Goth Mommy Courtship w/ Christina P | First Date with Lauren Compton

um I once fell in love with a guy because he carried a lunch box around like a metal one yeah this is so [ __ ] God I'm so embarrassed um yeah he's a sweetheart he's he's a really sweet guy I really like him I think I'm going to stay married to him I think you should I think that sounds like a great idea Christina oh I'm so thrilled I'm going to go puke in the parking lot cuz I'm so embarrassed no I'm so excited to see you [Applause] tonight first day [Music] baby first day I can't wait first day you guys aren't even ready for today's episode I'm so excited to introduce my guest to you guys you already know her she's the ultimate mommy she's got the podcast your mom's house she's got where my mom's at as well as multiple Netflix specials give it up for Christina p wo Lauren I'm so pumped to be here and I'm dying bro you're the que I'm so this is a beautiful set you're doing a great job and I I have to say I'm a little worried to disappoint you because I've been I haven't been single since 2005 that's okay since frster I think Tom and I actually communicated calling each other I don't I think maybe we texted wow maybe that's how old this relationship is but anyway okay well I don't even have to tell you the menu I mean we we created this together so [ __ ] um let's uh start off with the appetizer questions sure okay when did you start being goth the day I was born baby I was born dark um okay I can tell you the exact moment um okay so I was in um seventh grade and I was a [ __ ] dork and I I tried to try out for the drill team and I just I wasn't cool like I could not be cool and my friend Jenny who I'm still best friends with she's been on my shows Jenny pin her older sister Jessica was a goth and her walls were painted black in her room and she loved Robert Smith from the Cure and these cool bands Joy Division Joy Division and I was like I think I want to be Jessica patlin like I wanted to be her and then by the time I was 13 it was just like all black I crossed over and I was smoking cigarettes and just full of like I had become who I am at like 13 like I remember being alone in my room like I punched out the uh screen in my apartment complex I lived in a shitty apartment with my mom just punched out the screen then just like smoke out the window you know I was like I was a latchkey kid my mother wasn't home until like 6:30 at night just do what I want yeah that was it did you ever meet anyone at Hot Topic first of all Hot Topic didn't exist when I was goth oh my God how did you where' did you get your clothes Melrose oh Melrose you had to go to Vintage there's a store called arvar and then you had to like go to smelly vintage stores and buy these velvet dresses that smelled like armpits and sweat and smoke and then cut them up and yeah I was cutting up fishnets uh stockings cutting out the crotch and making them into shirts and arms and [ __ ] like it was DIY baby DIY has Tom ever gone goth for you hilarious never I he would no never and can I tell you something I so he played football and high school like we were total opposites if we were in like a teen movie he would be like the high school football player and I'd be like the angry goth girl no and I don't want him to cuz he's like a man like can I tell you something like real talk like the goth dudes that I banged were kind of like Bas like they're not they're sweet betas don't get me wrong and I'm still friends with them but yeah well that's why you didn't marry one exactly exactly cuz I didn't I don't want my husband to cry more than I do or be more bummed out than me like I need a normal force have you ever dated goth uh one time actually my first boyfriend I think ever was goth no oh yeah his name was Corey Corey what a great name and he had a mohawk yeah and he dressed like full Hot Topic yeah and uh I was 16 and um we I went to a private school so I was homeschooled up until then and he would walk the hallways and we would pretend like we didn't know each other of course because I was a cheerleader and he was this like goth guy and so it was this like secret little love thing and I dated him like for a year and we kissed you just frenched you didn't go all the way no because I was like I don't know like in my head I was just like you're my my boyfriend but we didn't ever really do anything yeah yeah my first love like my first boyfriend was so deep goth guy but I have to tell you cuz I was so [ __ ] up as a teenager that he was perfect it was just perfect for that time of my life you know what I mean like a sweet goth guy he just he waited he waited so long for me to have sex with him you know just just hanging in there just feeling those feelings just sweet sweetheart you know I God bless the goth boys they saved me in high school really yeah cuz I was so vulnerable I needed I needed that sweetness what's a goth girl's weakness oh my God I'm such a dork um this is so embarrassing yeah this