Geena Rocero — Horse Barbie: A Memoir - with Aditi Hardikar

tunnel and I am a book and I'm not a book seller I'm an event staffer here at politics and Pros bookstore where as you can see we now are hosting in-person event Events books trips and classes you can find everything that we offer on our website at politicspros.com so before we get started today I would like to ask that you please silence your cell phone so as to not disrupt the event and then when we get to the portion of our conversation for questions we do have a microphone set up here to the left of the pillar that's designated for audience questions we do ask that you come up and speak into their microphone just so the recording does get captured in our audio and video recording of today's conversation following the Q a we will have a signing up here at this table so if you have not already purchased the book we do have many copies available behind the register for purchase and once the event is complete we do ask that you please fold up your chairs and lean them against something sturdy to help our staff out a little bit so without further Ado tonight I'm very excited to welcome Gino rossero to celebrate the release of her Memoir horse Barbie a radiant testimony from an icon who sits at the center of transgender history and activism it is a celebratory and Universal Story of Survival love and pure joy born and raised in the Philippines Gina is an award-winning producer director model public speaker trans rights Advocate and television host and and was named one of gold House's 2020 a100 most impactful Asians and Pacific Islanders her directional debut caretakers on PBS a docu-series about Filipinos and Care work received four Emmy nominations in conversation tonight with rosero will be Aditi hardiker hardiker received rather hardiker serves as the treasury Department's Deputy Chief of Staff she has most recently served as a leadership and training lead for by the Biden Harris transition and prior to that spent three years at the Obama Foundation First as the chief of staff then as the acting vice president for operations so please join me in welcoming tonight to politics and prose Gino rosero and Aditi hardinker [Applause] [Music] thank you hello hi hello here we are hello they should have included in your intro how we first met which is when you casually gave a speech and introduced President Obama at the DNC LGBT Gala back in New York in 2014. and they should have added that you're one of my favorite dance Partners yes we're adding that now so thank you so much for adding that um Gina I'm so excited and honored to be in conversation with you today so excited to be here with so many family members friends neighbors um and just fans of yours because I know there are many around the world um I'm especially excited to talk about this book um because um you know just as just as Katie said before this this book really is about survival and it's also a celebration of life celebration of your life um it's a celebration of trans identity and life throughout the world I personally laughed cried cheered I was hungry constantly with all the Taco Filipino food um and really it just I think the story embodies what the I did not pay her to say that okay you I think did promise to cook for me which I did I did promise um of course that I could attest but the story I think really embodies the Monica Roberts quote that you used at the end of the book which is this is truly a passing of the torch um really giving the Next Generation kind of a blueprint almost and um really spreading your your trademark optimism so thank you so much thanks to everyone for being here and and let's get started unless you've got anything else you want to start with one thing I'd say just truly want to acknowledge and I've shared it to a couple of people here just to be here at politics and prose um even when I was writing this book during the during the pandemic I used to watch their you know their talks their book talks and wow to be here and speaking about this so I really I've been feeling such deep gratitude so thank you again for doing this with me well thank you so let's start with the title horse Barbie so in the book you tell us a bit about the journey um of this name I think first it was from some jealous girls who were trying to use it as an epithet um but then your trans mother Tiger Lily and you kind of reshaped it into horse Barbie which really embodied the Charisma the the fashion the style and I think as you um uh talk about in your journey it then becomes really a source of strength it's kind of the way you activate your superpowers um you do everything from demand a job in seven World Trade Center you with no appointment with no appointment no appointments show up um you take the Miss gay Universe Crown um and you know you're you're here today so talk to us about how horse Barbie still shows up in your life how do you still kind of draw on her queer horsey magic and and continue on career definitely um so horse Barbie is it's as you said it's a Reclamation um when by the way I'm still called horse Barbie by my trans mother Tiger Lily I'm sure she's probably gonna watch her say the Tiger Lily hi somewhere there and um when I started joining trans beauty pageants in in the Philippines at 15 years old I you know still in high school and somehow I reached the top so quick I became the most famous transgender be the queen the most prominent the pageant Diva you know all of that and I mean you know if you don't know him you'll know when you read this book for sure more and more this vibrant culture of transgender beauty pageant in the Philippines and it still very much exists today you could just imagine how competitive it is um not just uh when I started joining pageant when I started winning I I came out of nowhere I remember on my on my very first pageant it was I was still in high school and my first pageant I ended up winning second runner best and Simpson and best in long gown and then a week before that I was just watching these girls on this televised nationally uh televised beauty pageant in in in in the finals and then a week later I was in competition with them and I picked up so you could imagine what that was like you know as this newcomer who came out of nowhere you know it was actually an insult you know it was it was a slur it was an insult so they started calling me like oh