Grimoire of Controversies Part 2 | A Review of Handbook for Mortals by Lani Sarem

I ran out of shelf space months ago ash box for you so we are picking up with handbook for morals part two so the grand book Oh controversies the darris if the grimoire of controversies just keeps providing we do have half a book to go through and there's some really good stupid in here trust me the semi climax gets so badly mishandled it's I love it and there is kind of an open secret about the reason this book exists and that is that is linked to the big controversy I want to talk about but we'll discuss a few other things in the meantime it'll be much juicier later hey guys editor Crimson here one thing that I came across while I was doing some last-second research and adult check something apparently there was an internet rumor going around claiming that Lannie serum was the author of the infamous my immortal the worst fanfiction ever made I've actually dug into that a little bit and it looks like it's not actually true apparently there was gonna be a memoir written about my immortal and the publishing company behind it did some research to investigate and one of the things they double checked on was to see if the rumors were true and Lana's serum did write my immortal and they concluded that no they did not there are certainly similarities in their writing styles and both my immortal and handbook for mortals are awful but my immortal was written by somebody else and okay that's it back to the review for now though we just returned to Zaid as she is surviving weeks later in the theater now just to give you a brief recap Zaid was living in some little town in tennessee moved to las vegas has actual magic became a performer and there are these two guys who kind of like her and that's pretty much everything relevant how much wasted space is that you know the sad thing is by the end of the year when I'm done with this book I'll remember like two things the love triangle and the big final trick anyway I'm stalling so Zeta is still wandering around the theater doing her thing living her life and her thoughts like all 25 year olds keep revolving around boys Jackson and I agreed on almost anything that came up and everything seemed easy with him if I had written on a piece of paper all the things I wanted in a guy well he would have fit it to a tee except my ideal guy would also have powers well I mean as long as you're not asking for too much it's actually deeply frowned upon for someone like me to end up with a mortal now serum does a lousy job explaining what the magic is how the magic works how it manifests anything like that but she does have an explanation for why witches or immortals or whatever are not supposed to be with mortals the easiest way I can simplify this is the group or council or whoever made this rule is basically made up of slytherins you're not supposed to mix and that's not a phrase I'm making up it's in the book you don't know if your children will be mortal or gifted my blood moving on from there there is something that I did want to discuss about the writing style now certain writers certain authors have distinct tricks that they often rely on dan Brown is an easy example of that he basically writes the same story over and over again I still like his work granted but he is very formulaic Michael Crichton brings in his characters at very much the same way where they are introduced one at a time and then they all come together and then the plot happens being able to sum up in author by their writing style the writing tricks is not something that's always bad but it certainly can be in this case especially because there are three points that I would sum up serum's writing style she's wordy as [ __ ] she violates show Don't Tell in the weirdest way and she has the longest gaps between her dialogue now think you've already hammered home just how wordy she is so I don't need to touch on that the dialogue one is a little difficult to show because what she'll do is she'll write a line of dialogue and then we get Zeta spective on everything in that particular moment someone else will talk and then we get another paragraph long gap as she describes some other minut aspect of that thing it's like having a conversation between two people punctuated by both of them having long Vietnam flashbacks you babe people are watching this right right now but I'm not wearing any pants for example you got this scene where Zaid is in a bar with some of the crew and then some guy she doesn't know just comes up and starts talking to her and we get none of their conversation I'm not even gonna bother reading this I'll just have it on-screen you can see there's not a single bit of dialogue between Zaid and this guy she just says he was bothering me he was obviously hitting on me even though I was not even remotely interested we don't even get his name until the very end of the page when he introduces himself to Mack who comes in to save Zaid now this guy Justin is clearly very drunk a point which is elaborated on very extensively when Mack grabs okay so Justin grabs aid and tries to walk off with her and then Mack grabs him by the arm and forces him to let go so Justin responds with oh you jerk face what's your problem man obviously Sarah misunderstood it when Shakespeare said brevity is the soul of wit and then we got a lot of fluff as Mack defends ade and Justin is drunk and he tries to start a fight that ends up running into a bar like a support beam and like knocks himself out as friends dragged him outside I wouldn't even mind it that much if the guys in this book didn't untie Roenick Lee act like the boys in the episode of South Park about boobs and the fight is such a non sequitur this is just an excuse for saram to show off guys fighting over Zaid because that's a thing two pages of build-up and Justin knocks himself out so we don't even get a real fight scene why waste my time with this and that was pretty much all of chapter 10 one-nothing fight scene while Zaid thinks about boys also in this chapter we get an example of and I'll start pointing these out now because they become more prevalent but a fascinating misuse of don't show I've complained plenty of times about authors violating show don't tell it is something with alarming frequency in these longer book reviews but it's important because show don't tell is a cornerstone of writing if you over explain things to your audience they're less engaged design enough of the world so that they can understand what's going on but still put their own touches on it saerom however has somehow violated that rule in a way that I've never seen before not this / Evelyn League anyway because saram does Show & Tell take the scene when she's in the bar this is after the fight scene and she's sitting with some of the other girls in the heat crew and someone calls her name Zaid explains that someone was calling her name and then we see someone call her name I finally heard someone saying my name over and over and snapped out of my days to realize that all the other girls at the table were just staring at me Perla a tall dark-haired girl with perfect lips who was one of the acrobats in the show had been saying my name Zaid Zaid Zaid are you okay it would be so much more effective if she never told us about that and if we just got the zetas aid thing instead instead of Zaid over explaining that her thoughts were interrupted show her thoughts being interrupted when someone calls her name that way the reader is in the same position as aid and is that much more engaged and attached to what Sade is going through it's relatable and without that relatability the reader can't get into the story we got another Show and Tell violation as eight explains that she had left the door wide open and then Jackson comes in and says the door was open sometimes you do need to re-establish certain things to make sure that the reader is still abreast of what's going on but it generally takes longer than a single sentence in between moments Jackson comes in to invite Zaid to his show later after work and Zayde apologizes that she can't oh I can't tonight I said genuinely apologetic I'd love to really but I've got that new illusion to work on with Charles this is the first time we hear about this grand new illusion that she's doing with Charles and it gets into that sporadically and eventually revealed later on that's good that is how you should introduce that kind of thing entice the reader have them want to find out what's going on but the payoff is not worth it it is a basic setup and payoff problem you introduce something you you give a little hints to what's going on and then at the end when it's revealed oh my god that was amazing that's why murder mysteries are so great that's why a lot of cop shows keep getting made because you sprinkle in these little hints of where the mystery is going where the story is going and by the end you know if it's written well you'll be able to follow along with it there's a bit of foreshadowing that leads nowhere because Zeb and Zayde comes across Zeb and Charles having a discussion about something ominous it's not good that much I can tell you I just don't know how bad and what it means I heard Zeb say sounding worried by the way nice typo there Charles responded in an equally Grievous tone you know we have to let things take their own course you must let it go for now was it something I done was I going to be fired Zeb for some reason doesn't like Zaid and that's not ever really fleshed out it's just used for artificial tension because it doesn't mean anything but what I take away from