO THAT. >> Greg: EXACTLY. >> Rob: WHY WOULD FAMILIES A LITTLE BIT WHO ARE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY. >> Greg: THAT'S YOUR HOLIDAY VACATION RIGHT THERE, KIDS WE'RE GOING TO GO TO MEXICO. >> Rob: THEN WE'RE GOING TO COME BACK. >> Greg: AND STAY IN A HOTEL UNTIL TIMES SQUARE, THE NUMBER ONE TOURIST ATTRACTION IN THE WORLD. >> Rob: AND WE'RE GOING TO GET A LITTLE GIFT CARD EVERY WEEK FROM THE MAYOR. LIKE IT'S KIND OF GREAT I DON'T KNOW WHY MORE AMERICANS AREN'T DOING THAT. >> Greg: BECAUSE WE'RE AMERICANS AND WE DON'T GAME THE SYSTEM. >> Rob: WELL, I DON'T KNOW. SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN TIGER. YEAH WE DO. >> Greg: WE DON'T RIDE THE RAILS LIKE YOU DO. >> Rob: WE DON'T RIDE THE RAILS BUT MAKE MARKS, NICE LADY MAKES PIES LIKE THOSE MARKS. WE DO DO THAT BECAUSE WE'RE AMERICANS AND THAT'S THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING AN AMERICAN. IF YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICAN -- LOOK YOU CAN HAVE A GENEROUS WELFARE STATE OR OPEN BORDERS BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH. >> Greg: THAT IS TRUE KAT HAS SAID THAT MANY TIMES AND I WOULD QUOTE YOU ON IT BUT WHY BOTHER BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT HERE >> Kat: RIGHT HERE >> Greg: YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE, IT FEELS LIKE TWO THINGS, ONE WE'RE WATCHING VOTES ON REPARATIONS WITH YOU THIS IS A REPARATION FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE BUT ROB IS TALKING ABOUT GAMING THE SYSTEM EVERY TIME DEMOCRATS CREATE SOMETHING THEY NEVER THINK ABOUT HOW A SYSTEM CAN BE GAINED >> Kat: INCENTIVES GOVERN EVERYTHING SO IF THERE'S AN INCENTIVES TO COME HERE WHY WOULDN'T PEOPLE COME HERE AND TO PRETEND LIKE THAT DOESN'T EXIST IS ABSOLUTELY ABSURD. YOU CAN SAY OKAY, DON'T COME HERE, BUT IF YOU DO WE'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU MONEY AND A PLACE TO STAY THEN THE FIRST PART DOESN'T MATTER. DO YOU EVER HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S ALWAYS GOING ON AND ON AND ON ON TO YOU, LIKE MY X WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, HE'S SO ANNOYING BUT LEAVES OUT THE FACTR TIME SHE GETS DRUNK SHE SLEEPS WITH HIM? THERE'S INCENTIVES FOR HIM TO DO IT SO WHAT SHE SAYS DOESN'T MATTER. >> Greg: GREAT ANALOGY >> Kat: THANK YOU. >> Greg: WE TALK ABOUT INCENTIVES BUT THE DISINCENTIVES AREN'T THERE. IF YOU JUST SEND SOMEBODY BACK THAT'S LIKE PLAYING A GAME OF PIN BALL, YOU JUST PLAY ANOTHER GAME. YOU PUT THEM OVER AND THEY COME BACK. YOU NEED TO PUT THEM IN A WORSE POSITION THAN THEY WERE IF THEY HADN'T BROKEN THE LAW. SO MAYBE WE DO SEND THEM TO ANCHORAGE, YOU KNOW? AND THEN YOU PUNISH ALSO THE DAs, YOU SEND THE FELONS TO THEIR BLOCK. YOU HAVE TO CREATE A DISINCENTIVE FOR THE BEHAVIOR. >> Rob: THE PEOPLE MOST PRICED ARE PROBABLY THE MIGRANTS, YOU EXPLAINED WHAT'S HAPPENS THEY MUST THINK WAIT A MINUTE. AM I BEING PUNKED HERE, THIS CAN'T BE TRUE RIGHT. >> Greg: YOU'RE GIVING ME FREE STUFF. >> Rob: BECAUSE THE COUNTRIES THEY COME FROM DON'T OFFER ANY OF THOSE. >> Greg: WELL SAID HOPE 0 MAN. >> Rob: THANK YOU. >> Greg: UP NEXT NIKKI HALEY IN A SKETCH IS GUARANTIED TO MAKE YOU REP >> IF YOU WILL BE IN THE NEW YORK AREAS AND
