[MUSIC PLAYING] HEATHER CASSANO: Welcome
to our show this morning. I am thrilled to
introduce Dr. Gabija Toleikyte who is a
neuroscientist who recently published a book. It's called "Why the
F Can't I Change?" Fascinating book. In the book, Dr.
Toleikyte gets straight to the root cause of why
we form certain habits and behaviors and shows
how we can realistically stop ourselves from
repeating the same mistakes. This book takes us on a journey
through the extraordinary human brain, exploring how it deals
with the everyday challenges that face us all. A little bit about
Dr. Gabija, she is a neuroscientist, lecturer,
performance and wellbeing coach. She's currently a lecturer in
psychology at Sheffield Hallam University. She completed her PhD at the
University College in London on the neuronal basis of
memory and navigation. And her PhD findings
were published in one of the highest impact
research journals, "Nature Neuroscience" in 2017. Prior to that, she undertook
award-winning academic research on Parkinson's disease at
the University of Helsinki. During her PhD, Gabija also
qualified as a business coach and coached academics
and administrative staff. Combining her neuroscience
background with coaching, Gabija has started her
own consulting company, now providing coaching and
seminars for organizations and the general public on the
subjects including changing habits, productivity,
leadership, and decision making, really
important topics for all of us. Gabija is also a TEDx
speaker, and her work has been featured
in "The Guardian." And just in case
you're interested, she has a website, which is
www.mybrainduringtheday.com, and a Twitter feed,
which is @supergcoaching. So she's going to start now. And I just want to remind
you, if you have questions as she talks, to post your
questions in the YouTube chat window. And we'll be talking with her
more after her presentation. So I'm going to turn
it over to her now. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE: Hi. Thank you so much. It's great to be here. Let me just bring my slides up. So, of course,
today's main topic is to discuss why
do we form habits, and why we act
sometimes in rather weird and irrational ways. And can we change? Can we stop repeating
past mistakes and get unstuck from
the past patterns? We'll have about 30 to
35 minute presentation, and then, later on, I'll
answer questions you have. So if, during the
presentation, you have something that you
want to dive in deeper, just write that down, and
we will handle it later. So first of all, human
brain is not a single unit. It has multiple
parts in it, which are responsible for
different functions. Now, those parts can be
grouped in three major classes based on when they
evolved in evolution, but also based on the
groups of functions they're responsible for. The oldest areas
of the brain can be grouped in so-called
pallium reptilian complex just there at the
bottom of the brain, or also called lizard
brain, for short. A newer addition to it is
called pallium mammalian brain or mammal brain, in
short, which is just in the middle of
the brain there. The newest addition
to the brain, all this wrinkly
bit on the outside, is called neocortex or the
human brain, for short. Now, those three different
areas of your brain has kind of a different
agenda to your life on day to day basis. They sometimes
disagree and they focus on completely different things. Lizard brain only cares
that you stay alive. So it controls your breathing,
heartbeat, digestion. Mammal brain, also
called the limbic system, wants you to stay safe. In order to do that, it creates
habits where you can actually predict the outcome. So it assumes that the
world doesn't change. And if you keep repeating
things the same old way, you'll get the same outcome. We know that that's
not always the case, but that's what
mammal brain thinks. There are various centers
responsible for memory and remembering what the
outcomes of certain situations were in the mammal
brain system as well. If mammal brain detects
anything that can trigger danger or that can potentially
lead to a good outcome, it creates emotions to steer
you either away from it, if it detects danger or towards
it, if it detects pleasure or potential good outcome. Now, mammal brain only cares
about your own survival, your own safety. So it can lead to certain
selfish behaviors, and mammal brain is not
quite capable to think about other people's needs. The newest addition to
the brain, human brain or neocortex, is the
only part of your brain that is willing to change,
the only part of your brain that's, in fact, capable to
create a deliberate change. This part wants you to achieve
your highest aspirations, is aiming for progress,
development, learning. It provides us with
amazing qualities such as critical thinking,
learning, creativity, decision making. Also, in order to form
constructed and mutually empowering relationships,
we need that area, as well, as it results in collaboration,
empathy, theory of mind, or understanding other
people and what their agenda and what their needs are. So as you can see, often,
human brain and mammal brain can have somewhat different
agenda to your life. Mammal brain
absolutely hates change and wants you to keep stuck
in the same old patterns, as that's safe and familiar. Human brain wants you
to grow and develop. And sometimes they
clash with one another. Now, which one is
leading the show depends on the energy levels in
the brain and body at a given time. Let me use a metaphor of
those really simple vehicles to illustrate how much energy
those different centers need. Imagine the lizard brain is like
one of those annoying Vespas. It's always active, and it
doesn't need much energy to be on, so lizard
brain centers are active day and night to make sure
that your vital organs are functioning well. Mammal brain is
like a light car, so it needs significantly more
energy than the lizard brain, and it's active most of
the time during the day, and some centers are also
active during the night when we sleep, as well, while
others are resting. So it's kind of a