this is zis flash-in-the-pan anxiety now anxiety is one of those things that everyone has to varying degrees some more than others and it's perfectly fine as a character trait it actually could do a lot to heighten the characters situational awareness or their worries about certain things or fears or any number of you know moments but to include it as a trait for the protagonist it should act really mean something Z's anxiety is used very short-term to momentarily heighten some sort of potential drama which never goes anywhere xate is never at risk for being fired especially later on when you find out what's actually going on behind the scenes and you'll see that reveal coming by the time it rears its head trust me but moments like this don't make any sense when you step back and try to view the story as a whole seeds not at risk of being fired she should know she's not at risk of being fired and yet that moment is introduced in order to get the the reader to think oh could there be some moment of intrigue could Zaid be in trouble it's a red herring it goes nowhere it's fine that Zaid feels anxious but it doesn't serve the story and it doesn't really serve the character because she so rarely actually shows anxiety outside of very brief moments like this she's calmed by the end of the passage so it goes nowhere a note from earlier page 117 is the longest uninterrupted discussion in the entire book it is sad how confidently I can state that moving on we got a scene of the crew hanging out backstage when just waiting to clock out and they're talking about their upcoming camping trip which was apparently zaid's idea well because she's working on this new illusion with Spelman she actually has to skip so she can work the weekend and perfect it with him this upsets Mac again because it was Zetas idea so in order to make up for it she offers to make dinner for him this is a somewhat intimate moment that's treated very casually possibly as if they've done this before and considering how many times we've gotten the weeks later starting to a chapter I'm still unclear as to what their relationship is because they've been making out on and off apparently for several weeks now and yet are not really a couple Zeid has pretty much been leading Mac on for the last who knows how many weeks possibly months home that almost sounds like that thing his ex did you know the one that kind of scarred him emotionally so a couple of days go by Mac does swing by Zane's place for dinner as promised when he notices a couple of tickets on her table to David Copperfield's show it was the evening show so they got dinner and a show and apparently Zaid went with Spellman you went to dinner and a show I thought you were going to be working the whole time he said sounding brash and accusatory yes and remember Spellman's apparent tendency to date girls much much his junior it's even worse because apparently there's a photo of the two of them and the photo his voice was still monotone as he asked his questions oh um the camera girl who came around to our table was really cute I think he was trying to hit on her so we bought photos from her excuse me while I slipped this gigantic redfish on screen now later on we find out what's actually going on and it's not a big deal but Zaid comes off as so callous in this section I lost any chance of liking her it's not that she was on thin ice with me she was already neck deep in the water this just tied an anchor around her wrists Mac is clearly upset with this idea because you remember his last relationship the one that save knows about and he asks her to clarify what's going on with this dinner why did you go out with Spellman when you told me you were going to be working and Zayde replies with a girl's got to eat doesn't she I shrugged not sure what he was getting at and why he looked so upset you heartless bent this is why Z doesn't work as a romantic partner there's no chemistry because she can't possibly conceive why Mac would possibly get upset the guy who was used and tossed aside and has problems with that and Zade from her own perspective does not understand why he's upset she doesn't understand why Mac might be upset she comes off as withdrawn like she's holding something back it's odd and gives Mac reason to be suspicious this is especially concerning for him considering his history with relationships with performers which she well which she is well aware of she isn't considering his feelings at all and isn't trying to reassure him she just brushes it off with a girl's gotta eat even if they weren't in a relationship this is a red flag since it shows she doesn't really have empathy then again maybe she's not used to thinking about others if guys are just magically drawn to her chapter 12 the Sun or as I like to call it nobody likes me that chapter it opens up with Zaid running into Zeb who is the head magician and remember doesn't really seem to like Zaid hi Zedd what's up I asked you aren't ready for this you should have been more prepared I didn't know what he meant and wasn't sure how to respond but I had been really frustrated with how little he seemed to like me and how cold he was I ignored his comments and went straight to the heart of what I wanted to ask him ever since I admit him why don't you like me Zedd looked confused I never said I didn't some things don't have to be said you certainly act like you don't Zep look frustrated I just don't think you take our craft seriously I take it very seriously you need to try harder really important things are at stake so yeah Zeb's a mage and after that he promises to help her train if she's serious about it which is weird because if there's like more at stake than she realizes then shouldn't he be helping regardless but whatever and then we get a scene of Sophia and Zade chatting and there was a lot of animosity between those two beforehand but this scene is where Zaid talks to Sofia and you asked you know why don't you like me and Sofia responds with I don't hate you I just believe that people should pay their dues I had to yet you walked in and were treated like you owned the place a fair statement cuz that's effectively what happened and again the reason why is explained later but we'll get to it when we get to it my first thought was to turn around and walk away but after my confrontation with Zeb something stronger and me just wanted to talk to her in other words saram didn't know how to move the plot along they'd had walked into Sofia while Sofia was singing and apparently was like really beautiful and the two start talking explaining how they feel about each other and then Zaid offers to get Sofia a part in the big illusion that she's working on with with Spellman it's entirely superficial Sofia would just be singing outside of the actual act so this does kind of improve the relationship between Sofia and Zade and Sofia stops being the mean girl and really becomes a background character like more so than she already was this could have been some dramatic character exposition some sort of display of zade's limitations because apparently women aren't supposed to really like her that much but now Sofia and her are on good terms I'm not saying it's bad necessarily it just makes me ask why introduce Sofia as the mean girl if you're not gonna do anything substantial with it we are halfway through the book and one of the more notable character interactions has been resolved it doesn't go anywhere and that is the best way I can sum up so much of this book especially because you get stupid lines like this would you mind if I ask you to sing something during the finale the new illusion that Charlie and I are building I would love to have did you just call Charles Charlie I watched Sophia's eyes bulge and her jaw drop her chin jutted forward and her perfect flowing hair with big curls fell ever so slightly towards her face yeah I paused for a moment to think about exactly what I had said unsure of why I'd gotten such a strong reaction why I did that once any bit my head off she shrugged and the right side of her lip pulled up slightly as she raised her eyebrows and I was on top of him at the time I mean ignoring the confrontational name-drop there because Spellman's not in the room to hear it so what's it matter but keep that moment in mind along with many other things because this attaches itself to that growing red herring that the book is so eagerly focusing on we get another kiss between Mack and Zayde and then we go into what I can only describe is a shockingly irrelevant establishing shot the next day I had to go into the theater early to work on the new illusion I had been there already for a few hours before I was able to take a lunch break I had decided to walk across to the Fashion Show Mall and eat there since I had extra time compared to my usual break between shows you don't establish one setting if you were going to immediately jump to another setting a much better way to approach that is we have been working on the show all morning and I decided to take a lunch break by going to the mall that I hate to go to why is she going to the mall anyway you know the mall that quickly makes her tired and cranky quickly well Zaid runs into jackson again literally and then they run into a fan a little girl named Sarah probably 7 or 8 according to the book who gets a photo with Zaid and then leaves so that amounts to nothing and then Zaid gives us some detail about herself that is as irrelevant as it is blunt Jackson studied me you take your work really seriously I like that about you he nodded I blushed again you know what they say surround yourself with people