Girl Up: The Secrets to an Extraordinary Life | Courtney Ferrell | TEDxRVA

okay I need a favor I need all girls who are between the age of 17 and 24 to stand up you got to go quickly don't feel like she won't no I know you're here so stand up tall stand up let everyone see you and then yep okay so right right there do you mind we got you yeah when you come up on these stairs right here and just come onstage with me okay so I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to awaken the creative spirit in people and keep my own creative spirit entertained and 13 years ago I married a lovely man named wordy Ferrell who spent the majority of his adult life in education just helping young people become good people come on come on come over here and so uh I have come to have this belief that the greatest untapped resource that society has in this chair right here that society has exists in girls like this existing girls between 17 and 24 give or take a few years and so today what's your name that's to hold this right here Tessa whoo there lots of Tessa switch one Tessa Anderson Tessa Anderson okay today Tessa Anderson I wrote this TED talk for you and only for you the rest of these people get to listen but there's nothing more that I could do with my time today more important than to make you feel as big and as valuable as you are so I'm going to tell you this story first of all a little bit there okay so I am a mother of three I have two girls and a boy and my second little girl Rose well went to kindergarten for the first time this year and I was going to be mother of the year and have her prepared so the night before I explained what was going to happen I took her out in the yard and I got down on one knee and I picked up this ACORN and I said Rosie this ACORN believes that it is going to become a big oak tree even though it doesn't look like one now and it doesn't care what you think or what I think or what any of these people think it knows it inside and that is self confidence knowing that one day you're going to become something bigger than you are right now and I opened her little hand and I put it in there and then I took her other hand and I put a kiss on it like that now close your little fingers around it and I said that is love that's the love of me and your father and your sister and your mother and your aunts and your uncles in your community and you are loved from the top of your head to the bottom of your toe and with those two things tomorrow you can get out of the car with your sister and walk with your shoulders back into school with no crying you understand and she said yes every day you packed those two things you pack your loves and you pack your creative spirits the next day we get in the car we drive we open the door she puts her little shoulders back seat she's the Acorn in one hand she has the kiss and the other and she walks right into school and I'm so proud I don't even cry I'm so proud of myself really at this point right and I get home and the phone rings and it's the school and I say oh hi is Rosie okay and they say yes mrs. Farrell she is I'm kindergarten actually starts tomorrow so if any of you didn't get mother of the year last year's because I had it locked up so I tell you that story because perfection is not a human quality and a lot of girls and a lot of women pretend like it is it does not let go of it don't even aspire to it just be good enough and show up with your self-confidence and show up with love so that's what I'm going to try and give you enough time to have remaining all right so I'm tell you another story so I live in Dallas Texas are you cool right now you're good okay so I live in doubt this is water I drink out of a you're thirsty you can have some I promise I'm very healthy right now okay so I live in Dallas Texas I'm new there five years ago I knew not a soul not a soul and after a year I'd finally cultivated like a couple friends and one of them was a very like big-time Dallas for some you know Dallas that was like big hair big big big and I like I don't even wear makeup this is just for today right so she invited me to her birthday lunch and we're all the other trendy very trendy women were gonna be Andy Hardy told you I was like this on high heels right this is not my thing so I was excited cause we meet trendy cool women and then I got up that day and I started digging in the garden in I lost track of time and then I looked at my watch it was only ten minutes to the lunch and I was dirty really really dirt in my fingernails and like crazy hair and the whole thing and so I panicked I didn't know too I couldn't get ready so I went into my garage and I put under gorilla suit and I grabbed a bunch of bananas and I drove down to this really cool eating spot and there they all were cuz I was a little bit late and they were there looking gorgeous with handbags and stuff and I walked up to this girl and I gave her the bananas and I stood there and then I took my mask off and said oh she dressed up me and something completely different in Virginia now I'm thirsty I didn't have some so I'm telling you that because you have to be authentically you come hell or high water I don't care if everyone dresses up but that's not your thing don't do it and if it is do it right authentically you and if you're gonna be authentically you you have to trust your gut in every situation and here's the crazy part we wait until we can intellectualize what our gut is telling us and we can