Getting Past Yesterday’s Failures

[Music] do [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] good morning and thank you for being here every year in july and august our orchestra and our choir take those two months off they'll be instrumentalists on stage throughout the summer but not the whole ensemble so this is the last time of our season that the full choir and full orchestra will play and sing this will be a good opportunity for us to express to them our appreciation for their ministry and their faithfulness these last 10 months let you guys stand up thanks our instrumental program is directed by pete hazard their prelude they're about to play is terrific if you have a seat belt you better buckle it right now okay here we go [Music] so [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] [Music] it's a great reminder this morning the mighty fortress is our god amen and today we gather in his name for his greater glory thank you for coming if you're a visitor thank you for visiting if you're online thank you for being there wherever you may be from another part of this state this country or around the world so glad you were here you know who you folks are but some of us don't know who we are so it's a good time to meet someone you've not met before so for the next 45 seconds go to it stand up and say hello to someone you don't know [Music] thank you you may be seated with the coming of summer in july and august i will be away and we have made known to you those who will be in this pulpit bill butterworth the first three sundays of this next month and then jonathan murphy when he's back from belfast will be with us for the balance of the time taking us through august i'll be back in on the first sunday of september i want you to hear from keith tyler our pastor of missional living he will make us aware of a very important upcoming event listen carefully on the screen keith tyler hey stonebriar family i'm keith tyler your pastor of missional living and i'd like to personally invite you to a special event with our missionaries coming up this summer all around the world today and right here in north texas countless people are struggling through seasons of darkness and pain and as the people of god we get to shine the light of christ against that darkness and serve as a refuge of hope and every single one of us can be a part of that mission there are no limits to showing and sharing the gospel no matter who we are or where we live so this july we're inviting you to our missions world tour a two-night event where we'll focus on the unlimited ways god shows his love through his people on tuesdays july 12th and 26th come and hear from missionaries who serve both around the globe and in our local communities their stories won't just inform you they'll inspire you to see how you can share the good news right where god has placed you god can work through anyone any place at any time and he wants to work through you so join us this july for inspiring stories and practical ways you can live missionally right here right now get all the details and sign up for the missions world tour today at stonebriar.org events [Music] [Music] so [Music] so [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] um [Music] so [Music] foreign [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] uh [Music] [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] so [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Music] the next song may not be familiar to you so let me encourage you to look on the back of the order of worship you know several months ago we started supplying these at all the entrances to the auditorium and here's the order of worship and on the back is a song that we may sing that is not in the hymn book so we provide that music for you it's a wonderful song entitled hear my cry oh lord [Music] foreign [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] is [Music] i [Music] [Music] me [Music] my [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Music] uh [Music] [Applause] [Music] god [Music] [Music] periodically there'll be a survey that comes out that uh is seeking to know what are our favorite hymns and that's that's been going on for for years and years uh inevitably the favorite hymn among americans is amazing grace that's not too surprising the second favorite hymn is how great thou art and how great thou art was written by a swedish minister over a hundred years ago and he wrote it as a poem a lot of songs start out that way the lyrics are poem and then he found a swedish folk melody that would fit the words so they adopted that and uh there we have how great that art it was sung in sweden and then the believers in russia began singing it believers in ukraine began singing it and then it made its way across the pond to america and it was relatively unknown until 1957 that's when billy graham has had his crusade in new york city the crusade lasted 16 weeks they sang this hymn 99 times so i think they got it by then it's a terrific hymn the choir is going to sing an arrangement of it now pay close attention to the the first phrase of the chorus it says then sings my soul then sings my soul to you o god the soul can sing in fact in some in some ways it's more reliable than the voice sometimes we can say things that we don't mean or don't understand or we put our minds in cruise control and we we say it but we we don't really feel it then sings my soul my savior god to thee now you'll not be able to sing along with us because it's an arrangement and it's not like the the hymnal arrangement but let me encourage you to sing with your soul along with us when you see a phrase of this song that that stirs you embrace it and sing from your soul how great thou art [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] i see the stars [Music] is [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] went through [Music] trees [Music] is [Music] is [Music] and [Music] is [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] oh [Music] [Music] yes [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] we come today to the seventh and final message on this mini-series on the family that we have been enjoying together i say enjoying much of it has been convicting as it has been instructive for all of us we always welcome the message from god's word that helps set the record straight silence is those areas of tradition that have been in error as well as clarifies places where there has been confusion today is no exception we come to address the subject getting past yesterday's failures a very real issue when coming to terms with the truth i want to read for you from isaiah 58 verses 6 through 12 a passage obviously addressing the jewish people of the prophet's day centuries before christ came isaiah 58 6-12 however provides application for the family as we will see toward the conclusion of my message today once you find the 58th of isaiah please stand with me for the reading of the scriptures beginning at verse 6 i'll be reading from the new living translation this is the kind of fasting i want free those who are wrongly imprisoned lighten the burden of those who work for you let the oppressed go free and remove the chains that bind people share your food with the hungry and give shelter to the homeless give clothes to those who need them do not hide from relatives who need your help then your salvation will come like the dawn and your wounds will quickly heal your godliness will lead you forward in the glory of the lord will protect you from behind then you will call the lord will answer yes i am here he will quickly reply remove the heavy yoke of oppression stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors feed the hungry help those in trouble then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon the lord will guide you continually giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength you will be like a well-watered garden like an flowing spring some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes may we bow together for prayer as always our father when we come before you we acknowledge you are the potter we are the clay you are the master we are the servant you are the vine we are the branches you are the lord we are merely learners along the way disciples who wish to follow your teaching remind us this day our father that though silent you are never absent though unseen you are always here and you care you care especially about those in need and that would be every one of us may we today realize afresh and anew that you want us to be free of guilt and shame you want us to walk in joy confidence and assurance in your strength operating our lives for your glory releasing our will to yours and remembering that you are our guide and we are here to follow some strong words will be declared today may we be willing to hear them accept them and adjust our lives to them thank you for working while we wait and wait and wait how long we have waited for there to be a change and just this week you led in the provision of that change as our supreme court made a decision unpopular among among many but in honor of the unborn thank you thank you father we pray lord that you will remind all of us that we are your children and we are here for the purpose of glorifying your name we are penniless we are broken people which is why jesus paid it all and all to him we owe [Music] today we acknowledge that as we find fulfillment in you and in our savior christ who loved us and gave himself for us finally father i pray that you will use this message to bring healing in families where there is hurting and offense i pray that you will speak through your truth cut through all of the things that have held us back so that we give ourselves to your will doing it your way in your time for your glory through christ our redeemer our lord and master we pray these things and all god's people said amen please be seated so [Music] [Applause] so [Music] so [Music] so [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] so [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] you few feelings are harder to live with than guilt and shame when they overwhelm us it's like we are drowning like drowning in self-defeating thoughts memories of faults and failures from the past sometimes they come in like a flood they interrupt our sleep they disturb our peace we can't seem to shake them because as the psalmist writes our sins are ever before us they are there fixed in our minds we can't erase them ever since i started this brief series on the family i've known this day was coming as a result i've spent hours preparing my thoughts today and probably will be a little more attached to my notes than normal because there's have a lot to say and i don't want to miss any of it or mistake any part of it i've asked the lord to guide clearly and to speak through his word using my voice box to connect with all of you you who are here and you who are at a distance from us i speak to every one of us especially to parents let's face it when we got married we we were young ignorant and broke we didn't know what we were doing we thought we could just live on love from then on just love our way through life well that got cold about the second week didn't work then we started having children we thought how great is this look at this adorable child hard to believe a baby that adorable could come from two people like us we didn't know what we were doing we just raised them up like we were raised making the same mistakes our parents made sometime worse there were times our discipline was erratic too soft when it should have been harder and stronger too severe when it should have been more compassionate and caring but we didn't know what we were doing there was no manual to follow if