George Wallace - Brand New Catheter

I am so happy to be in Montreal let me tell you something I've got some new jokes here I'm different these jokes might be funny they might not be funny I don't give a [ __ ] I'm going to show it in Toronto next week I got to make sure these jokes work jump number one I was in London yesterday I went to Buckingham Palace I went to Buckingham Palace to visit the Queen the Queen was there this is what she lives Buckingham Palace she lives at Buckingham Palace I'm thinking if she lives there why is she walking around with her purse if she left how many you ladies walk around in your own house canna purse and I wonder what's in that purse I'm the way no makeup and now I know that that joke is very funny audience sucks joke number two I'm watching television you got razor blade commercials how much sharper should a razor blade be how much sharper can they get I see a man over there my age we started shaving remember we had a single-edged blade then they came out with a double-edged sword then Gillette said we got a Mach three turbo [ __ ] came back with Quattro Gillette said we got fusion you should cut yourself shaving you got a little nick not you cut yourself shaving look like they ran through venetian blinds and people want to know what tribe are you with I'll cut myself with a fusion I'm walking down the street people yelling sale sale I love this country I love your national anthem oh boy it's easy it's beautiful Oh Canada that's all I know right now but I'm gonna learn the rest and your Prime Minister what a nice young guy he is right Justin what's the name this is really wonderful when you have a nice young what's the name Justin how old is the nineteen Twenty twenty three he's straight out of Degrassi this is a nice prime minister you got an outgoing not homophobic anything went to the gay pride parade did he look real comfortable too didn't it now we got President Barack Obama what a great guy he is he's a nice guy I love the rock Obama I love him he came to my show he says Oh mr. Wallace you look much younger since the last time I saw you well I wish I could say the same thing about you but I love this guy he's doing such a great job and we have a security problem in America now at the White House we got to raise your White House fence because people are jumping the fence you heard about it in Canada right they're jumping the fence you know white people are jumping they're White House fence no black people jumping that White House fence right man they got all the way to the White House you never see black people jumping everywhere else messing cuz we don't do it because they teach those dogs to eat black people they'd had to retrain those dogs not to eat President Obama they had to retrain the dogs not to eat President Obama every time you see President Barack Obama gets off the helicopter what is he doing those dogs were after his ass you never see those two little girls out in the front yard pan do you they teach those up this stuff is true all making up President Barack Obama you got health care up here we just got it Obama care how much in hospital two years ago I said I'm gonna take advantage of this so I got a pap smear I got a hysterectomy and I was gonna get an abortion but they won't let me but I'll be thinking about stuff like that so while I was at the hospital I bought me a brand-new catheter mm-hmm that's something I guess I did mmm I bought me a brand-new catheter mm-hmm I'm peeing right now [Applause] but I'd be thinking about things like that I'll be thinking all the time I've been thinking since I was 15 years old I had a curfew couldn't make it home before midnight I was thinking you know what I would do call my mom on the telephone she would pick it up hello I said ah it's okay ma I got it [Applause]

Channel: Just For Laughs

Views: 113,033

Keywords: Just for laughs, just for laugh, just for laughs youtube, youtube just for laughs, just laughs, just laugh, funny comedy, comedian, stand up, stand up youtube, standup youtube, standup, stand up comedian, stand up comedians, funny, laugh, laughs, comedy, joke, humor, purse, razor, shaving, obama, trudeau, pop culture, politics, health, cities, george wallace stand up, george wallace standup, george wallace youtube, george wallace comedy, youtube george wallace, george wallace, george, wallace

Id: 4Xl81GuezvU

Length: 5min 45sec (345 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 04 2019