where's that horse girl like I look like a horse because they said because of my protruding side profile my long neck my dark skin and the wig that I that I had so every time I would go in pageants um you know backstage I would hear it it wasn't insult and then one night my pageant manager my transmitter Tiger Lily I mean it can be more magical than Tiger Lily name so she definitely I was on stage wearing my iconic red halter gown and just remember her telling me like the way the light was hitting my my gown my the Elegance that I was carrying and the way I projected she identified this almost this unspeakable Essence in Aura and she told me you know what you actually look like a horse Barbie so my trans mom gave me this name and you alluded to it and it's it's also it's a Reclamation and also a spirit because as you know and once you read the book it's this book has been described as this Global Saga and it's it's the kind of spirit that I had to carry with me especially when I moved to New York City when I had to I went from this vibrant trans beauty queen to going stealth in New York City I also just want to point out the the when we were making the the the cover for the book I remembered that my transmum Tiger Lily does calligraphy so this is her handwriting so for her to have given me that name for her to have a play and uh you know a role in I do have a video and I'm gonna post it sometime soon on my Ig but you know it was she's so sweet to do this that's wonderful um so speaking of pageants um as you still tell me to this day you're a pageant girl um I mean the shoes right it never stops never stops we don't want it to I don't want it to stop I'm never gonna stop so um you talk a lot about the history of of trans pageants in the Philippines and you talk about this unique cultural blend I think you called it where you've got families going straight from Mass to back to their homes in their living rooms watching uh trans girls on their TVs as a family um with I think the same fervor as like Sunday night football here in the U.S um I was even shocked pleasantly to see that politicians use the trans-pageant stage to talk about their campaigns and truly it's it's a it's a cultural and National um really uh phenomenon formal national sport in the Philippines exactly amazing so talk to us about um you know there was this really a tacit acceptance of trans women you got to grow up seeing girls like you women like you the Manila girls so what did that actually mean to you to to see people who looked like you and just have a different kind of sense of self and a possibility for you um it wouldn't offer even more complicated um you know Nuance sort of you know in my attempt to create a full picture about that so as you've mentioned even even more so like we have trans pageants in the Philippines happens so we have obviously Philippines is predominantly a Catholic culture very conservative still the only country in the world where you can get divorced and then when we celebrate um Fiesta celebration where we honor you know Catholic saints and patrons throughout the year actually you know during the month of May it's usually actually my busiest time it was it the month of May in the Philippines is actually p Catholic Fiesta celebration which means you know throughout the year all over the Philippines we have fiestas and during those Fiesta celebrations it's um it's usually a five-day celebration parties you know people's homes will be opened up you know there's different programming the main event that usually falls on a Sunday the main event the main draw of the crowd is transgender beauty pageants that coexist within religious celebration and usually if it's a neighborhood pageant meaning it's like put on by the local community that stage of the trans beauty pageants it's usually in front of the church right incredible so you have that vibrancy of that culture so for me growing up to see that I remember I think this was edited out in the book but certainly I remember um the very first time I saw the the transplant I was about eight years old and it was in our neighborhood and it was just one of those purity of that moment where you know the whole neighborhood my childhood friends were going to watch these pageants and the very first time I saw this beautiful and in in our pageant culture you have to impersonate a different celebrity and this woman was impersonating Phoebe Cates and she looks like if I'm dating myself here too but like whatever you know Asian they're racing you know um so she looks like Phoebe Cates she I was like in front of the stage and just in awe seeing her for the very first time and it was I distinctly remember how it felt that sense of as you said possibility but more so for me just just that sense of almost like this dream making that whatever that she's projecting on stage how beautiful she is obviously I was eight years old but I just felt so connected to that expression so to have that at such an early age surrounded by my family during religious celebration there is no even that there's no such a feeling of in a way separation of that it just it just felt like it was meant to happen and likely allowed you to feel Pride rather than what a lot of young queer and trans people feel which is shame that they don't see themselves that maybe their religiosity is is you know not accepting or it's different from their identity so that's that's pretty that's pretty special but then you decide to go meet your mother in the United States where you can be a woman where you can actually have your you know identification reflect who you actually are but on the flip side you had to be stealth you had to be wabu king did I get this basically means unclockable so it's it's also the loving term amongst trans Filipinas especially like you know when you recognize someone Femme oh you could pass your wobble King you know I mean we joke about it but it's also survival but it's also like a recognition recognition of each other's Beauty right yeah yeah so you go from you know being with your family being surrounded by trans people in in the Philippines and you know having the celebration of your identity to then going to a country where legally you're you're a woman but in in theory in in society there's such present danger you know you hear about violence you have to be you have to hold this the secret and that takes a really big