the bible said anything about rearing children it spoke in a language that was ancient and it didn't really seem to address the things we were struggling with by and by those children grew up and a distance formed between us it had been going on for some time we kept hoping it would end but before long like the folk song of yesteryear we found ourselves passing like ships in the night our son or our daughter or both wanted little to do with us we were filled with guilt and shame they were filled with resentment and disappointment it was hard to bear all of this brings us to the major question what do we do about the sins of our past the failures of yesterday how do we handle them today god certainly doesn't want his people to live under the haunting presence of guilt and submerged in shame let me begin with three painful realities of our humanity first we are all imperfect people that includes our children those who grow up become young adults marry and have their children we are all imperfect sinful people romans 3 23 is usually used in addressing the subject of salvation i want to use it as it relates to our imperfection as parents in the new living translation for everyone has sinned we all fall short of the glorious standards of god we all have sinned we all fall short to drive this home your mother and your father fell short they were sinners may have been great people but they were at birth at heart and in their will sinful just as you are just as our children are this also applies to your favorite teacher your best mentor a former pastor that's now gone whom you love to the point of idolizing sinful imperfect the authors you love to read counselors you admire artists you appreciate composers whose songs you sing leaders coaches heroes bible characters evangelists missionaries martyrs everyone falls short everyone so obviously it includes us a big part of falling short is simply living with imperfections and inadequacies the inability to perform at the highest level of accomplishment we can't achieve it we may want to we don't it is therefore self-defeating for imperfect people to beat themselves up with guilt for failing to accomplish what we were never capable of achieving you were not built to accomplish 100 success you cannot achieve perfection the ideal is out of reach when we forget that we are imperfect we give guilt undeserved power over us we are imperfect so are our kids second we cannot change the past it is set in stone what was done was done there it is for whatever reason there it stands we would all love to go back and start over given a second chance in our marriage starting with our honeymoon wouldn't have been great to have had a good honeymoon wouldn't have been wonderful to have done things right from the get-go right from the altar but we didn't we didn't would have been wonderful to re-raise our well maybe not all together but you know what i mean to have a second chance at doing it right now that we know what we have learned about making a study of our child and and respecting the way god had prepared them during the nine months they're in the womb so that we can cooperate with the good bents and deal with the the wrong and the bad bents within them and that we could be consistent about it but we cannot erase yesterday's failures that's absolutely impossible it's a waste of time someone as great as paul the apostle wrote in philippians 3 13 and 14 this one thing i do i focus on this forgetting the past and looking forward to the future to what lies ahead i press on what a great great way to live oh what a wonderful way to carry out our lives but we don't do that we dredge up the past we remind others of our past we often live in the past and as a result there it is again guilt and shame guilt and shame dogging our steps stealing our energy robbing us of joy because we are refusing the fact think of what paul had to forget running with the pharisees living in such pride chasing down christians hoping to see them arrested even killed all of that was in his past forgetting the past looking forward to the future i press on otherwise he could have never written these letters that instruct us could have never provided for us what we needed look life is like a coin we can spend it any way we wish but we can only spend it once once we're facing three realities related our sinfulness we're imperfect we cannot change the past here's the third we are personally responsible for our own wrongs it is not only a waste it is unbiblical for us to rationalize around our wrongs to excuse our wrongs or to blame someone else for our wrongs when we do wrong we are responsible before the alcoholic can ever get free of the addiction he or she must begin with i am an alcoholic before the prodigal son could ever return home with any sense of plan to go ahead with his life he must begin with as he said to the pigs practicing his speech i have sinned against you my father and against others david said it in second samuel 12 13 after nathan confronted him with his adultery i have sinned against the lord these three realities may seem a strange way to deal with our guilt and shame but these are starting points these will break down our pride humble us drive us to our knees as a starting place before our god you don't need to turn i will i will read the verses for you jeremiah 9 verses 10 and 11 the lord said this to the jews following a lengthy period of wrongdoing and disobedience strong words here this is what the lord says you will be in babylon for 70 years but then i will come and do for you all the good things i have promised i will bring you home again for i know the plans i have for you says the lord they are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope how great is that but he said to that he said that to those people in babylon seven consistent decades they're away from home it's a long time to be humbled to be reminded