explain it before we actually listen to our gut and what I'm telling you is you have to listen to your gut right there even if it doesn't make sense if you feel like the moment would be better if you did something go do it if you feel like you need to remove yourself from a situation remove yourself and in order to do that you need resources every girl every girl and especially you tell me your name again cuz I'm all excited I forgot Tessa Tessa that's name you need mad money you need mad money that means if you're out with people and you get mad you got money to get in there and you put mad money on you like underneath your bra right like for me that's the only purpose for the bra right and then like like in your shoe like you - yeah like done the only purpose so I put it there okay this is yours I'm giving this to you it says mad money you're don't spend on anything yet right there you don't spend on anything she's good she's with me like except for to remove yourself from a situation or make a moment better right okay so to be confident you have to also know that you're loved there's three kind of loves there self-love there's romantic love I'm going there by the way just so that you know and there is there's community love so the soft love is this for some reason we as women are so hard on ourselves we always talk about what we don't like about our body when I wake up in the morning I look at myself in the mirror and I have this one thing I love about myself and it's the sparkle in my eye and it's always there no matter what and I say hello beautiful I say that because that I am I am right and I have to tell myself that because the world is out to try and tell me that it's not true so you have to do the same go ahead try it say it to yourself hello beautiful hello beautiful and you get a mean it when you say and the other thing is is that you have to take other women along with you you cannot see them as your rival they are not your rival you take them along with you the next kind of love is romantic love and grace and Lahti another friend are in here I already told them when I was a mistake is a little risque but you need to know this every guy you meet wants to sleep with you it is not a compliment look at that statue see him do you know why he has his head down the way he's trying to take a nap with that other statue that's all he wants to do and it is not a compliment don't think of it that way you have all of the physical cards in your hand everyone and if you do an act like the heroines on television right now who sleep with someone new every single week it will cause you emotional harm it will you have to remember that your physical decisions are inextricably tied to your emotional well-being and people got to start saying it all right if you ever are dating someone or fall in love with someone and they don't meet your needs or they treat you mean ly or they make you feel less than you actually are you have to break up with them right away so like let's just say you're dating that guy right there like he's cute look look at me he's hot right and then like but like look but he's not giving you the time of day I don't like that all I gotta break up with them all right you just say you're not meeting my if you don't don't talk to him he's married ever never never a married guy now look up so that guy find it's him that's totally inappropriate turn around this is inappropriate the way he's making suggestions to you right now you don't like it and you want to break up okay so you've got to tell him you're not meeting my needs this isn't working for me it's over it's over is really important but I always forgot to say that I would like break up and I would forget to say like that I was broken up and I'd just go on that's not good there's like a lot of people watching this right now we're like this she did that and that's bad don't do that okay so so tell him it's over that's good McGee I'm saying you're not meeting my needs I want like you mean it you're not meeting my needs you're not meeting my needs all the way up there I feel really far away it's just a lot and it's over it's over okay now yes good it's almost done and don't don't wait don't wait until you're like is it really over just it's always done to too many other ones just go okay here's the deal roleplay is really important what are you gonna do what are you gonna do you get a party in someone offers you Molly and you're you get like you're gonna take it you're not gonna take it you're not gonna take it you gotta practice saying what you're gonna say right you're gonna go to out with a guy and he drinks too much and he wants to drive you how are you gonna say you're gonna say I'm not gonna get in the car with you you're gonna make up some story about how you had a best friend who died in a car wreck who was drinking so you're not gonna go and then tell him later that that was completely live cuz you just fell awkward you want to go you take your mad money out what are you gonna do you have to know these things in advance okay and then the next and very important kind of love is community love it's community love I'm gonna tell you this I'm going to look out to the audience for a second and that is that I was so lucky because I had a mentor and the reason I had a mentor was a several I was lucky I met Andy Stefanovich who changed my life he just changed my life because he took the time he took the time to care about me when I was really young and silly