Gravitas Plus: Why children need to be taught the art of doing nothing

if you're a parent you should be able to relate to this imagine you're driving to the grocery store or going on a long drive and your child is on the back seat of the car and she just won't stop throwing tantrums she's screaming having a meltdown she wants attention why do you think she's behaving the way she is what makes children throw tantrums is it boredom or is there more to it hello and welcome to gravitas plus i'm palki sharma we live in times where we have it all planned out for our children how they spend their summer vacations which classes they take before lunch which sport they coach in after lunch the activities they attend in the evening the children simply go from one activity to another perhaps a seeing each one of them but not knowing what to do when these activities are over they don't know what to do when there is nothing to do the question i'm asking tonight is simple as we teach our children to excel in all trades have you forgotten to teach them how to champion nothingness you know how to pass time when there's nothing to do back in the day we knew exactly how to crack this code our summer vacations used to be more relaxed perhaps more relaxed than we'd like them to be but that's how they were there would be days at a stretch where we had nothing to do no activities so we would come up with our own we would draw squares and rectangles on the ground and then hop skip and jump you would play with a dog kick a football fly a kite pluck flowers or just paint we knew how to deal with boredom children today perhaps don't but whose fault is it have we taught our children the art of being idle now some of you may be thinking isn't an idle mind a devil's workshop maybe it is but that's a workshop a child cannot afford to ignore she must learn how to conduct herself when there's nothing to do and i will tell you why a study found that boredom is the primary driver of backseat tantrums it is neither hunger nor does it have to do with the length of the journey this study is by a certain dr james hind he says there's a formula to predict tantrums this one here t stands for time e for entertainment f for food and s for siblings what dr hind is saying is that the chances of a tantrum are reduced by every minute a child is entertained if she's given food the tantrum is delayed by 15 minutes if there's a sibling in the back seat well then there is trouble in paradise because the chances of a tantrum then increase by 10 minutes the study says if you're going on a 17-minute journey then 32 minutes into it a child is likely to ask are we there yet this question is then repeated at least four times during the rest of the ride and it's not like the child is always eager to reach the destination it's just that she does not know how to deal with having nothing to do in the back seat she's not skilled to handle boredom how about just staring out the window or counting trees or lampposts or just appreciating the changing landscape today children will count trees if there is a worksheet asking them to do that they will also appreciate the landscape if there is an activity asking them to capture what they see from their window but coming up with these activities on their own as a way to kill time that a lot of them can't and why do you think that is because between swimming classes martial arts vedic maths and science club parents have left no scope for the child to experience boredom to find ways to circumvent it and we are not blaming the parents here we get where they're coming from parents want the best for their children they want them to excel become all-rounders excel in science olympiads while also leading the school swimming team in countries like india being a star performer is not really a matter of choice it is a necessity there is fierce competition for colleges and then for jobs if you aren't ahead of the curve then you're left behind so parents do all they can to prepare their child for the future experts in britain say that they too are seeing a similar trend especially among the middle class the schedules of children are so packed that they don't even have time to sit down with their parents graham gorton is the chair of britain's independent schools association and this is what he says it's good to be involved in activities but i think it's really important to get the balance right and that's exactly our point here here's what else gorton says children like their own company they lose the capability to amuse themselves if everything is put in front of them in an organized structured and club type of way you know children learn the best from experience and boredom is a great teacher it helps in a child's emotional development it helps her build tolerance to less than ideal experiences and most of you would agree that life is not a perfect picture there are bad days now most of you would agree that life's not picture perfect there are days that are bad most bosses are less than ideal same with relationships and circumstances boredom prepares us for those less than ideal experiences stephanie lee is a senior director at an american non-profit called child mind institute and this is what she says life requires us to manage our frustrations and regulate our emotions when things aren't going our way and boredom is a great way to teach that skill boredom also helps a child find value in her own experiences develop her own worldview learning number two boredom helps children strategize figure out ways to keep themselves engaged entertained three boredom helps children develop problem solving skills four it makes them creative and this is something that studies have proven over and over again here's one example boredom fosters imagination and creativity how do you think that happens when a child is bored she comes up with activities on her own without adult supervision she learns how to make optimum use of resources around her she learns to express herself through what's available and these are lessons that go a long way in life boredom teaches her to sit still to be at peace to day dream five it also instills a sense of independence and that's very very important because when children grow up parents won't be around to entertain them all the time or fill their schedules with engagements a child must learn how to manage her own time a child must learn how to motivate herself and these are life skills that boredom can teach i'm not saying don't enroll your child in activities i'm making a case for balance a balance of activities and free time keeping a child schedule packed is not top-notch parenting and most activities do not necessarily do good to your child for starters she may become exhausted or confused she may not have the time to figure out what is it that she really likes so there are plenty of reasons why we should not be afraid of letting our children be bored if your child is too young she may complain at first even throw tantrums but eventually she'll find a way to keep herself occupied her creativity will flourish and this journey can be life-changing for her so the next time you go on a long drive you may find her carrying her own colour pens or toys to keep herself busy so what should you the parent do to get there it's simple like we've been saying repeatedly find the right balance set aside some free time for a child encourage creativity when your young child comes to you saying she's bored tell her she can do anything anything that she wants she can make a zoo with her toy animals play with the dog race her cars rearrange her toy shelf dress her dolls go out and play give her a nudge and let her figure out the rest if needed give your child an example of how to structure free time she can start by doing an activity of her choice then take a little nap eat some snacks then take the dog for a walk show her that a lot can be done when there's nothing specific to do show her how to deal with boredom even enjoy it it can be a gift too [Music]

Channel: WION

Views: 700,187

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Id: AEUa7yJ9NZQ

Length: 8min 3sec (483 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 04 2022