(Full Version) 5 Things a Narcissist Does When You Leave

[Music] five things a narcissist does when you leave you've gone you've departed you've headed for the exit you've upped sticks and left the narcissist most likely you held the position of intimate partner primary source being the spouse boyfriend girlfriend cohaba partner of the narcissist and you've got out you may have realized that you were dealing with a narcissist and utilize my work to escape or you've realized that something is very wrong in the relationship and despite trying to fix it to correct the problems to reconcile the differences you've had enough and you've gone you may have been shown the light by somebody else receiving intervening encouragement from a family member a therapist a friend in order to get you out of the relationship and thus you have gone you haven't told the narcissist that it's over but it's ended you haven't told the narcissist that you're not coming home you've gone elsewhere or the narcissist will in due course find out that the relationship is over perhaps by a note that has been left or somebody else telling them on your behalf that the relationship is over or by the very fact that they return home and you're nowhere to be seen or if you don't live together they try to get in touch with you only to find then they ring your number it's unobtainable you've disappeared from social media the emails bounce back and it is then the narcissist realizes that you have left when this happens what does the narcissist do number one immediately play celine dions all by myself number two it devours a king-sized bar of chocolate number three sits stroking your picture murmuring gently to him or herself and then pressing it to their cheek four begins mainlining tequila or pinot grigio five hugs teddy and asks you still love me don't you of course it's none of those things but given the answers that are often thrown around on the internet by people who don't understand narcissism they might as well be the answers for the good that they will do you instead you have come to the right place to receive the right information enabling you to make the right decisions these are five of the things that the narcissist does when you have left in the manner that i have described number one if you're the intimate partner primary source you may well get an initial grand hoover the initial ground hoover is written about in my book no contact and so if you want the expanded answer please go and obtain that and you'll learn plenty in essence the initial grand hoover is the frenzied attempt by the narcissist to draw you as the escaped intimate partner primary source back under the control back into the formal relationship back providing fuel character traits under control and providing residual benefits the narcissist will hoover the backside of you of course whether this can be achieved is very much dependent upon the strength or otherwise of your no contact regime but when that narcissist who has you as the intimate partner primary source realizes that you have ended the formal relationship that you've gone that you've left bang the initial grand hoover will take place sometimes it doesn't and that's because either your no contact regime is absolutely outstanding well done that the narcissist can't even get it off the ground so as a consequence nothing occurs or it might be that it the narcissist got somebody almost under control and you were on the cusp of disengagement and therefore the narcissism selects rather than try and draw you back in they just turn to your replacement instead and at that juncture you hear nothing but for the most part when a victim escapes the narcissist will not necessarily have the replacement lined up there might not be anybody or somebody not even close to fruition and therefore the first thing the narcissist will do is dole out the initial grand hoover if you are the intimate partner secondary source that is left well the narcissist may not realize for some time because you may have departed whilst you're on the shelf and it's only when the narcissist comes back to hoover you that they realize that something is wrong you won't get the initial grand hoover what you'll get is some sustained follow-up hoovers but eventually the narcissist will be forced as a consequence of the way the narcissism operates to move on to somebody else of course you could behoove it again in the future but the initial ground hoover is invariably utilized for the intimate partner primary source because they are so important that it is worth the analysis of expending all of that effort and energy in a short burst at least in order to get that person back so the first thing the narcissist does when you leave the narcissist is in most instances but not all issues the initial grand hoover number two smears you yours is an act of treachery a foul seditious act against the nation-state of narctum you are a disgusting individual who is dared to slip the shackles imposed upon you by the narcissist and like a thief in the night steal away the narcissist as part of a certain control over you and also other people will smear you you may well have already been smeared prior to the point of your escape again that being part of the second assertion of control but one of the other things that the narcissist will do when you've left is smear you the effect of the smearing or rather the method of the smearing will vary some narcissists will be pity play style she's left me heartbroken i can't believe that she was such a cold cruel woman to do this to me i can't believe that she's just gone without saying anything after everything that i've done for her in other instances it might be more of a revenge style where the narcissist wears i'm going to hunt her down and grind her bones to make my bread i'm gonna make her pay for this who does she think she is walking out on me nobody does this to me and gets away with it she'll rue the day that she threw this in my face the narcissist may talk about how although it hurts i suppose in a sense the suffering has ended because now i'm free from that awful harpist reign or from his totalitarian abuse of me and a dose of projection and making out that the narcissist is the victim and the victim is the abuser whatever it is you will be smeared whether you're an alcoholic an abuser that you've gone crazy on the family finances that you are a player a that you'd be sleeping with the neighbor the milkman the lollipop man whatever it might be you'll be smeared to neighbors friends relatives shopkeepers anybody who'll listen as the narcissist asserts control over them and indirectly over you because if they go and talk to a