Former UK SPECIAL FORCES and entrepreneur with Tony Hayes

to he he then started talking about the procedure to me and saying look i've got to make an incision in in between your ribs and i've got to wind it it open with my little finger and then put the the tubing and it could hurt a bit we've got to get moving and i can remember thinking why are you telling me just do it and that must have been me subconsciously knowing that you know this is serious yeah because it was only about a minute after that that i then died for the first time [Music] here we go this podcast i've been massively excited about um it's someone that i i've been wanting to chat with for a long time he's done a few podcasts before but um the story is absolutely amazing and it's a career that i wanted to follow and so a lot of questions uh i've got with me today tony hayes good to be here how are you doing mate you're right yeah very good mate nice to wait no not at all i'm not at all been looking forward to it so uh how was the journey up here okay yeah not too bad yeah it's first time in um in this neck of the woods liverpool yeah yeah that was a journey it was good yeah it was good and to be fair actually i probably have been here before just can't remember it yeah you know what it's like in the background transit vans where'd you travel from today paul paul yeah sunny sunny paul and bournemouth you've always been there yeah no no no sir originally from london yeah and then it was the military that pulled me out of london and that was the marines royal marines that was the marine corps marines no i'm not that precious all right and yeah how did how long did you serve in the air in the marines so the marines was two years so i've done basic training obviously at libston uh first posting was 4-2 commando in plymouth and i was in plymouth just over two years so more or less two years two and two and a bit years and that's exeter st david doesn't it uh no so exeter's i think closer to to limpston ah right okay um and yeah no to 4-2 is plymouth yeah and uh yeah it was there for about two years and done selection and passed and then was posted at paul right and was there for the rest of my career and that's where you based yourself with the family in heaven yeah yes mate yeah yeah so we we didn't look back so when when i left uh the um when i left the military we stayed in pool and uh sort of set routes down there down there yeah yeah because uh you've got a um you've had an extensive uh military career which is like no to to anyone uk special forces is that's where everyone wants to be every soldier every infant here wants to go sf but you've got you had an exceptional time before you joined the forces didn't you um you had a near-death experience do you want to talk about that yeah absolutely um you know i think a lot of people have got their um things that they've experienced and it it doesn't necessarily you can't really say that someone has had a worse experience than someone else because it's a personal thing isn't it yeah and someone could have something that is perceived so has not been as bad an experience as someone else but it could have affected them more you know um but yeah i i sort of i went through something i suppose that luckily um you know certainly a lot of people that i know haven't um sort of had to deal with and um it was i was 15 years old living in in south london and uh ended up getting stabbed nine times um in one one sitting it was in a shopping center in the middle of the day um we ended up getting surrounded and the knife that the lad had was one of those walking sticks that where you can screw the handle off so it was effectively a short sword but it was it had the the handle that sort of goes dog legs sort of 90 degrees like you could hold it like a gun yeah so he was able to punch so instead of that if your hands cocked that way round and you're stabbing whereas if you're holding it like a power behind it yeah and you can get you could get the speed behind it so yeah but as you know sort of punches and kicks were getting thrown to me front because there was it was i don't know how many there were there was you know 15 plus and were you on your own no with one other one other friend um but he was dragged on the outside of the crowd so they they were focusing mainly on me and he got dragged away siest in the face um so he was kind of out of the game anyway and next thing i know i was waking up because you know nine holes in a matter of seconds a lot of blood so a lot of blood just getting pumped out and it was just lights out so yeah i woke up they'd gone and my mate was you know managed to pick me up off of the ground yeah and uh and yeah that was it i you know that was that was me done and what provoked any anything that provoked that or it was just uh because we have with obviously we're stabbings and stuff and especially around liverpool we have there's a lot of stabbings and most of it is gang it means gang related yeah um and they move in groups like that as well uh you just did something happen before then to provoke it you think or yeah so it was the school that i was in was um it was an inner city school yeah you know and just because he was in south london doesn't doesn't mean anything can any you know big city around around the whole of the uk are going to have you know similar similar areas and similar schools uh and there was an altercation with me and another boy at school and basically you know i noticed someone being bullied and i stood up to the bully for for the bloke that was being bullied because i hate bullies and he ended up getting in my face and so i smacked him one god but uh he then went running to his cousins and and brothers and you know our older older brothers who then got cousins involved so on and so forth um because he couldn't let himself say again because he couldn't understand he couldn't handle it himself no no uh so i then ended up hearing through other people that there's this big crowd of lads looking for me um i didn't quite know what it was about and for years afterwards i didn't make the connection i'd i don't know why i just didn't give it a thought um and but yeah the connection was made for the crowd that was looking for me sorry but a little bit of time had passed so when with the stabbing incident i didn't make the connection that it was that same crowd if you see what i mean yeah yeah and but but it was it was so they you know persisted in looking for me and effectively created a net in the shopping center because they found out somehow that i walked through there every now and again to get to a mate's house right and as as we was entering one day i could see in front of me that there was a a group of of lads and you could tell straight away that they were up to no good yeah and they were from one side of the of the walkway to the other did you know then that they were for you or no no still didn't know i just thought you know it's it was south london you you get groups and gangs you know quite often and uh i could see that even you know mums and you know other people old people just general population milling about doing their shopping we're having to try and squeeze past some people are even turning around and trying to go the other way she was like oh jesus christ there we go uh but i thought right we can't sort of turn around be one of those people turning around because we're potentially going to stand out of being young lads as well yeah last thing i wanted was to be noticed as as being weak you know um so i thought right don't sort of be over aggressive or try to you know bite off morgan chew and yeah well then let like a show for us let know that your presence you know that you're not scared exactly yeah but but at the same time there was a lot of them so it was just you know be confident you're going where you're going and just try and find a gap and slip through turn your shoulders and slip through so it's exactly what i tried to do find a gap but sure enough as i was walking through them i started getting quite a bit of attention and there was some things getting said but again i didn't make the connection that they were looking for me and they kind of must have been figuring it out if i was that person or not yeah weighing it up as well yeah yeah so as i got through the other end i sort of looked around and sure enough they're all looking at me and i thought i'm not i'm not going to sort of stoop down to it and there's too many of them anyway it was only me and one ever led so we kept walking thinking hopefully that's that's it you know walked away create some distance um it was it was quite busy yeah so there was quite a big crowd so it took a couple of minutes but as i kept checking checking me six if you like yeah i could see these heads popping up in the crowd every now and again oh yeah so it was like ah we're being followed yeah you realized then it was you no no we realized we were being followed and i just thought that it was because they didn't like the look of us and you know yourself it doesn't take much you know you people are getting shot and stabbed just for stepping on someone's foot or standing on someone's doorstep or on their ground or their turf as you like to call her exactly yeah yeah so i thought you know that's why it is that i didn't