of their failure it's where things began not where they were to end i will come i will relieve you of the captivity i will bring you back to the land to give you a future and a hope but you must go through babylon these years some of you have not been broken you have not acknowledged the truth of your own wrongdoing to those you have offended your babylonian captivity may be a dysfunctional family as a result it may be a son or daughter who wants little if anything to do with you today let me go the other side it not it may not make sense to you because you were a fairly good parent you did not abuse your child you did not knowingly embarrass your child or take unfair advantage of her or him you were a fairly good parent but look at what happened remember your children are also bent toward wrongdoing they have an old sin nature just as the prodigal son with that great father he had still did wrong had to learn his lesson the hard way for the rest of my time i want to address getting past all the guilt and all the shame so we can focus our life on recovery and renewal to get there here is what won't help please hear this well two things first it won't help for you to misinterpret the scriptures basically here's what i'm saying guard against always and nevers guard against making promises airtight for example when the lord says in proverbs 22 6 train up a child according to his way and when he was old he will not depart from it but the verse does not say that will happen in 100 of the cases every child will come back to the lord no they won't some die in their sin remember you're dealing with damaged goods and you yourself are damaged this makes it complicated be careful about the always and neighbors in god's word rarely do or do we have the freedom to use those words in his promises proverbs 22 6 never guarantees 100 success in the rearing of our children but chances are good if you are faithful to do what you should do in the rearing of your kids more often than not good will occur rather than bad though there are always exceptions it doesn't mean it's your fault here's another something that won't work is to ignore common sense think keep thinking think when you marry think when you have children think when things are going wrong think with common sense if anybody on this planet needs common sense in spades we do as parents played a major role in our parents lives and it has not gone out of style keep paying attention to your gut instincts think practically think independently don't be afraid to think outside the box apply common sense for the next few moments i'm going to read for you from a book titled parents in pain by dr john white a physician british physician who writes about common sense he writes this bear with me it's a bit lengthy but it's worth hearing i have a feeling he writes that when doubts and anxieties assail us common sense is the first thing to go we long for easy answers unambiguous assurance the doubts and guilts drown our minds and make us not want to think rationally but instead to cling to any bit of ideological driftwood that comes along the last thing we want to do when we are drowning is to think logically yet think we must understandably forgive me then he writes as a recently graduated doctor i was given major duties in surgery too early within a year of completing my medical training i was frequently responsible at night for all the emergency surgery in a large city hospital as well as in a smaller hospital on one of britain's major highways during the days i was often given my own operating list in less than a year after that i was doing gastrectomies understandably things sometimes went wrong seriously wrong in the operating room a wave of panic would occasionally begin to rise in me as with horror i would see that the operation was getting into a deeper and deeper mess an unconscious patient's life depended on me the anesthetist was competent in his or her own area but could offer me no help senior surgeons were an hour away with the panic came a sort of freezing in my brain my move my movements were hurried but pointless and repetitive i would stare at the circle of the eyes of the assisting team around me but all eyes would be looking silently back at me under such circumstances the only thing i could i could do was forcefully will myself to think slowly and deliberately i discovered that being a christian i had been sending a panicky prayers like oh lord help oh lord don't let it go wrong lord don't let me get into a mess here don't don't let her die i'd not been aiming it excuse me they were muttered incantations not prayer i'd not been aiming at communicating with god but was simply expressing panic in parent talk stay with me here god of course was was merciful he he was there but i saw that i had to stop and think on a spiritual level i had to talk to myself rather than to god god is here he doesn't need to be badgered he does care now take it easy what's my immediate aim what should i do [Music] first slowly as i did this a mental clearing came my mind unfroze and i found myself if not relaxed at least able to deliberate to be deliberate and calm slowly with a sense of growing confidence and relief i found myself i found my way through the difficulties successfully completing what could have been a tragically botched operation i've no doubt that god's holy spirit was behind it he was behind it all but what was demanded of me in each crisis was to force myself to stop the panic the panic spiral and think i don't know where you may be as you read these words apparent fearing the future apparent relaxing a little after a crisis or one in the midst of one but a little after but in our association together you as reader and i as writer i must insist on this ground rule that at times you force yourself to think even when you do not feel like it which brings us back to where we started common