is what it's like to date it's so embarrassing okay like I'll tell you what I really like when I was a teenager well anyway any guy that knows the music I like you know what I mean if you like the same like if a guy has like a b house tattoo probably I'd be like it's pretty hot this guy this guy knows what he's doing such a dork um I once fell in love with the guy because he carried a lunch box around like a metal one yeah this is so [ __ ] God I'm so embarrassed um yeah that's what they did in the 90s like you carry around a lunch box and you put like your stickers on it and he had like a book of the dead inside of it and I was like oh my God so cool this guy's so deep like they're they're not they're just trying to get laid like every other guy they're no deeper than the football players you know it's just a it's a game it's a racket I'm such a d oh black nail polish if a guy wore like a black velvet skirt I would be like oh my God this guy is [ __ ] hot really oh I loved it I love like black velvet skirts on a guy was like there was one guy at Helter Skelter at this club I used to go to every Wednesday and um he wore a velvet skirt my steps sister and I were like there he is there like we just really got me going what is the best dating advice that you would give to a single girl that's okay we'll seg away I want to hate myself no okay what now if you could give a single girl some dating advice what would you say to her how old let's say she's like 21 oh 21 [ __ ] just bang them all bang them all because are so immature that you're not going to you're not going to lock anyone down you're don't don't even start thinking yet about the husband stuff but I will say bang dudes quietly don't tell everybody shut the [ __ ] up about it just go do your business bang girls bang guys bang [ __ ] dogs trans whatever you want but keep an eye out for the good ones in your college uhhuh you know what I'm saying like keep the solid dudes in your back pocket like befriend them but don't [ __ ] them or date them or nothing until you're kind of like older and you're ready to like settle down with a boy and then call that that guy up like that one you had your eyes on and they'll be like what's up dude what's up [ __ ] Rick and then he'll be stoked to talk to you yeah but keep him keep a good one in your back pocket don't [ __ ] him here are some main course questions have you ever dated someone that you had to hide from your friends or family my God yes stop I'm going to [ __ ] puke I'm so why did you hide them I'm going to puke because like dated I dated a short King once and um how short God damn it God damn it Lauren like are we talking I'm I'm sweating I'm so small person LP no like Peter denage no he was just a short like short like I don't know like I'm he like to to you you had to he looked up to kiss you oh my God I'm going to throw up yeah and like have you have you ever been like just worn down by a guy like like he wore me down to the point yeah you just stoop to his level he courted and courted and courted and courted and just wor me down till finally I was like all right I'll [ __ ] you godamn it and then he was just Charming had a good personality and then yeah I was like but I would I totally denied it to my friends and stuff I'm like we're not bang I never [ __ ] that guy he's so little did he have a big dick no oh man so what was the upside he was Charming he was super goth oh Christina he was super goth he cool tattoos do you consider yourself romantic um here's the deal is that I want to be but I'm so embarrassed by actual intimacy that I get really uncomfortable what do you mean like sweet Tom like Tom's so romantic and sweet and I'm like I get so anxious by the feelings you know like you if you even ask him about it he's like she's the worst if I'm like I love you babe like sincerely I'll be like yeah I know got it thanks like I can't I even after all these years I mean I've gotten better I've gotten so much better where I can have genuine you know um yeah it's embarrassing though uh I don't like it well what's your perfect date night look like okay with Tom or with like a real person Christina with Tom oh with someone else a romantic partner okay um oh for Tommy and I he's okay so Tom's really great about he's a good foodie mhm like he likes restaurants like good food restaurants loves it he loves it so like he'll find some dope weird place in Austin and I like to just eat and get hammered with him and by hammered I mean I drink two whole glasses of white wine and like lightweight yeah I'm not really you know and I just um I like watching him get excited about food he'll be like oh my gosh you know like when they go these ridiculous resta and they're like we light um we light this bone marrow on fire and then it drizzles into your macaroni and you're like I don't care I'm just like so garbage yeah but he's like wow really and then what kind of what spoon should I use to eat it with like he loves to and I like to watch