back down i walked through them yeah i might have brushed past one of them and so in my head i knew that that's all it could take yeah so um it was like yep it's confirmed we're getting followed for whatever reason they're going to want to start on us so let's um you know figure out what we're going to do here we we need to get on our toes somehow yeah so the mate i was with said well let's dive in the last shop before the exit doors yep hopefully they won't see us and just wait for them to go past so as as we dived into the shop it didn't take long for the security guard to sort of be like what you used to up to yeah yeah we were behind the coat wrecks sort of just trying to pee through the coat so the security guard came up to us and was like let's you know do one i was like [ __ ] okay all right that time's up we're gonna have to hopefully it's been long enough yeah as soon as we walk back out boom there on us sort of semi semi circle surrounded my back was against the wall and um and that was it yeah sort of said to him look lads what's this all about yeah and within sort of a matter of seconds punches started getting thrown as i was sort of trying to deal with that blocking flailing out doing whatever i could with that happening obviously i had them all around me so the guy on my left side here um was the one with the knife yeah and so as as i was dealing with stuff to the front it was just and did you feel it or was the adrenaline fired you just it happened so quickly i didn't really feel it but i knew something was going on yeah and as i turned around the one thing that i remember is his eyes and i looked because he was right there and i looked into his eyes and it was just pure anger yeah and they he must have been on something as well because i can remember they were quite glassed over yeah but i just kind of sort of pushed away and was almost saying right get off of me yeah um and that was it that was the last i remember they almost liked it and very much they liked it after did anyone else the public or anything intervene or was it just it was that fast it was that fast and they they were known for causing trouble in the area um they were sort of some of the shops were scared of them because they they were known basically so horizon everyone yeah so it none of the public wanted to get involved yeah yeah because then the altercations have come to their doorstep as well yeah so what so you blacked out obviously from the loss of blood and you were up in the hospital no no no sir it must have only been a couple of seconds really um hit the ground was out and not sure how long it was for but i can't imagine it was for long and uh came around and stood up my mate was there with me and as i looked down i could only see my leg there on the front of me fire yeah so it was three stab wounds to the front of the fire yeah free to just below the back yeah the sort of top of the arse area and then free up in chest area but i couldn't see i wasn't sort of looking down here and i couldn't see the puncture marks through my jacket anyway i could only see the front of my fire so i thought sweet okay i've they've just done me in my leg felt a bit of a a fanny really passing out just because i've been stabbed a couple of times and nothing comes to mind doesn't it yeah yeah and i thought but it was relief yeah you know okay you know it's just maybe they've only used a pen knife or something like that yeah and uh even though there was a river of blood it's still i was still thinking bloody old that's that's a lot of blood but the panic hadn't quite set in yeah adrenaline still adrenaline's still up there and because i could see the wounds on the front of my phone thinking that that's all it was yeah that kind of settled me down a little bit but um my mate was i went to turn around stupidly and sort of go after them because in my mind it's like well i haven't finished yet they might be running off but i'm i'm still here i've woke back up come and listen to this carry on maybe like you ain't going nowhere and sort of walked me back around and took me back into the shop that we was originally in and uh as we walked in we made it was like you know my mate's been stabbed and mate's been stabbed help help the security this is the same shop that you were told to get out of yeah same shot and uh the security guard saw all of the blood and he must have saw what was going on as well yeah and he was like get back out you're bleeding all over the clothes you're to have to get back out prior to you and so my mate was turned me back around and that was it then i couldn't i was like look i'm struggling to breathe and i must have been sort of wobbling a bit as well and he sat me down outside the shop and um that's when i waited for the for the ambulance to turn up yeah so someone who must have called him and i think someone someone else must have come out the shop and said look there's an ambulance on the way yeah yeah and uh still feeling okay at the time i said that was you know my head was starting to feel a bit woozy lots of blood and i was starting to struggle with breathing yeah and didn't know at the time but that was the punctured lung because the with the chest wound the knife because it was effectively a short sword yeah it went through my arm all the way through from from this side out underneath the armpit in through the chest uh scratched me heart on the way in and punctured my lung so that's why i was then starting to find it hard to breathe once the um once the ambulance crew turned up they you could see that they was in panic yeah and they got me into the ambulance i was called in as a doa dead on arrival um but me my mum was on duty at the time as a nurse and casualty at the local hospital in lewiston hospital yeah so she had to get told right you're going to have to come off duty and she's like we're talking about that your son's coming in and he's been stabbed so that was you know looking back on that's quite quite difficult because for me myself you and you'll notice yourself you can you can handle the hardship you know if it's looking back on stuff this happened to you but when you think of how it must have emotionally impact other people yeah it sort of pulls on your heart strings isn't it yeah so it must have been horrendous for her but it's like on tour isn't it you go on tour your own operations and stuff go abroad and you like oh yeah i'm abroad and then you're in operations and things go off people get hurt and stuff like that but in your head you're like i'm coping all right yeah but then you got your parents your loved ones back home and they're in the same fight as you they just can't see it and sometimes to me i think that's worse because they don't know what you're going through but they know you're going through it yeah yeah so you know hats off to your mum for what she went through then like so i'm almost taken off duty and then you were actually brought in um and you got brought in as dead on arrival i got bought in dead on arrival um and i was still with it by this time i was still conscious and i can remember i can remember them working on me and the um whoever it was at the time i'm not sure if he obviously must have been one of the trauma nurses one of the consultants whoever it was but he was leading the team and he was like look you know we we haven't got time to to give you any painkillers so we apologize about that we've got to put a chest drain in so he then started talking about the procedure to me and saying look i've got to make an incision in in between your ribs and i've got to wind it it open with my little finger and then put the the tubing and it could hurt a bit we've got to get moving and i can remember thinking why are you telling me just do it and that must have been me subconsciously knowing that you know this is serious yeah because it was only about a minute after that that i then died for the first time so i must have known that that was you know i was that was literally at the last moment yeah yeah yeah um because i can remember thinking just get on with it yeah there wasn't any fear you know but again that must have been the loss of blood and you you end up getting to a stage where it you know i don't know maybe there was a bit of euphoria there in some way yeah but i don't ever remember any fear but um but yeah died for the first time then and they wheeled me off and um into surgery yeah uh resuscitated me and then died another twice twice more during surgery jesus yeah so what was the surgery obviously stitches and that but obviously you have to work on the longer now yeah work on the lung net to open me up further on my chest here got sort of a sizable mars bar across my chest and that's how they knew that it scratched the heart on the way in and had to do whatever that's very lucky yeah i think that to do a fair bit of work um on the the wounds on top of the uh sort of near the lower back there because there was a lot of nerve damage right so most of my left leg is still completely numb because um and i explained it was if you imagine a um a piece of electric cable yeah and you've got the outside plastic and then the wires inside yeah but luckily it was just the outside of the nerve that was cut right it didn't cut all the way through but it's still enough that i've got so probably