that take their work seriously but not themselves I love quotes and sayings I had one for almost every situation and I could rattle them off all day I guess it made me feel like I could always comment on something without sounding dumb though I was starting to wonder if I use them too much and if it made me sound cheesy she almost never uses quotes the character that we're seeing on page and a character that exists in serums head are vastly different if we do not see Zaid actually using these quotes then it is fallacious to have her explain i lungs having quotes and i had a a quote for every situation chapter xiii opens like so many others with more weeks flew by part of the problem I'm having as I'm going through this book again is the chapters are so indistinct and have so little character about themselves that I don't really remember what happens until they're like halfway into the chapter and going through my notes again like when you're rereading a book and you you get to a certain opening of a certain chapter you're like oh this is when they discover the body under the pier you can't do that with this book every chapter feels so much like the others in that it's just a bunch of bland empty nothingness that nothing stands out well nothing good anyway I only good excited about certain parts of this because of how gloriously terrible they are we get more flirting between Zaid and Mac which at this point is frustrating because even though that's the kind of thing that a lot of romance novels are based on it they're not in a relationship yet it's been god only knows how many months and they're not together in any definable way [Music] so when you get flirting like you know how hot you look in that harness Mack asked you'd say I looked hot in a burlap sack I shook my head at him but I had a pretty big smile on my face you'd look amazing in anything he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and even better in nothing he added as he rubbed his hand over the small of my back in a well written romance story something like that might actually lead to something it might actually be a little tantalizing in here it feels obligatory like they're just doing it because it's a paint-by-numbers sort of looking this is the part where they gotta do with a heavy flirting halfway through the book it feels like they're drawing out that not in a relationship plot point just to draw it out it's frustrating also there's another mage in the show named Renee but I don't think she ever shows up again so I don't know why she's mentioned uh and we get another italicized scene as apparently I'm not the only one frustrated with how long this is taking to define Spellman takes Mac back to the salt to his office to discuss his relationship his intentions with Zaid and Mac at first says we're friends if that's what you mean but then eventually by the end of the chapter and several pages says well it has possibility we always get some really weak and pretentious philosophy as saram attempts to discuss how deep love is and how it affects people Charles broke into Mac's reverie and reminded him that's not what I asked I asked if you loved her again Mac wasn't sure how to respond he wasn't ready to admit something to Charles that he also wasn't ready to admit to himself he thought about all the reasons that he shouldn't be in love with Zaid then he thought about what else he knew he had learned that the funny thing about love is that love doesn't care if you're labeled it or not and it also doesn't care if there might be someone else vying for the person you love jealousy might but not love you can love someone who doesn't even know you really exist love really knows no boundaries and sometimes it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense you can wish it away all you want but it just like Cupid's arrows once you've been hit you've been hit the sad thing is that I've seen a better description of love and its effects on people as told by a stick puppet on South Park love isn't a decision it's a feeling if we could decide who he loved it would be much simpler but much less magical and I would be remiss if I missed out on this line Mac just thinks that Charles is being weird so he thinks Mac always thought it was funny that if you were rich you were eccentric and if you weren't rich or famous you were just weird he refused to call anyone eccentric just because they happen to have money or fame have no idea why that was included and the next scene is MEK and Zayde walking around town and do you remember how pivotal that that scene with the lemonade stand was in the mall well we've got something very similar when some biker bumps into Zaid and her purse opens up and she spills all of her cards and he doesn't stop to apologize or anything he needed to learn to be nicer and more courteous around other people and not knock people out of the way like that I wondered if I had been a little kid or an older person what would have happened he hadn't stopped a check on me or even yelled back sorry or anything before I had even thought about what I was doing I bawled my fists quickly and squeezed the biker flipped upside down as if he had hit a massive pothole that came out of nowhere or at least to anyone else it probably looked like that he landed pretty hard on his back and made a few loud sounds of shrieking pain as the bike crashed into a bench sending a few pieces going in different places I was fairly certain he wasn't permanently injured but he also wasn't going to be riding anymore today I am getting really strong Empress Theresa vibes right now how dare you not acknowledge the protagonists horrible agony for you I hope what I done to the biker might teach him a karma related lesson however with her cards spilled out on the ground Mack notices they're all tarot cards and he's a little skeptical towards Tarot that stuff is hogwash he growled you're too smart to believe in stuff like that you shouldn't believe in something just because your parents do or your family does he shook his head at me as if I were a child who had broken a jar in the kitchen and was getting reprimanded and they have a long conversation about whether or not Tarot was real and Zayde of course never reveals that she actually can do magic so this just becomes a point of contention that starts between them it's something the book is slowly building towards and on a technical level I do appreciate what's what serum is a trying for because for weeks and weeks and weeks Zaid and Mac have been slowly getting together but now it looks like maybe things won't work out because you know the tarot card said that Mac wouldn't be as fulfilling as Jackson and and now Mac is throwing shade at tarot reading and and what seeds mother does Plus Mac's budding suspicions about what Zaid is doing with Spellman when they went to that Copperfield Show and not just because at the same time Zeta is also going out with Jackson several days later I took Jackson up on another offer he made to take me to the movies of course he chose the latest action superhero flick starring Ryan Reynolds because this book came out in 2017 and Deadpool came out in 2016 I'm calling it they went and saw Deadpool which has made even better because that movie opens with this line you're probably thinking my boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a [ __ ] kebab well because Deadpool is the best superhero character ever written and because Deadpool movie was the best superhero movie in the last decade xate ends up having a really good time back outside the theater Jackson offered me his arm before leading me up the street I still get giddy every time he does that it makes me feel reassured and special and there's more giggling more joking more flirty and the ever so lewd act of holding hands and the date ends with I'll take that as a compliment he replied covering my face in both hands and I'll take this too with that he kissed me passionately while bending me back like they do in the movies until my knee popped which anyone who's ever seen a romantic movie would know it's a very good thing I couldn't give a straight face ladies hold your men to a higher standard if your knees aren't popping when he makes out with you he's doing it wrong don't go away [Music] it seems like this that kind of really bother me because it's such a blatant waste of time that date scene only exists to make Jackson look like a serious competitor in this love triangle because that's the only one which everything's really going right there's no conflict there's no tension there's this really hot making out and he's really happy with the guy so of course she's not going to end up with him she's going to end up with Mack because that's where the conflict is and that's where the story is it's too perfect because of that you can tell so easily that Jackson's not really here for any reason outside of shallow narrative conflict chapter 14 Wheel of Fortune pretty much all of will fortune is to help drive that wedge between Zaid and Mack and you really have two moments that matter so they finish setting up everything for this brand-new illusion and as a reward for the crew working so hard and so diligently Spellman takes them all out to the pepper mill a Vegas staple it has been around since the 1970s I don't know how true that it is but honestly I find a refreshing that they're not in a mall the theater or a bar and part of how serum attempts to drive that wedge between Zaid and Mack is this everyone sitting around a big table for dinner everyone is picking their chairs Sophia of course sits next to Spellman when this happens