mixed bag, really. However, it's nowhere
near as energy expensive as the human
brain or neocortex, which is like a plane, really. Now with neocortex,
it can only function if we have enough energy and if
it has been replenished enough. So we can only use it for
a short period of time during the day. So now what happens when
we're tired or stressed or if we are really,
really hungry or, in fact, if we
haven't got enough sleep? Well, the fact is, we revert
to the mammal brain driven old habits since they
require much less energy, and we are then in some
sort of a survival mode as opposed to the mode when
those luxurious qualities of empathy and creativity
and aspiring to your biggest desires is needed. So in that state, when we
are exhausted, lack energy, or stressed, in
particular, we can't really create deliberate change. We revert to the old habits. Also, we can't quite
effectively learn. We can't be creative, and we
can't make the best decisions, especially if we're trying
to change old patterns. Now let me introduce you
to a few areas within, one area within the human brain
and one area within the mammal brain. At the very front, if you put
your arms on your forehead like that, you're
covering the smartest area of your brain called prefrontal
cortex or PFC for short. This area is what
makes us humans really. It's a crucial part for
neocortex or human brain, and it creates so-called
executive functions, so rational thinking, planning
your tasks for the day, prioritizing which of
them are important, making sound, rational,
decisions, and problem solving. Without good functioning
of this area, we just can't do
those tasks very well. But also, crucial parts
of your personality originate from this area, such
a sense of self, willpower, motivation, empathy. So this empathy is very
important for multiple aspects of it, and we know from multiple
brain injuries to that area that those qualities
get compromised if we damage it physically. And this area is crucial to
create a deliberate change. Now, often, this area is in a
battle against the mammal brain area called amygdala. Amygdala is constantly
screening the environment for potential dangers. And if it detects anything
that could be threatening for your survival,
either physically, or in the imaginary
sense, so for example, if you're cycling
or driving a car, if the other car is approaching
you in the opposite direction, amygdala flags that and creates
anxiety, fear, and perhaps anger to warn you about it. But equally, when you
look at bank accounts, if you see the amount
of savings depleting, it creates similar
emotions as well. Amygdala also
keeps track of all, what we call, emotional
trauma, everything what caused you pain in the past. And it becomes more and more
sensitive to those triggers in the future. So that's called
amygdala sensitization. Amygdala absolutely
hates uncertainty. It loves safety and familiarity. However, amygdala
doesn't quite understand this complex modern
world and often freaks out when there is
some sort of uncertainty and inability to really
understand the ongoing change. Now, those two areas, amygdala
and prefrontal cortex, are connected with one
another via the special part of prefrontal cortex called
ventromedial prefrontal cortex. It's just on the inside
of prefrontal cortex. And this connection is
crucial in incorporating emotions and rational
thinking together, which is very important for
sound decision making, also for adding moral compass
into our decision making. But also in being able
to make decisions, at all, when there is too
many things to choose from. So that connection
is very important for us being who we are. However, and there is a
caveat there that very, very strong emotions such
as anxiety, fear, or anger can temporarily switch
off prefrontal cortex and impair our ability
to rationally think. And that's so-called
amygdala hijack. So if you now imagine the time
when you've been really, really angry, or jealous, or scared,
have you ever said or done something in that time that
you regretted afterwards? Probably, a majority of you
would say, actually, yes. I can recall the
event where I felt like I wasn't quite myself. And the fact is you
weren't quite yourself. You were your mammal brain. Your prefrontal cortex
wasn't functioning well at that period of time. Now, that deactivation,
or amygdala hijack, lasts about 15 to 20 minutes. So it's a good idea
when that happens is to actually do amygdala
soothing activities and give a chance for
your prefrontal cortex to go back online. Now when amygdala is raging and
suppressing prefrontal cortex, it doesn't even need to suppress
it to such extreme extent. If we constantly feel low
levels of anxiety or stress, it can actually somewhat
compromise functioning of prefrontal cortex as well. And it can make us into
so-called amygdala dominant thinkers. When we are in
that state of mind, we are stuck on
past experiences. We often portray
irrational habits, our behavior is
safety-driven, and we can be risk averse
as is quite fearful, fearful state of being. We resist novelty and change. We're quite
judgmental and binary. Things are either good or bad. It's either my way or your way. We are not capable in
making compromises. Amygdala dominant thinking
distorts the reality because amygdala's job
is to point out anything that can cause you harm. So it kind of equates biased
attention to negativity, and anything which could
be bad out [? that ?] creates the kind of ruminating
negative mind chatter. So this is just a
summary of, basically, what I was saying with
the left-hand side with amygdala dominant thinking. And it results in rumination
and negative mind chatter. Now with prefrontal
cortex dominant thinking, we're capable of that
when the amygdala is calm, when there is nothing
bothering amygdala so strongly that it compromises
our prefrontal cortex functioning. In that state, we're capable of
constant learning and change. We're deliberate. We know why we do things. We don't have those
irrational habits. We can't explain why
we can't stop doing it. We can empathize with