about 70 percent of my left leg that um has got sort of no feeling at all really you get pins and needles a lot and stuff like that or it only if i touch it it's in some places on the front of the shin if you touch it yeah it's got a weird pins and needly sort of feeling really yeah yeah but if you hit it hard you can't feel the thing you should have gone to moosa okay i was gonna say that yeah it's all right with your door kicking like absolutely there's the positive oh it's a positive so um so when you come out the hospital obviously you were in there for some time did you uh did you have to go through some sort of rehab for walking off off yes well it took a while for the leg to heal back up again and to get movement of my arm yeah um i had a bit of rehab in the hospital before leaving and they sort of gave me a plan to to work towards at home but the aftercare was very limited really yeah looking back on it and the main thing really that was limited was the mental health side of things and i'm not sure i may have been offered it once but being a a teenager sort of you know trying to be a man yes i i don't need that yeah but it shouldn't have stopped there it should have you know i don't remember any persistence in regards to you need to talk to someone yeah we need to have someone talk to you yeah because i was given no tools no information in regards to how i was going to feel or the potential sort of feelings i was going to have yeah because i can remember going out once i'd healed up and was you know able to to walk on the leg yeah again and going out for the first time on my own to go down to me mate's house and getting on the bus um you know the the experience of fear because i thought that there was people behind me yeah that were going to you know come up and stab me yeah um was so real i could taste the blood again in my mouth i had like a metallic feeling was it like a flashback sort of thing absolutely as well 100 yeah really really intense you were 15 at the time 15 at the time and had to deal with that and that went on for quite quite a few years um and didn't have any help for it at all you know that's like the military when you leave the military you get offered once and then that's it it's not like right we want to do an assessment with you you mean that that should have been especially at that age your young lads you mean that could affect the rest of your life well it did yeah well that's it you mean do you still have um thoughts now so when you go leave the house obviously you've you've gone and done a lot more but do you still ever have those thoughts it was over your shoulder yeah it it it never leaves you um but i managed to deal with it and in a way i think it gave me some some strength yeah dealing with it on my own but because i didn't know what was happening or what was going on i didn't really know the weight of what it was that i was dealing with yeah so it kind of got parked somehow i found a way of it getting parked and it didn't really start surfacing again until i was in my first contact in the military really and all of a sudden i had this feeling that we were surrounded and i really had to get what we kind of was to be fair um but i really had to get a grip of myself yeah um and it's ever since then really that thing started catching up with me i didn't quite put my finger on it at the time yeah but once i left the military i then started getting a sense of right is the previous trauma now combining with the stresses that i've had in my military career yeah and um that's that's kind of where i've been you know in recent times you know um last year and the year before so you know in in recent years it's been particularly tough and i think it it was one of the biggest contributions to that was not dealing with a major trauma yeah and it's as simple as that yeah just not talking about it i know it's a bit of a cliche but you know regardless of if i was 15 years old or not and you know i'm a living walking example of if you hold things back don't talk about them yeah they come up and explode but the thing is is like with uh lads and girls getting out the military and they hold things in for the whole military career which i did when you come out you then you normally start to process stuff or you break and you have to break to them realize that you need to process it and then you need to work through stuff i mean yeah i think that's a lot of the a big problem is bottling stuff up but you had that before you even went in the military do you think dealing with that and beating your own mind and beating that what happened there do you think that pushed you into the military or would you always plan going into the military anyway probably a bit of both yeah yeah the the military's sonic i've always wanted to do and you know i was one of those kids where it was from day one yeah everything was military yeah and uh so it's at one point i thought it wasn't going to happen yeah but sure enough it was almost like a calling it once once it got to a stage of my life where the opportunity was you know viable if you like um then i grabbed it with both arms so i i think i don't know it's difficult to say it's difficult to say but i i would like to think that that it was a catalyst yeah and it did give you know a bit of an inner strength in some way albeit it's also the cause of of things unraveling or when things unraveled a couple of years ago for me yeah and like i say i my glass was already half full yeah i feel like before going into the military i just didn't know it i thought i was dealing with things so it didn't take much even i'd done you know three sf tours um yeah i i think one would have been enough glass would have been overflowing did you ever tour as a royal marine no no he just no i didn't straight to sf yeah massive baptism of fire so that was that first contact i was referring to really but um was that afghanistan was it that was in afghan yeah so the first time round started flying i was effectively a civ still really yeah you know okay yeah i was trained yeah and you could say that i was highly trained and i was yeah but i hadn't had any combat experience and but at the end of the day you know you've got to start somewhere i suppose so yeah of course yeah but um the because it was an sf job there is a bit more expected of you in a way and it was it was a difficult it was a difficult time it was uh but you know obviously i got through it and you learn on the job oh yeah very quickly very quickly yeah yeah but um it was looking back on it now it's no wonder that i'm exhausted yeah a bit i was taking too much on you know and it it it's funny because you can look at some people and you know when you when you see things these motivational things and these role models that that say that they're strong because they've been through this and been through that i wonder sometimes because if that was true all of the time yeah i'd be superman but i'm not looking back it's like you talk at the beginning about um mindset and going through stuff and you say you're not superman and it's down to that person yeah i mean so yeah you're saying you're not superman but you've done things big things and got through a lot of things so to some people a lot of people to me including you are because you've gone through so much even before you've gone to the military you've gone through so much you know i mean yeah so um for you to go through all that and then it's quite quite humbling actually to you say oh i'm i'm just i'm i'm not superman you're mean there's you are you out to a lot of people i know there's a lot of people have been messaging me so you know when's he coming on when he's going on and they're all probably excited about it i mean so um it's uh that is really humbling that i mean because you've got a lot you get like you see a lot of motivational speakers and stuff like that that i've done sf or they've gone down like that and and they're like writing books getting on stage talking about with where they're being what they're doing and stuff like that um would that ever cross your minds to do anything like that put yours because um you're not you're not like out there if you know what i mean you know you don't you're not like living on social media or anything like that you sort of like keep effing to yourself and yeah apart from your brand which we'll touch on later but you just sort of keep it all back yeah um i suppose it is a bit of a it is a bit of a choice i've i've had i've had an offer in the past with with tv stuff um but i got a sense straight away that they wanted me to sort of go into details with stuff you know yeah um on the interview that i had they were like oh so what stories have you got um what what do you do you know how many have you got what can you say and i could tell by the change in their demeanor and and the change of the atmosphere as soon as i said i've got lots of stories but there's not that many that i can i'm comfortable talking about yeah yeah um so that might have something to do with it but um as far as the motivational stuff's concerned it it might happen i'll never say never yeah i think that's a slightly different thing if if you're engaged or um you know employed to give a talk to a corporate entity um which could in turn you know help them yeah through