mental cost on you throughout your career as you're trying to find love as you're trying to be vulnerable with people um so talk a little bit about how you know going from one culture to the next and living with the secret and constantly in fear what did that do to you mentally and emotionally I think I now know the question when I was writing this book is really in a way I think it's my it's a form of just really trying to figure out really what happened in my life you know in in my time when I was in New York City when I had to go stealth meaning you know my model agent did not know I was transfer I had to hide my my trans identity to everybody you know I'd like to describe that like in the Philippines as what we've talked about because I it maybe in in this conversation as I'm having you know talks and interviews with people I always you know make that distinction of you know from where I was growing up in the Philippines to Western societies because it's such a vast difference and in the Philippines as I've covered in the book and we talked about like trans people are culturally visible like we're part of mainstream Society but we're not politically recognized meaning there are no rights for Trans uh gender recognition policies in the Philippines still to this day and I just want to acknowledge the the long history of activism in the Philippines vibrant activism very Fierce activism in the Philippines that have been trying to pass affirmative laws like to this day um there's no comprehensive anti-discrimination protection to this in as much as there's so many changes still very much DIY for Trans Community to to access gender affirming care I'm not advocating for that but certainly in in the context where you have to survive and you have to do it you have to rely to you know with with each other so in the Philippines as I mentioned culturally visible mainstream but not politically recognized so when I moved to America at 17 years old in San Francisco when my mom told me that here you could be legally recognized as a woman it was like she was speaking magic to me it was like what you mean legally on my f like I see F on my ID that's just the impossibility of that it was just couldn't believe and yeah of course I moved to America and then at 17 in San Francisco I remember seeing you know my driver's license California driver's license with an F with like such just intense celebration to see that and to feel that affirmation but then my first asked my mom said where are the trans pageants there and they're like no no such thing and it's like here's an application in a nursing school you know which is what Mom would do and that's what she knows and that's that's what she knows to get me to Safety in in my life you know and obviously it was not for me and I started to question why and then I remember the very first trans representation that I saw a national television 17 years old right trying to Grapple with this new culture I was watching this this channel this this program and trans women on on this television program of Jerry Springer so you can imagine what it did to me I mean like you mentioned shame that was like really like it sunk deep and I was just like this is I mean now obviously I have a little bit more of the critical analysis of like what that meant but certainly in that moment when I saw that it was just the feeling of deep sense of Shame of of transness and and gender fluidity and and anything that does not and also not just like the the initial recognition but the way it was done I mean we all know right I mean how it was done right the way I mean he recently passed I remember when that news came out there's a lot of conversations online about um trans people that was uh that got on the Jerry Springer Show I also understand that in that moment that was the only way we could really affirm ourselves and and find our place of expression they also got paid to do that and so it's obviously complicated too it's always about understanding which gaze are we putting importance right and um I again I completely understand that too but yeah that was the beginning of of Shame and and thinking that I thought America promised me Freedom it gave me shame right and and on those shows they were making it a sport to try to figure out who is trans and then you know the whole audience would be you know making a mockery or booing and so you know just it's the way they and not just Jerry Springer there's many other shows I mean I could name so many things but the way they would butter up the situation you know and then the drop you know and and now in this context as I'm what I've written in this book is really I'd say this oh give me goosebumps just like realizing this um I think it represented truly how America sees trans people from that moment even today in general sense right if it's nothing if if the if Division and understanding of gender outside of the context of a straight white man who is holding the mic because the host of the show who's the executive producer the one in control if it's not within that context of what that person consider storm you you are the butt of jokes you are you are you made fun of you are at the circus you are you are all of that rooted in shame um well as you were adjusting to your new life in the U.S and you know you were you know starting to to build your career as a model um as a music video girl for John Legend um as you were kind of navigating let me also say like this was just posted and it's like I haven't heard back you know about what I do know some of you know we we're quite mutual friends so I haven't heard backs but certainly it was too you could watch this music video now it's called number one this music video John Legend just started and it was getting Grammy buzz and that album won r b album of the year and it was I was part of this music video where I mean I started the book with this because I think it encapsulates so much of what I was going through which is and the lyrics too oh my God coincidentally or not this book has a lot of coincidence call it meant to be call it a divine intervention all of that there is so much of that so in this music video that I did it was it was my my one of my first big jobs when I first moved to New York City in the pursuit of my career in fashion I mean my reference at the time when I took that job because we all remember Naomi Campbell and the