With the Russians and the Danes
effectively out of the war, Charles planned to descend with the
full force of his victorious army upon the one enemy that remained to him: Augustus, king of Poland-Lithuania. (♫ Birth of the People ♫) Now, you would think that the situation would be
looking pretty grim for Poland-Lithuania; they've just finished getting kicked around, they're basically out of money and resources, they're politically fractured, and their allies have essentially all
dropped out of the war. Most people would back out now -- find a diplomatic solution, see if they could cut their losses. But Augustus had a new plan: "Just keep losing!" He made a few half-hearted attempts at peace, figuring that if he didn't really put a lot of effort into it, he could get right on to losing some more. So, when Charles XII basically ignored his call for peace, Augustus gathered his generals and said to them: "Guys, we really absolutely cannot
let the Swedes cross the Düna river or, hoo boy, are we gonna lose a lot." *wink wink, nudge nudge* And, with that, his commanders set out to meet what
supporting troops the Russians could give them. Which, surprisingly, was actually more men
than they were fielding themselves. Proceeding with the plan, the main
Polish-Lithuanian commander managed to deceive himself into thinking that the
Swedes were gonna land miles from where they were, and went personally with the best of his troops to defend the place where really nobody was going. All while leaving two non-military men
basically in charge of the real army. Unaware of this, and so undaunted
by Augustus's fearsome plan, Charles XII landed where everybody
knew he was going to land all along. Except for this master of self deception... Yet still, despite all of this, the odds for the Polish-Lithuanian
forces seemed pretty good. They outnumbered Charles
three-to-one, and they were dug in. While Charles would have to manage an amphibious landing and assault their entrenched positions. As dawn just barely broke through the darkness, the Swedes filled boats with damp straw
and set them alight, sending them sailing towards the shore; great plumes of smoke obscuring their approach. The Polish-Lithuanian cannonades(?) fired and the clever floating counter-batteries of the Swedes sang. Under this bombardment, the troops approached, and in the first vessel -- against all entireties -- -- sat the Swedish king, Charles the XII. He landed with his grenadiers. The Polish-Lithuanian troops fell upon him, planning to push him back into the waves. But they faced the best of the Swedish regiments, lead personally by their king. The Swedes did not falter. The Polish-Lithuanian troops fell back, and the Russians fled in a screaming panic, many having never fired a shot. At last, though, the Polish-Lithuanian commander returned with all the troops he had taken with him, and the Polish-Lithuwanian forces
assailed the Swedes again. But Swedish reinforcements had now landed, and they were now much greater in number. Again, the Poles and the Lithuanians were beaten back. And, then, a third time, at which point the Polish-Lithuanians were basically like: "You know what? Screw this, let's go home." Which was a pretty good thing for Charles, because, having come from ravaged Livonia (?), he basically started this whole campaign with no supplies whatsoever. He did manage to capture plenty
after the battle, though, and was now well on his way to being
ready for a good, long fight. Augustus, realizing now that the Swedes were clearly
NOT caving before his plan to "just keep losing!", went back to the drawing board. NOW, he had an even better plan. Now, he would just keep losing even more. And so, while Charles wintered in Wergen(?)