others, and we can really get into their way of thinking,
we have a good theory of mind, in other words. We can accept the differences. We are authentic. We are being ourselves,
who we are, and motivated. We see growth, contribution,
and understanding. Our attention is
much more objective. We are open minded, and
our thinking is flexible. So what are the ways for us
to calm the amygdala down? One of the quickest ways
is to change breathing. And in the Q&A
session, I can take you through the breathing exercise,
which is quite effective, to calm your amygdala
down if you like. Meditation or
mindfulness practices also give a chance for
amygdala to calm down. Physical exercise, in
particular exercises like yoga, walking,
jogging, being in nature, soothes the amygdala as well. Certain foods, carbs,
soothe amygdala, and that's why, often, people develop
the habits of emotional eating as it soothes the amygdala. Physical contact, such
as stroking your pet, cuddling your child or
your partner, and caring behaviors not only
being helped by others but helping others as well. And there is so-called inner
child healing techniques that can help to calm amygdala down. Another way to actually
soothe the amygdala is to direct your attention to
things that are good out there. So such practices as writing
gratitude list or what went well today list changes the
focus of amygdala on opposite. So it kind of distracts
amygdala a little bit. In addition to that, we
can do prefrontal cortex stimulating activities that
would give even big effect if we do them as well. So talking things
through, rational assessing the
situation and trying to get rational understanding
of why things are as they are, in other words, cognitive
reappraisal of situation, taking frequent breaks and
really getting good quality sleep as much as possible,
learning new things, engaging in the tasks
we enjoy naturally stimulates prefrontal cortex
and physical exercise, in particular,
running and walking seem to be very effective in
increasing the brain plasticity and stimulating
prefrontal cortex. Now, in addition
to that, when we're trying to change something in
our life, and if we struggle, we need to ask, what
associations am I linking to this change? When I think about, for example,
stopping eating sugary snacks, does it associate for me
with a reward and pleasure, or does it associate with
pain or depriving myself of something I enjoy? Now, based on which
associations you have, the success of the change
will depend on that as well. If we anticipate
pleasure, if you say, you know what, if I don't
eat those sugary pastries, I would have more energy. I wouldn't have sugar crash. In writing the long list
of all the benefits, then we release dopamine. And dopamine is a
neurotransmitter in the brain, which creates
pleasure and motivation. Also, if we want to
create change, especially in relationships, and we see a
lot of benefits of that change, we form emotional attachment,
trust, compassion, due to oxytocin. But also, oxytocin, when
we do things we enjoy, especially if we have
support by other people, it dilates the blood vessels. Therefore, more
oxygen and glucose can reach your neocortex,
which makes sure that actually those areas
which are really energy hungry are functioning better. But also, it increases
our resilience as oxytocin negates the
negative effects of stress to brain plasticity. Now, in contrast, when
we associate change with pain or deprivation
of something we like, it actually makes the
change much, much harder, as it naturally triggers the
sympathetic nervous system in our brains and bodies. So the chemistry of
that is very different. We secrete adrenaline and
cortisol in our adrenal glands. But neurotransmitter called
noradrenaline in our brains, it prepares the body for
fight or flight response, and it directs the glucose
and oxygen into muscles, so if you need to run
away or to attack. However, it takes the precious
energy of prefrontal cortex. And in that state, we
can't be very creative. We can't be very resilient. We can't physically
be complex thinkers. So in that state, we
very much revert back to mammal brain driven state. In addition to that,
our immune system gets compromised if we
experience that too frequently, and digestive system as well. But from the brain
perspective, more importantly, brain plasticity is
blocked when we experience chronic levels of stress and
negative emotions related to change. So that makes change really,
really hardly possible. Now, last couple points
are just basically to explain that,
actually, in addition to good functioning
of prefrontal cortex, and enough of the positive
associations we change, we also need to put the
work and practice in to strengthen new networks
and develop new networks. And let me illustrate
that with attention networks in the brain. So in the brain, we have two
distinct attention networks, goal-directed or also
called top-down system, dorsal attention
network, which basically, no matter how much noise
was around me right now, using this network,
I can still focus on what I'm trying to
discuss in this presentation. Now, ventral attention system,
would actually do the opposite. It would try to
steal my attention for anything was going on
around me and would distract me. Now we need both systems. So imagine if you're
hunting in the wilderness, let's go back to
hunter-gatherer times, if you just focused
on your goal, you can easily become
somebody else's target. But if you're focusing on
your goal when you have to but constantly switching
into the noticing what's going on around you as
well, then your survival is much better off in that way. So we need to constantly switch
between those two networks. But in addition, when we
talk about productivity, if we only focused on the
task we're trying to achieve, we can actually,
easily, overwork and struggle to switch off and
have other issues later on. Our productivity can
actually be compromised because we deplete
neurotransmitters of prefrontal cortex
without taking sufficient amount of breaks