music video freedom to all of that I thought that's what I'm having and I was like oh I'm gonna do that I'm gonna be famous in music video the next level of career but then I got on set and just the way it was shot the way my scene was I was dancing behind a curtain I was a silhouette and then I was dancing to John Legend and then when he when he started singing to me the the the words and the lyrics that he was singing to me I mean it was meant for a book I mean it was meant for like a scene setting for a book he was basically singing to me the lyrics was now who is she what's her name you don't need to know about everything when I look back when I was obviously writing this book and I you know went to YouTube watch I was like gagging literally gag obviously I've forgotten about like what I knew the song but I forgot like that was actually what was being you know he was singing to me with that lyric so that was my introduction to New York City in fashion so yeah but also what I want to add to that is in as much as it was terrifying to to to manage all these different sort of realities right I was you know I was very sexy in that music video I was wearing a lingerie you know I was paid to do that managing trying to figure out not to get clock you know still want to be a wobble King you know in that as a form of survival but also there's the other side it was also a sense of playfulness a sense of through that while those things was happening of that fear and paranoia and anguish a mental anguish of having to hide I was also there's a part of me I'm feeling sexy here yeah I'm John Legend up and coming great buzz you know I was playful so all of those complicated was happening doesn't make it easy but that was that was what was happening well I'm glad you still managed to find Joy um and so throughout your your journey you got um you got more in touch with your your spiritual side your ancestral side which ended up being a big part of your journey you learned about more about you know discovering your ancestors you learned about pre-colonial gender fluidity and and spiritual healers um tell us about how that that really guided and shaped um you're coming out and what that meant for for you understanding yourself thank you you know it hasn't been I guess depending on on who I'm speaking to in the audience certainly it hasn't been covered so thank you for for bringing that up um I have this tattoo here this is a pre-colonial script in the Philippines um this is um called it's a four character la capate la capati is a transgender fluid um goddess of fertility of harvest in the Philippines so in pre-colorial Philippines you know we pray to our animus you know goddesses and deities right so it's a so that's one and there's so many and for me part of there's many things in the book but certainly that's actually one of the most powerful through line in the book which is like this this quest to decolonize my understanding of my upbringing my culture um to to deconstruct how I was brought up because I I'd say this it's fortunately or unfortunately depending but certainly I had to leave the motherland for me to truly get to know the motherland because I you know I grew up in a poor working class background I didn't go to college I didn't go to University of the Philippines that have that wealth of resources of Scholars I never had that so I had to when I left the Philippines and even just the beginning of under understanding what colorism is and how I was brought up in the Philippines that was actually the beginning of it and once I went on that Quest I I'm unstoppable um I like the things I'm a closet Anthropologist and um there was a there was a moment in my life where my Ig handles called nat Gina and then when they rebranded that thing okay I'm switching and I was like no so yeah there was a moment my Ig handle is called nat Gina because I really felt like that was both also a sense of adventure but also a sense of quests in in my in my soul to unearth all of that and from the books that I was reading you know I have to say thank you and the epigraph of my book I start with um a quote by Dr Janelle Garcia the foremost caller of queer um history and and studies in in all of all of Asia you know which it's one of the first person that documented you know the the long history of the babaylan which is the spiritual healers in the Philippines the gender non-conformity and how that is well documented in in our history books and to unearth that and to have that for me it made it easier in that sense it's a source of power it's a source of it's a source of also fire in me to still unearth this and and and and and find that in me yeah and I I love that you said you had to decolonize your identity you know I think there's there's so many Asian histories um you know my my background is South Asian and there's such a rich gender fluidity in our history um sexual fluidity even to this day but I think that's almost like a missing piece for us in how we actually understand ourselves so the fact that you were able to really connect yourself to your roots it was always in you it wasn't something that was like okay I'm I'm I'm Catholic and but and I'm I'm trans and maybe those things are okay and but but actually you've realized that those things have always been linked it's always been linked you know I was having a conversation with someone who you know another person that that was talking about like this an older Filipino woman that kept on saying he she all the time like I I'd say this when I first moved to America I would always say say he she you know and everything because I mean even I mean even that became a source of shame because people used to shame you like no you have to make sure that you say the right pronoun and what I know now through this uh quest of of decolonizing my mind most Filipino especially if you're born and raised in the Philippines you always be he she in so many ways not intentionally misgendering someone it's just because we don't have he or she on our language it's gender-neutral language in Tagalog as one of you know it's a main diet a main language but we have hundred something dialects in the Philippines Tagalog is part of this is the anthropology in me add it to the resume Oh Let's Do It Let's Do It um so Tagalog is part of this one of you know the third biggest uh language uh family called austronesian language family