Gentle Parenting for Toddlers - Calm Tantrums & Set Limits with Positive Discipline

hey guys it's este hey people really really well today's video it's a bit of a follow up on a couple of videos I did before about gentle parenting and I did one on positive discipline and we were chatting afterwards in the comments about how does it actually work if you have a toddler like I do I've got an 8 year old a five year old and a 2 year old and I guess as a parent of a toddler we all kind of know that they have very specific issues animations and it just changes parenting with so much and does gentle parenting really work on a toddler and how can you discipline them in a positive way so that's what I was going to chat about today just what I do I'm by no means an expert but I absolutely I've subscribed to this style of parenting for the whole eight years nearly nine years that I've been a mum and I find it really really works for me and I also find that my daughter - Evelina who is - I find her really well behaved for my expectations I can take her anywhere I feel like I really can calm her down I could stay really connected with her when were out and about and I don't find that behavior makes me stressed which i think is a really big thing I'm going to run and manage a toddler especially when you're out and about and things see I hope that you enjoyed this video if so give it a thumbs up and subscribe this video may be in two parts so I think I've got lots to say I've been reading loads and researching loads so if it isn't two parts that the second part will be on my channel later on this week so don't forget to hit the red button that says subscribe if we're not already gentle parenting and positive discipline are pretty much the same thing and they go hand-in-hand but they're not like super permissive a parenting I think that's why people think it doesn't work on the toddler because it's like it's saying you never discipline but you absolutely have to set boundaries and I read a beautiful thing that was the most important thing for a child to hear after I love you is I won't let you and how lush is that like it just I love that so much because it's firm but kind top marks if you know the quote that that move is wrong yes I've always tried to be firm but kind and I love that type of language and it allows them to know that you're setting boundaries the you are in charge not them there's not like an equal like let's just choose or honey we don't draw on tables it's I won't let you draw in a table it's still a very gentle sign of parenting and a very positive discipline because they know that they have been set a boundary that is sensible and is protecting them eventually you're just teaching them and I always think of this parenting child as being a teacher and I would have punished a child who came into my class for not knowing the stuff and my child similarly is curious my toddler she doesn't know that hitting is bad that biting is bad that running onto the road is dangerous she doesn't know these things I am literally here to teach her and I'm not going to punish her for curiosity and I'm not going to punish her for not knowing this stuff I'm gonna teach her gently and firmly about what is okay to do what is not okay to do but there are challenges along the way and I'm not gonna sit here and be like as if I'm this like mother goddess because it's tough you know like I've had three kids and their Tantrums are tough and I think Tantrums is really really hard one for us to understand and best thing I've learnt from doing gentle parenting is about tension and it is about the fact that a child a toddler cannot control their emotions they cannot not have a tantrum and these Tantrums aren't directed at us they aren't just temper tantrums I think calling them temper tantrums all the time it's just like they're really angry all the time and they're not they're experiencing such a wide range of emotions different emotions and understanding that and how to gently paranoid through a tantrum is going to set you up so well for the future that believe me like the stuff I've done when threatened film of this age really has paid off now to the point where I don't really have to discipline them because they're so good and they want to behave without the road or punishment because it's all instilled in them so what I was reading hours about toddlers ability to control their emotions really hit home with me and how often we end up saying to them this is such a silly thing to be cross about calm down stop behaving like there it's really just boy too so I guess all really worried and it goes like this baby that you loved and was super but no one age it was so lovely has transformed into this toddler he suddenly is battling you every step of the way we take it very personally and it's upsetting because I think we hark back and it takes us longer as parents to take this leap that they do which is this leap from being a baby and being very young malleable and you know Pleasant and you can do kind of what you want to having their own independence and their brain is like going to church and all these certain things are stressing them out they suddenly feel sad they feel stressed they feel frustrated they feel worried they fall anxious and it's all going off in their mind it all comes out in the huge tantrum and then suddenly the person who is their emotional al-khair suddenly doesn't know I deal with it because we take it personally like they're doing this to us like they are having a punch him at me in the middle of the supermarket because I said no how do I deal with this naughty behavior where they're thinking I just don't know like literally I'm speeding this emotion is very very real so I always liken this to the fact that when I was pregnant and it just the funny story but I really wanted to forget I wanted this baguette so much I thought about it all day probably talked about it the night before and this warm baguette I was gonna have it lunch I got down there to have to forget and the guy was like sorry we've run out of forgets and the rage the pure rage that I felt at that moment I literally was raging I had tears in my eyes I was just ready to do battle and in that moment that feeling felt so rational to me and if somebody had been there telling me just have something else just have a piece of bread it's not that big a deal oh you can imagine how you would have reacted where you have like PMS or any of that I would have flown off the handle like I'm grown up and that literally it was like a really tough emotion for me to feel and go through and I always think about that when it's something like you've put the wrong color plate down you're talking their flips out or you've done this silly thing and you think might stop being silly stop being so petty stop flying off the handle it doesn't help never in the whole history of the world telling somebody to calm down calm down it doesn't work so understanding and empathizing I try to put yourself in their shoes think of the forget really really helped they're always having their back and understanding their emotion it's going to help you for so much more connected and it's