sense whether you are a christian or not you will you need plenty of it in dealing with yourself your family and the child who causes you so much pain and i say again that common sense says that all the blame does not necessarily lie with you if one of your children goes badly wrong it may but it is rarely so simple so those two things must be kept in mind men and women we must guard against misinterpreting scripture and we must maintain good thinking with common sense as we deal with the subjects related to the family now let me continue with a couple of things that won't help let me continue with what will help two words true repentance true repentance in isaiah 58 which i read earlier in the scripture reading there's a strong rebuke from the lord for people who went through the empty motions of religious activity instead of exhibiting heartfelt repentance the subject in isaiah 58 was fasting and rather than fast with humility and a genuineness they got busy about religious activities and he says with a hard question do you think the lord was pleased with any of that and there is a bold answer no no so now let me apply these verses to your life and to mine i'm going to be very vulnerable in doing so there are five guidelines i find in isaiah 59 that will help you and they will help me as we come to terms with a family that lacks harmony that is becoming dysfunctional if not all together we must begin by humbling ourselves that's verses seven and eight pride is often the major culprit in family squabbles and family problems often it's the pride of parents so i'm not surprised that the lord begins with humility for some of you this is foreign talk you were reared i'm the parent i don't humble myself before my children i'm sorry you were told that that stupid counsel you humbled yourself before anyone before whom you have been proud if you ever want to break the syndrome he begins by emphasizing humility removing the chains sharing giving not hiding from family members and you will find the wounds will begin to heal so start with humility i'm going to get more pray the end of verse 9 i would suggest while praying you would be wise to write down the offenses you have caused and connect the offense with a name that's right go back and remember where the offense occurred see it as such call it as such name the one you offended in the act in prayer ask for guidance to remember the names and to identify the offense don't be easy on yourself talk straight think don't hide verse three we've uh i should say verse nine refers to removing the yoke so i would say cease all blaming stop all finger pointing if you had not so and so i would not none of that and for sure refuse to gossip and spread rumors about how bad your kids have turned out that doesn't help them and it doesn't help you this is a private matter between you and the one you've offended so remove the yoke which brings us to the fourth and here on a camp on it for a little bit longer make yourself available and vulnerable verses 10 11 i suggest that you set up time to sit down with your adult children the ones you have wounded in the past the ones you've offended in doing so you will find ways to be released from the grip of guilt and lifted out of the shadow of shame my wife and i decided to do that in the swindoll family by with the time we decided that our children were all by then adults and married we worked with a counselor that we admired who gave us very clear biblical direction in how to take care of this being available and vulnerable matter he suggested we actually meet with them privately not including their mates their partners in life had nothing to do with our offenses the offenses occurred as they were growing up more often than not so literally cynthia and i asked our four adult children to take time on a particular day to meet with us and the counselor in a hotel room private with the door closed no one else was there but the six of us in the family and the counselor who remained absolutely silent after instructing us on how to go about this we had both put together our own lists not surprisingly my list was longer than hers i had seven or eight maybe nine things i needed to mention that i could remember where i had delivered where i had done what was wrong or i had been offensive for i had hurt one of my children while growing up one of the occasions was a matter when i embarrassed one in front of their friends at a birthday party i remember it i remembered it like it was yesterday so did she when i named it she broke into tears so did i but my list was about eight or nine cynthia's was about five or six each of us a different list we didn't compare our list what we had done to offend our family had been different from one another but we needed to humble ourselves before our children they sat in silence with tears by the time we ended we were all in tears even the counselor it was the most genuine authentic open unguarded no-holds-barred expression of wrongdoing one way we did not ask them at that moment to forgive us we did not come to expect from them at that time any response they were somewhere between amazed and completely shocked not knowing what the meeting would be about we cleared the list the lists cynthia with hers me with mine they listened very patiently never once interrupted never once responded nor did we ask them to respond when we finished we did not pray we felt it was appropriate simply to end the time because it was such a deeply emotional period we would simply end it in tears and we express to each one the depth of our sorrowful confession we asked for their forgiveness we told them that we were wrong and we were saddened that they had to endure those wrong things we had done i don't believe we left out anything that was a meaningful offense we left it all before them we stood up in tears we did not embrace as i recall we walked to the door the