Charles leaned toward Sophia trying to be subtle but I happen to be standing close enough to hear what he said to her Sophie darling he said softly I needs a to sit next to me can you and Mack find seats somewhere else what Sophia hissed shooting a look at me that could have killed don't make a big deal about this Charles warrant and Spellman begins to heap praise upon Zaid for being his little starlets all the while Zaid attempts to salvage a relationship with Mack by sending her not an explanation but a really sad emoji and it's this it's really sad looking and he sends one that's kind of nonchalant and doesn't care we get confirmation it's been several months since they started working on the illusion alone so that gives you a time frame of how long Zaid and Mack have not been going out and that last big moment to really piss off Mack and to to get him to not want to be anywhere near Zaid is when he walks by Spellman's office and Spellman and Zayde are inside talking Charles pulled back and looked her right in the eye his arms still around her I am just being an old man I guess I love you more than life itself it would kill me if something happened to you Zaid was smiling as he as she put her hands on his face I love you too she leaned in to kiss him her face beaming Mack was disgusted and devastated how could she betray him like that the man she's not going out with apparently after everything they had together hadn't he put up with enough with a whole Jackson situation God [ __ ] you Mack angry and frustrated he couldn't bear to watch her kiss him and that right there if the scene had stopped right there that could work as a red herring because that's all this is it's a red herring but the book has to ruin the red herring as soon as it finished setting it up by going on with this had he only watched just a moment or two longer he would have seen Zaid kiss Charles innocently on the cheek Mack didn't see that though because he looked away B before he saw the truth and therefore in his head he had turned around right before he saw them make out with tongue furious and upset he stormed down the hall he needed to think before he did anything that he would regret it is impressive how much time saerom spent how many chapters saram spent building up this red herring of oh my god is Zaid having an affair with Spelman only to immediately drop the ball to avoid any undue controversy I am kind of flabbergasted at how much of a missed step that is it was like if you had Sherlock Holmes wander into a scene find a a murder victim and then think to himself well it was actually Ted Johnson who lives down the street but we didn't figure that out until later I haven't seen a misstep this substantial since The Mortal Instruments movie when they revealed that the whatever the hell their names were were not actually siblings part of the reason the romance angle in that series was was as heavy as it was is because for a while you didn't know if the protagonist and the love interest were actually siblings or not that sounds absolutely preposterous saying it out loud but fans of the series I imagine would agree with me Mac is of course upset by this whole situation not unduly considering his past and he goes to confront SATA bout it and Mac immediately assumes that Zaid is just being like Clara and is just sleeping around with everyone but him Zaid doesn't really do herself any favors by saying sometimes relationships aren't black-and-white Mac and sometimes what you see isn't what's really there how about you let me do this show then we can talk about this then he kind of takes another step down [ __ ] Creek and he gives us this line Mac wasn't hearing any of it though and stepped back so you can get a chance to construct your story about why you needed to sleep your way to the top I'm such an idiot we haven't even slept together yet hello and welcome to my presentation on why you should go [ __ ] yourself spoiler alert it's because you're a piece of [ __ ] no one likes now the solution here is incredibly simple and I imagine a good number of you have already figured it out because of that innocent kiss on the cheek thing and the fact that both of them love each other and I've said that's a red herring like half a dozen times and this wraps a lot of things up and makes things a lot clearer because Spelman is aids father you that's it that's the reveal that's why Zaid was able to walk on with an edition and get a job on the spot that's why Zaid was able to perform as well as she has that's why everything with the last couple of chapters in this red herring all they'd had to say was and instead no she just gives a vague non answer and I would be less annoyed at this if it weren't for a crucial step that she had set up for herself I can't really explain it with that context I'll have to to go over the show first the important thing is Matt gets pissed off and he doesn't want to do the show anymore so he gets cam to run the main board and at this point I want to remind you that everyone in the show had some kind of understudy or backup and you would think that Mack would call his back up but apparently cam has a bit of trouble Mack looked up and glared at him hard you're running Maine tonight I don't know the cues for the new illusion heck I haven't worked in automation in over a year I can't cam tried to argue run it on the fly Mack yelled as he stomped off wrapped up in a flurry of emotion now if you've ever worked in a theater running things on the fly without knowing the cues should come off as an obvious what are you doing moment how do you know when to cue up certain music how do you know when a cube certain light sets because the lights need to show shine on certain spots and in certain ways sometimes they you know flash over the the stadium or the house and sometimes they got to focus on certain people on certain spots on the stage during different parts of the night why doesn't Mack actually have backup for this why doesn't he have an assistant technical director that moment's stupid but it's not nearly as stupid as what Zaid does and you will understand it as we get into chapter 15 the tower and we finally get to see what this big show this new illusion really is part of the reason why new show took so long to develop was because the illusion used complex deep chaos based magic now what does that mean what does Chaos magic entail I have no idea that's all you did it's chaos magic Spellman calls the trick creation and something I want you to keep in mind as I'm going through this consider how much build-up this trick has been given how much importance has been given in the last several chapters how long they've been working on this how appreciative Spellman was towards his little starlet Zaid how much work went into this how many people are involved all of that build-up or what I'm about to describe and to make it easier I am just going to paraphrase because as you can imagine it's wordy as hell so I'm going to give you a step-by-step breakdown of what this thing is going off some prepared notes in the interest of fairness I will be showing appropriate cues from the book when I can fit them in so you get an idea of what it looks like as these steps are introduced you'll need to pause it to actually read them because I'm going to be going through these point by point pretty quick but my intention is to give you a solid understanding as to how tremendously disappointing this will be so Zaid steps out she takes center stage as Spellman introduces the trick and calls it creation and Sophia is somewhere off singing I guess [Music] step1 Stern froth water around the stage step 2 wave crashes over Satan she disappears leaving only her cloak on stage step 3 rain falls on stage step 4 water turns into sand as it hit the stage step 5 sand piled up until it was hit by lightning step 6 glass figurine emerged from the sand pile where the lightning hit step 7 second bolt of lightning hits sand and grows an apple tree complete with apples step 8 young man possibly naked falls from apple tree branch and lands at Spellman's feet young man apparently looks like a teenaged Spellman step 9 boy picks up an X from the sand and chops the tree down step 10 tree catches fire step 11 fire and Sand clears revealing a wardrobe step 12 you man opens wardrobe reveals it's empty then closes it then opens it again revealing a guitar he takes the guitar and puts the glass figure into the Wardrobe sits down and plays the guitar step 13 lightning hits the Wardrobe which splits into cracked open and Zayde steps out my god step 14 Zay takes an apple out of her pocket bites it and faints step 15 boy kisses her Zaid wakes up he is him the Apple and he disappears step 16 Charles put zade's old cloak on her step 17 lightning strikes Zaid she disappears and cloak falls to the ground again step 18 Spellman bites the Apple and he disappears too step 19 Spellman reappears from an entrance on the stage not sure where that is and takes a bow that was the dumbest [ __ ] trick ever aside from how tedious and repetitive it was the trick starts on page 2 77 and ends on 285 eight pages to get through one trick which is really a disappearing and reappearing act over over again granted there were elements like the rain or the lightning but by and large the trick was just here's a thing hope it's gone here's the thing hope it's done the best magic tricks leave you guessing wondering how the heck did they do that this trick is a long series of nifty events but because we don't know it's real magic there's ironically no magic in it for the reader also sometimes a multi-step plan coming together