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dear Katie so much has changed even just since you've been away we moved into this house I'm in a new school and my big sister being gone for a year doesn't make it any easier it doesn't feel real but I'm not gonna let it faze me I used to tell you everything and if I can't do it in person because you're off gallivanting around who knows where I'll tell it to this journal just like I was talking to you oh my god you are so lucky you finished high school before we moved into this house so it's the first day of school and there I am introducing myself to the class and I say that I just moved into the house on Arbor Hill all of a sudden every kid in the room turns and just stares like I suddenly transformed into a mutant they just stood there pushing pretty hard for a rewind button because now maybe nobody knows my name but they all know who I am the psycho house girl great you know that feeling where the first moment you see someone it's like they have a big gold star around them and you have to get to know them well there's this girl I think she's a senior she's usually dressed kind of Punk but sometimes I see her in this like army uniform she's always drawing in this notebook looking so intense I had no idea how I would ever like have an excuse to talk to her till I noticed she and her friends hang out and play Street Fighter at the 7/11 every day after school when you live in one place your whole life your next-door neighbor is kind of like your default friend and Daniel only got weirder over the years so moving away has been a good excuse to like not see him anymore but he did always have the good nintendo games maybe I'll give him a call so you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men yeah turns out it applies to Street Fighter 2 at least I worked up the courage to walk into the 7-eleven and ask for a turn but all that practice at home did not exactly translate in the wild so after I was finished getting my butt kicked I followed them outside while they smoked and that was when she asked me if I was that psycho house girl but then she said she's always really wanted to see the psycho house her name is Loni she's coming over tomorrow it's weird hanging out with girls Daniel was around ever since I was little and other girls I don't know but being around Loni is like instantly just right I gave her the grand psycho house tour and took my revenge on Super Nintendo it was like I don't know I finally found someone I feel normal around I drove her home and she gave me this tape and said you have got to listen to this I haven't stopped playing it since Lonnie brought her hair dye over today she said I need to fix these roots think he could help dyeing hair is weirdly intimate I don't know if I've touched someone else's scalp before it's pretty intimate right it felt intimate we looked into the mirror together after and I expected her to say something about how it looked crappy or good or whatever but that's when she said you're so beautiful and she was looking at me right in that moment I wanted to say something but I waited and the moment was gone sometimes you just have to lie to mom and dad like when Lonnie asked me to see a band with her and stay over at her friend's place in the city after that's a lie to mom and dad's situation but it was so worth it the girls on stage were just so loud and real and awesome and everybody was moving together like one huge tide of sound between two songs Lonnie leaned over and said how do you like your first show I was so happy I felt tears starting in my eyes and then she up and hugged me I think she could tell at Todd's brothers place after the show there was only a futon to sleep on so Lonnie and I shared it the lights went out I was turned toward her my eyes started to adjust and then I could see she was looking at me too in the dark she smiled my heart was beating so fast I rolled over I felt so I don't know nervous after a minute she put her arm around me I was so close and whispered in my ear I really like you I just nodded my head and I really hope she could tell I really hope that she meant what I think she did I felt like a shook up can of soda ever since I hope we have the chance to talk before I explode Milani came over today but everything was different she was sitting at my desk chair and she wouldn't look at me finally I asked her what was going on she said she felt like she'd done something wrong that night in the city like I must think but I said no there was nothing wrong I just wanted to say but I couldn't find the words I felt like I was gonna cry but I wasn't sad she got up and sat next to me on the bed I looked at her Lonnie do you think you could ever and that's when she kissed me you it's different now I mean we still hang out all the time like before but now on no one else is around well you know so you could say we're dating but it's secret secret dating I don't know I mean I guess that's the real difference now when we get off the phone or go home for the night or it's just quiet and we're alone we say I love you I'm so stupid sometimes I was telling Loni that I got into my college summer program thing and I was all making plans like you should come visit me stay in my dorm room but she said Sam I ship out on June 6th I was like ship out to where she said to basic training what did you think I was doing all that ROTC stuff for I guess she's been planning to join the army right after high school since she was like 12 and I guess she's really going to do it so I was like after graduation I'm just never going to see you again she said let's just have fun while we can Todd's band lost their singer Todd said he sucked Lonnie said he got sick of Todd and he was complaining about needing a new singer so Lonnie was like can sting and they were all kind of like you can and she was like probably but she's been rehearsing with them for like a week now and I finally got to see them play in Todd's basement today and she's actually really amazing I feel so proud when she's on stage it's incredible being in awe of someone you love so everybody knows it's like a temporary situation till she ships out in June but till then I'm gonna be at every single show they tell you to stick with the group on