counselor remained and what he said to them to this day i do not know but he assured us that he would take it from there and he had words for them as to how they could respond we left still in tears driving home in silence but fully assured that nothing had been held back we brought everything and left it there now the fifth guideline is you trust the lord to bring healing and major changes in his time you don't manipulate it you don't call them up two days later to check on things if it's brought up again they will bring it up we've had our say i don't mean that to sound uncaring i mean it to sound respectful they're adults they remembered of course we didn't miss it every one of the things we named struck a note in each one of their lives instead of remaining offenders we became at that time a restorer of the breach a rebuilder of our home i would like to believe so my closing words have to do with when you carry this out if the lord so leads you to do this make sure you do it privately don't hide anything don't hurry the process don't hold anything back i'm going to close with a story that is not mine but is a story told by louis lamour the western writer many of us have read for years years ago he wrote a book titled frontier in the book he describes life on the journey from east to western united states as the covered wagons made their way to the oregon and california coastline to the west he writes this in frontier the crossing of the continental divide came in the midst of an open plane after a long steady climb but the worst of the travel lay ahead grass was scarcer water holes farther apart crossing the desert of the great basin and then the passes of the sierras presented a terrible ordeal that called for all the judgment and skill required on the long trek westward now listen very carefully whatever was left that could be discarded was thrown out of the covered wagons to lighten the wagons for the oxen mules or horses who were now worn down day after day of marching at ragtown as it was called in nevada were acres of discarded books chairs dressers dishes keepsakes many of which had come from europe with the first pioneers many a woman looked back at the few precious things brought from home that lay abandoned there only one thought remained among the pioneers to get through to make it to california or to oregon whichever was the destination all were richer for their experience many remain to build to create to establish themselves in that new land they had discovered that the ability to adapt was the ability to survive there's the key statement the ability to adapt was the ability to survive they were made stronger by the knowledge that they could do what had to be done in order to survive we came to that same conclusion as a couple we would not protect anything in order to make things right in the old words of yesteryear we would pull out all the stops we would toss out all the things that we could think of that had caused defenses and heartbreak and brokenness among us and between us and the family we would trust god to use it to ultimately bring us back together which indeed he did and he is doing by the way doesn't it tie in beautifully with the cross when we come as sinful people to the cross we we hold nothing back we come just as we are we declare ourselves sinful distant from god and we claim that christ and christ alone by faith and faith alone through grace and grace alone we come to be rescued from our sins and to be delivered eternally from ourselves that we might spend our future with our heavenly father forgiven cleansed because we have laid it all before him in all candor i don't know what it's going to take to get each one of you to do what needs to be done but i was convinced when i prepared this message this is at least a start and i can assure you god will honor your humility and your effort to make it right your children may not want to meet with you i understand that on the other hand they may be willing when they know it's not a time in which you're going to blame any of this on them you're going to make it right if for the very first time in their adult life they're going to hear you declare this was wrong i want you to know how sad i am that i did that please forgive me when you in your heart feel you can do so but i lay it all before you trust me men and women god honors a broken and contrite heart he will have nothing to do with pride but if you will come before him first and then before those you have offended may not be just family members there may be others you may have done your former mate wrong you get around it now by blaming him or her for their wrongs you're responsible remember for your wrongs have you ever made that right have you ever openly thought that's why there's a distance between whoever it may be and you either way it's your move i leave it with you please bow your heads with me thank you for listening so carefully may god give you the same [Music] determination when this meeting ends to follow through may he be honored in what was said help us all our father help us all each one of us is is as imperfect as the other our wrongs oppress us make us sad but we don't want to stop there that's babylon we want to move on to a place of a future and a hope so as you enable that to happen give us the strength give us the determination to think clearly to bring ourselves before those we have wounded so that we might forever find forgiveness and hope to go on finally thank you father for accepting every one of us who has called upon you to be rescued from our sins thank you thank you thank you in jesus name we pray everyone said amen [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: Pastor Chuck Swindoll | Insight for Living

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Id: NQ0HF6XRTbs

Length: 105min 10sec (6310 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 26 2022