halfway through the day, we already find ourselves in the
mammal brain dominant thinking. If we, actually, constantly
get distracted because of the ventral attention
system being dominating, we can't just get
the tasks done, especially if the tasks require
prolonged attention on it. So good balance
between both is needed. However, now, if you do an
honest inventory of yourself, majority of people
kind of feel, oh, yeah, I need to train my dorsal
attention system a bit more because I get too distracted. Or other people would say I need
to train my ventral attention system because I get so overly
focused, I forget to drink, to take breaks for
lunch, and sometimes I focus on the task that's
not even that important and lose big picture. So we need the healthy
balance between them both. So depending on
which one you assess that you need to
train more, here are some tips of how to train
dorsal attention system. So there is focused attention
meditations you could do, reducing distractors
in the environment that wouldn't steal your
attention, and you could focus on the task. Find the best time
of the day to work and the location
which is suitable. Very clear, like now, majority
of us are working from home. So when working from home,
having very clear house and team rules on when we
can interrupt each other, when we can't. And having very
clear rules before we start working, on
how often you're going to check your phone,
email, social media. Also, interestingly, strenuous
physical exercise also helps us to have
so-called single focus attention on the task. So that can help as well. Funnily, just an
anecdotal example, when I was writing
my PhD thesis, to aid that, I was actually
doing push ups. Every time I would start
getting distracted, I would just get on the
floor and do as many push ups as I could do. And that actually really helped
me to focus on the task better. Now ventral attention
system can be trained, if you tend to
over focus on the tasks, with mindfulness meditation,
setting reminders on the phone to take breaks, time in
nature walking, running, and other exercise. Setting at least 30
minutes for lunch and not allowing yourself
to work during it. Having clear work
and break separation. Also reducing caffeine, having
very clear working hours and clear-cut cut-off times,
and using physical activities after work to switch off. Now the last point
is about why we have bad habits in the first place. You might ask me, you
know, Gabija, all is well, but I just still struggle
to stop procrastinating. What's wrong with me? You know, why the
f can't I change? And the answer is,
with any habit, we meet very important needs. No matter how bad habit seems
to us or even to other people, there is something we get
out of it by repeating it. So we need to assess in
order to understand that. We need to see when
do I do the habit. What's the cue of
the habit starting? What's the routine, which
is what's the habit? And what do I get out of it? What's the reward? If we look at
procrastination, imagine you have an overwhelming
task such as writing a book, or writing a PhD thesis, or
creating a software, which is rather quite complex, like
doing my PhD was creating software for analyzing my data. And I found that
quite overwhelming as I was self-taught
in Python at that time. And what's the routine,
what's the, as we call, bad habit we're
trying to get rid is doing unproductive
activities. Now, why do we do
them is actually to run away from the
emotions we don't like such as anxiety,
stress, fear, anger. And while do those other
tasks, we temporarily direct our attention
on something else. And we don't feel
those emotions. So emotional relief
is actually often at the core of doing certain
habits we don't like. So what we need to do
in order to change it, we need to maintain the same
cue and exact same reward and replace the routine
with something else. But we need exact same
rewards in equal measures. Because we simply can't
just take the bad habit out. That would create a void in
some important needs we have. So in this instance, instead of
focusing on the whole big task, well, let's imagine
writing, writing an article, book,
thesis, focusing on time you spend writing as opposed
to how much you've written or how much is still left to
write, and, in this instance, is using Pomodoro technique,
which I'll discuss more in the next slide,
can help to create emotional relief because then
you're focusing on something what doesn't cause you stress. So instead of saying, OK, I need
to write thousand words today, you say, I need to focus
on writing for 25 minutes, and then I'll take
a break after. And then I'll write
another 25 minutes. How much I get written in
that time, we shall see. So with Pomodoro
technique, there is alterations between single
focused work on specific task, and then there is a break,
again, single focused work, and then there is a break. And we do two or three
or four of those. And, in fact, that
technique dramatically helped me in writing
my thesis and also doing other tasks, which
I wasn't particularly keen on such as tax return or
other tasks that were quite tedious and required
really single focused attention because
certain emotional load it. So just to summarize,
there is constant conflict between different
centers of the brain. In particular, between mammal
brain's desire for safety and human brain's
strive for change. Now, if triggered,
if challenged, mammal brain center called
amygdala can temporarily compromise functioning
over the smartest part of the human brain called
prefrontal cortex, which is called amygdala hijack. That lasts about
15 to 20 minutes. But if we do regular
amygdala soothing activities, that wouldn't happen
to such an extent. And in particular,
we need to do them if we're dealing with lots of
change and lots of uncertainty. If we associate the
change with pleasure, that would increase our
motivation and brain plasticity to actually make
the change happen. We have two distinct networks
in the brain for different types of attention, and we need
balanced activity of both to be productive. And that's just one