through through your experiences that then can is relatable or you know transferable to the business world which i know for a fact is is true yeah um then yeah i could see that happening it's a as much as i feel that i've had to give a lot yeah in the things that i've done and it has affected me which hence why i say i don't feel like superman because okay yeah i've done some pretty gnarly stuff but i feel that i've really paid for that and i'm actually still in the process now of of building myself back up believe it or not and when i'm i'm sure i know for a fact you know what it is um but there i can still wholeheartedly sort of talk someone through what it takes to succeed i i i know what it takes to succeed it's a business perspective or in anything in anything not just in it just in general because you know you can transfer that stuff to business yeah um well i think that it's if you look out there nowadays the amount of veteran-owned companies is massive everyone that comes up in the military right i'm going to build this i'm going to start that and it's it's refreshing to see that so many people use that mindset on that on that ethos to go and create something more you mean and carry on absolutely um i love seeing stuff like that and like i say when you have your brand name um but you with your with your brand if you touch if you touch on that um what gave you that idea to start sf1 so the the idea came about by chance so it was whilst i was doing mavic so when i first left the military went straight into maritime operations yeah um the maritime security and again i i kind of got collared as soon as i walked out the gates a former sbs guy started a maritime security business um so he was keeping an eye on blokes yeah that were leaving um so effectively as soon as i walked out the gates the phone was ringing yeah and he said look do you want a um a six month contract um for x amount a day and i thought brilliant you know gives a bit of money in the bank while i'm deciding what to do yeah yeah did you have a wife here or did you have a family then when you come out i did yeah so i i had the wife and um i had uh riley who's who was you know only a couple of years old by then yeah um so i had yeah at a family and kids at the time so i really sort of needed to make sure that there was a plan in place or at least something in in the works um so that was the idea you know say say yes to the security stuff but i knew that it there's no security and security as they say yeah you know you can't unless you're really going to go at it and maybe try and sort of you know start your own company which didn't really interest me i i i wanted to kind of move away from from the military stuff if that made sense um but anyway it i took took that on before it's good good for the money and it'll give me a chance to figure out what i want to do and business is what i really wanted to do yeah so my mind was open i was just actively looking for ideas i wasn't really fussed what it was as such as long as it wasn't too close to military yeah um and i was just keeping my mind open so it was whilst on maritime operations that i get it got into using the trx the suspension trainers yeah um the olympic rings because obviously it's quite restricted on air on a boat like exactly yeah so you know and you've got lots of stuff um that you can hang it off of like the railings and underneath stairs and the metal bars on ships all over the place so yeah there was loads of places to sort of hang it up um but i didn't have one myself i was relying on one of the team members yeah who would generally nine times out of ten they'd even grab the trx or the olympic rings yeah um but there was one so i was getting into it yeah but there was one time when no one had one yeah and i thought ah okay so what do i do now so i looked around for a bit of decking rope which i found yeah and and just made one myself i've got some sort of plastic tube made made some handles yeah and tied the rope through it and just made a crude suspension trainer that's brilliant and that's where they believe it or not that's where the idea came from because the if you imagine you've got the plastic handles they're using them like rings yeah or trx and the rope was going up for him to be hung up but the the excess rope on the bottom of the handles was going to the floor so i thought if i tie a knot in the bottom of that rope i can then jump down and do suspended press-ups yeah so the idea of what you see now with the sf1 yeah where it's got three yeah basically the handles are movable so we've got those patent granted in the uk and in the states yeah and they self lock and move up and down on the strap wherever you want and so that idea came from that bit of rope and plastic handles yeah that's brilliant yeah i feel better see stuff like that you'd think that you'd sit in like a room and plan it but it's actually derek's i remember in the gyms the makeshift gyms like iraq and afghan it's just a dust bowl yeah and like half the dumbbells there were from like the gym back in camp that has been brought out or like a block of wood with like you know a bar with like bits of wood that's whacked on the end of it you're using the executive to kill and stuff like that yeah pointing to the punch bag was about 90 black and nasty you know i mean yeah and they're full of gravel it's like it's like basically punching hessian you know i mean those sandbags it was horrible um yeah it's improvising isn't it that's that's it i mean that's exactly how the idea came it was you know just improvising because i didn't have the kit that i was used to having um and it just sparked an idea because i'd done a workout or the first workout i'd done on this bit of rope yeah plastic handles was actually a better workout than i'd had on a trx or the rings so i kind of stood back and thought right okay that was a good workout there could be something here but i can't i can't sort of take a rope with plastic handles to mark it and and just set my mind to it and and thought right it's got to be something a bit more user-friendly yeah and something that's got a bit more sort of uniqueness to it yeah and yeah the rest is history that's obviously absolutely brilliant we got a beginner lockdown last year we got some of these trx bands yeah i'm trying them out and i'm not slating anything but the way it all like attaches i couldn't get into grips of it like my mrs was using it and what whatever like but i put on the back door of the house the pvc door frame and all that so i'm sat there and i'm trying to do like squats you know like leaning back sort of thing i don't know how i was doing if i'm used to dumbbells you mean i'm pretty awesome i'm trying the thing come off the door crack the door come off the door i went flying back into the kids uh climbing frame [ __ ] up but but it slipped because when it attaches it's got like a quick release that hadn't bit him properly right so it slipped yeah so i sort of went like that and then it's the where it's hit it's it's jolted off the door cracked me the door frame i've gone away well into the back garden well so i thought right sticking to the kettlebell yeah but i am but yeah i'm gonna i'm definitely gonna get some like and get involved so what was the process from there then so you finished your six months maritime you come home and they did did you hit the drawing board and did you redesign it or did you have people to help you at all yeah well sir i'm not even quite sure how i went from a piece of plastic tube as a handle yeah to what we've got now which is effectively like i say got you know a patent granted on it yeah self-locking mechanisms on the end of the handle that you know you can slip up and down slide up and down as you want that's quite clever how how it came about was the the maritime shifts actually helped because at night when you're out on the bridgewing and you're looking around you know and looking out for lights for you know potential pirate attacks if um if it's just black you can kind of go into your own your own world yeah and it gives you some good thinking time which um which i'm a bit reluctant to say in some way because it's like well you're supposed to be looking for pirates but you know multitasking for them they won't say the company it gives you it gives you time to think and when you're not on duty you know there's other than doing exercise there's not really much else for you to do up in your room so you know if you take plenty of books you've got your laptop with lots of films on but i thought you know if if i'm working on something yeah then it's the times better spent than just sitting there watching film after film after film oh you paid to create yeah exactly yeah so i just set my mind to it and it's amazing what you can come up with when there's no distractions yeah yeah and that's you know like i say i i somehow i came up with the idea that if that handle could move up and down and then it just progressed from there yeah and you know it's turned into what it is now the handles can come off of the straps so you can take them off an atom yeah so eventually what we'll have is it is a an entry-level sf1 yeah that will be supplied with one handle um or two handles but one on each strap yeah and you can then add hand and handles to them