Gloria revealing her past for 7 minutes straight │Modern Family

can i ask you something how much do we really know about gloria the exotic stranger who just popped into our lives out of nowhere i've had my suspicions about her for years my country there's a saying that means love is just around the corner i come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes i'm ashamed to admit it but when i lost one of the big races i might have hit one of the other swimmers in the leg with a skimmer pole you tanya harding another girl no in colombia they call it the gloria ramirezing my mother would have never taken me out for a drink why was she super strict no she would never see me as an adult except when the police came to the house then she would be like gloria you go talk to them tell them your father was here last night but unborn your shirt a little bit first the travel company needs everybody's driver's license to book the flight that's where sticky fingers here comes in handy everybody has a bad cousin that teaches you a few things like how to smoke how to pick pocket how to hot wire a car how to put tags in your shoe when you want to throw off a lie detector test which cousin was this i am the cousin well you better get used to going there because if i get put into a murder trial i could be gone for weeks maybe i should tell them that i have experience on a firing squad why do you say crazy stuff like that now that isn't true is it gloria i can't believe you don't know how to change a tire you drove a taxi surely you had a flat i had a lot of flats but i would reapply my makeup and i would wait and then in five minutes i would have my own pit group when phil told me about this house i offered to help now that manny's away at college and joe goes to kindergarten i have time for one of my old hobbies confronting the devil in all his forms don't worry mama you can come and live with us whoa pump the brakes here why do you have a problem with my mother no your mother has a problem with me you think she's helpless ask her what's in that box isn't that the family gone oh my god a classic rocker niche i have been in love with this car my whole life in my village if you didn't drive one of these you couldn't call yourself a drug lord there is a mark of the devil in my family my great-great-grandfather was given the location of an emerald mine in exchange for his son there's like paperwork or something that proves this i won't freak out shoot okay how many men have you slept with eight next gun to my head my top three cheddar swiss gouda as someone who has actually had a gun to her head jesus know what they're going to ask about they say that the day of his daughter's wedding a great bird came from the sky and snatched him with his claws and took him far far away you're aware that a remarkable number of your stories end with a family member being carried off by a giant bird i only know what i was told i'm just saying after the third time we might think about moving the party inside yeah and don't worry she has medical insurance yeah and i i think we've met our deductible for the year so you should be good yeah do you know what a doll is in my village an apple or a fork i just want you to listen to my voice and look into my eyes and ask yourself did this woman made it all the way here from colombia without knowing some very bad men who would love to do her a favor i have a small flower on my ankle and a tiny little butterfly on my thigh how high up pretty high did you do it to look sexy no did you do it for a guy does grandpa like it no no and yes that's gross hi look this is my work well except that it's turquoise oh and a bra do you think the kids in my village have pocket squares here we go at the village i know the feeling i grew up in a small town myself we had to bring in a stranger so that the children could learn who not to talk to you know i have to say sometimes your hometown stories sound a little made up why are you hiding this love this sold i didn't close my eyes it was like being back in my village watching for the marauders i don't know what's more shocking you standing watching knowing the word marauders [Music] son of a that is coconuts i remember you [Music] i was in a beauty pageant all the other girls for the talent were juggling knives as they always do but i wanted to stand out so i came up with uncle grumpy you thought that these were drugs and that they belong to my cousin well what was i supposed to think i am sick of this jay you treat my family like they're criminals like he will bring 150 000 worth of heroin into this house how do you know how much i can know street value are you crazy you don't leave a kid in a car why don't you just put a sign on him saying free coyote food i have never seen anyone so mad even the morators you could have a conversation with after weeks of rehearsing i froze and we were speechless oh and you lost no i won imagine this when i was 18. this is how i sealed the deal [Music] ah it's you again but i shouldn't treat you badly because papa choose you it must have been hard for a little girl when you lose a love like that at such a young age you spend the rest of your life trying to replace it okay you two are acting like two little boys so i'm gonna have to handle this how my mother handled my two brothers it's either you to work this out or you kill each other it was meant for joe i worry that he doesn't have your strong conscience i worry that he has my family genes where we can lie and lie and lie and lie without feeling one ounce of guilt you don't lie to me though do you never using this app you know so i know what's going on when i go with you to columbia this summer you're coming you've been staring at my family for 12 years at least i can do a stair of yours for one summer you're wonderful but not staring and never ever take the same route twice andre you're gonna love it i can't believe that i lived here for five years even turning the lights on was a pain look at this keep it down you why mrs rivera is still alive if he's like one from your family but if he walks in here all easy breezy pretending that he didn't do anything wrong he's 100 ramirez or whatever our real name is gloria adores you take the win you think papa was so handsome yes [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: neroandsporus

Views: 2,240,694

Keywords: modernfamily, sofiavergara, columbia

Id: NCniaLbH1Sk

Length: 7min 31sec (451 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 05 2022