it's spoken by close to 500 million people there's about 1200 languages that covers the vastness of Taiwan to Philippines to in 15 000 islands in Indonesia to Polynesia all the way to Hawaii Rapa Nui aotearoa New Zealand all the way to Madagascar people there look like me and speak like me in that connection of language right and most of those language family are gender neutral right so to go back to when I was feeling shame because I was always mistake he she I still did give me a couple of Tequilas I will definitely show you it's progress yeah yeah um I like to say now that it's my ancestors telling me that we've always known that's my ancestor's way of telling me to stick to the ancestral knowledge it's really beautiful your ancestors were anti-gender policers I mean go for it right I was like just just do it you know forget about what people say so yeah so I I certainly want to get to audience questions and just as a reminder um I think we can start probably in just a minute um if you have a question please come up to the mic since we're live streamed we want to make sure people can hear um so if folks want to start lining up we can start the the audience conversation but maybe I'll I'll do one last thing um you know we've we've talked about in the New York Times has talked about a million others um who are singing your Praises that this book really is a celebration of life and survival and love um but I'd be remiss if we didn't talk about The Bleak moment we're in um one of the most beautiful Parts about your story is really the love of your mother and how she encouraged you to come to the U.S change your gender marker to represent your true self take you to Thailand to get gender affirming care and really just supported you with love um at least that's how you you showed us throughout the story um but now what we're seeing across our country is you know parents like your mom who want their kids to get the right medical care that they deserve and that's appropriate to them are in some states um being investigated for child abuse we've got kids all over the country who aren't able to get who aren't able to see doctors and get the right care for them we're seeing adults being restricted whether it's through Medicaid or other restrictions um and so you know I think your your story gives us such a source of Hope and I think it you know it is a model and a blueprint for so many but talk to us how talk to us about the role that your story plays in this fight against the assault on our people The Assault on our lives our livelihoods our well-being oh um I think what we met in 2014 there is that there is that big wave of we thought that's obviously that opening up to that conversation there was you know there isn't however and I think that however is that for so long I mean also again the context of um American culture here we're so obsessed with visibility right just be visible come out and things will be okay you know just be visible and I'm not denying that fact that's an important component of this bigger conversation of of justice and equality but that's just one part you know for my story that I've shared in in the Philippines we are so visible we are we are you know culturally visible in the most mainstream sense but we're not politically recognized and in a way I take that journey in my story to where we are now we now know that visibility is not the only answer it should be both right it should be the dynamic conversation of visibility the most basic access to care to you know you know Nuance dignified how we talk about uh trans people so it has to be all of those things but more more so I think with the things that we're seeing right now I also grew up in the Philippines where everything is all about the community and I'm talking about Community not also not from American sense of community well let's gather a newsletter get together once a month you know like again there's a report to that you know but also it's it but it's the non-western way of communal sense where it's really embedded in your spirit you know we have this I'm so proudly that I get to actually now even talk widely about this in the Philippines we have this thing called kapwa right which is this word this virtue that is all basically what it means your inner self is always shared with others and you're always a reflection of a community your very essence is community you don't exist as an individual so when I moved to America and I heard this thing called individualism one person only gets a credit you know one you're supposed to do it by yourself so that was that was a weird thing for me it was also a shock and I'd like to think maybe that that sense of non-western way of understanding of community is one answer which is we now know whether it's policies that are not really embedded in the Constitution it still could be taken away we could only rely to our community right in all essence of of who whatever that definition is community for you and that Community could be like 100 people 50 people it could be just one or two people right and we need to rely with each other so in reference to what you're saying this book that I've written and the response and and and especially love hearing from parents that have trans kids what I wanted to show in this book is the the fullness of of my journey and I think I want to recognize and honor the live experiences of trans youth particularly trans people in general that we have to live a truth despite all of that and maybe that's easier said than done but certainly if you could just dim that that the negativity that we see in all forms of media and policies that's one way is to still remember the power in living your absolute truth in all essence of it because I with what I know now with the journey that I've gone through I truly I truly honestly think that when you when you look in the bigger picture the powers that be who and I'm speaking about patriarchy I'm speaking about white patriarchy they're afraid of looking within themselves the freedom that trans people offers which is for so long we've been led to believe that this gender of binary the gender binary that's it's a form of rigidity that is a form of limit limitation that is a form of you know it's me against the world you know it's individualism I want parents of trans kids you know trans kids particularly that they're trying to take away our power because