example how actually we need to train specific networks
for specific behaviors. But that takes a regular,
consistent behavior in order to make those
networks stronger. We meet important needs even
with what we call bad habits. So we need to find better
ways to meet those needs if we want to change them. We can't just simply
stop doing bad habits. That would create a void,
and we would revert back to the old, old habits. Well, that's all in
terms of presentation, and that's just the cover of my
book if anyone is interested. I'll stop sharing my screen
now and go back to the session. And I'm ready to answer any
questions that you guys have. HEATHER CASSANO: Thank
you so much, Dr. Gabija. I apologize, again,
for the interruption. I'm so glad we got
to see your slides. I have a few-- DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
I was afraid it wasn't really quite working. Next time we should have them
from the share whole screen thing. HEATHER CASSANO: Oh, yeah. It's OK. And we'll be able to edit
the recording so that they're fixed. I have a few questions for you. I received your book, and I have
been reading it all weekend. And it's very interesting to me. A lot of really interesting
case studies in there as well. In the book you talk about,
and in your lecture today, you talked about Andrew and
his addiction to sugary sweets. I think a lot of us have
those kinds of bad habits. You talked about some
other ones as well. I'm curious if you had any
bad habits in your own life, and you mentioned
a few, that you tackled with these
same techniques that you mentioned today. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
Yeah, definitely, and probably the examples
I used in the book probably are somewhat biased to
my personal experiences. So sugar is one of
my favorite things. I love pastries, anything
bread, like carby. And, in order to change it, so
I needed to do multiple things. So firstly, to get
really, really clear using my prefrontal
cortex, why am I doing it? What am I getting out of
it, and finding better ways to meet that. So if it's safety, instead
of grabbing a pastry, which would give temporary
relief, I could listen to some soothing music
or actually writing down what things are good in
my life at the moment and that would create more
rational reinformation of safety, or just going
outside to the garden. So creating safety in
other ways, first step. Secondly, getting
really clear, what are the downsides,
what are the drawbacks of me continuing that habit. And, in fact, I talk
about it in the book, and some people say,
oh, it's too much. But write down 50
drawbacks to you in multiple areas of your life
if you continue that habit. So I suffered from
really bad migraines. And part of it, it wasn't the
whole story, but was part of it was nutritional and having
quite unhealthy nutrition at that time. And constant sugary
snacks and not enough other nutritional food as a
result was part of the story. So that was one
of the reasons why I wanted to stop eating pastries
and find better alternatives. But also, if you want
to take it even further, writing down 50 benefits
to you, in all the areas that are important to you,
of stopping doing that. If I have more energy and
didn't have more migraines, I can give
presentations better, I can get more work
than during the day, I could be more present
for my loved ones, and so on and so forth. So this is just a few
tips to get started. But very often, when we are
in a bad place emotionally, also, we have more
of those habits. So sometimes we need to be kind
of understanding to ourselves and where we are at the moment. And sometimes, we have to
be compassionate and saying, you know what, I
developed this habit because it was important
for me to survive through quite tricky times. But I'm not there anymore. I'm in much better place now. So I don't need that habit. I'm in a better
place to change it. So self awareness about
your emotional state is also very important
in changing habits. HEATHER CASSANO: I love that. Compassion, I think
it's so important when it comes to ourselves. So thank you. For those of you
in the audience, I just want to remind you
that you can ask questions in the chat stream. I'm going to ask a few more,
and then we'll turn it over to your questions directly. So I see there's about--
there's a few coming in, so that's great. I did want to ask-- you talked about
that a little bit in your lecture, the
same thing we just talked about, compassion. I'm curious how you can
identify these unmet needs that are maybe causing the bad
habits that you're identifying. And then you actually get at
the root of it and solve it. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
There is a couple ways. So first, if you look at the
cue, when do you do the habit? What happens before you actually
have a desire to do the habit? That could give you a cue. So if you got criticized,
and suddenly you want a sugary snack,
right, so probably there was something in that criticism
that challenged your needs. And, in brief, there is many
ways to categorize needs, but let's use very simple
six human needs system. So one being safety, we all need
to feel safe to some extent. Second being
variety and novelty. That's also important. And some people procrastinate
or have coffee or sugar or other things just
to kind of feel a bit, bring a bit of variety. The third need is significance. And with criticism, sometimes,
that's being challenged. The fourth need is connection. Sometimes, with criticism,
that can be challenged as well. And for different
people, the same event will challenge different needs. So it requires self assessments. Now, when we meet
those first four needs in the
constructive ways, we can also meet other needs,
such as contribution beyond yourself and growth. So we all kind of need those six
needs to be met to some extent. And what I like to do
with my coaching clients, I like to draw them six glasses,
each need being each glass and assess, OK, how
much, 1 to 10, how full is your glass of
safety right now. How full is your