family member and your name comes up you come up on the radar and the narcissist needs to control you and if you're not there the narcissist can't control you directly and therefore has to do so indirectly and so if a friend who doesn't know what happened says hey how's things going with philip then the narcissist will turn and she will say oh him ran away with one of his students their pervert and smears in order to engender the sympathy and support of that individual which not only means that person is under control and giving fuel but it makes the narcissist feel in their alternate world that the escaped victim is brought under control as well each time that somebody brings you as the escaped victim up on the radar then in those circumstances the smearing will occur and of course if the narcissist learns that you are going around saying things about the narcissist it comes back through other people part of the response if the narcissist can't hoover you directly will be to smear you even further number three hoover other people this is in effect the third assertion of control the narcissist may well have attempted to assert control over you directly through the initial grand hoover that may well have failed or hasn't got off the ground there is some smearing that's being done as a second assertion of control but then also the narcissist asserts control by in effect in that particular moment jettisoning any interest in you don't need her well rid of him good riddance to bad rubbish and instead sets about a certain control over somebody else by way of a potential replacement and of course the gathering of fuel so the narcissist will then go and hoover the waiting intimate partner secondary source assuming there is one the affair partner the mistress the other man who's been waiting in the wings and the narcissists may well then subject to how well they can be controlled and how well they are providing the prime aims accelerate them into position of replacement of the intimate partner primary source without any further ref consideration of the escaped former intimate partner primary source it might be the case that the narcissist hoover's the former intimate partner primary source the one that you replaced your treachery you were painted black through devaluation and they may have been hoovered already or if not your act of treachery by departing brings them back into play causes them to be viewed as not the awful harridan that they were described as to you but actually the savior of the narcissist a decent person who actually the narcissist realizes they could have treated better not that they genuinely believe that but that's what the stick that will be utilized for the purpose of manipulation towards that individual to draw them back in or the narcissist starts fresh hunting down from tertiary sources either on the internet or in bars through dating etc fresh intimate partner secondary source who will be quickly all factors working out to become the intimate partner primary source this method means the narcissist in effect a certain control over the outgoing the escaped intimate partner primary source by saying don't want anything more to do with them and turning to somebody else instead number four the narcissist will also have to switch to supplementary sources secondary and tertiary sources for fuel character traits and residual benefits with the primary source having escaped this means there'll be a greater reliance placed upon any intimate partner secondary sources pulling them off the shelf more likely a greater reliance upon non-intimate secondary source the nurses will spend more time with friends and family and of course we'll be smearing into the bargain drawing fuel a certain control over those individuals asserting control over the escaped intimate partner primary source by talking about that escaped intimate partner primary source to the non-intimate secondary source family members or colleagues and friends gaining sympathy gaining assistance gaining the fuel the character traits the residual benefits all done of course this takes a fair amount of work for the narcissist because once upon a time the prime aims was met 80 to 90 by the one person now having lost that they face potential fuel crisis and therefore they have to scurry around not just one person in the main with a few supporting actors the supporting actors have to do more they're given more lines in the performance that is that of the world of the narcissist and therefore the narcissist has a greater reliance upon those supplementary sources until such time as he either lures back the escaped intimate partner primary source or installs a new one finally number five the fifth thing that a narcissist will do when you've escaped is paint you head to toe black deepest midnight catholic black every inch of you coated in that thick dark residue you are the worst of the worst because you held the position of once of being the best of the best you were the intimate partner primary source and having the audacity the chagrin and the disgusting treachery of escaping us means that you are completely encased in painted black status that means that unless you come back full of contrition and recant and therefore become painted white that you will if you come up on the radar and the hoover execution criteria is met beyond the receiving end of malign follow-up hoovers of course even though you're painted black you may not receive any if the narcissist is focused on other sources as i've explained in separate videos but your status is as it was painted black and black you shall remain until such time as your replacement becomes black and then you may well become painted white therefore five of the things that occur when you leave the narcissist with regard to what the nurses will do are one the potential for there to be initial ground hoover two smearing of you three hoovering of other potential replacements for you the waiting intimate partner secondary source a former intimate partner primary source or finding a new potential intimate partner primary source by seeking out tertiary sources who become intimate partner secondary sources and there on four a switch to supplementary sources five painting you black so it's no to celine it's no to the chocolate no to the pinot grigio and teddy he's just going to have his head ripped off and be thrown away this has been a tudor treatment i'm h.g tudor thank you for listening

Channel: HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist : Ultra

Views: 11,360

Rating: 4.9712749 out of 5

Keywords: hg tudor

Id: BQX1lySz1ss

Length: 16min 3sec (963 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 18 2021