When you were young, did you often hear the phrase "you should call when you see someone?" Greetings are the basic politeness in getting along with others. However, some people think that asking children to greet their elders is training, while others think It's the shadow of childhood. Today, let's talk about "forcing children to say hello"! hiho~ Hello everyone, I am Zhiqi! Do you still remember how you interacted with your relatives and elders when you were young and during the Chinese New Year ? Maybe many people were told by the elders in the family that "you should take the initiative to call someone when you see the elders" and then try to remember the titles of different relatives and the names of different relatives. Uncle and aunt are pretending to be familiar ! ? But isn't politeness something that both parties should have? Why are children always asked to take the initiative to say hello to adults? Will this really help socialize or learn manners? But before we get into today's discussion let's do business for a while! [The Culture of "Learning to Know People"] Etiquette, respecting the elderly and respecting the virtuous are the virtues that we value very much in our culture. As soon as you enter the door, you will greet everyone. The other is to bow your head and keep playing with your own things in the corner without talking. Most people may have a better impression of "children who can say hello" . Taken to an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by a bunch of unknown uncles and aunts, they approached your face and asked, "Who are you? " Your head At this time, many children may be scared and want to escape, but they dare not move around for fear of being scolded . Especially for some introverted and sensitive people, such an experience may be a very big and very scary stimulus. Moreover, even if you are forced to ask, you still have to face the embarrassment of "I don't know what to say". I can only look at you, and I have to laugh when I look at you . So, force children to act like this " What are the benefits of saying hello and hello ? [Why do you ask children to call when they see someone? 】 From the perspective of parents, it may be mainly for some educational purposes that children learn to call people. First of all, the process of children learning to call uncle and aunt is actually getting to know their own family members . Especially, most of them are small families . It is a great opportunity to meet some distant family members. By asking the children to say hello , they will soon remember their family relationship and integrate into the big family environment . In addition, after being asked to say hello again and again, the children may gradually get used to "see This social etiquette is very basic and important no matter whether you enter school or leave the society. Moreover, some parents think that in a relatively safe situation where there are family members watching Moderately letting children face the fear and pressure of being afraid of others is actually training their resistance to stress and courage. Even if it will cause a little psychological discomfort , it is the only way to grow up. The reason why adults say hello is mainly because they don’t want others to think that their children have no tutoring. No matter what the purpose is, if you just look at it from the perspective of adults, it is easy to underestimate the extent of children’s actual fear or not realize that young children It is normal to feel anxious about outsiders [It is the nature of children to not want to say hello and be afraid of outsiders! ? 】 During the development process from about 6 months to 2 years old, many children will go through a stage of "very afraid of strangers" . Maybe they hide behind their parents when they see outsiders or cry when they see outsiders . Because, after about 6 months, the baby's visual development is relatively complete, and he can recognize who are familiar people and who are not familiar people, and will be willing to get close to strangers, but for children, they will be regarded as The "self-protection mechanism" such as "danger" is actually an evolutionary necessity . After all, such a small child usually has no ability to protect himself and needs to rely on "crying" to let the caregiver know that "danger is approaching him." However, in parents If they protect themselves well , they will be regarded as "scared" or "not generous enough", which makes many parents feel troubled. For example, some children do not see their grandpa and grandma often. Therefore, they will also be regarded as "outsiders" and show fear and dare not approach, but this often makes grandparents feel very frustrated and sad . After two years of age, children will naturally and gradually become less afraid of others. Unless some children are introverted or highly sensitive, even after two years of age , they may still respond to unfamiliar people, things, and things. If it is relatively large, under these circumstances, if you force them to do something that makes them fear or resist, it may have a considerable impact on the children [Forcing children to call someone, what will happen? 】 Some children who are naturally less shy can interact with strangers comfortably. However, children who are shy, sensitive or in the "stranger anxiety stage" may have very violent emotional reactions if they are forced to say hello to outsiders Such as anxiety, anger, fear, etc. And, if you use verbal humiliation or physical punishment to punish a child who "doesn't want to say hello", it's like calling him "dumb" or not showing up outside Well, if you go home and get repaired with a stick , as time goes by, children may become more resistant to interacting with others and even form "insecure feelings about the world" for the rest of their lives, planting hidden worries of depression or anxiety, which not only fails to achieve education The purpose may also endanger their physical and mental health. Moreover, when the children grow up a little bit, they may use the method of "singing the wrong tune" and resisting the discipline of their parents. Don't make it sound like this. It is really not easy to teach children to internalize politeness. So, is there any other better way for children to socialize naturally? [In addition to forcing children to call people, adults can actually...] Social interaction is a two-way process . Therefore, when adults and children meet for the first time, they can actually introduce themselves first or parents can introduce to children, "This uncle , or auntie, who is the mother’s so-and-so.” If the child obviously shows fear, you can use some “media” to start a conversation with the child. For example, ask the child what the name of the doll in his hand is from what they know It is easier for them to let go of their fears, especially for young children. If children are willing to smile and wave to people they just met, let them not be afraid. Well, come again, you can use the way of asking to guide the children to open their mouths , like saying to the children "Auntie XX is going home" "Do you want to say goodbye to her?" Even if the children are very shy and dare not speak to adults Don't be too glassy, because with the increase in the number of guidance and the growth of age, most children can still be subtly influenced. Especially, if parents usually do a good job in life , they will talk to neighbors, The administrator of the building greets the children naturally, imitating these behaviors and internalizing these "socially expected etiquette" [our point of view] when we searched for articles related to "parenting" in recent years, we found that in the "required There are two different voices on the matter of "Don't train children to call people" , although the mainstream view is still Empathize with the children’s feelings, and don’t force them too hard, but we think that those who worry about children’s impoliteness and the negative impact of letting them go too much are actually very reasonable, so just reading these discussions is okay even if I don’t have children. Imagine how hard it is to draw the line between "respect" and "indulgence" But having said that, we do this episode today and hope that the voices of different children can be properly listened to , although there may be no such thing as how to do it A correct answer Because every child has different personalities and grows up in different environments and generations , it is unlikely that there will be a set of golden rules that can apply to everyone . The specific performance is not necessarily that they are misbehaving or want to rebel, but it may be that they happen to be at a certain stage of growth and have their own difficulties and issues. When we gradually leave childhood or adolescence for too long, it is really true. It's easy to forget what it's like to be a child, so you gradually lose empathy and become impatient. Take the "greeting" as an example , we think that if adults can set an example to show empathy, and then focus on "Respect each other" rather than the formal action of "is there any call for someone ?" Maybe the children will be gradually influenced by it, and they will gradually learn to worry about each other's feelings without being forced. At this time , it may not be at all. There is a question of "should I force them to call someone?" Okay, finally I want to ask everyone, have you ever been forced to say hello to your elders? Finally, if you like today's video, please share it to let more people know "Is it good to force a child to call someone?"! In addition, you can also click here to see "Parents who love to use "for my own good" as a reason" and "How does social phobia arise?" Well, today's Zhiqi Qiqi will come to an end here and we will see you tomorrow night!