glass of variety, and so on and so forth. And then that could
give indication. If some needs are really not
being met in constructive ways, it's worthwhile spending
some time and asking yourself how can I bring more
safety or more significance or more connection in my life. And if we start doing
that, in advance, that would just
reduce the desire to meet those needs with
those what we call bad habits. HEATHER CASSANO:
That's brilliant. Thank you so much. I'm going to do that
right after this. Seriously. OK, I'm going to ask
one more question, and then we'll turn it
over to the audience. This one I'm asking is
for selfish reasons. You talked a bit in the
book and a little bit today about sleeping. And I think it's become-- you also talked about
the need to rotate between rest and work. And I think you just
talked about that in terms of deep focus
and then taking breaks. I'm curious if you can
specifically address sleeping. I'm a terrible sleeper. I tend to be up at
night just churning on all the different
things that need to be done and worrying about things. I'm curious if you have
any advice or tips on how to sort of reprogram
yourself for that because it seems a bit harder. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
Yeah, so that's what we call sleep hygiene. Now, sleep hygiene
doesn't start five minutes before you go to bed. It starts in the
morning, you wake up. What do you have for breakfast? How much coffee do you
drink during the day? What are your working habits? How late do you keep on working? What do you do about three
to four hours before sleep? How much exercise you
get that day, and so on. So in the book, I share kind
of a bit of a practical advice and self-assessment on that. But if I could give a
few quick tips, so a, taking frequent
breaks during the day and not allowing your
brain to get really over focused on something
is probably a good idea, especially in the
second part of the day. Secondly, not drinking
coffee after lunchtime. I mean, if, you know-- that's for normal lunchtime. I know some people eat
lunch at 5:00 PM or so. That's about 1 to
2 PM the latest. With tea is a bit
better, but still, if you drink black
tea or green tea, also cutting that down
after about 3 or 4 PM. In the evenings, finding the
wind down activities that really help you to calm down. So, for example, yesterday,
I was feeling a little bit anxious actually
about today's talk. And one thing that really
helped me to just calm down, which is a very good tip
for amygdala soothing, is taking a hot bath. I added lots of bubbles and
other salt and other things, and actually, I was just
chilling in the hot bath. And suddenly I felt sleepy. The worry went away. So part of it is
physiological actually, really doing things that
help our body to relax. And that relaxes
our mind as well. So the brain and the body
are not separate entities. How our body is
feeling would affect how our brain is feeling. Also sometimes, we get
into the states when we're overthinking
and ruminating and really struggle
to switch off. For that, physical exercise
could help, the writing down gratitude list or what
went well today list. It could be watching a funny,
funny comedy or something that helps to change the
physiology of the body and brain could help as well. But also, being around loved
ones or with other people-- I know it's a bit
trickier at these times, but talking to the people
we really enjoy talking to, can help to deal with that. But in addition to
that, a lot of people who struggle with
sleep also need to do amygdala soothing
activities regularly. Because if amygdala
gets carried away, it creates rumination, which
is really-- we can't just-- it's imaginable. Amygdala's rumination is
like a toddler screaming. No matter how much-- if my
nearly three-year-old daughter starts crying, and
if I say stop crying. There is nothing to cry about. That wouldn't help. But if I cuddle her
and say, what would you like, what shall we do, what's
the matter, and try to listen, that would soothe her. So treating ourselves,
when we are getting in that amygdala
negative mind chatter, as a little toddler
who is hurt is probably a good analogy of it. HEATHER CASSANO: Thank you. And you just answered one of the
questions that was coming in, too, about dealing
with small children when they're having tantrums
and they won't listen, so thank you. All right, I'm going to
start that with the audience questions from the chat. I think they're going to display
on the screen in a minute, but I'll ask the first
one, which is from Ricardo, and he says, so what happens
if we remove the amygdala and replace with a dummy, which
is always in feel-good mode, would we become perfectly
rational or close to it? DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
Well, let me tell you about the patient of American
neuroscientist Antonio Damasio and his
wife Hanna Damasio, who had the connection between
amygdala and prefrontal cortex compromised during the surgery. He was very rational. He could still assess
all the pros and cons. He was a lawyer or a solicitor. And he still could do
his work to some extent, but he became quite sociopathic. He couldn't incorporate
other people's needs into his decision making. If you ask him,
would you prefer? He didn't have-- he couldn't
incorporate preferences into the decision making. So adding emotions to
the rational thinking is very crucial for
decision making. And also, what was
the more staggering that he was kind of
stuck in indecision even about trivial decisions such
as if you ask him what time-- Antonio ask him what time
do you want to see me again? And he was going endlessly
for hours and hours, pros and cons for each
time and each day, but he couldn't make a choice. So if we take the
amygdala off, a, we would put ourselves in danger
because when you're driving, you wouldn't be able
to react quickly to potential dangers,
physical dangers, so amygdala is crucial for that. But also you might become
a rather unpleasant human being both for your own
benefit but others as well. And you wouldn't be able to