can be fun and exciting Ocean's eleven for example but this was too much of the same over and over lightning strikes then something disappears or reappears and actually this trick was doomed from the start because everything was told from Zane's perspective we don't get that moment of all that you get as a member of the audience watching a trick performed in front of you because you know that it's all real magic you understand everything that's going on and again there's no magic in the trick you know what would have made this illusion even better if we got the trick from the audience's perspective instead of zade's in the prestige the reason the big disappearing act works so well is because we don't learn how it works until the very end we see it performed a few times we get a solid idea through clues as what's going on but we don't learn the secret until the end of the movie this point would also work with the illusionist or now you can see me it's that element of mystery of mystique that makes the trick so impressive so much fun but because we know what's going on the entire time I'm wasting my time for the entire trick just waiting for it to be over impressed that it's going for as long as it does the trick feels like it's supposed to be this cheap callback to Adam and Eve and the The Chronicles of Narnia but I mean aside from a cheap surface ledge surface level visual there's no real personality behind it there's no connection to anything else really going on this is at best an homage to the Bible which like okay cool but why I mean is this to insinuate that God used Chaos magic oh but then we get to why using Chaos magic was so incredibly reckless [Music] xate ends up collapsing backstage because there was a little problem with how the trick was performed see she needed an anchor - anchor her energy on - because I guess that's how her magic works now and that anchor happened to be Mack [Music] why Mac what if he had been sick that day what if he had to be called away for any number of reasons would the trick then be impossible would she be able to just shift it over to somebody else can just anybody be that anchor if they're nearby if that's the case why not Spellman because he's right there on stage with you and it's not like this is a small thing saved like coughs up blood or something and collapses her whole body was on fire it casts magic was actually that dangerous and that unstable why [ __ ] with it to put on a show like none other um couldn't you have at least given us a decent trick if you're gonna do that Criss Angel puts on better illusions than this and he actually pays people to be impressed by some of the things he does for TV I'll give Spellman a pass because you know he's not amazed and he doesn't really know how all this works but Zeb's a real mage he should know how stupid this was zaid's an idiot so I'll guess we'll give her a pass but there's that other woman on on staff who's a mage how prevalent are mages and yet no one said by the way screwing with chaos magic is kind of insanely dangerous this entire theater is full of idiots and the last thing Zaid says before she passes out and they take her to a hospital is call my mother and then this leads to one of the most perplexing style choices of the entire book so I'm gonna say it straight up Zaid spends the next hundred pages in a coma one-fourth of this book has the main character unconscious but don't worry because you still see the entire story play out from zaid's perspective despite her switching to third-person perspective to follow other characters several times in the book so she passes out and immediately we get that's the last thing I personally remembered from that day later after I'd had some time to rest I've pulled out the memories of what everyone else saw and what had when you pull out memories using magic they pretty much feel like they are your memories but you're also seeing yourself from that other point of view that means you're only seeing what of it what the other person saw though so you might not get a full picture of the information you're looking for in this case because people were scattered around at the end of the show it took pulling several different people's memories to get the full picture of what had happened that day so you already know that she's going to be fine the next hundred pages try to play it out as oh my god they might never recover from this even though they were getting the story from her perspective this drives out all of the narrative tension the book is currently trying to build all the conflict is eroding immediately as the book is introducing it this is like trying to dam a river using leaves when you're introducing them one leaf at a time as they're being swept downstream god this is stupid so the EMTs swing by the pickups aid and they start to take her to the hospital and Spellman is forced to admit in front of Mac that he is aids father immediately getting rid of that little conflict and then for some reason we get this scene xate is currently in the hospital at this point you know still pulling memories and all but the girl who had stopped me that day in the parking garage of the mall the one who pinned me to the wall using magic arrived at the hospital not only did I find out that she was there but she seemed to make a point of being seen when she didn't have to which led me to believe she knew I would look later or at least that someone would look and would see her I still had no idea why she was there or why she purposely wanted to be seen and that's it we don't get her until I guess the sequel at the hospital though the doctors have no idea what's wrong with Zaid understandable because this is all caused by chaos magic and the doctor says that he wishes that dr. house was a real person because this is his kind of case and then Spellman asks who dr. house is and Mac explains it over the course of two paragraphs thus solidly ruining the joke again brevity is the soul of wit Spellman contacts zade's mother della and della instructs him to brings aid to Tennessee because she can heal Zaid but modern medicine can't okay magic get it and we get some of the most pointless chapters in the book as we just get back story upon back story that really exists just to draw out the book so I think this would be a good time to talk about that last controversy I had mentioned did you know that ladies serum has an IMDB page now sermons explained that she always wanted to be the hot young action star protagonist of a story but no one really gave her that chance so she decided to make her own story and normally I would praise that as a fantastic goal build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers in fact forget the park and so she decided to write handbook for mortals the screenplay part of the reason why this story is such a complete mess isn't just because serum has next to no talent as an author it's also because she just lazily shifted formats from screenplay to novel and they are very different things there's almost no life in the characters just on the dialogue alone which would be primarily what the screenplay would be but she went overboard on the prose in between all of the the dialogue that's why the book is so prose heavy that's why it's so difficult to get through because she doesn't know what she's doing she is basically writing stage directions and emotions for all the characters to experience it's less like a novel and more like a screenplay written by the most demanding nitpicking micromanaging screen writer of all time and to make this fun we're just going to talk about it like it's a conspiracy and that's when the whole story gets compounded when she runs into ooh glory from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Kevin from American Pie like I said before serum had her foot in several doors in a couple of industries not necessarily on any level that means anything but she knew a few people one of them was the head of geek nation itself Claire Kramer also known as glory saves her brother did everybody else not the Slayer was a robot glory no that was actually really good season that's a good show and there's also Thomas Ian Nicholas Nicholas sorry no longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused well both glory and Kevin agrees to help serum with this little plot in small ways Claire Kramer was the head of geek nation which was then just a site dedicated to geeks and pop culture and they decided to switch over to an actual publication company that's part of the reason why the scam that tried pulling on the New York Times best seller list didn't work because this company started publication and one month later had a number-one hit in the New York Times bestsellers list to understand that degree of luck is like getting a winning lottery ticket that you randomly picked up from the street it also doesn't help that they oversold their hands and bought way too many copies now is not an exact formula that the New York Times list is open with about how to get on the best sellers list most people seem to think that it's about five to ten thousand book sales to to show up so attainable the people at geek nation decided to overshoot that and went for 18 thousand and this is information that was confirmed by author Phil Stamper and of course as soon as the New York Times found out about this they swept her right off to the number one spot deservedly so at the same time they were already under way trying to get things ready for a movie deal which involved pulling Thomas in Nicholas who agreed to appear as a producer and to star as I believe tad saerom of