we know that we are powerful we've been we've been the resilience and and and the the stories that I that I've uncovered that the stories that they shared is this long history of beauty and resilience of trans gender non-conformity from the very beginning of time I'm still talking about I have a tattoo you know like it's it's it's there you know we have to access and honor that history because we made it again I'm not saying it makes it easier but just to know that because I could easily tell like this is the next thing to do but I think I'm even more concerned about the spiritual Essence that drives someone to get to the next day because whether that that belief of that power of trans people that leads to self-belief I certainly know the self-belief and what who I am got me survival and thriving and joy so hopefully it would lead to that to other people too wow Gina thank you so so much um thank you um we we have time for some audience questions don't be shy um the microphone is right over here behind this pillar it's kind of hidden but it's right up here next to our good friend I'm a pageant girl given the question [Laughter] okay hi hi I have a two-part question one is the easy answer um do you remember meeting a sociologist named Danny Pila at the Filipino national conference like eight years ish years ago and she was like I have a brother who's trans and you recorded a video with her and he said hi Nan I love you you're beautiful it's okay if the answer is no I don't remember but but one thing I'd say though when when I'm being asked about that especially in moments of recognition to give that gift I do it yeah because I know how powerful it is and that's why I'm here today I I was like I I don't even the universe was like randomly like Gino rossero just showed up on my Google I was like oh my God she's gonna be in politics and prose I'm going like so I no no thank you like you have done so much work and what's your name Nat n-a-t thank you Nan you're welcome um so my actual long question is um because you know obviously you sorry I'm getting really emotional it's okay um it's okay I know that you you know we're spending a lot of time with trans women communities back in the Philippines because I also immigrated here um but you know I'm trans masculine I'm a trans man and it's so hard for to see that and especially I think in Asian communities it's almost like we're kind of I mean just queer communities period like people forget that Asians exist kind of annoying because like we're here we're literally like the largest continent anyways um it's not in any way it's a fact yeah speak on it really um I was just wondering like you're the whole time throughout your journey like how long did it take for you to even see a trans masculine person and especially someone who's Asian even within the states because like I know even amongst my white trans masculine friends same thing they're like I didn't know anybody else I was on it on my own so thank you thank you thank you for for asking that question and sharing you know you know you know parts of who you are you know when I had the chance to go back to the Philippines and do some advocacy work there I have to be complete and it's the same thing like I that was my first time you know meeting the community and because it whether it's consciously like Erasure or or or it's just it's not part within my periphery but certainly when I was there it was a very very vibrant trans masculine activism in the Philippines my friend Neil nadalo is the president of trans man and they're doing incredible work there so that's awesome if you want to connect with them they're they're there they're doing incredible work there and I think you know I think in the in the recent times I mean I'm speaking about when I was there doing a lot of work around 2014 2015. they've been at it you know they've been at it and and so far because of that very Fierce and vibrant Ben is very much aware of this it's it's it's become very inclusive I'd say that you know because it's again going back to the communal thing you know it's it's very much once people recognize like this is our brothers we have to be there so that I could speak about certainly in um in um in the Philippines but here as well like I it was a conscious thing for me because even in 2014 I you know after that Ted Talk I was thrust into that conversation so even that just be completely for perfectly honest like it was the beginning for me as well but the vibrancy is there yeah yeah thank you for sharing thanks for being here thank you hi I'm so hard to have you have you I'm going back to your point about your Ted Talk could you kind of take us back to what that moment was like for you and also I believe you you know you you weren't like nine years in the industry with people not knowing that you were trans would you be able to kind of just briefly speak on what sparked for you to come out when it you know wasn't you know you weren't outed so um was it something that you knew that you were just gonna have to do at some point or was it just something that you just had to live your authentic life thank you um I wish there's an easier you know trying to figure out ways to figuring out okay I need to do this there's many many moments sir I detailed a lot in the book that led to that there's many different you know inklings of possibility inklings of oh maybe or but I have to like step back because I also want to recognize the trans women community in fashion is littered with stories of of of stories when their stories were taken away from them you know it's littered with stories of trans women I I did in the book Carolyn Cosi um you know Tracy Africa Norman the first black Trans model in big model in in the 70s to Lord Foster to um um kryptona case or a trans Filipina from Guam supermodel in in Europe their stories were taken from them meaning they got outed by a tabloid and unfortunately it's usually by someone they know whether off the cuff or intentionally selling the story so in a way to your point this this immense gratitude that I feel that I get to you know take control of my narrative because so many women were not given that chance um and I whether there's some sense of uh knowing that there's a responsibility in telling this story that's why I I made a conscious choice that this story is Unapologetic Unapologetic me Unapologetic my truth of my