him get excited and then oh wait but you [ __ ] first you should always [ __ ] before the date have I not said that's my key especially for Valentine's Day [ __ ] first I Dan Savage say this ages ago makes so much sense so sorry before the date he and I [ __ ] so then like he's calm and he can actually listen to me on the date and then yeah and then I just drink and then we laugh and make fun of people I mean that sounds like a pretty perfect date night yeah we had a good we went to Hawaii over um New Year's and we did that yeah we just like laughed and oh we we do this thing where we guess people's lives like I like to look at strangers and be like okay that guy's a drug Runner that's his ho wife da da d da and we like to guess people's lives and sometimes we ask them like hey what's your life we're just curious do they tell you yes every time why have you ever been correct yes yes yes just uh like half partial correct partially cuz I'm a comic I feel like I read people for a living yeah partially yeah that's pretty cool yeah do you have a celebrity crush oh my God hello tons okay I'm I've been married for 20 years that's all I can do is like theater of the mind yeah um Ryan Gosling is like so basic [ __ ] I know but I love him I'm I love John Cusack like like I've loved him for years I love Peter Murphy obviously from B house um I like weird beards I'm trying to think of other weirdos I used to like Bono Del tarola but he's too dirty lately I feel like he's too filthy yeah he kind of like I feel like he looks like he smells like a mechanic shop yeah yeah that would be a good smell I like that I I yeah he B yeah yeah I don't like that um I feel like people like you know a good brand for him if he created a cologne that was just called instant regret I feel like that would be so good yeah cuz who yeah you [ __ ] him and then you're like oh God the smelly guy no have you [ __ ] the smelly guy I feel like every girl has like a dir every guy has had a moment of being smelly but I don't I don't date guys that have like a be oh my God I dated a guy in high school who was having a contest with his friend to see how long they could go without showering he was a Punker guy yeah it was like he had like filth on his arm I thought it was so hot no he was so hot and I loved him and his breath smelled like MLB Reds cuz he smoked Reds and I was like but it's it was like cuz it was like we just frenched like I didn't do anything else but it was like one of those hot you know like hot horny teen loves we never I didn't touched his D he was too dirty thank God for that I didn't even know like I didn't even think about his dick like that's I was so young I was like 14 yeah you know like I don't I wasn't thinking in terms of like God his dick probably is dirty and his balls just you know we just frenched yeah what's your guilty pleasure sometimes I like Taylor Swift songs don't laugh at me Chad all I have um I have a playlist in my iPhone uhhuh it's called Fun mom jams and it's only for when like I just took my Alexa proo and like you know and you get that burst of like Joy yeah and I'm like I'm feeling fun today like it's very rare and it's got like Tay Tay in there yeah Panic at the Disco gotta have high hopes for a living it's yeah rarely get that inspirational uh I'm really destroying my goth cred right now gosh disappointing all the gos no it's okay you're you're multifaceted I am I'm I'm very multi-dimensional yeah yeah it's okay to have layers oh my God you know what I love I mean I think they know this about me I love like [ __ ] high school TV shows movies like on the CW oh not that corny I like like whatever's on that's the worst that is I can't take those I had to ask like not even dos Dawson's Creek is too gay I I love um I watched She's the Man Okay the other day with Amanda bines yeah love that I watched bring it on the other day that is one of the greatest movies I said BR it's cold in here there must be some clovers in the atmosphere I know I was like oh I'm getting into it and Buffy the Vampire Slayer kills dude I could I could watch Bring it on I could watch the clovers all day cheerlead yeah I mean it's good they're [ __ ] good dude um what is the best whale way to bail on a date in the middle of it or before well I didn't finish my question because I don't know what how I want this one to go I guess like what's the best way to bail on a date if you're really not feeling it you're in the date and you're not feeling it and you're like damn this is a waste of time can I tell you I like when I was dating I was so young so this is like I I hooked up with Tom at 28 so when you're in your 20s like I would just stay on the date I would suffer it out and like one time I even held a guy's hand and I didn't want to oh no it was so like oh my God was your anxiety just going through the roof yeah that's why I'm not good at dating cuz I like I have no problem to tell a guy like I don't want to [ __ ] you but for some reason I think I