course was going to plays aid which is really weird when you consider that she is over 40 years old there are a lot of jokes out there about actors in our 20s playing teenagers I don't think saerom can really pull off a 25 year old see that right there that is far too desperately clinging to your glory days puttan retro actively intended and they were so sure that this movie was going to go through that they actually have it plastered all over the book inside jacket cover hambo for mortals is in development as a motion picture set to debut in 2018 on the back jacket under the about the author section handbook for mortals is her debut novel of a series of books which are also being made into feature films on the website handbook series.com handbook for mortals premiered in August 2017 as a USA Today bestseller and is already in the works to be made into a motion picture back cover handbook for mortals is soon to be a major motion picture they were so convinced this was going to be a roaring success they put all of their eggs in one basket and it completely collapsed at this point serums name has become associated with plagiarism and fraud I don't think anyone's gonna be offering here a movie deal anytime soon but that doesn't mean that she can't still get into pictures like I said she does have an IMDB page and she brags about some of her appearances in the about the author section she has in fact appeared in films before and they include things like paul blart mall cop - jason bourne 2016 and she's also been in Miss Congeniality - but life as an uncredited extra only takes you so far after a while you want a real taste at Fame a real parts to play something to really capture energy and so she persuaded her friend Kevin from American Pie to give her a part in an upcoming project of his trailer park shark it is exactly as bad as you think it is just check out the trailer you know it would really suck if somebody with a semi-successful YouTube channel actually came across her work and decided to put it on full display for the internet to enjoy you know how sharknado was successful because it was this self-aware piece of crap that just kept poking fun at the concept of monster movies well this isn't and it's horrible trailer park shark is exactly the kind of really really stupid monster movie that you think it is that can only exist on the sci-fi channel and stars Tara Reid and it's true serum does have a speaking role and a named character in this movie in a single scene which is so brief I can show you the entire thing without worrying about copyright would you like to see it hey Roxy I told you I'm with Jolene I will seal it no that was incredible her entire character be summed up as woman who propositions herself to get a washing machine fixed yeah she's moving up in the world now I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm making fun of Sarah for wanting to be a Hollywood star I'd love that myself as well short of all the drugs and prostitution I'd have to do but still however I will make fun of her for trying to prop herself up like this big Hollywood star that she clearly is not it doesn't say that she's an uncredited extra in the about the author section of this book she just says she was in mall cop too and Jason Bourne and trailer park shark is mentioned as well they're selling yourself then there's lying to your customers she is very much doing the second all that work to try to get this turned into a movie was it worth it all right but finishing up with the story and remember all these scenes are being told from Zane's perspective because she's pulling memories whatever the [ __ ] that means Spellman and Mack make their way to Tennessee with zade's body in tow and Spellman accepts full responsibility for his aid being in the shape she is Dulli I'm sorry I'm sorry I let her do the show it's my fault mom softened as she called her Delhi the name he had called her when they were both younger it sounded like Delhi as in sandwiches which I guess Charles would claim was a joke about his two favorite things my mother and submarine sandwiches I had to admit it was cute the way he had said it even if it reminded me instantly of corned beef and dr. Brown's cherry soda what is God's holy name are you blathering about yeah it's jokes and moments like that that cut through the tension and ruin woods otherwise supposed to be a suspenseful atmosphere this entire section just leads into chapter 17 which is a background story about how Delhi and Spellman met when they were both working at a small Town circus della began to tell Mack the story of how my parents met and how I came into existence there's so much wrong with that sentence I don't know where to start as I scanned through max recollection of her retelling him the story I was reminded that my mother can be a magical storyteller weaving the words of any story into a beautiful tapestry so vivid you'd swear you were watching a motion Pig you're directed by Steven Spielberg yay except the author's writing skills can't support that you tell us we're getting et but we're actually getting Mac and me and I pretty much get to skip this whole chapter because it doesn't really do anything it's just flirting back and forth between Spellman and della and it ends with them kind of liking each other della offers to give Spellman a reading with her tarot cards and this is a good representation of the kind of flirting these two do and why I'm so not engaged if you put your energy into the cards it will be much easier they don't bite I promise I may but they don't she knew how to be witty as well stop driving at home so hard it's not funny do you get it do you get my joke about the track okay there's a whole page of this so a lot of what's supposed to be driving these two together is because della is trying to help Charles figure out why he's been having trouble sleeping lately because he's been having nightmares about somebody coming by and murdering him and apparently the culprits according to the cards is going to be his assistant Betty refer to me by the name Betty you see Charles broke the cardinal rule of sleeping with somebody don't stick your dick in crazy he stuck his dick in crazy now bet he's crazy about him and is going to murder him because he doesn't feel the same way watch to the books credit it does give us something that I find weirdly refreshing and I'm a little alarmed that we don't get more of this since you slept with her that one night you've been brushing her off and she's been getting more and more upset with you she sneaks through the camp at night and watches you sleep Charles made a perplex place and replied sarcastically that's not creepy at all I have said on multiple occasions to stop idolizing stalkers why is this book the one that gets it right and through this entire exchange through all the shallow explanations and the meaningless drivel that these two share dela finds herself somewhat attracted to Charles as if the author just wanted it to happen and didn't take the time to naturally flesh out these characters people do crazy things sometimes especially women and especially for love I'm not really sure what she sees in you but love is deaf dumb and blind as they say she throw in a jab though to be honest she was starting to see what Betty had seen in him he was charming magnetic and extremely good-looking she was sure that when he was trying to woo a girl he was probably pretty irresistible so that whole conflict gets resolved when he wears a bulletproof vest to his next show and Betty isn't able to kill him when she switches out the fake gun with a railgun chapter 18 the chariot so Sara really tries to build up the tension of oh my god is Zaid gonna survive because it's a really dangerous operation to try to revive her completely discounting the fact that saves the one telling the story at the moment so clearly she survives but we do get this interesting line though because serum gives us a little peek as to what makes magic possible so do you worship the devil he speculated he wasn't a go to church on Sunday kind of guy did believe in God dela scoffed at his question while shaking her head hardly know just like everything beautiful magic comes from God prayer is a form of magic so if everything beautiful comes from God does that mean my hair is divine I'm not incredibly vain at all what are you talking about this chapter just keeps going on and on as we get all this irrelevant detail just it exists just to draw the story out like this line it's just saram failing to sound poignant when you love someone it's a force that exists despite what walls you put up to hide how you feel their eyes couldn't lie about how much they loved each other why do I feel like I'm in some bad episode of bewitched this is the part that confirms that they needed to use an anchor for her magic why would she do that without telling me Matt cast sorrow and his voice and pain reflected across his face well I did it with Charles for years without him knowing and she knew that of course Charles was in the show so he couldn't have left it's really dangerous to use someone who was unaware without a surefire way of knowing they won't leave this is the author openly admitting that her protagonist is stupid Spellman knew about magic and he was in the show why not use him and speaking of stupid there's the plan to revive Zaid apparently there's a little ritual that requires Mack to stab her della explains normally I would sugarcoat this but we don't really have that kind of time I'm just gonna get down and dirty and to the point please try not to freak out I have to forge a um