and goofy and like putting jelly beans in my nose as a funny like that I was a business person doing what are you doing like that's really crazy stuff like that but he took the time to stop and give me advice and fine-tune me and stay with me and even when I messed up make me feel bigger than I actually was you have to find a mentor and I want you to turn around now and stand next to me for a second this is Tess and you right here are her mentors and you all wrote your name and your contact information I want you to rip it out right now and Tess was sitting like somewhere over there and you're going to pass that piece of paper there I just do it quietly don't make a ruckus just pass it up you up there drop them down don't be distracted just drop them down and pass them there in your chair test is going to be a thousand two hundred pieces of paper with people's names and numbers and what they're passionate about look at them this are all for you and you can call these and really important people in here you can call these people and you can say I want to be an apprentice for a day I want to come you know I want to go and if there's an architect Andy McNally he's in here he's an architect you can go be an architect for a day and see what that's like he's awesome there other people in here and they can take you under the wing and give you give you that and give you advice on everything from relationships to whatever you're working on but I don't wanted this to be advice I want her to be able to call you and tell you cool ideas I had a cool idea last year about putting messages and baubles for people who are landlocked and so I started talking about Isaac I want to put messages in boss started doing it's putting messages and baubles and then I just league on places so someone could have some surprise and delight and then I had this woman call me up and said I heard you the other day talking about messages and bottles and my company thinks that's cool so we just ordered 2,000 and they'll be at your house and then I got this call from SMU from this teacher who works there who said my students really want to be involved in that and I had thousands of students send in messages which I'd put in bottles and hid all over Dallas 2000 messages and bottles all because it has talked about it and the world wanted to be a part of that and you all are doing something exciting and you got to tell Tess what you're doing tell her about all the exciting things that you're doing so the test can be inspired by that teller in the moment maybe she'll say I want to be a part of that I want to be like you I want to raise up we don't mentor young girls and you know why because Tess looks polished she doesn't look like she needs mentoring she looks like she's got it all pulled together but she doesn't she doesn't she's a mess it rhymes with Tess and she needs you she really really need to say you're gonna call these people and by the way if I could name this talk something I would call it girl up and part of that would be to you like test girl up girl yes you know like like break up with that guy and like take care of yourself and believe in yourself and bring other girls along and be self-confident by god girl up and it would be to you all to say hey there's another really cool cool girl coming up so girl up put your hand down pull her up find the other girls that stood up you saw other girls than that age group stand up again come on do it stand up so that the community can see you so they can mentor you Thanks listen you stood up take some initiative toward the person next to you and say you're going to mentor me you understand I need it there is a plaque outside this building that was erected to honor the 34 VCU men and women and girls and boys who protested segregation outside tall Hummers and the last part of that plaque some of you may have seen it today when you were eating lunch and it said something like this I'm paraphrasing let this plaque stand as a reminder that any individual can inspire others through thoughtful peaceful action any individual can inspire others through thoughtful action and my purpose for being here today is this I want this community to lift you up so that you can turn around and lift this community up and I'm going to walk off the stage now and they're going to applaud because it's the end but the applause is not for me it is for you good luck one thing I'll say is this you are not in a corn you are an oak tree you are a tall powerful person in this community in this very creative community and it is everything for you to start now don't wait until you're 40 with three kids and a job and a mortgage and a husband you don't have any time to do it do it now well you got nothing else to do

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 1,440,660

Rating: 4.9488411 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United States, Life, Achievement, Beauty, Behavior, Body language, Bullying, Cause, Childhood, Classroom, Communication, Community, Compassion, Control, Cooperation, Creativity, Curiosity, Depression, Education, Emotions, Empathy, Failure, Faith, Family, Fear, Feminism, Freedom, Friendship, Gender, Happiness, Ideas, Identity, Love, Media, Mental health, Motivation, Movement, Parenting, Relationships, Social Change, Society, Students, Success, Teaching, Value, Women, Youth

Id: t6dnl9srW5k

Length: 15min 1sec (901 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/PINKITUDE]

Beautiful and powerful!