didn't know that you could end a date premat I like I didn't know people could do that like I'm not enjoying this I'm gonna go yeah I didn't I I just yeah have you done that um I bailed on a date once mid date how I got up and left I told him that he was too rude I was like you are so rude to the staff and you're offensive and I'm embar embarrassed to sit here with you and I'm not going to finish this date and I got up and left good for you but he was like pretty awful like he was he was horrible like mean to people mean and was like offending me like I cuz I I recommended the restaurant and I told him all my favorite dishes and the very first thing that came out he smelt it and he ate it and he goes oh this is awful only someone who's had Co and with no sense of taste could like this and I was like oh my god dude it's a strawberry was he like this before like it was the first time I'd ever gone out with him oh so it was like a blind date it was kind of like a blind date so I before we could even finish the date I was like man this sucks I'm not having a good time and I'm not going to do this good for you and so I left good for you it was well I'm really not that ballsy so you know it was bad it was bad cuz I'm the kind of person that would hold someone's hand and even like give someone a kiss at the end of the night even if I know I'm going to ghost them later so I'm really I'm not that hardcore yeah like so you know but again if it were me now I be I would just be like you know what I don't think this is yeah I can't do this but I was 20 something and I'm trying to I'm trying to think like I I I honestly I think I would just sit through all the bad dates and just be like thank you so much yeah that was let's do this again and then I would just avoid the guy yeah such a [ __ ] such a [ __ ] way to deal with people honestly so how did you know Tom was the one what made him different God damn it I was just telling him this this morning it's so funny cuz so like the minute I met Tommy he was he was 23 and like I was 26 and we met at a bar the Cat Club is the name of the club comedy club and he just carried himself like a grownup you know what I mean like I was still just like what whatever like I was still kind of adolescent MH and Tom sagur has always been a 40-year-old man you know and he's always been mature and I was so drawn to his Stillness and his confidence and I think like I ran this Comedy Room called Tangier and I would always book him because he could close a show I mean 23 Tom was never bad at comedy it's [ __ ] annoying like saguro has always been really really funny and really talented and I would book him every week at my show and I remember watching him and he would just kind of stand and everyone was talking and you know chitchatting and he's just kind of like just comfortable standing there and I was like wow look at that and I just knew and spectacle I love him yeah and then we went to a backyard party at this guy Dan for Fran's house and um it was a barbecue and um Tom offered me a slice of pie blueberry pie and he was back lit like the sun was behind his head it was like a ha like Jesus and he was offering me pie and I looked at him and I go I'm going to marry Tom seura I knew it I [ __ ] knew it and I got in the car with my friends and I go hey what do you guys think of Tom seura and my friend goes oh I'd stop him up on a biscuit and I was like great I'm marrying that guy and I go tell I to my other friend I go tell Tom sigura I want to go out on a date with him that I'm interested in him you know because I like wave a hanky I'm a hanky kind of gal like you let them know I'm interested if he calls great if not I'm over it and then he called and I turned him down because he wanted to go he goes yeah um do you want to go like hiking or something and I go you know what I got to tell you I'm not a hiking girl this is I'm not the one for you I'm sorry I I can't and I hung up and I was like you [ __ ] idiot like he was trying to I just want to spend time with you probably because at the time I was like do you like to smoke cigarettes do you like to sit in a bar and talk for hour that's who I am I want to drink beers smoke cigarettes and talk about life if you can do that with me we're we're Bros I like to get deep I don't got I can't do [ __ ] chitchat I can't do [ __ ] yeah it's not who I am and then I called him back later and I go I think I [ __ ] I messed up I'm so sorry do you like cigarettes and beer I found I go I know this one bar in Pasadena that still lets you smoke we can play pool and drink beer and smoke cigarettes and he's like yeah and that was it and he's true s True to this day that's my favorite thing to do with Tom we sit and we talk for hours I mean we built an Empire on sitting and bullshitting with one another so I think that's the most important I for me anyway and a and a spouse I know you're supposed to say partner when you're [ __ ] your gay lover partner um can you sit in the same room