as you go along but um just that ability there yeah it makes it stand out from yeah massively massively yeah and with it being um well the name says it all as f1 you know i mean you have a lot of uh sf lads no servant and veterans that are getting involved that want to use it well yeah so we've already sold 100 units to uh to the battle ready 360 guys which is foxy and ollie yeah is that the battle box the better box yeah box yeah yeah yeah it's got um the wheel and effort it has yeah which isn't which i'm nothing to do with that yeah that's all um foxy and ollie's piece of kit um i don't get involved in in any of that yeah um the sf1 is is is what my offering is and it's effectively we we haven't partnered up there there was a time where that was on the table yeah but i want the sf1 to stand on its own feet yeah i don't want it to sort of you know get swallowed up potentially by bigger personalities if that makes sense yeah yeah so i want to you know get traction myself get the sf1 to be known for the sf1 yeah um [Music] and not for getting a leg up by other people who already more well established yeah i know in business that you know getting a product promoted by other people with big reach yeah you know other celebrities this certainly over that that's fine yeah um but i don't want it to be it could it could be easily mistaken for that that's part of yeah yeah the battle box and part of fox would you include them in your videos or promotional videos and stuff like that to get that leg up a little bit or um probably not no okay get mistaken for theirs sort of thing exactly yeah yeah but foxy's already said then we've got plenty of pictures and video footage of the fox are using it and if well you know you go on to the the bat already in the battle box website yeah you know it's been heavily promoted by them anyway as part of the battle box yeah um but that was almost a soft launch if you like yeah so those hundred sets that they had to test the market if you like yeah it tested the market even it was a fully tested and fully produced product but it was um some of the elements of it was sourced from china right even though it was fully qc'd by ourselves okay yeah um the the handles themselves were built in the uk and that's the main part of the product yeah um but there there was the other elements the strap in and the bag and so on and so forth that was sourced and made in china the launch that's coming now in the next couple of months um is going to be a um a promotional launch that i'm working on yeah and it's the this this time it's fully made in the uk it's a hundred percent made in the uk so there's been a bit of a delay i know there's been quite a few people that have signed up their interest on the sf1 website um and the first ones that have done it are probably thinking what's going on it's been quite a while now yeah but the delay has been moving the production into the uk it took quite a while to to find somewhere that could do it for um you know to make it viable basically to do it within the margins so we've done that now and it's going to be a promotional launch of 500 sets and the majority of the proceeds are going to go towards the sbsa charity so that's the sbs the special boat service association which is the charity arm of the sbs they effectively saved my life um because when i eventually reached out for help they were there um amazing they're still you know guys that have been injured um way beyond repair that need constant care you know they they pay for that yeah um and you know they they are life savers effectively brilliant so for for the first um promotional run i'm doing the first 500 sets and the majority of the the proceeds are going to go to the spsa challenges what i'll do is i'll put the description for them um link them in the description for this as well and we'll uh we'll put a post up my phone as well so we'll get some traction for you um but yeah so the sf one um are you gonna uh target camps nurture camps through seven yeah definitely a huge market because you you could involve that within pt sessions you know i mean absolutely i mean circuits hit trading and stuff like that yep yep i think that's the easy win for us if you like yeah because the the relations there yeah and and we've got the contacts we we can quite easily get them into you know as many military establishments as we can um and you know even without the contacts and the connections it's still a perfect bit of kit yeah it's something that's gonna it's gonna well as long as it gets instruction which you will i think will fly off the shelves i mean yeah yeah because it's it it's it's been you know designed and it came about through necessity yes it was an invention born through necessity yeah and the necessity was to be able to train as effectively as possible and as much as possible in the limited amount of space yeah so you know again it's equally at home hanging from a pull-up bar in the gym as it is in someone's bag to take away with them and to hang off the back of a door yeah or wherever they can find to to hang it from um if they're sort of on operations or um if it's a businessman you know on their own yeah yeah so um yeah it's it it's perfect for that but i'm also wanting to take it down the sporting route as well because it's uh you know for mma fighters boxers um you know any athletes any any any sporting person can get really good use out of this yeah because it's got the calisthenics side of it as well right so unlike the olympic rings where you can really swing around on them yeah there is an element of having to to be a bit more strict and a bit more sort of disciplined on this which forces you to do the moves um probably properly yeah you can cheat she can't cheat rep then yeah yeah exactly exactly so that's the body building there what you call the bodybuilding side out of it then well but you know what i think there's um we've had a couple of bodybuilders use it really and they've they've loved it because of being able to use it as either warm-up sets or burn off sets yeah so with the handles because you know you can effectively you could put as many handles on as you want yeah but the the top tier model that that we're selling currently is three handles on each side right um so that's sort of like the optimum because you can move them wherever you want you can you can layer them sort of say at the lower end of the strap yeah put a gap however much you want in between each handle and create almost like a ladder so then you can do a drop set if you like because the higher the handle is the easier yeah the rep is if you're doing the pressure incline press up yeah exactly yeah so you could start off at the bottom where it's harder yeah you know bang out some reps and then move up to the next handle so it is effectively like doing drop sets yeah yeah yeah um so you know the the weightlifting world could also you know see some news yeah definitely definitely it's early days and it's still yet to really get tested in all in all areas yeah um but so far so good brilliant and that's 500 sets you're bringing out is that gonna be what about me time yeah we're there isn't uh an exact state yet uh we're we still need to get the ecommerce side of the website up and running yeah but it's a summer launch summer launch yeah and so i'll keep our catalog for your post off for you brilliant um we've got a lot of um i won't say fan super fans but a lot of people that follow the channel that are all giddy about me having an sf on you know i mean um having the elite on you know i mean and there's a lot of questions going on to ask from this asking that um a lot of people want to ask you questions about your first operation about what you felt obviously as sf yeah um and a lot of answers about asking about the difference between you know deploying as a regular i thought it makes sense and deploying as sf and how you get there and what you do and your feelings and so one i want to ask is what was your feelings when you did go as sf and i talked obviously it's a lot more close and personal if you like where's with um when we went out to afghan it was long-range combat it come close sometimes up to like 200 meters but what it wasn't um it wasn't operations as in we were like doing like big close close combat you mean or going in alphas and stuff like that yeah um obviously sf is a lot different what was your feelings on your first operation [ __ ] myself yeah honestly the best policy cacking me pants um excited as well yeah and you kind of once you're in a situation you you've got to deal with it really haven't you it's the fight or flight and you need to make a decision and sometimes it can be ego that pushes you into yeah finding out what what it is that you can you can handle it's not necessarily thinking you know have i got the guts or not have i got the minerals if you like um sometimes it happens because you think to yourself well i'm here now and you know i i'd rather get something happen than turn around and run i wouldn't be able to live with myself yeah you know so it it it's weird how what the circumstances are and what goes through your head yeah during the process of you finding out what it is that you can handle and how much is it bravery i i i don't know you know for example the first time of we're stacking