George Carlin - Mark Twain prize for American Humor (part 10 of 10)

thank you very much thank you I'm a modern man man for the millenium digital and smoke free a diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect I've been up length and down loaded up and inputted and out sourced and oh the upside of downsizing another downside of upgrading I'm a high-tech lowlife a cutting-edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond a new wave but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound I'm a hot-wired heat-seeking warm-hearted cool customer voice activated and biodegradable I used to face him a database my databases in cyberspace so I'm interactive I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive behind the eight ball ahead of the curve riding the wave dodging the bullet pushing the envelope I'm on point on task on message and off drugs I got no need for coke and speed I got no urge to binge and purge I'm in the moment on the edge over the top but under the radar a high concept low profile medium-range ballistic missionary a streetwise smart bomb a Top Gun bottom feeder I wet palate eyes until power lies to take power naps I run victory laps I'm a totally ongoing Bigfoot slam-dunk Rainmaker with a proactive outreach a raging workaholic a working Ranger holic out of rehab and in denial I got a personal trainer a personal shopper a personal assistant and a personal agenda you can't shut me up you can't dump me down cuz I'm tireless and I'm wireless I'm an alpha male on beta blockers I'm a non-believer in an overachiever laid-back but fashion forward upfront down-home low-rent high-maintenance super-sized long-lasting high definition fast-acting oven ready and built to last I'm a hands-on Footloose knee jerk head case prematurely post-traumatic and to have a love child who sends me hate mail but I'm feeling I'm caring I'm healing I'm sharing a supportive bonding nurturing primary caregiver my output is down with my income is up I'll take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash flow a regent male he junk food to buy junk bonds or watch trash sports I'm gender specific capital-intensive user friendly and lactose intolerant I like rough sex I like rough sex I like tough love I use the f-word in my email in the software and my hard drive is hardcore no soft porn I bought a microwave at a mini mall about a minivan in the mega store I eat fast food in the slow lane I'm told free bite-sized ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes a fully equipped factory authorized hospital tested clinically proven scientifically formulated medical miracle I've been pre-washed precooked preheated pre-screened pre-approved prepackaged post-dated freeze-dried double wrap vacuum pack and I have an unlimited broadband capacity I'm a rude dude but I'm the real deal lean and mean cocked locked and ready to rock rough tough and hard to bluff I take it slow I go with the flow I ride with the tide I got glide in my stride driving and moving sailing and spending jiving and grooving whaling and winning I don't snooze so I don't lose I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road I party hearty and lunchtime is crunch time I'm hanging in there ain't no doubt and I'm hanging tough over and out [Applause] I'm just the most amazing mind that man had just amazing right now let's give it up for one of George's all-time favorite songs by the wonderful Benny King [Applause] in the night has come and the land is stopped and the moon is the only light you see and the level be afraid huama be afraid just as long as you stand stand by and darlin darlin stand by me Oh stand by Oh [Music] steady [Music] stand by me stand by dip the sky then we look upon should tumble and fall all the mountain should crumble to the sea I will cry I won't cry I'm on Sheraton just as long as you stand stand by me and darling darling stand by me Oh stand by Oh space nearby spin by stand by [Music] [Music] to learn more about this year's recipient to the Kennedy Center's Mark Twain prize as well as more about the history of the award and it's fast recipients you can find it at pbs.org by me or stands [Music] down four gone and gone is gone stand by me stand by

Channel: KilgorCalrizian

Views: 91,146

Rating: 4.8895025 out of 5

Keywords: George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Denis Leary, Lily Tomlin, Richard Belzer, Bil Maher, Joan Rivers, Margret cho, Ben E. King, Stephen Colbert, Gary Shandling, PBS, Kennedy Centre

Id: 8N_xUDzc3qM

Length: 7min 8sec (428 seconds)

Published: Tue May 11 2010