well it doesn't matter what it really is it's going to look like a dagger though it won't actually be a dagger at all it's not worth explaining to you what it really is other than it's magic at three o'clock sharp tonight you're gonna have to plunge it into her heart on my altar outside and if they don't do this Zaid will die big fat hairy deal [Music] we get another contradiction in the magic because Spellman explains I found out later though that she did put a spell on me not to talk about Zaid or to admit to a connection to either of them so Spellman could not explain because of magic that he was aids father and yet was able to effortlessly explain to the medic that he was aids father how chapter 19 death so this one is the big ritual and it's it's called death but this is like one of the only things about Tarot I know but death does not actually necessarily mean death it really means change so the title is something of a misnomer I mean it's not really it's just misleading because this is where Zaid goes from in a coma to not in a coma and also naming the chapter death would like to tease the uninitiated into Tarot is a waste because again zade's the narrator but they get the ritual started and they prepare zade's body on the altar Charles took the ropes that della also had in her hands and bound by legs and arms to the table della rips my shirt just enough to expose the middle of my chest kinky like that and to give you the idea of how misguided the kind of tangents that are happening during all of this setup Mac starts thinking to himself as he prepares to stab Zaid in the chest with a dagger which by the way if he doesn't stab her correctly will actually kill her cuz it'll work like a real dagger neck has to believe he has to focus and despite that he's not focusing and he's thinking about stuff like this it reminded Mac of something he had seen in a movie once where it was called dragon's blood it crossed his mind that maybe the folks in Hollywood had gotten the idea from something that was actually real that began to make him wonder if magic was actually real what else did people go around thinking was made up that actually existed as well what about where will vampires faeries genies or never-never-land was everything made up really based off of reality he thought of all the wonderful and terrible things that might actually be out in the world and silently laughed at the irony not really knowing if he was actually correct total consistency if you cannot maintain total consistency then the reader gets pulled out of the moment and is less engaged and the whole moment just comes off as stupid and then the ritual itself and I am going to absolutely butcher this but I'm going to try anyway max started to recite the ancient texts he had been taught as he held himself steady directly over where I lay the words were odd and Mac didn't know what they really meant because when della offered to explain them to him he had said he didn't want to know his exact words had been as long as I'm not conjuring demons I don't want to know Mac yelled into the wind and the rain sat album Buddhism pros X Maji star e e mod ver NECA LaFave pero cream cliff - JA vas kearney duh DUSU I tell oviya guard rich verges E needless to say if IRA and Max positions aid would be extremely dead or turned into some sort of Elder tour I don't know unlike me though Mac can actually pronounce those words and the ritual works Zane wakes up and coughs up blood but she still has a long recovery period which could be who knows how long and there's some more stuff going on that I am so bored by that I cannot be asked to recall any of it Mac even calls Jackson to let him know house 8 is doing which is nice but also kind of solidifies the idea that Jackson was never a real contender in this love triangle he was a mild distraction at best so eventually xate wakes up and then Matt comes in for the crowning moment of apologizing for being a dick even though Zaid could have solved all of these problems and not God to this position if she had just been open and honest in the first place so great lesson for the kids there and Max apology is so drawn out to such a ridiculous degree I swear serum is just trying to draw this out by using as many ellipses as she possibly can Zaid I really need to talk to you or to tell you something I'm I'm uh I'm really sorry I didn't trust you with your Charles or your dad I mean Charles it was wrong with me and all I'll never question your motives again what's really impressive is that max apology was so bumbling and awkward he would have saved a lot of face if he had instead hired a barbershop quartet I do so Zaid wakes up eventually returns to the theater and everything just gets better for everybody Jackson gets to open for imagine dragons Zaid tells everyone that she had a combination of ailments including double pneumonia which supposedly was why she couldn't breathe and what caused her to pass out and something called Osler webber rendu syndrome apparently it's a real condition that's also called hereditary hemorrhagic telling disgusting and I could never write Tad's greets mac and Zayde as they come back to the theatre and asks what took them so long and if they just got back last night and Mack tells him no we got back day before yesterday but we were running around with all the wedding plans Mac said almost rolling his eyes guys never seemed to understand the importance of all the details for a wedding I'm pretty sure Mac would have warned his show blacks if he thought I would have let him get away with that he was clearly joking so I can only assume that Zaid has zero empathy and is not able to connect to other people in any meaningful dimension and they drive this joke into the ground so hard you'd think they were drilling for oil the hardest thing was this one finding a dress Mac said pointing at me it's one day for heaven's sake it is one day but a rather important day for me I said firmly so did you find a dress Tad's ass looking directly at me this time finally I answered in exasperation I think we went to every store from Tennessee to here I laughed a little at the exaggeration exciting stuff tad commented though I could hear the sarcasm in his voice it is I smiled and agreed though it was with some hesitation that was probably noticeable in my voice and more stuff doesn't happen and the chapter ends with them making out chapter 21 the world opening lines you may now kiss the bride all the talk about marriage you'd think it was Makin's aid but nope turns out it's Spellman and Ella getting remarried what happened to Sophia [ __ ] you for asking she's probably dead in a ditch I don't know she's not in the book anymore and of course because this book has to follow so many other cliches when it comes to the bouquet scene Zaid catches it mostly because della used magic to cheat can't fight destiny sweetheart some things are just meant to be I learned that the hard way max said as he smiled and nudged me so it seems I said thoughtfully laughing to myself think there's a book or something out there Mac asked look I turned to clarify whether I had heard the right word I wasn't sure what he needed a book for because I already caught the bouquet I'm going to drown you I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies yeah you know like a handbook for mortals just so I can keep up and then to the book closes on the dumbest ending I think I've ever seen and they lived happily ever after or do they and that's the end of the book but if you if you need to have a little bit more don't worry you can turn the page for an exciting teaser from the second book in the saga - out in 2018 oh I didn't know there are as a second book at all ready well let's just go and check good reason oh oh that's disappointing well for some reason you do need a part two of this story go check out Caleb Joseph's video on it it's quite amusing but I'm not sure why you would want that because oh my god was this awful the worst thing about the book were the controversies behind the scenes but the story itself was incompetent pointless served only tell us why Zaid was awesome and had no depth into it an awful story that told no colour that existed only to prop up the author there is no reason for this book to exist the prose was meandering and directionless the characters were absolutely flat the the dialogue was uninteresting the direction was unengaging several scenes were completely pointless Zaid was this self-absorbed malicious little look at me look at me girl and really does not come off as relatable or enjoyable or attractive or fun she was just she was the obnoxious girl from class who demanded to be the center of attention that says a lot about the author I think all right I'm just going through a few notes to see if I missed anything this book opens to four quotes from different authors one is fine two is pushing it and four makes it look like the author is so indecisive they couldn't decide what quote fit the book best so that wasn't a great start Zana and her mom lived in a religious part of the country that would literally burn her at the stake if they knew that she was a real witch but they'd not only tolerate her but celebrate her according to one passage mom and I my mom and I had enlightened some people in town so you're getting a lot of mixed messages right at the start they mentions how heated she was during the initial argument with her mother and then says that she almost wanted to punch her mother in that same paragraph a few sentences later she said she was so mad that if she were a cartoon smoke would have been coming out of her