culture because so many never had that chance so I want to comment on that um but also in in knowing that when I knew I was going to come out I didn't know I never thought I would be able to come out you know I moved to New York in 2005. the first the very first inkling of possibility where I could come out was I did the not I could come out but knowing that I cannot continue living this way I did a I did a commercial lip gloss commercial and as a fashion model at the time it still is but certainly at the time when you do a commercial in cosmetics that's a pinnacle of success you've made it right in a moment it should have been a celebration I was I mean my commercial came out I was at home freaking out that that phone will ring that someone from one of the tabloids saying that like hey Gina we found out you're a boy so for eight years living this paranoia living this this this anguish of any moment somebody could out me took its stall and I couldn't continue anymore and then there's many more I mean it's um I think the the latest one that really took me to the edge I got really really really really really really really sick um mentally it was in a dark place and at the same and and it it came out in the form of um crazy eczema eczema that came from distress I know now from stress it wasn't you know it was an episode of eczema that that I never thought I'll be able to show my skin again there's still some marks like it got to my head it was it was so bad and it took a female dermatologist too because I I you know for months and months and months you know they gave me everything that they could give like all the steroids all the injections nothing was working and then the woman just said what is going on emotionally I didn't I didn't come out to her but certainly I knew exactly what she was talking about and and and and and no it was I was also turning 30 years old so it was that entering a new decade in my life and thinking I cannot continue living this way and then there's many many things and and the book that led to that I think you know some of those stories now but certainly those are the two big points on in in moments where I knew I cannot continue living this way thank you so much your courage and bravery will inspire so many and and already do so thank you thank you thank you so much um and that chapter is the Sea Turtle chapter yeah I had the tattoos yeah so in this moment we're just gonna say if you know you know you'll come back to me maybe message me on Instagram DM once you get to that chapter because it's really I mean it's oh my gosh I this reaction like I hope hopefully you'll say oh my gosh but like certainly get to that chapter it's so much coincidence so much Cosmic coincidence and when you get to that Sea Turtle chapter message me on IJ and I'm there not Gina well not Gina no not not Gina anymore so yes uh just just me Gina or Sarah but yeah it's it's I think that's one of the definite pivotal mind a pivotal Point as well um any other questions from the audience thank you to the two of you for your questions yeah please I believe in politics and Bros me neither thank you I cannot believe this oh thank you Father simple let me just say hi to someone that's watching right now because I'm you I think that's my camera I was at home when I was you know watching a lot of politics and Pros thinking that oh maybe I could do that I could be there be here in this iconic space I'm here so if you're dreaming about that it definitely could happen so keep writing keep writing give it up keep writing keep writing hi Gina my name is Amelia Filipino Filipino American here and very proud to be Pinay um first of all I wanted to say whenever we cry you know just go ahead and do it because what I learned I I'm an educator here in Washington DC but I'm also a proud pnai American educator and I speak all around the country but when I learned about tears I learned that it's our ancestors actually flowing through our body like medicine so never apologize for those tears um so I've had the pleasure of going to the Philippines many times growing up even though I was born here and I have seen uh the gay and trans pageants yes and if you have a chance to go to the Philippines you have to go oh we're the most we're just the most we have to go especially if you could go during Fiesta Catholic celebration in the neighborhood and it was like a neighborhood pageant there is nothing like it no well the summer yes after the book tour after the book so I remember having a conversation with my parents um about these pageants and and I was young I can't remember how old I was I was definitely a child and I said you know it seems to me in the Philippines there's a lot of Pride there's a lot of celebration around um you know the gay community and being able to do this and just going all out with the makeup the dresses the hair everything and you know one of my parents just said no no you know yeah it can be but also there's shame there their shame so I want to put yourself in that conversation and just imagine yourself you were there with me and my parents having this conversation how would you respond to both of us like my parent and me we're also Imagining the really really like family friends already right yeah I'm Gonna Keep It Real yes yeah um I think there's a lot of trauma that we haven't fully unpacked as a culture as I've mentioned unfortunately I had to leave the motherland for me to truly get to know it you know it's still very much a very Colonial understanding of our upbringings in the Philippines it's still upholding you know anything proximity to whiteness the bleaching industry it's still very much considered it's just is but the moment when things are is just especially if it relates to these deeper questions about our history our ancestors it should be unpacked and I think that's one way I'd say that it's like we need to really be decolonizing our understanding about this and packing all of that and where we are in relation to our understanding of it because I came to it and and I came to it you know from a different sense you know I'm sure you will and maybe you have and anybody to you to find that place of entry in that conversation I think if I'm there because we're family I'm gonna say you know we have a lot of trauma and we haven't truly unpacked what colonization has done to our mental state and I think that's that said the deep