up outside a compound was already getting in afghan in afghanistan income um from one of the centuries yeah um you know letting off praying and spraying his is okay down through the alleyway yeah literally i don't think there was any real real sort of um technique that he was using cow's ass banjo wouldn't it exactly yeah yeah there's a lot of rounds coming down and the call came we'd already had you know one of the guys go around the corner committed so that's it you know one one out all out yeah so as as was um as i was going around into the alleyway i i was kind of what was going through my head a million miles an hour is this is it it's actually happening now um i'm about to go around the corner i'm about to have bullets flying towards me um you know all those things are going through your head and it's probably slower yeah in your memory than what it's all happening in milliseconds isn't it at the time um so it's it's yeah it must be different for different people but i i i was probably fearful as if if i was going to be able to produce the goods as well i think that is it's i like you got a lot of pressure even with me as a regular the pressure there was like i've got to perform i'm a new lady you mean i'm new i'm in iraq i've gotta i've gotta perform i was i was more bothered about not [ __ ] up and yeah and getting filled in by the lads yeah getting called a crow yeah then i was actually going into a fire fight and that's it's bizarre that is a bizarre thing it's like i'd rather get filled in no i'd rather get shot than get filled in by the east la yeah yeah i mean yeah you like that at all or especially the pressure of being sf as well yeah i mean it's like yeah absolutely because you you do all of the rehearsals you know before the job depending on what a job is um you know you get you you mind tape it out on the floor and and uh and try and sort of rehearse as much as possible you know depending on what team you're in what approach you're taking to the compound yeah but um you've if like yeah if it's your first time then there's no amount of training not gonna sort of you know take that fear of ballsing up away um so yeah absolutely yes it's exactly the same that that was the biggest fear um you've got a certain amount of help so you've got the mvgs and the the pec2 um laser yeah so it's effectively you know you can see your laser through your mvgs and wherever that's pointed onto you pull the trigger yeah but um you know you try and do that when your mind's going a million miles an hour and you're trying to dodge bullets at the same time and keep it steady you know you so you you're still thinking even though it's probably easier than actually having to sort of you know look through iron sights or whatever else it just you still you know you still have that fear there yeah well in afghan we were using battle sites so it's like a quick sight you know like cqb and stuff like that it's made it 10 times easier again because it was all like they're close to me but yeah it's just uh i don't think it matters what your kit is it's down to the person i mean it's like like you said about iron sights and dreadful things well we had them when we were in belize in the jungle and um the four point relationship just goes out the window because it's just yeah i mean but um but i i found that with afghan and the comp like i said the contacts were all long range and it was people like coming through murder holes quick burst and they're moving on you mean yeah so is is like like gary green says it's more armed guard if you like we just like show a force on the ground and stuff like that um operations with sf um very different to regular you're not doing stuff like that really you're doing more you've got a job you've got an operation you go and do the job then you've come back out yeah and how often are the jobs these are questions that i've been asked to ask you if that makes sense um how often are those jobs obviously you can't give away too much but they they were fairly often um you've still got the element of on the bus off the bus yeah so you you you'd get to the um to the pad you on the back of the helo and then all of a sudden you'd hear the voters stop like the engines turn off and it's like that's you know becomes cancelled so that would happen quite a lot yeah but you know certainly the the free tours that i've done was was during the heyday of of afghan yeah um so there was you know plenty of plenty of jobs going on yeah um and yeah you know you you'd a lot of jobs you you'd be getting dropped off sort of you know far enough away from the helos and then walking in so that you could try and sneak in never hardly ever happened they'd always sort of know that you're coming yeah um but it was hard work yeah if you're if you're walking in if you're doing a sort of 10 15k walking towards the job yeah um depending on what you was carrying full battle order you might be carrying the ladders as well so that you put the ladders up on the compounds to you know for the wall snipers to to secure it as the leds are stacking up um you know it was it was reasonably hard work and certainly if you had to get there and then get on your toes with with any sort of brake contact drills yeah and sort of move back and let the air sort of sort things out before you then sweep back through yeah and as you know yourself once your adrenaline's pumping that's it yeah it can be fairly hard work yeah but um yeah i i would say knowing the other side of it as well in some sense i could say it's a balancing act because there's there's some things that we experience like you say because you you're literally you're on you're out there walking through villages yeah walking through compounds to get to the compound you need to get to it's dodgy stuff yeah and at any moment there could have been someone that popped out of a door that was literally you know an arm's length away from you yeah and you are going in to the to the rooms and you're having contacts in the rooms in these compounds so that side of it is tasty but knowing the other side of um you know working with with the marines working with the powers working with um the rifles green jackets i'm not sure i think i might have actually because there was the scots guards as well that worked with there's various different guys that that i helped out from time to time yeah um it was a couple of times in sanging in pb1 pb2 yeah um but we had a few lads dropping to jackson yeah when we were there yeah and then they support us up in wishton as well on that area um and it was hardcore for you guys you know so yeah even though we were doing some tasty stuff like that and you know sometimes would be in the same like i say you know having contacts in in a room um you know we then go back and be in relative comfort in in certainly where where i was in um in cafe yeah um you know the accommodation that we had okay yeah in the early days it was tense but you know it was still that wasn't was that american was it what's that does the american take over that camp i think they did you know yeah yeah i think they did yeah yeah we had the we were in the forebrain jackson but we it was up we have we had a few lads down in bastian as well yeah but they were they were in that was taken over by americans and it just went gucci yeah proper gucci but the same as when we were in there talking in the palace we were in the palace it was just the four walls it was all brushed up from like you know from the early days and it was like we were in a saddam's bathroom shower room and this shower room was the size of my house i don't know how big the fella was like but it was literally this i had to walk out balcony effort like i looked over the whole of like shut down the chat up and all that down the river and that yeah and i was like this is just and then like on the same camp on the other side it was like passing all makeshift and all that but it was just like the americans were in there it was all gucci and they had like a bar and all this and that's another story we got a we all we all snuck over there had a few drinks and then yeah yeah used to have um little golf buggies bouncing around my sister's my old ceo i was going to watch this in the wake [ __ ] but we had used to have old golf buggies and it was the day before my birthday and our sergeant goes right go over there and he gave us a two can rule like that we went into this like there's like a little bar it's really weird surreal we're not in the middle of iraq yeah and there's just there's just there's a little bar big shift bar went in there and there's a few americans in there or whatever so we're playing cards them a few drinks and i i don't know people would probably comment and say tell me what really happened but all i remember is we stole the thingy we stole on these golf buggies because he can't be bothered walking back i won't mind but we were told up as well we had our rifles on us and uh it wrote i'm sure it rolled into one of the ditches and the next the next day um we got sent down to the not the osb not the old state building the p jock it was like an old it was like prison cell block of cells there and we were put on the roof on the lmg all day in the heat hang over hungover in like it was a winter tour but still it was absolutely red this is what