going to help you deal with the tantrum and it's going to help them trust you with their emotions which is what sets you up for a really good positive behavior future and being able to maintain the gentle parenting so practically what do you do you're like s is all very well and good but I'm at soft clay my kids having a tantrum and you screwed me over so what you have to do from the gentle parenting technique is you get down to their level and you created a little safe space around them so you make them know that you are there and that they are in a safe placement that their emotions are allowed to go down at their level then it's all about empathizing at this point and naming the emotion so this is a really big thing in gentle parenting and this is from a great book how to talk that kids will listen and listen to kids will talk and I will link it below it's brilliant and they talk about naming the emotion and it's so good it works so well it helps me I think so as I said earlier it's not just temper so you can be I know you are feeling really sad that we have to leave now because I have an intense from about leaving soft play whatever well I know you are feeling really frustrated because you couldn't reach and mommy wasn't listening to you which happens to be a lot so for the three kids so it's naming the emotion or I know you're feeling really angry because I can took your toy when you wanted to play with it so aren't you named the emotion it really helps and you can be the person to empathize and make this better even if you've caused it and this really helped me as well see like the other day I was in super mug with every educator this lollipop she really wanted to do at hard boy lollipop she's not allowed it so I'm like okay I won't let you have a lollipop and I put it back huge tantrum meltdown sometimes you be like oh she's having around with me she's not she's not grown-up she's a two year old so I get oh bend down to her level I know you really want to that lollipop I know really disappointed that's really disappointing I wanted to buy that massive arrow Easter Egg and look allowed one bloody disappointed about it somebody had taken it off me put it back on this I would have freaked out so I know how you feel so you can empathize with them even if you're the weather here has said no give them a hug leave them alone whatever it is they like cause obviously we're all individuals some of us are touches and we went on and then I go okay so you're disappointed so how can you do with disappointments and disappointment you can be offered an alternative so yeah I'm really disappointed that my baguette but I understand that I still want something delicious and yummies I will accept eventually when somebody said to me really crap they didn't have that baguette you know a sandwich isn't gonna be as good I absolutely know that because you really had your heart set up again but we cannot have that baguette it's rubbish let's go see if we can find something I was looking to really like and then I took a cleaning off we had to look around and we chose a kinder egg what she is allowed because it's optional to choke on a hump would love your box so when you've named the emotion though I know if anybody disappointed then you can also helps you to understand the solution and another rebook part gentle parenting some people don't understand it as if it's like we don't allow children to feel emotion that much would be so gentle with them a gentle being overly kind and almost over parenting that is not gentle parenting at all gentle parenting is almost the opposite that it's and you must allow your children to feel these emotions we have to allow them to get angry to get frustrated to feel sad and have those emotions those makers need to come out because as I said earlier that we're teachers I'm not gonna be able to teach them these emotions they're not going to learn anything if we kind of mollycoddle them and don't let them have these feelings and it's almost the opposite of what I thought gentle parenting was which is like no no no honey don't you try and reach it let mommy get it for you whereas actually is the opposite it's like you try and reach it they get really frustrated you stand back you observe and then you go I know feeling really frustrated right now and then you're teaching them it's like emotions are like a muscle and you have to kind of try it see how someone's going to react and that's how you're going to learn and I think it's really good particularly in this day and age when we do have all of these like trigger warnings you know like we try to not let other people's negative opinions or different points of view get into our social media and actually we need to have these opposing points of view to know how to do with stuff because we are going to come up against more and more negativity in different points in you and I think it's really interesting that actually is good to understand that yes somebody could say this to me it's gonna really really hurt me but what I've learned through dental parenting isn't to not allow that it's to be able to be okay with that and go I now feel this but I'm going to know how to react better because I've been taught well a little by voice see has not about protecting a child from feelings and emotions it's not about controlling their behavior so they don't misbehave you can't stand out their curiosity that's what it is you're just teaching them how to then navigate around this whole new world that's opening up to them and you're their biggest guide their biggest kind of emotional anchor and we've just got to put her through the paces every single day and it gets a lot it does get a lot and I feel that the person that you love most in the world is battling you or doing this to you so much time away as you can get as well that whatever makes you happy is much beautiful lovely fun time with your toddler I think is a really important at this stage however that's bathing together napping together playing quietly together whatever is going to also help you connect and how majority of all time lovely so that when you do end up with those Tantrums it doesn't take over your entire day do that as well so I hope this has been useful and interest to him I don't work with too much I would love to know what you think of this in the comments below and I'm going to tag another couple of youtubers to talk about similar things in the description box as well not the love everybody take care and I will see you very soon in my next video on gentle parenting and toddlerhood take care until then guys I love the way

Channel: SJ Strum

Views: 40,975

Keywords: gentle parenting, positive discipline, gentle parenting for toddlers, toddler tantrums, positive discipline for toddlers, dealing with a tantrum calmly, how to calm your toddler, how to bond with your toddler, toddler temper tantrums, toddler behaviour, what is gentle parenting, gentle parenting toddler, positive parenting tips for toddlers, positive parenting, toddler discipline, sj strum, boundaries, toddler hitting

Id: Kg7v091kJk0

Length: 12min 33sec (753 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 27 2019