form caring and loving mutually empowering relationships. And you wouldn't be able
to make decisions even where you think rational
thinking would be sufficient. HEATHER CASSANO: So we
really need the amygdala. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
We need it all, no matter how annoying
sometimes it might seem. HEATHER CASSANO: Thank you. OK, next question is from Kate. And she says, how would
you go about determining what need the habit is
fulfilling when it's not clear. So that was similar to the
question I asked before. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE: I think
I already answered that. HEATHER CASSANO: OK, thank you. So let's do Jacklynn's question. So she says, all of
this makes sense, but I'm wondering how the
habit could substituted if not a focused attention
activity such as nail biting. How would you replace
that to get the reward? DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
OK, so with nail-biting and a lot of other habits we do,
which we or others might find annoying such as
tapping or so on, is usually changing
emotional state. So identifying what's happening,
are you feeling anxious, are you feeling stressed,
and brainstorming all the other ways that
could reduce that emotion. If it's anxiety, maybe
breathing exercise. And if you guys want
to, I can take you through breathing exercise. Maybe if you feel
stressed, what things can help you to reduce stress? Maybe doing push ups on the
floors, as I used to do, could help to deal with that. But starting with a few
different activities and playing around and seeing
which of them would help. But in addition to
that, if the things got at that really
persistent level, it might mean that your
amygdala it is quite active most of the time. So you might need to do amygdala
soothing activities in addition to that to actually take off
the level a bit down, taking frequent breaks and doing
breathing exercises, meditation, mindfulness,
physical exercises, enough time with loved ones,
and so on and so forth. So combination, doing
those activities that would make those emotional
states less likely to occur. But when they occur, having
alternatives and choosing one alternative
after you try the few and practicing it
for long enough till it becomes a new norm. HEATHER CASSANO: Thank you. Somebody asked a
related question. I'm just wondering if
you have specific advice on maybe self-harming habits
which are more extreme. I'm sure it's the same things,
but is there anything extra that you would add for that? DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE: Yes,
so it's the same habit loop, and it's a bit-- with
eating disorders, self-harming behaviors, it
has an extra notch to it. So it's much harder to change
them because it creates-- it not only distracts from
both-- like, when people controlling the
eating to the extreme or causing themselves physical
pain to extreme to distract their brain from the
feeling unpleasant emotions, so requires both dealing
with the emotions because, often, it's people
who experience enormous amounts of pain in the past. So the trigger,
the situation might seem not that bad
for some people, but because the amygdala
accumulated so much trauma, it triggers much more
pain in that situation. So we need to actually
soothe the amygdala and do some deeper
inner work to deal with that past
trauma in addition to replacing habits
with other needs. In those instances,
just replacing wouldn't be sufficient. We need to desensitize
amygdala as well. And that applies,
by the way for PTSD, as well, if somebody
[INAUDIBLE] experience, it does require deeper
in work before the habit can be changed. HEATHER CASSANO:
That's good to know. Thank you. All right, so I'm going to
take Vishali's question next. So Vishali asks us,
how do you build on the consistency muscle? I get on a routine, and then
for some reason, if I drop it, it takes some time for
me, sometimes months, to get back to it. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
We all do that. That's normal. That's just a normal
part of who we are. And we don't really drop
things for no good reason. Other things become
more important. So imagine if you have a list of
your priorities, list of values that are truly important
to you, and when you meet certain value to
the satisfactory level, then suddenly that is
not as important anymore. The things where the voids
are become more important. And we fill those voids,
and then we realize, oh, I've accumulated some voids
where it was OK before. And suddenly it comes back. So good example of it
is physical exercise. If you feel really
good in your body, you might not put
as much importance on exercising regularly,
so you might put more focus on your work or on other things. And then suddenly you
realize, OK, actually, I'm not fit anymore. And then you might get back
and put that more important. And that's OK. That's how the things
naturally evolve. But if you want to avoid
that from happening, you need to get really
clear how this area links to all the other areas which
are important to you as well. So that would just keep
that as a, kind of, more priority for you. But it's also realizing that
we can't really achieve it all at the given time
and being selective with what is exactly the most
important for me right now. And that's very
important in creating change is realizing I need
to cut down the activities and really reduce the focus
in order to change that. But I can't change all at once. It's just not physically
possible for the brain to do so. HEATHER CASSANO: Right,
that's really, that's nice. And back to the compassion
for yourself that-- DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
And back to the reality to your brain because I
think, a lot of times, the problems are that we have
really unrealistic expectations to this organ. We really expect so
much, and therefore, I use the neuroscience
knowledge to explain what the brain
really is and what the limitations
and the gifts of it are because if we actually
have realistic expectations on the brains, then
we are much more likely to be able