field trips Katie there's a reason for that Lonnie and I snuck off on the side paths at Multnomah Falls and got a little lost okay a lot lost like four hours right before the bus left we found a trail and came running down the path soaked and covered in mud shouting for the bus not to leave the school called home mom and dad said you didn't get into trouble like this before you met that Lonnie girl but I don't think they know no about us the kids at school though I'm really afraid that's a whole other story stick with the group Katie stick with the group I don't get Lonnie sometimes like herb and and our zine and her hair and everything are all anti-authority but I watch her in JROTC and she's doing drills in perfect formation following orders no question there's all this stuff in the news about Don't Ask Don't Tell like she's gonna join the army and then have to lie about who she is she said they don't need to know what they don't need to know like it was no big deal this from the girl who trashed her locker to like defend my honor I've learned when to stop arguing though I don't think Lonnie even gets Lonnie sometimes Katie you know how mom and dad are not exactly super open-minded about things it feels like every minute I don't spend with Lani I spend worrying about them finding out about us and what would happen if they did you know dad's joke about the nunnery that he tell whenever you brought boys around the old house I wonder where he'd want to send me I had an interesting talk with mom and dad tonight when you are never gonna need to have I mean you've known right I've known I have known him since like sheera mom and dad didn't I guess but they saw the zine and stuff on the locker and they were like is there something we should know about you and Lonnie and so here's the thing I was prepared for them to be mad or disappointed or start crying or something but they were just in denial you're too young to know what you want you and Lonnie are just good friends you just haven't met the right boy it's a phase that's what I didn't see coming that they wouldn't even respect me enough to believe me well jokes on them cuz they're in for one very long phase Daniel finally came over to get his game I'd been dreading it but he brought this story with him that I wrote when we were a little he started reading it and then there I was crying at the kitchen table he asked what was wrong and I was thinking about how he used to be friends how much I take him for granted but instead I told him about school and dad and Loni and then how sorry I was that I wasn't his friend anymore he gave me a hug and said it was going to be okay for some reason I almost believed him I asked Lonnie what she had to do to get ready to ship out for basic training she said not a lot really you're not allowed to bring anything with you you have no possessions no contact with the outside world while you're in basic you just train hard every day and then you deploy from there they'll just send her away to who knows where the other side of the country the other side of the world my mind like can't process it she's really going to be gone just gone Lonnie had her going-away show with her band tonight she's so incredible on stage when she was singing I could practically forget everything that we only had 48 hours left that I don't know what comes next then I can't live without her then she dedicated the last song to me I couldn't take it I was out on the curb in the alley sobbing until my ribs hurt I would follow her anywhere Katie but I can't where she's going after a long time she found me she said she was sorry she said I wish things could be different I just wanted to make you happy I said I don't think you can anymore we agreed our last night together would be our happiest ever and we'd forget tomorrow was gonna come at all it worked for a while we had a good time seeing Oskar off then ran up to the attic to look through our photos to find one for Lonnie to take with her and looking at them I realized they were all in the past and they wouldn't be anymore I didn't know what I was going to do and I cried and she held me she said she knew it was hard but life would move on I said I didn't want my life to keep moving without her that's when she cried too I was so exhausted I must have fell on the sleep like that in her arms in the morning I woke up and I was finally alone the sunset light in this house is the saddest thing I've ever seen I just want to sleep when I'm in the attic almost feels like Lonnie could still be here she's just downstairs I'm just waiting to hear pulled out in the hatch and come running up maybe I'll go up to the attic and wait oh my god Katie uh I fell asleep in the attic and Loni in my old spot and I missed the first two calls I just barely caught the third one before the Machine got it and it was Loni on a pay phone she'd been on the bus to basic and she said she couldn't she couldn't think of anything but me and us and that she couldn't go through with it with the army and being a part in all of it and so she got off the bus in Salem she said Sam I want you to pack up everything you can and get in your car and come find me and let's just drive until we find somewhere for us and she asked me if I could do that and I said yes yes Katie I'm so sorry that I can't be there to see you in person that I can't tell you all this myself but I hope as you read this journal and you think back that you'll understand why I had to do what I did and that you won't be sad and you won't hate me and you'll just know that I am where I need to be I love you so much Katie I'll see you again someday love you

Channel: IndieDenma

Views: 27,192

Rating: 4.9487181 out of 5

Keywords: IndieDenma, Denma, Maik, Gone Home (Award-Winning Work), Gone Home, Gone Home Journals, Journal, Book, All, Reading, Writing, Author, Sam's Journal, Sam, Gone, Home, Walking simulator, Video Game Culture, Video Game (Industry), Sweet, Dreams, Lesbian, Samantha, Lonnie, Kaitlin, Romance (Media Genre), Romance Novel (Literary Genre), Romance, Drama (TV Genre), Drama, Fullbright, first-person, interactive story, adventure, video game, 1995, Steve Gaynor, Chris Remo

Id: M6toUdZu9ao

Length: 19min 22sec (1162 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 24 2015