deep difficult uh task to have you know how do you do how do you even do that I mean one could easily just say oh you just have conversation yes that's one but it's the uncomfortable conversation you know and I'm gonna say this as well like my my mom who detailed in the book as you know if you read the book my mom is the hero of my story she loves me she's a devout Catholic woman who loves her trans daughter but I can't question her Bible you know and for so long maybe I would always going to be pushed back on that generational it's just is you know I would take the love for sure you know rather than having the argument but my mom loves me she was just at my book party dancing to dancing queen and the next day she thought like I felt like I'm a celebrity everybody was talking to me so I was so sweet so that's my long-winded answer to that so hopefully that kind of covers that it's that's again because we're family that's my answer it's like we have to unpack the trauma of colonization yeah thank you okay we've got time for one last question one more question um [Laughter] I was like oh no of course someone else should um so oh gosh say hi to Ben um I've been thinking about kind of your journey over the past nine years and how your story came about at a moment when so many other stories were coming out right like the transgender Tipping Point you know but you also came out like a couple of years after Jose Antonio Vargas came out right and he had to come out as gay and undocumented and I mean the regardless um I was reading an article or a podcast or something that you were on because of your book tour and you talked about like the relationship of your um of your driver's license right and how it's tied to your identity and seeing the F and I think about Jose and about how his identity is also tied to his inability to get an ID right and just listening to both of you be unapologetically Filipino and talk about these things that we just talk about like amongst ourselves right like and all these you know um but to hear you talk about it in these mainstream venues that you get I think is really exciting um so I'm interested in how you process that like how you talk about who we are to others um I maybe there is definitely a moment in my Journey we all met during 2014 when I did my TED Talk and and that you said that moment of cultural Zeitgeist of opening up about trans identity and conversation I'd have to say this that once I did that once I was thrust into that conversation an important role to play certainly I also felt like I I joke about it now I mean I've said it so many times but it truly you know in a joking you know four but it's um I felt like I was having an Angelina Jolie moment in my career you know from model to like I'm speaking at the U.N you know like very chic minimalist dress you know everybody was listening you know so eloquent right that um after about you know almost two years of doing that and the ego side you know that the voice the ego voice for that had led me there maybe has been telling me look at you girl you're trailblazing you're doing the thing I think I got to that realization of this burden of representation to be the only one in the room in most of those spaces important point you know to be to speak about that but the the constant burden of representation took its stall in my new sort of consciousness and I realized that it's really not a good luck you know where I began yes you're there as the only one and then I began to question what's the system that made me the only one you know and that realization is tied to the way I talk about their culture the way I talk about the Unapologetic I mean the things I talk about in this book I mean like thank you for my publisher for allowing me to say those things you get very real oh it's real it's real real um and that's an incredible kudos to you know my editor my publisher uh to really see the Beauty and the power and the importance of of those real real real things that I talked about in the book it's rooted from that it's rooted from that realization like the burden of representation you know the expectation that the acceptable story the respectable trans woman you know I I felt like I really entered and I honestly the New York Times profile shout out to Shane O'Neill who did that profile it's also important that this is a queer person profiling me and saw the importance of the things that I'm talking about where I don't need to explain myself to him you know I think you know a lot of journalist friends and friends have said like I saw you in the article like imagine if it's a non-queer person I'm speaking to I would be explaining myself and my transness you know and the culture again taking going back to that it's rooted from that that I can't be that respectable one you know I should only just speak the truth in my own version of Truth you know and let that speak for itself so that's my take well Gina that's a wonderful place to start stop I mean We've Only Just Begun we're just starting yeah we have another hour right um I want to just thank you thank you all for for your participation anything you want anything else you've already dropped so much wisdom anything else you want to share with us before we leave tonight just really thank you for being here um it's um this is this is my second uh stop a book tour I know there's many more it's been you know the love that I've been receiving from so many people non-filipinos Filipinos from from all over from all walks of life the messages I'm receiving you know keep it coming I like you know well receive you know the efforts and in writing this book for two years and to now for it to be out in the world and to get that response from everybody it's been I truly appreciate it so just appreciate you all for taking your time in your life to be here so thank you go buy the book that too thank you thank you

Channel: Politics and Prose

Views: 1,062

Keywords: books, book, politics and prose, bookstore, author, author talk, author video, book talk, new books, book store, indie bookstore, independent bookstore, book tube, booktube, reading vlog, annotating books, book annotations, reading vlogs, journalism, journalist, Washington DC, DC, bookworms, bookworm, book worm, book worms, book chat, @politicsprose

Id: k6QRw71l_A0

Length: 58min 19sec (3499 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 06 2023