you mean i was like that was one of the worst times of my life i remember getting down when the king goes there and he goes uh do you want to knock banjo it's like yeah go on it's just it's just a bizarre time you know me yeah you do have some surreal moments but that wasn't too bad with the palace because you go back to the palace and you it was an element of comfort there you mean you had the cookhouse you had beds and stuff like that you mean what was sang of sangan he was a dust bowl i mean it was it was a cop bed with some of them pbs you know the the conditions that the leads were you know enduring was um yeah it uh it it it it made me it it sort of i my respect went out to them massively you know um and the couple of jobs that i went down there to help with you know i was really really happy to do yeah albeit one of the jobs is probably what's the cause of one of the biggest causes of my stress um it was uh it was helping out because the guys were getting smashed they'd lost quite a few guys with the ieds um the the week before we went down their lead velena so their lead um you know for those watching that don't know it's basically a metal detector where the one the lead guys would would be checking um in front of them for improvised explosive devices and he was a young lad probably sort of you know 19 20 years old and he he got blown up just before we came and his replacement was another young lad and before we went out the gates one night we asked where he was and he was in he was in the heads in the toilets being sick with nerves before before coming out anyway the job was to they'd identified a group that was going around checking the ieds so we went there was only me and two other guys um and the two other guys were from srr so i was the only sp guy there yeah and i had quite a lot on my shoulders because i was controlling we managed to get an asset we managed to get a um an asset that wasn't up above us but on call so if anything did happen yeah then i could have got some air cover yeah but it would have took a little while to come so i had that plus i was acting as a sniper as well and it was we'd identified a disused compound in the middle of of um of sangin which had ieds all around it so we had to pick our way through the ieds one night get into this disused compound which we were hoping was disused it was only because they were keeping eyes on it for a couple of weeks leading up to it um sure enough it was it was disused but during the daytime hiding in there and having you know people milling around outside and listening to people walk past and all the rest of it it was stressful yeah but what we basically done is that that compound was identified because it overlooked an area that we knew they they were coming and checking the ieds so i made a murder hole in the wall on that side that was overlooking the that area um and basically just kept eyes on and waited for the day for him to come and check and then i engaged him um once that had happened we didn't have to bug out yeah so it was then picking our way back through the ieds back to the pb yeah with you know guys following us up so it was it was probably the most sf thing that i'd done but it's your arse is clenched constantly i mean it's like when i say that in a joke and manner but when you go on the ground from the first patrol to the last patrol when you're on tour you don't know where they are and you you can be there for six months and you're still getting banged by i mean yeah it's scary enough when you know where they are because there was one the night before they'd left an ir asylum by by one that they'd identified so stepping over that even though you know it's there there's still she's still clenching massively you know just just going near the [ __ ] yeah absolutely disgusting they pull them off the ground and they're like cooking pots all taped up rammed yeah full of it like and that's why i think a lot of lads nowadays have are going through stress because of not because obviously you see stuff and they go off next year and if you most people i know have been blown up at some extent i mean um but it's the actual living with that afterwards going what if i stepped that closer what if i went that way and there's always that what if and it's it's easy to go well you're gonna think like that well it's easy to say that but even to this day ago or what if because i had we had one and it rained that night funny enough and it was a mound and basically what happened when we went past it it went off because it sank backwards into like into like when it because it was like it powered and clay the explosion went up right but it still took us off our feet yeah but i think yourself well what if that never happened yeah i mean it's like it's it's it's always on your mind and that's i think that's a stress that a lot of the lads and girls take oh yeah i mean you know you laugh at it at a time because i lost count at the amount of times you'd get back yeah to camp after jobs yeah and you'd look at each other and just start laughing and yeah and you say how the [ __ ] did we get away with that yeah you know you could you know you you're looking at leads running from one position to another through your mvgs and you can see the tracer rounds going through their legs like as they're running yeah and it's like how how did you not get shot exactly yeah i mean we've had time there's been times like in iraq when we were on the board we were on bulldogs on the apc's and we're like driving through and it's like basically we've been hitting a 360 ambush we fought our way out of it and we're like hammering down this road obviously extracting and the fella the the driver behind our wagon was filming and there's pictures of me we were like we're just suppressing just putting static fire down to get ourselves out of there and you can see and hear the pings off the top cover yeah her army around around jonah he was on the rifle just banging off and we're like wow we've been sprayed by seven six two we're like how the hell am i how do you do let me get back to camp and he goes with that back to the past look at that we watched it going we didn't really have popper phones then it was all cameras and polaroids at one point but yeah we're looking at it back on the camera you get to wind it back what do you mean and it was just like wow like that that round went past my arm like it's just like yeah but every time you just accept it but it's still like what if what if what if you mean well it's when um it's when the helos land and you think that you've got a 10 15k walking but actually bad luck would see that it just so happens that there's there's guys close you know that was there yeah um taliban that was actually there uh so close the the rpgs bounce off of the hilo because they hadn't had long enough to to arm yeah things like 50 meters or 100 meter whatever it is that it needs yeah or oh just over 50 meters so um you know getting shot at with an rpg that close that it luckily in a sense you know it's lucky because you didn't have time to engage but yeah you think you look back on stuff like that it's like jesus christ those remember yeah we went on operation um operation pampers claw and we went up he's up in the surrounding mountain range it obviously got called up operation panthers dick because it was just a dick about you i mean um we've got a few contacts it did get a bit heavy at some points but we're basically we're gonna go i think we're gonna go up there for a three day up he rolled onto a thing about six or seven days run out of russians run out of food i remember purely tapping we were taking a stream i was purely tapping it i think that's what led on to my dmv yeah in a terrible way like i mean i mean we're in the basically there's a little tent next to the helipad and you sat there on a drip and they turned the eddy coming it just blew dust and sand all over you well you smell you sat there [ __ ] yourself yeah i mean yeah but um but yeah we went up there and as we come in the two chinooks we couldn't land because the amount of rpgs and fire that was coming up i always remember things hitting the bottom of the air the helicopter yeah and i sat there like that you sort of like pull your knees together you mean and go i remember they dropped us down first three lads went off the back and the next minute the things went straight up again yeah drop back down and the tailgate's doing all that yeah unlike that a little sick here i think and then we'll crack on you man and we're all piled out but uh it literally we sat there for about 24 hours when we finished the up they go yeah the hell he's coming in i'm it couldn't come in because the amounts of rpgs that were flying up and we were just we're in a compound and i always remember because they brought aaron and leveled the compound next to us and it was like you know what you know as it's coming in you can hear that you can hear it coming in the americans and you hear all these blue and blues and stuff as it's coming in you can hear it drop you go to the lads looking around all the lads up there like chilled and in my head i'm like this is going to come and hear this like tighten up i think you're right it is it that that is a big cause of of some of the stress because it's um it's like a rubber band isn't