for hours and talk you know you don't have to have the same opinion on everything yeah but that's a huge thing man because that's most you're going to get through troubles together you know what I'm saying like it's just going to be struggle after struggle but can you can you talk to that [ __ ] yeah that's most of it so what what's your least favorite part about Tom like your pet peeve I mean farts hair [ __ ] the constant [ __ ] and farting yeah I mean he can't help that the buess that stuff he can't help that either yeah I mean I guess it's that just the constant fart rips like he thinks I fart a lot he he's this morning he farted he goes oh first fart of 2024 I'm like no it's January 31st you did yeah he just thinks you been holding it in this whole time no he's just a big liar cuz it's constant yeah does does he think it's funny though does he do it because he thinks it's amusing of course of course but I kind of do too secretly I think it's funny my favorite thing that I that I like that he does is when he burps in front of his mom because his mom gets really upset and like the first time we visited his family I was like 28 or 29 and he just stands in the doorway of his house and he goes and just rips and his mom is like to me Tom me Tom and I'm like that is so rad I was in love [ __ ] mentally ill but that's you though I mean you you fall in love with someone and then those little things can make you laugh later do you like it when your boyfriend farts or burms um that's a no ah he's got cute farts wow you love him if his farts are cute you love him and I what I the thing I love the most is that they never smell so I never get guess it's just loud and cute it's like a cute loud sound do you fart in front of him of course and I'm the one that thinks it's funny and mine reek yeah and so I'm like payback you know I'm like mine aren't as cute as yours but no one's perfect perfect um okay we're going to do my tasting menu sure so I have rapid fire questions okay let's go you ready I'm ready what's the oldest thing in your fridge right now cheese what kind of cheese monster oh I love Monster cheese it's Toms I hate it oh I love it smells like feet I love that East Coast or West Coast oh West Coast baby deep dish or thin crust pizza um deep dish and Austin here home slice yeah is that what it's called yeah that [ __ ] crushes dude do you like pineapple on Pizza [ __ ] your mother pineapple you're [ __ ] dead that's disgusting I agree I don't want anything sweet sweet on my pizza unless I'm having a Nutella Pizza yeah that's a dessert you that's a good one but don't try to mix the two you psycho it's like putting fruit on a dessert anyway is kind of stupid too I don't like that I fruit for dessert is so French stop stop but Star Wars just be a pig or Harry Potter [ __ ] dorks none of the above dude no I'm just kidding Harry Potter all day same yeah best music to have sex too oh I got the album Christian death um only theater of pain leather or lace somewhere leather somewhere lace um leather ghosts or aliens um aliens all day dude Mohawk or mullet oh Mohawk bro come on manicure or pedicure Petty it's more practical favorite cocktail I guess Cosmopolitan shower or bath oh shower coffee or tea coffee favorite flowers oh uh PE peonies peonies I don't know how to say it peonies I think pee I don't know but we went to drugs really fast peones yeah uh thong or granny panties oh granny panties all day full flavors more morning bird or night owl um Night Owl favorite position missionary lights on or off oh off crazy who the [ __ ] is doing lights on ew are you lights on I mean you're beautiful I like them dim yeah off Blackness bro I no one wants to see this please that's not true there's always someone on only fans who will want to see feat remember you're but you're beautiful enough to be on the only man Mom Mom no two kids Botox or wrinkles oh Botox do it all day iPhone or Android iPhone hair up or down sorry hair up or down oh um I like it up same yeah wine or champagne wine favorite car oh a Jeep I Jeep Cherokee is that that's like the SUV kind of one not the not the Barbie one yeah just like it's like a [ __ ] SUV just a regular ass Jeep black on black I like that um introvert or extrovert introvert all day sweet or savory oh um God damn how am I getting tripped up on this I don't know because it's this it's this weird thing where you go back and forth like I have to eat a chip and then something sweet and then I go back to the chip and then well that's why reesi cups are the best oh they're my favorite yeah it's the best of both worlds yeah can I go sour yeah that's like my favorite taste like the the wor the the sour BTS we have here yeah I like that waa yeah I like sour belts like Annie and I we torture ourselves here we like yeah I like to burn my mouth a lot I like to and I like sour soups and sour pickles like the Eastern European pickled yeah yeah you're wild yeah I mentally ill Wilds are mental illness You Go Karaoke