to create change as opposed to if delusional, and
want the brain to be for what it's not, we will
eventually learn about the reality the hard way. HEATHER CASSANO: Thank you. That's so smart. We have two questions that
came in about the same topic. It's similar but maybe a little
different, so I'll read them. How do you overcome the
feeling of procrastination, and, more importantly,
the mental talk, I'll launch XYZ once I'm ready
to ensure that I'm successful. And then another question from
Adam, which is very related. Is it a good idea to have a day
once in a while when you just let yourself float
around, procrastinate, whatever bad habits, doesn't
matter, or does that just reinforce them? DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE: Yeah. So, in fact, I advise
having the evenings like that or the
time in the breaks, when I spoke of a
pomodoro technique. During the time focus for
work, focusing on the work. During the breaks, doing
exactly what you want to. Go on social media,
playing silly game on your phone,
whatever you want to. And that's important so we
don't deplete our so-called ego depletion, which
reduces the willpower. And doing that, especially our
willpower gets naturally lower in the afternoons
and early evenings, or evenings in general,
but from early evening on, being more forgiving to yourself
and allowing yourself more is probably a good idea. And sometimes, if you prefer,
to have a day off like that. But probably just having
that in the evenings and keeping the mornings
and day to actually do the tasks you feel are important
and building new habits and strengthening the habits
you actually want to be there. In terms of procrastination,
in general, not only we meet different needs
when we procrastinate but there are so-called
six different procrastinate attempts I talk in the
productivity chapter. And some people say I relate to
most of them, and that's fine. And depending on which type
of procrastinator you are, the tips are different. So, for example, if somebody
who is overdue and has too many tasks at hand
is procrastinating because the brain
just needs time off, they actually have
completely unrealistic load on their brains,
then the tip would be to cut those activities
down and learn to say no and prioritize better. But if somebody
is procrastinating because they're
perfectionists and they can't let go of the results until
they are so perfect that it's even ridiculous, then
for them, getting a perspective of other
people and practicing and celebrating success
of actually letting go, even though things are not
perfect and celebrating that, is essential. So there for different
people, the reasons for procrastination and
rewards of procrastination are different. And they need to be
targeted specifically. There is no one
size fits all then. HEATHER CASSANO:
That is so helpful. Thank you so much. I think there are so
many of us at Google that suffer from both of those. So I'm sure people
enjoy that answer. We have time, I think,
for one more question, so I'm going to ask
one from your book. One of the final chapters in
the book is about relationships. And I thought that one was
very, very interesting. So I highly recommend,
again, the book for anyone that's interested. You mentioned in there
that sometimes people are attracted to the wrong people. You talked a little
bit about that. I'm wondering if you
could just talk about that and give us some insight. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
Well, to be more specific, the mammal brain
and the human brain might be attracted
to different people. Mammal brain is
attracted to familiarity, so it actually creates
so-called image of the ideal partner
based on your caregivers in the childhood and based
on past experiences, which, of course, pain or
pleasure in the past. So it creates like this weird
thing we're naturally drawn to. Now your rational
prefrontal cortex could have completely
different agenda and say, OK, I
want the person who meets these criteria, right. And it might be in disagreement,
and that's why we sometimes feel completely crazy when
we're drawn to somebody, but I don't want to be
with a person like that. So in order to
change that pattern, we need to actually
do some inner healing to change mammal brain
information, especially if we are attracted to people
who later on cause us hurt and pain, with whom we
can't have mutual empowering relationship and partnership. In order to create a
change, we can't just completely ignore mammal
brain because that's where love and desire and
attraction originates. We need to actually
create inner healing first so we are attracted to
slightly different people. But also, we heal
in relationships. We can't just say, OK, I
won't date for 10 years, heal, and then I'll date
the perfect partner. It's not going to work. So with subsequent somewhat
healthier and healthier relationship, friendships
count, as well, by the way, and colleagues,
healthy colleagues count as well, the more
healthy relationships we have, the more healing we
do, the more likely we are to choose better
partners in the future. HEATHER CASSANO: Oh,
that's wonderful. Thank you. What a great way to end. I want to thank you so
much for your time and all of the wisdom. And I also want to
remind everybody of Gabija's website, which is
www.www.mybrainduringtheday.com, her Twitter feed, which
is @supergcoaching. And we will send out the slides. So for those of you that might
have missed the initial slides, you can take a look
there, and they will be edited back
into the recording if you want to
take a look there. So thank you, again,
so much for your time. I have to say,
this has been life changing for me to read
your book and hear from you. And we all really
appreciate your time. DR. GABIJA TOLEIKYTE:
Thank you so much. Was a great pleasure to
be here, and hope you and the other people learned
some valuable insights about your own brain and
really get to love and like your own brain for what it is. HEATHER CASSANO: Thank you. Happy Tuesday, and
we'll see you next time. [MUSIC PLAYING]