throwing snowballs at his officers, and breaking their windows so they didn't fall too much in love with comfort, Augustus prepared for his next near-miss. This time, he was to get himself trounced in a swamp. It was a near-run thing for a while; for a moment, it looked like the
Polish-Lithuanian forces might accidentally prevail. Augustus was in a good position, surrounded by woods and boggy terrain. He outnumbered the Swedish forces two-to-one, and there was just no way the Swedes were gonna drag their
cannon through that morass. It was touch-and-go for a bit, hard fighting for the Swedish forces, who were, as usual, exhausted from
Charles's relentless marches. So then, Augustus -- nice fellow that he was -- managed to let the Swedes take over his camp and turn his own artillery on his troops while they tried to retreat through a marsh. Yet still, Charles was not cowed by
Augustus's mighty strategy of just keep losing forever. And so, Augustus refined his plans even further... He realized now that this approach
had been too complex thus far; too multifaceted. He would now simplify it, put it in layman's terms. His new plan was: Losing. Keep doing it. So Charles rode up to the gates of Krakow and shouted, "Open the door!" And when the guards peeked out to see
who this shouting man was, Charles personally forced the gate and held it while 300 of his men, who, not quite prepared for this, charged through anyway. And so it was that Charles took the
great Polish city of Krakow with a handful of men armed only with
unloaded muskets and canes. You've got to hand it to Augustus; that was some solid losing. But even this did not make Charles quit in disgust. And so, after being deposed by Charles XII, who elevated another king in his place, Augustus spent some time thinking. Pondering for a while, and furrowing his brow, he at last came to one resplendent, crystal-clear idea. He had thought the one sentence
that he needed to think: And that sentence was: "Cool, now seems like a good
time for a civil war." So Augustus raised his banner against the new king. But, the civil war began slowly. Augustus assembled his forces in the duchy of Saxony, while the Russians ravaged Sweden's Baltic provinces. Which really had little to do with Poland-Lithuania, but, you know, good times. Meanwhile, Charles laid siege to
the ancient fortress of Thorn, where he won surprising praise
from the Polish people, as, when the city fell, he treated it with remarkable gentleness; letting captured men return to their families, even driving a herd of cattle and a flock of sheep into
the city so that the starving defenders could eat. But once things got going, the whole war
teetered back and forth, with Augustus recapturing Warsaw while Charles was out trying to compel
parts of Poland--Lithuania to support his puppet king. And then Charles, swooping back in
to retake the capital while Augustus beat a retreat. But by 1705, the dominoes began to fall. The Great Poland-Lithuanian Plan, was to crush the Swedes between the hammer of
Augustus' forces marching from the west and the great Russian anvil to the east. But Augustus' forces ran into a tiny Swedish
contingent outside of Warsaw. 1900 cavalry and just 60 infantry. The Polish-Lithuanian commander,
with his 10,000 men, was certain of victory. His forces rushed against this small band of Swedes. But somehow, by sheer grit, the Swedish cavalry, despite being outflanked or almost encircled by
the overwhelming number of the enemy, threw back their attackers. And then, at the last minute, the 60 infantrymen emerged from the tall, ryegrass grass
where they've been hiding. The surprise turning the Polish-Lithuanian
effort to regroup into a rout. Predictably, something similar happened
to the Russians in the east. And soon, the iron was beating up both
the hammer and the anvil. And, for the sake of brevity, this just keeps happening all over. Both in open battle and in sieges. The Polish-Lithuanian forces and the
Russian forces just keep getting crushed. But Augustus made one more push for Warsaw. Here, again, he was intercepted by a force half his size. But this time, superior in cavalry. His commander tried to hide which of
his troops were Russian by having them turn their uniforms inside-out, but even this clever ruse did no good. The Swedish commander realized which part of the line
was made up of Russian conscripts and assaulted it with all of his force, swinging his cavalry in from the rear and the side. Meanwhile, the rest of the army was rendered
useless by assaults on both flanks, the Swedish commander copying a page
from Hannibal's book and managing to envelop the enemy
forces with his smaller army, much as Hannibal did at Canae. Soon, the army was in full retreat. But with their superior cavalry, the Swedes
were able to cut them off, and the retreat became an
unconditional surrender. No longer able to field an army, Augustus was forced to sign a humiliating peace, giving up his kingship,abandoning his alliance with Russia, and acknowledging Charles' puppet
king of Poland-Lithuania. But Augustus is not done yet. Eventually, he would stumble upon a novel,new, and arguably better idea: winning. So, join us next time as the two greatest
figures of this period: Charles XII and Peter the Great, square off in a battle for the destiny of Eastern Europe. (♫ Song of Gunfire ♫)
Så jävla bra! Tänk om man skulle göra en "game of thrones" liknande film om Kalle dussins äventyr i öst. Skulle lätt kickstarta den filmen.
Den fick mig att tänka på den här skildringen av Karl XII när han möter Kung August II i den polska serien Hrabina Cosel. Det får mig att undra hur nära det är hur Karl XII var egentligen.
Del 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyBPAz1H-lU