or dancing um oh gosh a dancing I love to dance yeah goldfish or Cheez itss oh cheit those are my favorites really I just ate them yesterday yeah I love cheit I could eat the whole [ __ ] box they're sharp they're sharp and they taste like Play-Doh to me a little bit but I like it did you eat Play-Doh as a kid no but did did you no I like the smell I wanted to I like the smell of gasoline too but I don't eat it I like the smell of gasoline too yeah it's like a weird like I never I don't like the smell of paint though no I don't like paint either but gasoline when I fill up my car it's the only perk I know it's so disgusting it's always so dirty but I like the smell of gasoline too yeah well on to my dessert question okay how did Tom propos to [Laughter] you okay I mean like it's kind of a bone it's a contentious point in our relationship cuz like I'm so stoked that he proposed to me but it was such a lackluster event that like okay so we were coming back from doing a show together in Irvine so we were driving and I think I was giving him [ __ ] like we are you going to propose bro what the [ __ ] because my aunt was at the show and I think she was giving me [ __ ] for it she's like aren't you guys going to get married and I how long have yall been dating for 3 years okay so I was like dude I don't know my aunt was like giving me [ __ ] and I was like I was annoyed too you know I'm like let's go dude come on so anyway we get back to our shitty ass apartment in Downtown LA and I put on my robe and I'm like I got to go shower I'm disgusting right now and he goes babe come here and I'm like I don't want to smell your farts I don't want to smell your farts because I know that's what he usually does he goes come here babe and then he hugs me and then it's like a fart cloud and then he proposed instead and I was like are you [ __ ] serious I'm in my bathroom in Downtown LA cuz we we were going to go to the Bahamas and like oh I know in like two weeks we would have been in this like ID beautiful place um but of course I said yes and I'm thrilled that I did but I think you know what I mean you're always like really he's like well you know I just I felt the ring burning a hole in my pocket babe I had to do it and I'm like that's really sweet yeah that is really sweet and he's made it up to me ever since obviously he's a very romantic guy but uh that was it yeah it's it's so hard because I think to men don't understand that to women The Proposal is like the memory you're going to have yeah for the for the rest of your life it's the biggest moment even more so than your wedding I think CU you're so stressed out that day just like you just want it to be idyllic you want it to be like riding in the sand or like well it's the moment that it like gets really serious yeah for the rest of your life your life changes forever when this decision is a big deal mhm what's the most romantic thing Tom's ever done oh he's so sweet he's always sweet I can tell you the most thoughtful thing he's ever done he flew my friend out one time my best friend from New York to San Francisco and like had her hide in the car and then like as we like she like popped up and we met in in San Francisco and I was like oh my God that was so sweet of him like and we had no money he had no money to do that you know he was always like that like super classy and sweet that is really sweet yeah yeah he's a sweetheart he's he's a really sweet guy I really like him I think I'm going to stay married to him I think you should I think that sounds like a great idea Christina I mean it's worked out so far yeah than you guys make like one of the best couples in the world I know there's so much pressure with that I'm always like don't say that you're going to jinx us don't say that but I think it's cuz we don't believe like I don't I don't take that in yeah like I don't want to know that yeah if that's your opinion great like I don't we're not you know okay well I really like you guys a lot thanks yeah I like you too we like you too thank you for coming on thank you for having me this was so much fun oh I'm so thrilled I'm going to go puke in the parking lot cuz I'm so embarrassed no this was my favorite waiting for you to come onor I know I'll come back again sometime yeah yeah all right you guys um you already know where you can find Christina you can find her everywhere everywhere thank you for watching my podcast continue to watch ymh and where my mom's at we'll see you next time are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner you told your mom about me delad my number first your parents are your roommates first dat

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 168,763

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast, Dr. Drew, Pinsky, After Dark, DDAD, DrDAD, Dr. Drew After Dark, 2 Bears 1 Cave, 2B1C, Bert Kreischer, Danny Brown, Danny Brown Show

Id: x3CEWVjnvZE

Length: 33min 58sec (2038 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 27 2024