it yeah you know you you stretch it and stretch it and stretch it eventually it's all going to go you know you you see anything that's repetitive like that um it's the same as a muscle you know you're basically exercising the ability to be able to deal with stress yeah and it's not going to take long well so not going to take long obviously everyone's everyone's different but you know it's certainly certainly from yourself that's that's one of the causes for for issues that i've had because that mechanism or that ability has worn out yeah so it's difficult for me to to deal with um with with sort of conflicts in in that way and for one of a better term of explaining it but i'm much more comfortable just going straight to the fight yeah you know i i would rather you know stack up outside knowing that there's bad men in a room and and go in and deal with it yeah there's nothing in between yeah you know it's difficult for so if someone sort of bumped into me if i was in the street don't don't get me wrong i'm not a i'm not a head case i don't need to be sort of locked up i i have learned how to deal with it and restrain it yeah but i find it difficult to sort of have that sort of in-between calm argument if you like yeah because it might drain i'm shaking now as i'm talking about it my adrenaline is either on or off because it's minus two in here [Laughter] but yeah it's like and i'm sure you know this yourself anyway you know stuck in an on off switch yeah i'm either i'm either calm or 100 oh i'm 100 yeah yeah i'm uh i don't know if it's from the military i've always got a bit of a temper but when it comes to i can't sit there and go oh a bit angry it's like that it's like table through the wall or yeah i'm you know i'm driving to their house or something like that or i'm just out there going don't care but but not caring is how i've had to deal with it yeah and and i quite like that i would it's a lot easier i can stay in peace it probably is an age thing yeah i i don't want to repel madness if i'm hearing about oh so-and-so's dealing with this dealing with that it's like no i can't i can't be bothered yeah i think uh having a family as well that plays a massive part because it's like okay you're sort of like when you've got like a family you've got kids and stuff you sort of think first yeah robin's going stolen straight down there and putting a brick for the winter and going and going berserk it's like what could come back to my door yeah it's sort of like against like you used to have like road rage all the time yeah i mean i remember i remember the first time i was gonna pick up me my girlfriend who you know my partner now and i've just finished i've been working the doors just finished work come on about an hour or two sleep whatever showered in the car someone caught me up and i ended up climbing through his window i'm punching [ __ ] out of him i haven't made it and a van pulled up and he got he got out and seen it all going off in it and then he missed missus is actually going oh you're coming to get me all right i'm on my way you know what i mean going around the throat i'm on my way so and uh i remember it was a mazda three black one and then um someone picked it up and then we went to chester zoo out for the day in a nice time you mean and it was just like but now if like someone cuts me up i'm like like sean will tell you like i'm like like yeah throwing kansas coke got to win the boat it's like do i go that far will it yeah no you think a bit you think a bit more but i think that's military mindset because military lifestyle you know you'd always if you're at the lads you go out for a drink someone stares at you you have a fight you have a scrappy i mean but i think as you get older you sort of reign it in a little bit do you find that now you're out and that military side of you is gone that there's a lot of do you miss it as such do you miss the lads and the operations and stuff like that is it the same as being a regular or well when i was um on a laptop last night sort of looking through some pictures and that to send you um i was looking at some of the old bits of footage that i've had that i've got and there was one that i can't even remember how i got it but it was on one of the jumps jump jumping out of the back of a hercules [Music] and um yeah but it caught it caught some of the sort of banter with us sitting down talking to each other shouting at each other um and then sort of getting up and sort of you know doing all the the hand signals at two minutes and yeah one minute 30 seconds and then the tail coming down and and jumping out yeah and it's like i could do that right now yeah i could easily slip back into that but it's the same with anything you you remembered the good times you remember the things that that you enjoyed but then you remember the [ __ ] yeah you forget all the other stuff that goes with it yeah i think if you hold on to the bad stuff that's what ruins it all i mean i've learned to do it now with step with with my recovery and stuff is sort of like step away from oh that was bad and that was awful and i started thinking i remember this like we had my screw when we were in afghanistan to kill me for telling you this oh we did an operation i think it was our last stop um ended tour and we worked through it's like an old building an old compound but it had like i think it was like an old school or something like that but we were told that there's weapons there so we worked with every room in the very last room we're all blown and we're all hanging you mean and gin ginger's name was we'll say ginge and he put his foot through the door but he went for the panel put his foot stuck in the door swinging swung up with a manga in it like that and that was that was that was headache 10 for me i didn't think of anything bad at that time yeah as well that i went past as a camera like i don't know who was in the room what was going on i can't remember when passes the camera like that and everyone's stacked up and they're going well it's passes the camera if you i don't give a [ __ ] the community like that and he just yeah he had a bad time in front of mike and um that was me then so whenever even now like this day um you lose touch with lads you mean but i mean we're still like there on social media but i always look back and go when things look bad or i remember like a a memorial for you know someone or something i go ginger goes up in the door yeah i mean and that's sort of like you so like look at the better things don't you to get through the stress yeah definitely um but yeah it's uh it's it's weird because it's people say aussie sf is it's it's amazing it's like you got the good shops you get the gucci kit and all that i mean um well we're cutting an ecm you know i mean but in a day it's the same impact on your mental health yeah like it doesn't matter how good your jobs are how good you are it's like you're still going through that same mental trauma yeah yeah because to to to balance it out even though we generally you know do an op and then come straight back it there is still an element of you know when it goes on you you're on your own yeah um there was one time in particular we we had to hold up in in the compound that we just took because there was an iranian sniper um that was up in sort of in a high point you know one one sort of higher locations was overlooking the compound and um so we couldn't get back out we couldn't extract back out to our pickup point yeah and we had to wait for ahs to come on scene um to to sort of engage we had to talk the a8 the attack helicopter yeah onto the position um that we knew the sniper was at that was engaging us and so you know that kind of makes you realize that it doesn't matter what assets you've got you can still quite easily get caught out as we did there the gunship had to get taken off for another tick another um contact where it was needed elsewhere so we didn't really have any top cover at that time um and just as luck has it we then end up getting engaged by a sniper yeah just when we you know really needed yeah so even even sf with you know all of the assets nine times out of ten you can still get caught out yeah or find yourself in in those moments where it's like i really am on my own here yeah um so yeah it's um it it can be quite stressful at times when you look back on it yeah but i i don't think i'd change it no i i wouldn't i would i if i could i would i've stayed in i'm going down the sf route i would have but you have to look at the positives if if i had done i wouldn't be where i am now i mean with what i've got and who i've got so i have to be thankful for that you mean so um but i think i think we have to cut the deck so i'm absolutely freezing it's cold starting to get a bit gibbery but um but mate it's absolutely been a pleasure thank you thank you for traveling up here and um whatever i can help with sf1 let me let me know and um i'll push the button for the future and all the best for the future mate thank you very much [Music] [Music] you

Channel: ste nicholls

Views: 12,001

Keywords: Joe rogan experience, Billy Moore, Leg it podcast, James english, True Geordie, Ladbible, The gap, War, Special forces

Id: Gt0GTSvfD80

Length: 86min 7sec (5167 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 09 2021