ears complete tonal inconsistency is this an angry moment or a funny moment don't screw with your readers like this because then they don't know how they're supposed to feel saerom spent more time describing the theatres they will be working in instead of the guys she'll be working for I do not understand what her priorities are Sofia only exists to solidify the idea that Spellman dates them really really young then he winds up with dela anyway so that was a waste z talks about judging people while they judge her then goes on some pseudo-intellectual ramble about that being human nature it's the kind of shallow intellectualism that you get from college students that are halfway through an elective course and act like they've uncovered the secrets of the universe the plot is a complete mess say doesn't fit neatly into it the plot has to mold itself around her while she wanders around unsure what to do I've run D&D campaigns with newbies who do a better job of staying on track stupid line I had a new life for myself a somewhat normal life how the hell is the life of a Las Vegas performer working alongside a guy comparable to David Copperfield considered a normal life you want normal go become a paralegal and a law firm in Cleveland when people asked Zaid how she performed her audition trick she uh nanak lee acts like Leslie Nielsen from Naked Gun stupid line as annoyed as I was I couldn't help but notice how piercing max hazel eyes were this is a good example of how they will throw things out there like romance making reading this book awkward and clunky guys like him didn't hit women no matter how mad we made him lines like this just demonstrate house aides ability to read people means making things convenient for her she'll never be in real trouble and the plot feels like it's setting itself thought to placate to her she'll likely get out of needing to show how the trick is done by spell and vouching for her and that's exactly what happens oh yes this is great so I got bored when researching some stuff about Jackson and I decided to look up the etymology of the name Millsaps Millsaps has roots in medieval England thought to have come from the word milksop that meant a piece of bread soaked in milk otherwise came off as a nickname for a spiritless man and considering that Zaid does not pick jackson in the end that nickname seems all too appropriate stupid line considering how much I wanted to keep my secret a secret I probably brought too much attention to myself gee ya think Zane's full names Scheherazade comes from Arabian Nights for some reason these chapters don't feel like moments in a larger story instead they all seem like vignettes that exists to make Zaid look good or show how others feel about her it's more like a book of short stories with zeta it's a central theme instead of an independent novel scenes happen but often times without significant impact or any apparent relevancy to the larger narrative most of the dialogue and descriptors include things that you haven't thought were cool since you were in middle school you thought Sailor Moon was an Austen magical girl please compared to Zane she's just a ditz with meatballs in her hair as I go through these chapters I can't help but notice how some of these chapter tiles were forced in like they were like the story was molded specifically to match what the chapter title was in Jackson's first concerts in the bar scene in chapter 8 I think it was it took the emcee more than a page for him to walk onstage and finally announced the band there is so much irrelevant drivel that it's kind of hard to keep track of what's going on the only reason I'm not lost is because of how but in simplistic the vocabulary and prose is Zaid spends very little time chatting with girls and it's usually confrontational aside from the goth makeup girl you know that's almost kind of sad because it makes it look like Zaid can't relate to her peers and she relies on guys as friends but those guys are only friends because they want to sleep with her I will accept I am looking way too hard into that and that is not an actual statement of fact but I don't know it seems probable Zee narrates that Mac was a where his heart on his sleeve kind of guy no he's not Mac has always been withdrawn from other people for most of the book he sat by himself during that scene that Sofia was trying to seduce him and he has been completely closed off to how he feels about Zaid and why he was so upfront about her and why he wasn't willing to date a performer all these details had to come from other people the only exception up to this point was the loading dock scene in Chapter four the what keeps toying with the idea of a love triangle but it's so obvious that Sarah wants Zaid to wind up with Mack they both get long repeated detailed scenes of being cute together then Jackson shows up and lightly florist with Zaid it's like this is the Zaid and Mack show with Jackson popping in to say hi now and then when the biker bumps into Zaid Zaid knocks the biker off his bike the bike crashes into a bench hard enough to break the bike into pieces but somehow the biker is left without any permanent injuries and somehow Mack doesn't notice any of this stupid line I'd hoped what I had done to the biker would teach him a karma related lesson first that's not how karma works second how would he associate bumping into you with crashing his bike he might not have even noticed he hit you sometimes that happens there's video footage of airplanes crashing into each other and the size difference is so incredible that one plane doesn't notice that there was an accident at all this book surface from a lot of wouldn't it be cool if moments these are moments that only exist to prop up a moment a character or a group of characters as something awesome then immediately go away and have no real additional impact on the plot or characters examples do not include deus ex machina x' anything with michael bay's name on it or the time Indiana Jones shot that one dude Z it explains why using Chaos magic is so dangerous when we get this line one wrong move and it could all go to H E double hockey sticks real quick seriously Zaid how old are you who the AC double [ __ ] are you young Charles and Ella in a nutshell he was a womanizer with a celebrity complex and she was an angry Jigglypuff I'm curious to what the bank story between Charles and Ella was supposed to mean for the story overall my guess is that it could very easily be truncated but it wasn't to meet some arbitrary word-count Delos suggests Charles wear a bulletproof vest when it was closed when Betty tries to murder him during his next show her plan is to switch out the bullets so that he'll actually be shot bulletproof vests can be hidden under loose clothes but it really helps if you know what you're doing for example just look at what Bunyan pulled when he took rep C into court I cannot do one of these videos with that making fun of oh nice even stupid lying he was more hooked than a housewife watching Days of Our Lives side note I'm actually impressed that that show is still on the air stupid line we do magic the real kind spelled with a k not the stuff Charlie does not mortal but not immortal either because everything's spelled with a k is just that much better stupid line that Zaid gave while she was still in a coma I had no memory of this except there's because she has explained that she's in a coma and she's reading other people's memories this is incredibly redundant Maddock is getting awfully invested in Zaid it doesn't feel like he feels responsible for her predicament so much as they're just destined to fall in love because God or something they haven't even gone beyond first base so this feels incredibly superficial yeah so that's all that this book was H for I managed to stay on about a chapter a day when I was reading it but I had to kind of force myself the story the novel as a whole so unengaging that the only way I could really get my self invested at all was by doing research on the side about a leg all the controversies and and the stupid stuff that saram did and again watching generally Pookie's videos as soon as I was done with each chapter Zaid is one of the most unengaging protagonists I have ever come across she is so selfish so self-centered so self invested that anyone who disagrees with her or slights her in any way is automatically wrong like I said in the last part this book exists only to tell you why Zaid is awesome but because ade herself is not a compelling or fun character there's no reason to read it at all Skye Turner wrote on the back cover the fortune tellers have looked into the future and the next big thing is here handbook for mortals is a page turning read unlike anything you've seen before prepare to be enticed unlike anything I've seen before and yet I'm getting heirs of Twilight and Empress Teresa not good things to compare your book to if I had to sum this book up as simply as I could I would refer to an old de motivational poster involving a bent fork which said just because you are unique does not mean you are useful well that one's done I'm sure you guys won't mind if I take a small break before I engage in my next project because that one I'm not looking forward to it's not out yet but it will be early next month when Twilight returns with Midnight Sun nope [Music] [Applause]

Channel: KrimsonRogue

Views: 179,373

Rating: 4.9684553 out of 5

Keywords: Book, Review, Comedy, Romance, Fantasy, Magic, Love Triangle, Lani Sarem, Zade

Id: 0MKLMEmxuis

Length: 90min 10sec (5410 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 25 2020